EmptyPromises Posted April 4, 2010 Posted April 4, 2010 Hey everyone, I've been dating a guy on and off now for about 2 years. We've had a vicious cycle of ups and downs in our relationship. We used to break up alot and fight over the stupidest reasons. After breaking up for almost 2 months, we got back together and honestly have never been better. We avoid fights and insulting eachother and we both are alot calmer and trusting. In the last 2 weeks I've found out about 2 girls he's had sex with while we were broken up. In total, I know of 6 girls hes had sex with on our "off" periods. It hurts alot thinking about him having sex with other girls, I've only kissed 2 guys in the past 2 years other than him. I did go out to dinner with a guy once that he uses against me all the time. He says all those girls werent girls he wanted to date just girls he wanted to hook up with. I love him alot but I'm really starting to doubt his love for me. I know those two girls i just found out about happened almost 6 months ago & werent when we were dating but still. Opinions?
Jersey Shortie Posted April 4, 2010 Posted April 4, 2010 So he holds it against you that you went out with another guy while you were broken up but he doesn't want you to comment about the girls he had sex with? Not fair. I think it's worse to hook up with different people anyway they trying to find another relationship. Do I think the fact that he slept with other girls while you broke up means he doesn't love you ? Not neccesarily but I'd still be a little concerned about his attitude towards women and you if he can hope around so much.
threebyfate Posted April 4, 2010 Posted April 4, 2010 Yup, dump him. Not only is he THE biggest hypocrite around but as well, I would seriously wonder about his ability to remain faithful. He doesn't appear to be a monogamous kind of guy.
AAlike Posted April 5, 2010 Posted April 5, 2010 Not sure what the question is - I'm assuming that you're asking if this guy really loves you? the sex while broken up is not in itself immediately indicative of the fact that he doesn't love you - however, I would be curious as to the circumstances of how and why you guys are "off and on", and for how long. however, the fact that you simply going to dinner with a guy while broken up is something that "he uses against you all the time" would not only make me question his love and respect for you, it would also, as Jersey said, raise an eyebrow about his attitude towards and respect for women in general - that is very possessive and ridiculous.
make me believe Posted April 5, 2010 Posted April 5, 2010 So he was using girls for sex and that's ok, but it's wrong that you went on an innocent date with somebody else? Please! What a hypocrite! Did these girls know that all he wanted from them was sex? I bet not. You two have an unhealthy relationship. Being "on and off," and constantly breaking up & getting back together are not things that happen in healthy relationships. Dump him.
ashlee Posted April 8, 2010 Posted April 8, 2010 Please click one of the Quick Reply icons in the posts above to activate Quick Reply.
ashlee Posted April 8, 2010 Posted April 8, 2010 wow i know EXACTLY how u feel! i am going thru the exact same thing. i found out about a moth ago about my bf having sex with 4 other girls during our "off" periods. omg i had a break down i just had thoughts of him having sex with other girls and to tell u the truth i dont think im ever gonna get over it. we live togther and honestly i really dont think its gonna last i have tried to put it past us just to try to start out fresh but its never gonna get out of ur head... i think u should just break up with him especially if hes still throwing that little inocent date in ur face. its always gonna come up ur when yall are arguing its not worth it trust me.. idk why im still with my bf.... i guess its for my daughter.. goodluck to u and just do whatever ur heart tells u if u think yall can work past it and just start fresh then give it a shot.. if not DUMP him dont waste ur time:bunny:
dazzle22 Posted April 8, 2010 Posted April 8, 2010 He has a ridiculous selfish double standard which will keep rearing it's ugly head, that is for SURE.
cooldudeinberlin Posted April 8, 2010 Posted April 8, 2010 he didnt cheat on you with any of them, so what's the big deal? its just sex... only physical... so what? Even if he had a girlfriend or an emotional relationship during your break up time... its sort of none of your business. you guys broke up... life does go on... just like with you. as far as him being jealous about whatever you did during the period... he needs to get over it... tell him its none of his business, but be willing to accept that his past is the same. If you cant get over it... then do what's best for you and move on. BTW... it wouldnt surprise me to find out that his "sexual encounters" are a bit inflated... perhaps to make you jealous or make up for a rather lonely period... who knows... Got to be honest... if you want an "off" period... then go through with it... in reality... unless you are married with kids and have a major intense long term relationship... there is no reason to have an off period... break up and move on. Life is stressful enough... there are literally thousands of better people out there more suitable
Author EmptyPromises Posted April 16, 2010 Author Posted April 16, 2010 i broke up with him 2 days ago after he told me he wouldnt take single off his facebook account. i then found out he had friended a girl again that keeps texting him and sending him pictures after he had unfriended her when i asked him to. i feel so worthless. so empty. he acts like he doesnt give a ****. i couldnt sleep at all last night, i sent him a text asking how hed feel if i had had sex with someone else. im stupid for sending that i just wanted him to feel what i was feeling. were in college, im going home this weekend and i feel sick to my stomach because i know what usually happens when we break up...he goes and hooks up with someone. i couldnt sleep at all last night over it and literally feel like i could vomit. how do i get over this feeling? whats the best way to show him im serious about possibly moving on for good?
Woman In Blue Posted April 16, 2010 Posted April 16, 2010 Empty, you're just in a vicious cycle that keeps repeating itself, over and over and over. Let's face it - you're in college, which means you're both YOUNG. He's a young man who wants to sew his wild oats - this is typical for young men in his age bracket. You cannot make someone feel something they don't feel, and you cannot make someone act the way you want them to. Quite honestly, the guy sounds like he does what he wants whether you're with him or not. He's your typical hormonal college guy who has no boundaries and no respect for women. It's all about getting laid as much as he can and partying with his dumbass frat friends. He's clearly immature and quite honestly, you're NOT going to change him anytime soon. Stop the cycle. You don't NEED to "show him" that you're serious about moving on. If you're TRULY serious about it, then you'll simply DO it. It's not a "show" you put on for him. You'll have many boyfriends before you finally settle down. I know it feels like it now, but it really ISN'T the end of the world. Really, it's not.
ADF Posted April 16, 2010 Posted April 16, 2010 My opinion? My opinion is he has probably slept with way more than just those six women you know about, and has probably done so while you were together, not just during your break up period. Don't be naive. He has told you that he makes a sharp distinction between he considers worth dating and those who are only worthy of a hook up. No doubt, he has convinced himself that since the various women he "hooked up" with while you were dating meant nothing to him, he doesn't need to mention them to you. He is a macho misogynist who classifies certain women as legitimate targets for sexual exploitation. But, like all those guys, he goes ballistic when one of "his" women hooks up with someone else. Don't walk away, RUN.
Dexter Morgan Posted April 16, 2010 Posted April 16, 2010 Yup, dump him. Not only is he THE biggest hypocrite around but as well, I would seriously wonder about his ability to remain faithful. He doesn't appear to be a monogamous kind of guy. I completely agree. He probably really enjoyed the "off" times because he didn't waste any time in having sex with other girls. Having "off" time was probably no big deal to him for that very reason. And if he goes off and has sex with others whenever you are not with him, make no mistake about it, he still wants to have sex with other girls even when he is with you. I don't see him being faithful even when you aren't on a "break".
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