desertflower Posted April 5, 2010 Posted April 5, 2010 Okay dating and all that is new to me, so I need some guidance. lol It's cool that there is a forum for this stuff because I want some non-biased opinions (not friends). Also I view relationships in nontraditional ways so keep that in mind as you read. I started hanging out with a good friend I've known for years back in school. He seemed interested in catching up for awhile because he always tried to get in touch when he was in town (goes to school an hour away). I feel we have amazing chemistry and I've always felt incredibly attracted to him, mentally and physically. Now, I consider myself "socially awkward" and "shy," and he has said the same thing about himself. Both of us also have trouble with expressing ourselves clearly. We got all that out in the open last night because I told him I was afraid my flirting earlier that night was too direct, but he responded by saying he's just shy and hasn't been with anyone in a long time, and that he didn't mean to give me the impression that he wasn't interested. That quickly brought us physically closer, and I felt also emotionally, and we ended up having incredible sex all night and shared some really sweet moments in between. I sometimes wear my heart on my sleeve so I was brave and said some things last night, like that I was really attracted to him and I think he's an awesome person. But he didn't reciprocate those and he didn't really say much about how he was feeling or thinking in the moments with me. So I wonder if that's because he's shy or because he's not feeling them. When I went home, he did reciprocate that he had a great time with me and today when I mentioned I hope I see him again soon and he said "you will," so those moments seemed affirming. Here are my concerns: -I don't know where to go from here -what if I came across too strong -what does he feel and think about me My nature is relaxed and easygoing.. I don't like overthinking stuff, and I don't like wondering if I'm on the same page with someone. I want him to know I am definitely interested in continuing something with him, but I don't necessarily want a "serious relationship".. I guess I'd really just like to hear from him how he feels and what he wants. Am I thinking too much? How do I handle this? Any advice is appreciated
CLC2008 Posted April 5, 2010 Posted April 5, 2010 Okay dating and all that is new to me, so I need some guidance. lol It's cool that there is a forum for this stuff because I want some non-biased opinions (not friends). Also I view relationships in nontraditional ways so keep that in mind as you read. I started hanging out with a good friend I've known for years back in school. He seemed interested in catching up for awhile because he always tried to get in touch when he was in town (goes to school an hour away). I feel we have amazing chemistry and I've always felt incredibly attracted to him, mentally and physically. Now, I consider myself "socially awkward" and "shy," and he has said the same thing about himself. Both of us also have trouble with expressing ourselves clearly. We got all that out in the open last night because I told him I was afraid my flirting earlier that night was too direct, but he responded by saying he's just shy and hasn't been with anyone in a long time, and that he didn't mean to give me the impression that he wasn't interested. That quickly brought us physically closer, and I felt also emotionally, and we ended up having incredible sex all night and shared some really sweet moments in between. I sometimes wear my heart on my sleeve so I was brave and said some things last night, like that I was really attracted to him and I think he's an awesome person. But he didn't reciprocate those and he didn't really say much about how he was feeling or thinking in the moments with me. So I wonder if that's because he's shy or because he's not feeling them. When I went home, he did reciprocate that he had a great time with me and today when I mentioned I hope I see him again soon and he said "you will," so those moments seemed affirming. Here are my concerns: -I don't know where to go from here -what if I came across too strong -what does he feel and think about me My nature is relaxed and easygoing.. I don't like overthinking stuff, and I don't like wondering if I'm on the same page with someone. I want him to know I am definitely interested in continuing something with him, but I don't necessarily want a "serious relationship".. I guess I'd really just like to hear from him how he feels and what he wants. Am I thinking too much? How do I handle this? Any advice is appreciated Maybe he's just not feeling those *feelings* yet. Hearing him say something along the lines of "I like you, I enjoy spending time with you and would love to continue to and see where it goes", would be assurance that his feelings could develop towards something more.
