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Posted

SO and I had a wonderful relationship. The only issue that ever came up was our difference in religion. (He didn't think interfaith marriage would work. I was and have always been willing to compromise as it doesn't conflict with my religion.) So Tues night he comes and tells me he doesn't see this working out (interfaith) for the long term. We were very heartbroken. I asked him if that was his final decision as we've been going back and forth a few times already. He said 'yes' and I left him that night. I posted some of this yesterday but anyway..

 

I tried to "heal" over the break up and did not contact him at all. Fri he contacts me and says its killing him that I'm avoiding him, that he didn't want to break up, that he doesn't want to hurt me but when I ask him about it he still said he doesn't see us long term. So I left the convo at that. Saturday (yesterday) he contacts me again. I show him some reading material I found - books and testimonies from other couples who made it work with our same difference in religion - to show him its do-able if we both make the effort into the relationship. He takes an interest in it, says he never thought about it that way and that he see's where I'm coming from and will have to look into a bit more. Later he tells me there is another reason he was (is?) having doubts about us. He said at this point he doesn't want to go "deeper" into a relationship. This is what frustrates me! I don't know where this is coming from!! We talked about marriage because religion came up. He compares us to his brother & his gf (dated 8yrs but not married mainly bc bro cant make up his mind about religion). He thinks we'll be "stuck" (his word) like they are. I feel like they are stuck because they made themselves to be stuck - this isn't an unsolveable problem, many people go through it successfully.

 

Anyway, I tell him how I feel and say that he needs to decide whether or he wants to be with me or be single. I asked him how much time he needed and he said 1 week. During this 1 week I will not see him or make any contact. I want him to know what it is like without me and to remember what it was like WITH me. I want him to know my worth! I'm so heartbroken right now and scared what will happen. I'm scared to be hopeful but at the same time I know there is a chance. He's my partner but first and foremost I might lose my best friend. He tells me that he's never had anyone who meant more to him and who made him as happy as I do.

 

Does anyone have any experience with this? What usually happens after a break? Do they usually end up well? What will go on in his head through this 1 week that I'm not already thinking of? I feel like the next 6 days are going to pass by realllllll slow even though I try to plan as much activities I can to fill up my days!

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Posted

bump........

Posted

You don't metion how old either of you are.

 

That can make a difference.

 

Could it simply be that as much as he cares for you, he simply isn't ready psychologically to make a real commitment to you.

 

The religeous thing might give me pause (it has in the past), but ultimately only you can decide how big an issue it's going to be.

 

Religeon for many people represents the very core of their belief system. Morality, attitudes towards sex, ideas on how to go about raising children... it can all be encompassed.

 

So the question is, if there are large differences in your core beliefs.. that could represent a serious issue down the road.

 

A break from each other might just provide a little claraity on the situation.

You're right in saying people can and do get through these things.

 

It's really a matter of good communication, compromise and a true commitment to each other.

 

I wish you luck.

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Posted

Thank you for your perspective. We are 24/25. When we met, he was at the stage in his life where he has been out of school and working for some time, his friends around him were getting married or in serious relationships and he felt he like he was ready to begin a serious relationship. He had been dating and trying to find the right girl for over a year before he met me.

 

I'm Christian & he's Jewish. I would say our core beliefs/morals are very similiar. He said he would want his future children to experience all the Jewish culture/heritage he experienced. I am willing to keep a Jewish household. This would be in the farrrrrrr future though, we are far too young to get married.

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