confusedgirl77 Posted April 4, 2010 Posted April 4, 2010 Hi everyone! So I feel like I'm new to the dating scene even though I am 25. I had two bfs that lasted over 2 years each and now I'm at a complete loss for how to attract a guy enough to come talk to me at a bar, or how to attract a guy in general. I am too shy to go up to them, which I actually did try last weekend and it was a total mess, but if they come up to me I feel like I could make conversation. Unfortunately all of my friends have bfs and none of them have any single friends to set me up with. Well there was one and we went out on a date and had fun but he never called me back, which basically made me crazy and question like what did I do wrong?! but ultimately made me realize I have to try to get back into the dating world. Anyway, my friends say just keep looking over at a guy and he will see you're accessible and interested and come over, but I just don't think that will necessarily work. I'm not like extremely attractive, like I have an okay face, and a good body, and I dress girly but not too over the top when it comes to showing skin, but I just don't think it is enough to attract guys. I need help! I'm not interested in online dating, tried it once before and met a bunch of creeps, and I work a lot at a school with mostly women and gay or married guys. Also I am on a softball team, but I of course got placed on a team with a bunch of older people or married people, and guys on other teams don't ever talk to me or people on my team usually. I go to the gym too but no one ever talks to me there. I would like to meet guys but it just seems incredibly hard. I'm not very picky but don't go for the guido look, which is what a lot of guys in my area look like. Also I would like to be reasonably attracted to the guy, but I don't think I'm too picky at all, in fact many of my friends say the guys I am looking at I can do better than, not that that affects how I think or would act around them...I just want to make it a point to say that I'm not overly critical about looks. Any advice would be greatly appreciated!!!
ADF Posted April 4, 2010 Posted April 4, 2010 I have to wonder at the title of your post. Attracting guys in a bar is easy--just show up! The male/female ratio in most bars is so lopsided towards the male end that practically any women is likely to attract attention. However, your post suggests you are looking for men who want a relationship. That's a lot harder. Bars are not venues where relationship-minded men usually look for dates. Bars are pretty much stuffed to the rafters with guys looking for no-strings hookups. I am not saying is is impossible to meet a relationship-minded guy in a bar, but it is difficult.
Mme. Chaucer Posted April 4, 2010 Posted April 4, 2010 (edited) Bars are NOT the proper hunting ground for relationships. It has been known to happen ... rarely! I think even really old ladies like myself have an easy time "attracting" men there, though, especially if they're at least a little drunk. If you show up with particular body parts on display, that draws them like flies. Oh, one more thing - online dating. Boy did I meet a bunch of creeps online dating, myself. Boy do I have some good stories! Ultimately, though, I met my darling man. On Match.com. Who knew it could ever happen. It took a LOT of epic fails to accomplish that! Edited April 4, 2010 by Mme. Chaucer
norajane Posted April 4, 2010 Posted April 4, 2010 Skin and eye contact, we are soooo easy And a smile. Must make eye contact and smile at a guy you're interested in. And separate yourself at some point from your group. Guys can be intimidated to go up to a group of people. Go the bar and get the next round of drinks. Go to the jukebox and pick out some songs to play. Or go to the bathroom and take a stroll around before going back to your group. Give the guy a chance to come up to you when you're on your own.
Author confusedgirl77 Posted April 4, 2010 Author Posted April 4, 2010 So the eye contact thing actually works?!?! Ok, I'll try that next time I'm out with a smile, and move around so as not to be around a group all of the time. And maybe put on something that is a little eye catching can't hurt. Maybe it's not rocket science, but I don't exactly get approached a lot at bars, so maybe this will help. However, I am more into looking to find someone for a relationship. How do I do that or where do I find guys for that? I just need to meet more men, and as I said my friends don't really have anyone to set me up with, and I already do play a sport, but the guys on other teams never talk to me and guys on my team are married or too old. Guys at my job are few and far between and are married or gay. Seriously no prospects there.
TouchedByViolet Posted April 4, 2010 Posted April 4, 2010 Your post confuses me. A women looking for a guy at a bar is the equivalent of a person looking for candy in a candy store. It is everywhere. If you are halfway decent looking and dressed reasonably attractively you are guaranteed to have guys checking you out. All you have to do is make eye contact or say hi, and they will be all over you. Do you dance? if so just head out to the dance floor with a girl friend and you are sure to attract guys.
confused and broken Posted April 4, 2010 Posted April 4, 2010 I agree... As soon as i saw the title of your post I thought you got to be kidding me you do not need any tips to attract guys at bars.. Bars aren't known as a place to find a relationship though.. Honestly the guys I have met at bars ended up being short lived flings.. But I do have one friend who met her HB at a bar Coffee shops that serve liquor and have live music at night are better places to meet men because they have regulars and you can get to know people slowly... you can have coffee there during the day and sometimes go there at night to catch a live show
marsle85 Posted April 4, 2010 Posted April 4, 2010 You can attract men at bars successfully, but I don't think that's your goal. If you want to attract a quality man looking for a serious relationship - pay less attention on pleasing him and more attention pleasing yourself. Join clubs or groups that explore what excites you, makes you a more confident and diverse person. You are the catch here- men have to come to you. And in the mean time? Work on those activites... THAT is where you'll find men who value you for you - because you're involved in something that is focused on your betterment. That is both attractive and alluring.
dazzle22 Posted April 5, 2010 Posted April 5, 2010 Marsle is starting to sound like a very wise, wise woman! Good for you! Agree with the others. Bars are a great place to find ONS, but not relationships. Network with friends - they have friends, who have sisters who have brothers.. and so on. Coffee shops, go to sporting events, community events,go to the gym, take a class. BTW, Most people find someone when they are NOT looking....just standin' there minding their own business...
SuperMatt Posted April 5, 2010 Posted April 5, 2010 Well if you want to meet some men at the bars bring your friends out and keep your self open and happy. Make a small comment to a guy if you see something they are wearing that you like or just ask them "what are you drinking?" from there the guy should strike up a conversation, if not its his loss and move on to the next guy. It takes confidence!
marsle85 Posted April 5, 2010 Posted April 5, 2010 Marsle is starting to sound like a very wise, wise woman! Good for you! Eeek! I'm trying. A lot of times I know what's best, but it's so much easier to dish out the advice than following it yourself. Thanks for the compliment.
sullysteve Posted April 5, 2010 Posted April 5, 2010 Separate yourself from your harem of girlfriends every once in a while so that you're more approachable.
BobSacamento Posted April 5, 2010 Posted April 5, 2010 Eye contact followed by a smile is always a good indication. This can work in the reverse as well. If you want to ward off creeps, ignore them and keep conversation short.
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