butterfly kisses Posted April 4, 2010 Posted April 4, 2010 I have been single for about 6 months. My ex made it very clear to me he made a big mistake – by letting me go. He has apologized I have been manipulative in some ways to him. I was harsh with him in ways too. I admit yes I had all of the power, and now looking back I can see how I hurt him in a few ways. I told him not to call me, text me, or contact me in any way. Well I can say he was good about this 99% of the time. There were a few things that slipped through from him first. I on the other hand would text him almost every day, and called him a few days a week. He took it for about 2 months, Then I could see he was just breaking down inside, and explained to me how unfair, and one sided this was. I know he loves me – he has made some mistakes. I have a hard time forgiving him. His mistakes were nothing horrible. It just takes me longer to forgive, and some of the hurt seems to stay with me longer. I don’t know why it is just me. I made a few mistakes with him too. It took him some time to forgive me, but I know that he has completely forgiven me. He even told me he has. He tried everything to get back together with me. None of it worked. He even bought me a diamond ring shortly after the break up. I thought about it for a while, and I still don’t know why I can let him go completely. He told me how grueling it was to wait a month for an answer. We have been in super limited contact for close to 3 months. I know he is not perfect. No one is. But he does love me, he supports me on almost all of my decisions. He is there for me, he has a good life, a good house that he offered to be “our” house. We both agree we need to communicate better. The last time he asked me for a second chance his hand was on my heart, and it was genuine. He told me he is going to give me his all, but it will require work from both of us. I told him I don’t want to have to put work into this, and it should all fall in place easy. He did not agree. I love him – but I am not completely in love with him anymore. I know I could fall in love with him again, it will just take some time. Right now my heart is holding me back some, but my head is saying go for it 100% I have been thinking about him a lot lately, does he deserve a 2nd chance with me? I don’t know what to do!!!!! How can I approach this best?
skydiveaddict Posted April 4, 2010 Posted April 4, 2010 You've been given a rare opportunity. all you can do is go with your gut. If I was in your shoes, I would probably go for it. Then again, I am incredibly weak concerning matters of the heart
Tasha1675 Posted April 4, 2010 Posted April 4, 2010 I agree with skydiveaddict. Ah I am so jealous of you right now! It's almost six months since my ex broke up with me and I would so love to be in your shoes! If I were you I would go for it, give him a 2nd chance and start with a clean slate. Be honest and see how it goes. It is bound to be different this time around and it sounds like you have recognised areas you both need to work on so maybe it will be better this time, who knows! I just think you won't know unless you try! If you do decide to give it another go, I hope you'll give us an update later down the line... Ah I am sooo jealous! :)
Perhaps Posted April 5, 2010 Posted April 5, 2010 I have been single for about 6 months. My ex made it very clear to me he made a big mistake – by letting me go. He has apologized I have been manipulative in some ways to him. I was harsh with him in ways too. I admit yes I had all of the power, and now looking back I can see how I hurt him in a few ways. I told him not to call me, text me, or contact me in any way. Well I can say he was good about this 99% of the time. There were a few things that slipped through from him first. I on the other hand would text him almost every day, and called him a few days a week. He took it for about 2 months, Then I could see he was just breaking down inside, and explained to me how unfair, and one sided this was. I know he loves me – he has made some mistakes. I have a hard time forgiving him. His mistakes were nothing horrible. It just takes me longer to forgive, and some of the hurt seems to stay with me longer. I don’t know why it is just me. I made a few mistakes with him too. It took him some time to forgive me, but I know that he has completely forgiven me. He even told me he has. He tried everything to get back together with me. None of it worked. He even bought me a diamond ring shortly after the break up. I thought about it for a while, and I still don’t know why I can let him go completely. He told me how grueling it was to wait a month for an answer. We have been in super limited contact for close to 3 months. I know he is not perfect. No one is. But he does love me, he supports me on almost all of my decisions. He is there for me, he has a good life, a good house that he offered to be “our” house. We both agree we need to communicate better. The last time he asked me for a second chance his hand was on my heart, and it was genuine. He told me he is going to give me his all, but it will require work from both of us. I told him I don’t want to have to put work into this, and it should all fall in place easy. He did not agree. I love him – but I am not completely in love with him anymore. I know I could fall in love with him again, it will just take some time. Right now my heart is holding me back some, but my head is saying go for it 100% I have been thinking about him a lot lately, does he deserve a 2nd chance with me? I don’t know what to do!!!!! How can I approach this best? Like skydiveaddict said, it's a rare thing and the fact that you acknowledge your wrongdoings shows you're mature enough to handle this the right way. Go for it. Good luck!