SomewhatExperienced Posted April 5, 2010 Posted April 5, 2010 Sounds like everything is just fine. You have nothing to worry about. He may not know exactly how he feels about you, except for the fact that he does like you. He likely thought hard about what you said to him and has decided that he wants to pursue this (which is definitely supported by his "you will" statement). So he definitely has a strong interest, or you would have scared him away. My suggestion, if you're both shy, don't play games at all. I don't know how shy this guy is, but if you're walking together and you want to, grab his hand to hold it. He may need someone who is willing to take the first risk (this can be really hard for guys, especially if they're shy). Don't be all over him, but let him know with your body language that he's safe to get closer to you and not be rejected (sit close to him, let there be physical contact, have occasional eye contact, etc...) I used to be a lot more shy and my last two girlfriends were more or less like this and it really made a big difference in letting the relationship grow and progress.
faf Posted April 5, 2010 Posted April 5, 2010 I'd say beware of yourself by doing reality checks every now and then. It could be you're a little too exuberant about the relationship so early on. It's not uncommon for people to be on different pages at different stages in the relationship. I wouldn't use that as a barometer necessarily. Since you've both been in the sack I'd say you've jumped past the "shy" stage. Shy will be an excuse to not communicate on a subject from that point on. If you don't want a serious relationship you're on the right path. If you do, offering to not have a serious relationship will set you off that path.
deux ex machina Posted April 5, 2010 Posted April 5, 2010 It seems it would be a good idea to get clear with yourself about what it is you really, deep down, want out of this. The reason I bring it up is because you say you want to continue, but not necessarily seriously. It reads as if perhaps you are conflicted. As far as overthinking goes, he isn't exactly giving you a whole lot to work with here - so be careful about filling in the blanks for him. Not sure what's going on with this guy, but as faf wrote above, the time for "shy" has passed.
boogieboy Posted April 5, 2010 Posted April 5, 2010 You know you can see having a serious relationship with him, but you dont want it to be one sided. Just keep your guard up for now until he says what you want to hear. He might do things to show he feels the same way you do, but not actually say it. But..he might not be shy, just not feel the same way. So dont jump the gun, just keep it casual until you know for sure what he really wants.
Author desertflower Posted April 5, 2010 Author Posted April 5, 2010 (edited) I guess I should have put this in "Friends and Lovers," oh well. Thank you all very much for your input! SomewhatExperienced, your input was really helpful and reassuring. deux ex machina, I think you're right, that I feel conflicted about what I want. Before I got closer to him I felt pretty closed off to the idea of a long term monogamous relationship, but right now I might feel open to anything with him. I don't know what my expectations are, other than just wanting to spend more time with him, know him more, and have a sexual relationship. It'd be great just to know he feels and wants the same. I guess I'll play it by ear.. see how it goes and let the ball in his court for now? Edited April 5, 2010 by desertflower
boogieboy Posted April 5, 2010 Posted April 5, 2010 . It'd be great just to know he feels and wants the same. I guess I'll play it by ear.. see how it goes and let the ball in his court for now? Ah, you want control. Well he might not let you have that, so you will have to (like everyone else already said) relax and enjoy his company until he tells you something.
CLC2008 Posted April 5, 2010 Posted April 5, 2010 Maybe it is that you do want a serious relationship with him? It's okay to want that with this particular person. Somewhatexperienced made some very good points. It sounds like you've already taken the first risk or two by bringing up certain things with him? So maybe for now just focus on spending time together and let the serious "talks" fall into place.
Author desertflower Posted April 5, 2010 Author Posted April 5, 2010 Ah, you want control. Well he might not let you have that, so you will have to (like everyone else already said) relax and enjoy his company until he tells you something. No actually, having control isn't really important or desirable to me. Maybe it is that you do want a serious relationship with him? It's okay to want that with this particular person. Somewhatexperienced made some very good points. It sounds like you've already taken the first risk or two by bringing up certain things with him? So maybe for now just focus on spending time together and let the serious "talks" fall into place. Maybe. Thanks for the input.
Recommended Posts