Pick up the damn broom!

[marsle85]

When discussing marriage satisfaction and success, women rated emotional capability (sharing with their husband) and help with household chores as their top two values.

 

Unforunately, my father (who brings in a little bit more than my mother's income) has never been very helpful cleaning or cooking - and my mom also works a full time job. They're still together thankfully.

 

I'm interested in your opinions and backgrounds. Did your mother also get bombarded with these extra duties? Was your father helpful? What about you - what kind of balance do you find in your home? What do you hope to achieve with a potential SO?

[paleblue]

im good with a 50/50 thing. in fact i grew up a very independent guy so i would feel real funny expecting any gf of mine to do all that. i couldnt let her. in fact i would feel funny someone just doing my laundry.

[skydiveaddict]

My mom died many years ago so my dad does all the chores, obviously. He does have someone come in and clean once a week. I also have a girl come in and clean my place once a week since I am constantly on the road. I feel it's best to hire such things out.

[faf]

My fiance wants to do it all but I can't let her. She's working full-time, going to school, and wants to do nearly everything around the house when we get married. That's a recipe for disaster. Well-intentioned but no way anyone can pull all that off without cracking.

 

I don't mind doing chores since I have a daughter that helps and have done it most of my life.

[bayouboi]

I grew up in a home where my father didn't contribute to any chores inside the home and my mother didn't contribute to any chores outside the home. When I got married, I tried my best to help out with the inside chores, but my ex-wife didn't like the way I folded the clothes or sorted the dishes etc. & finally got fed up to the point that she took over all those duties. A few years later when she left me, that was one of the things she resented about me.

[Bejita463]

My ex-wife used to expect me to come home and do household chores after I'd been at work for 8 hours (9 if you include the lunch break) and she'd spent all day at home doing I don't know what, but I suspect World of Warcraft. I'd have been fine with it, had she had a job that demanded around the same amount of time as mine did.

 

Even when she had a job that had her working 30 hours a week, that was still pretty weak. Household chores do not take 10 hours a week.

[Els]

My mum does the majority of them, but that's because she works half the hours my dad does. He did the majority of it once when he was between jobs for a few months.

 

I have plenty of male relatives who don't do a damned thing, though - fine if they're truly the main breadwinner, but some don't even work longer hours or earn more than their wives! Would be a total dealbreaker for me if that was the case.

 

Oops, forgot to answer the question. As for my preference, if the guy truly earns enough to enable me to work short hours at a relaxing job, I definitely don't mind doing the bulk or even all the chores. If he doesn't, though, he'd better put in his fair share.

Edited April 5, 2010 by Elswyth

[EasyHeart]

The problem is that women don't think about this kind of stuff BEFORE they marry some loser. That's why so many women are disappointed in their husbands. But I don't blame the guys, I blame the women. You married the guy without evaluating whether he'd be a good husband, so you can't complain later when he turns out to be exactly the guy he was when you dated him.

[RobM]

My dad went to work and took care of the outside of the house, my mom stayed at home and took care of the family and the inside of the house.

 

My wife and I both work and kinda split the chores although if you talk to either of us we would both probably say we do more than the other. I take care of the cars and the yard, all the mechnical stuff, she does the laundry, we split the cleaning, she cooks once in a while, when it's my turn we go out or I bring carry out home.

 

It seems to work for us most of the time.

[homersheineken]

Mostly my dad worked and mom was a domestic engineer. Recently my mom also got a part time job with the same household stuff and yells at my dad that he spends too much time on the interwebz.

[phineas]

After the first kid I wound up doing 90% of everything.

 

My STBXW worked evenings.

She was spending most of her time texting & chatting online with her BF.

 

sometimes i'd come home for lunch & the babies diaper hadn't even been changed.

 

I got tired of doing EVERYTHING & told her so.

She'd claim she loaded the dishwasher & did a load of laundry.

Ok. That's 15mins. what did you do for the rest of the day?

 

I'd ask exactly what she did all day while I was at work.

And she'd get all defensive.

 

since she moved out & took all her crap with her it takes me like a few hrs a week to clean & that's if I dust.

[sumdude]

Parents were pretty old school. Dad worked and Mom took care of the kids, cooking etc.. Thing that frustrated Mom the most was that Dad was useless as a handyman. He just didn't have that skiil set though he would try and then mess it up sometimes. He'd mow the lawn and most outdoor work (at least until I was old enough to do it)

 

I've been doing my own laundry, cleaning my own place for most of my adult life and I'm 42. With my ex wife things were fairly 50/50 though she did spend a fair amount of time between jobs (just couldn't keep one very long). She did more of the cooking and most of the rest of chores were evenly split I suppose. I don't have expectations, it will have to be a balance struck in the relationship that happens. If things work out that I end up the sole breadwinner that's one thing. I don't want to live with someone who is generally much dirtier and sloppier than I am. That always leads to resentment and frustration. I have learned that you can't make someone care. You can bi**h, moan demand they do something and they might even do it. But the resentment builds from both parties.

