LoveLace Posted April 4, 2010 Posted April 4, 2010 I should be soo much better at this flirting crap by now, but I dunno maybe I'm improving?...haha. This guy has been in my circle of friends for years but he was married for most of that time. I ran into him last night and it struck me how darn cute he is and I sensed he liked me too. We chatted of course. He showed some hockey tickets that were for last night but he couldn't go and couldn't find anyone to take them. I said "Too bad you didn't have my number!"...he said he did have it once a long time ago...anyway so he lays the tickets down and I spontaneously took and wrote my phone number on them, and said "That's just in case that should happen again"...smile, chuckle...then he made a joke that it's early and he's already got a phone number... So does that mean he gets it that I just wanted him to have my number and not really so much for any hockey tickets? Lol. He also informed me of a group outing to a concert (a month from now) and it sounded great so I said I'm in. I overheard him talking with someone about it so I said that sounds fun and then he told me the info....so it isn't like he just randomly decided to invite me; he said it's a good thing I decided to go out last night since I ran into him eh! His brother is the one organizing the event so I'm not sure if it will be him or his brother to call me in the mean time about plans (I know both of them). Either way a good opportunity to hang with him at the concert..it feels like he's going to be my date basically but since he's an acquaintance already I'm not going to assume that this is the case...being married so long I never got to know him too well, just enough to know he's a nice guy. So I hope I get to know him better this way. But how do I know if he's on the same page as me?
Author LoveLace Posted April 4, 2010 Author Posted April 4, 2010 Surprised there are no thoughts on this yet...
Fouts Posted April 4, 2010 Posted April 4, 2010 Probably because you're being neurotic about it Of course he's on the same page as you and "got it" about the tickets
skydiveaddict Posted April 4, 2010 Posted April 4, 2010 yes he got the hint you gave him your # after all.
Author LoveLace Posted April 4, 2010 Author Posted April 4, 2010 Ok cool, I just wondered because women say so often how guys "just don't get it " most of the time or whatever. So at times I'm either not forward enough, or overly forward and I was hoping for once I found the inbetween...thanks (:
Kamille Posted April 4, 2010 Posted April 4, 2010 Either way a good opportunity to hang with him at the concert..it feels like he's going to be my date basically but since he's an acquaintance already I'm not going to assume that this is the case...being married so long I never got to know him too well, just enough to know he's a nice guy. So I hope I get to know him better this way. But how do I know if he's on the same page as me? You don't know he's on the same page as you - but since you know what you want, there is no reason you should settle for less (we all know that's a recipe for heartache, complications and long periods of times when you're not actively in the dating scene). So, my suggestion, given your track-record of settling for hanging out and being friends with guys you like as more than friends: Don't allow it with this guy. He's either into proper dating or he's not worth your time (as more than an acquaintance). You're interested in the guy. This means you are looking for more than "a good opportunity to hang with him at a concert". There's no shame in that! You let him know, middle of the road, that you're open to a date, now the ball is in his court. It's exciting isn't it running into cute nice guys? Well, that was one guy. There are plenty other guys out there. Keep putting yourself out there and... Stay out of the "will settle for hanging out" friend zone.
Author LoveLace Posted April 4, 2010 Author Posted April 4, 2010 But I really meant that, that going to the concert is a good chance to hang out with him and get to know him better...after all who knows if something makes me decide I don't want to date him after all. I only know so much about him. Aside from that, I'll also use that time to flirt more and hopefully get a point across that I want him to ask me out (assuming nothing happens to change my mind about it, whatever that could be ya never know). There's no settling going on here because I have no interest in "just pals" with the guy. I'm either going to become full blown into him or remain as the acquaintances we are. But I do know that moving pretty slowly would likely be the best bet, because he was married for many years and has children. I have yet to even find out how he feels about dating in general at this point in his life, if he's dated at all since his divorce I don't even know. Whatever the case, I'm ready to bring on the flirting for sure but I don't want to lay it on too thick and freak him out or anything either. So that's what I mean by the chance to "hang" with him at the concert, it's a chance to find out where he is emotionally, I guess you could say. Because if I get a hint that he's just "wanting to have fun" right now or whatever, obviously I'll no longer be interested. It's also a potentially awkward situation because I met his ex wife a few times before the split, she was always pretty nice to me and everyone adores her, as far as I know. Another reason I will have to approach it with a good dose of caution; luckily I didn't know her well enough to say that I'm trying to date a friend's ex husband or something like that...so anyhow the group trip to the concert will be an excellent way to size up this entire situation and see if going any further is even truly an option.. But that's not for a month from now and I'm assuming he won't call before then unless it's talk about the plans, I don't know. Mean time I have a co worker setting me up with another guy for next weekend. It's nice to have other opportunities going on at the same time for once..