mikeymad Posted April 5, 2010 Posted April 5, 2010 The last time he asked me for a second chance his hand was on my heart, and it was genuine. He told me he is going to give me his all, but it will require work from both of us. I told him I don’t want to have to put work into this, and it should all fall in place easy. He did not agree. Nobody said love would be easy. They said it would be worth it.
monkeymaid Posted April 6, 2010 Posted April 6, 2010 Nobody said love would be easy. They said it would be worth it. this!! is going into my sig. ...or whatever goes below your posts!!
Author butterfly kisses Posted April 6, 2010 Author Posted April 6, 2010 Nobody said love would be easy. They said it would be worth it. That is my point. He is willing to put in all of the work. I think that everything should just fall into place and be easy. How do I know it will be worth it? Yes I love this man. But I still am not completely in love with him. He hurt me in a few ways that will take me some time to forgive him. Why does he want me back so badly? He tells me he loves me, he even bought me a diamond ring, and told me he wants to spend the rest of his life with me. He apologized to me for everything. Do I think he is sincere yes I do. But why does he have to basically lose me to realize all of this. I am a believer in 2nd chances for the right reasons. He told me he could only show me so much, and there is nothing more he can do. He told me he was fighting for what he wanted which is me, and our love together. He realized it was getting no where so he told me he is surrendering. He has showed me a lot, and has pushed a 2nd chance. I don't want to lose him he is an amazing person. I do think if we do rekindle our relationship we need a clean slate, and I need to completely forgive him. This is what makes it so hard.
monkeymaid Posted April 6, 2010 Posted April 6, 2010 ive been here. i broke up with a girl because i felt she was very selfish, but decided it was me being insecure ...i pushed for over 4 months to get her back. i got her back. it lasted just shy of a year ...i broke up with her again 5/6 weeks ago. she started talking to some other guy (this was my insecurity the 1st time. ...should have stuck with my gut!). ...please make sure you can forgive him, otherwise its going to be a heartbreak for both of you all over again! do NOT take him back until you can forgive him!! that means in the arguments you get into, you can NEVER use anything from your past relationship as ammunition!! this is a rare opportunity indeed. ...heed with caution!
MrsPeaSoup Posted April 6, 2010 Posted April 6, 2010 Please go with your gutfeeling. And if you decide to go for it, keep us updated ok?
Bolts Posted April 8, 2010 Posted April 8, 2010 Good lord if I could be in your shoes... in fact... I hope your talking about me!!! For the love of God and all that is good in this world... GO FOR IT!!! and always remember that your both human... flawed on purpose.... its actually the flaws we love about them
sweethearttx Posted April 10, 2010 Posted April 10, 2010 I am in your shoes too, so I am glad to read your post. I, too, can see where I went wrong in my relationship. It's never totally one-sided. Usually things go wrong and you start feeding off each other and getting into a nasty cycle. I am contemplating giving him a second chance, because he has made some significant changes that I can finally see. Took him a year and a half to do so. But also because I am only just now at the point where I feel like the slate is wiped clean. I had been resentful about some things, and my trust was shattered. It is only recently that those things are ok again. I feel free and clear and like I'm starting totally fresh. No anger, no resentment, no hurt. So I would say...go for it. But CAUTIOUSLY and SLOWLY. And make sure you aren't harboring any old wounds. If you are going to give it another go, start completely over. Get to know each other again, start with a friendship and let it grow. I can totally relate to what you said about not totally being in love with him anymore, but knowing you can fall totally in love with him again in time. That is me too.
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