 

You accept someone as they are and decide if you can live with it.

[blind_otter]

I'm interested in your opinions and backgrounds. Did your mother also get bombarded with these extra duties? Was your father helpful? What about you - what kind of balance do you find in your home? What do you hope to achieve with a potential SO?

 

My Dad was retired, but he did the dishes and cleaned up the kitchen every night, and he also got the kids up and made them breakfast, packed our lunches and drove us to school every morning and picked us up in the afternoon. I think he also did the grocery shopping a lot of the time, and he managed all the finances, and roasted the turkey on thanksgiving and christmas. He did the lion's share of the childcare as well. Mom worked fulltime.

 

Ironically when I was with my ex, I did everything in the house, and I grew a garden, and I did most of the childcare during the day and all the nighttime parenting. My son has fallen asleep for his father 10 times in his entire life, and he's 21 months old. Since I stayed home, I considered all this work my "job".

 

But there were so many negative dynamics there, especially toward the end, that was not even registering on my radar.

[threebyfate]

My father worked out of home and my mother was a SAHM during our early years. She went back to work when we got older.

 

There were four of us kids, all hyperactive and curious (and worse yet, close in age), who always had extracurriculars on the go. We were a definite handful so my parents brought in domestic help. I honestly don't recall them ever fighting over chores or responsibilities.

[shadowplay]

Yeah, this was a sticking point for my parents because my mother was always overworked and couldn't keep up with the household chores while my father is (frankly) a bit lazy.

 

By contrast my SO is incredibly helpful, responsible and resourceful. As I'm naturally a bit disorganized and avoidant, he has a positive influence on me.

[threebyfate]

Oh, forgot to mention, in both first and now second marriage, we've done the same thing and brought in outside help. No fighting in either, over chores or responsibilities, except the "sock incident" in my first marriage!

[phineas]

Forgot to fill in on the parents.

Both my parents worked full time when we were in highschool.

There was my little brother, little sister & me.

Until we all moved out, WE did a lot of the cleaning.

 

When we were younger & my mom stayed home I believe she did most of the cleaning. My dad took care of the yard work.

 

These days when I stop by either one of them could be cleaning so I have no idea how it's broken up.

[make me believe]

My mom worked outside of the home (fulltime) and did most of the household chores when I was growing up. I don't recall my parents ever fighting about it though.. my dad helped out, but my mom definitely did most of it.

 

My boyfriend and I are both neatfreaks (him more so than me, though - I love that about him!!), so I'm not worried about the distribution of chores when we move in together.

[Mme. Chaucer]

My dad didn't even "know how" to make himself a sandwich. He was a hard working, and prideful doctor. When he retired and my mother succumbed gradually to Alzheimer's, it was interesting to watch how he approached learning how to do all of the household requirements. He made grocery shopping into a scientific procedure!

 

My ex husband was a much better "home maker" than I was; in fact, despite the horror of our demise, I still attribute some of my good habits to him, with gratitude.

 

My mate today is a "typical" old school man (and, as I keep telling you all, we are, in fact, old). He doesn't even "see" the unmade bed or the dishes in the sink. I don't think he knows how to activate the dishwasher. In our case, however, it's fine. We have a 60 acre farm with many animals, outbuildings, gardens, fences, tractors, etc. He is amazing at taking care of ALL of that. As in other areas of our relationship, our strengths and abilities are complementary and quite different. Of course, it helps a lot that I have my wonderful friend and helper Nellie come in weekly to keep the house really clean. I work extra to afford her. I still am not very good at that stuff.

[sweetjasmine]

I'm interested in your opinions and backgrounds. Did your mother also get bombarded with these extra duties?

 

Yes. She was a stay-at-home mom for a long time but has been working full-time and still doing all the chores for about 10 years now. My father is retired now and hangs out at home, but she still does all the house work.

 

Was your father helpful?

 

No. These days he sometimes does grocery shopping and he cooks once a week. He still leaves dirty laundry in the bedroom and doesn't help with any of the cleaning.

 

What about you - what kind of balance do you find in your home? What do you hope to achieve with a potential SO?

 

50/50 or close to it.

[blind_otter]

I was a ****ty housekeeper before I was with my ex. Whether it was his demands or demeaning words, I learned how to clean to take out my frustrations. Yesterday I scrubbed the floors in all the public areas on my hands and knees. I felt much better after sweating all that anger out, and I had sparkling floors.

[stillafool]

I had a SAHM and my father never lifted a finger in the home unless something needed fixing. My mother liked it that way and so did my dad.