123BeachFan Posted April 4, 2010 Posted April 4, 2010 The concert is a month away, and you are going with a group of people. So, don't consider it a date, or a pre-date, or anything other than being with friends with one friend in particular you like a lot. Keep your dating options open, definitely. Unless this guy asks you out, he's just in the Flirty Friend category, nothing more. And don't worry so much about his divorce his readiness to date, and his ex-wife's opinion if you were to start dating him. Assume all single men (and that encompasses divorced ones too) are willing to date. But just because they are, doesn't mean they are the right guy for you. Good luck and have fun
threebyfate Posted April 4, 2010 Posted April 4, 2010 Yes, your message was crystal clear. The ball's in his court. If he calls you up for a real date before the concert, he's interested. If he waits it out until the concert, he's either low interest or sees you as a friend. Plse, plse don't read too much into his actions unless he shows serious interest.
Author LoveLace Posted April 4, 2010 Author Posted April 4, 2010 And don't worry so much about his divorce his readiness to date, and his ex-wife's opinion if you were to start dating him. Assume all single men (and that encompasses divorced ones too) are willing to date. Thanks Beach, that is a much better way to look at it. No reason to worry about the ex situation unless it really gets there anyway! Yes, your message was crystal clear. The ball's in his court. If he calls you up for a real date before the concert, he's interested. If he waits it out until the concert, he's either low interest or sees you as a friend. I'm in no huge hurry so I'd be fine with him not calling until the concert gets closer, in fact I was under the impression that we don't expect to see each other again until then, but if he does call before that I'll certainly be happy to hear from him.
Kamille Posted April 4, 2010 Posted April 4, 2010 He hasn't even asked you out and you're worrying about freaking him out and worrying about his ex-wife. In other words: you're already making excuses for him. I have to point this out because "making excuses" is exactly how you rope yourself into settling for the friendzone. I've seen you do this to yourself at least three times. Who cares about his ex-wife and who cares about freaking him out? If the guy is ready to date and interested in you, he will call and ask you out. The rest isn't for you to worry about. after all who knows if something makes me decide I don't want to date him after all. Dating is the proper process whereby you decide if you want to pursue a romantic interest. I'm worried that right now, you're setting yourself up for another case of "does he like me?" If he's interested, he will ask you out. So that's what I mean by the chance to "hang" with him at the concert, it's a chance to find out where he is emotionally, I guess you could say. Because if I get a hint that he's just "wanting to have fun" right now or whatever, obviously I'll no longer be interested. What I'm saying is: don't even set yourself up for this! Make him show interest (by asking you out) and don't waste your time on him otherwise. There is no need to "emotionally bond" with anyone. Again, you have a history of "emotionally bonding" with your crushes before they show clear signs of interests which has shown poor results. Consider this an intervention. You can improve your love life. It involves breaking with your regular patterns.
Author LoveLace Posted April 4, 2010 Author Posted April 4, 2010 (edited) All I know is, if he calls before the concert, cool, if not I just look forward to seeing him there, and if it's clear we really like each other there, we'll see what happens. If I don't feel chemistry past what we have now, then oh well. I just think he's cute and cool at this point, if it stays that way and I see him a couple times a year like I always have, that's great too. He's not someone I'm interested in hanging with on a regular basis unless we are into each other. I'm not that worried about his ex, it's just a potentially awkward situation for ME if we actually started dating since I knew her. But we cross bridges if we get to them in the first place. And it's not an "excuse" for anything...it's just something that crossed my mind when I pictured myself dating him... And my point is that if I get the impression he is not ready for a relationship, then I'll know he's clearly not ideal for me. If he shows interest in ME but not in the idea of seriously dating, then again he's not ideal for me and it's no big deal. Edited April 4, 2010 by LoveLace
Author LoveLace Posted April 4, 2010 Author Posted April 4, 2010 Also Kam, I have had a couple of just divorced boyfriends in the past, and they were not very good experiences, for a few reasons, so I always get squeamish with other just divorced men, I have every right to, however I remind myself that not every sitch is the same and not every divorced guy is the same, so if I say I want to be cautious its not for his sake, its for mine.
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