She asked me for space...i'm hurting bad (WOMEN'S INSIGHT APPRECIATED)

[adamt]

People don't ask for space to figure out if they love you. They ask for space to figure out why they don't anymore.

 

She is on the way out. She still has some feelings for you, but not a sufficient amount or the right sort of feelings to stay in a relationship with you. It is painful to hurt someone you care about, but it is more painful to stay with someone you are no longer in love with. She is trying to decide whether to follow her feelings or spare yours. Not an easy choice, but with time she will choose her own feelings and break off completely.

 

Most people do, in the end.

 

a well put post. i've been there. ex wanted space. she sent me an email saying she missed me. 2 weeks later she wanted to meet up. i was expecting to work things out and clear the air. she wanted to break up. actions speak louder than words. people dont want time away from you if they have the right feelings for you

[ElQuebrado]

a well put post. i've been there. ex wanted space. she sent me an email saying she missed me. 2 weeks later she wanted to meet up. i was expecting to work things out and clear the air. she wanted to break up. actions speak louder than words. people dont want time away from you if they have the right feelings for you

 

 

Hey everyone. I have an update.

 

i broke down and sent her a text earlier. It said that i hoped she was doin ok and that things were not the same without her.

 

About an hour later sge replied that she knew and that she was sorry for putting me thru this. Seizing the opportunity, i asked her point blank was she going to leave me

 

she said that she didnt say that and that she was just confused abt what she wanted. I told her that i understood, that she could hav her space, and i hoped that we talked soon. She said she promised we would

 

abt 3 hours later, i wrote her again to wish her a goodnight. she wished me the same and i went to bed. She texted me 20 min later and started asking me how my day was, etc.

 

I let her do the talkin and i responded. After a while i told her i was knockin out, that it was good talkin to her again...that i missed doing that. Then as is our custom goodbye, i said besos y abrazos

 

she replied that she missed talking to me too, to hav a goodngiht, not to worry, that we would talk soon...and then she added "besos y abrazos a ti tambien"

 

that was it. What do you think?

[adamt]

you need to disappear and cut all contact. it may wake her up when she sees you are moving on. she may start to miss you. by keeping contact while she requests space is not the right thing to do. you have to make her feel she is losing you and if she has feelings for you then that will appear. make out you are busy and havent much time to talk. let her wonder what you are doing. stop being there for her, she knows you will respond so you are not giving her a chance to miss you. if she doesnt miss you then it's not meant to be

Edited April 5, 2010 by adamt

[Lizzie60]

Go back and re-read my posts.. or don't listen to our advices and keep texting her and telling her how sorry you are, how you miss her.. etc.. etc... that won't help .. I can promise you..

 

From your last post, I am now convinced that she knows she can 'play' with your feelings.. that you will go nowhere.. while she's 'exploring' other pastures.. I feel sorry for you.. honestly.

[LucreziaBorgia]

The interactions you are having now are all that she is comfortable with. I would not contact her at all. Let her do all the contacting. If you don't hear from her, do not contact her. Let her set the pace. I know you want to fight for her, but when you try to fight for someone who is on the way out they will fight against you.

 

Think of her heart as a jug, and inside her heart is the love she has for you. There is a leak in this jug. Every day it leaks out a little more. As long as there is something in that jug, she will be 'confused'. As soon as that jug leaks dry, she will no longer feel that pull of emotion and will be fully ready to let you go. There is nothing you can do to plug that leak. She has to do that, and in order to do that she has to want to do it. It sounds like she is comfortable just letting it leak dry slowly.

 

This is akin to torture to you, I know - but you do have a choice. You can sit and watch that jug run dry or you can walk away. Either way, the outcome will be the same. One will be a long slow pain followed by healing. The other will be a quick pull of a bandaid followed by healing. Your choice.

[ElQuebrado]

I appreciate all of your hard-hitting, no holds-barred advice. I have another update.

 

She called this morning on her way to work. We made small talk and then I asked her where we were. She said we were ok, that she loves me, she was just really upset about Thursday night. She said over the weekend her family was asking about me so she began to ask her sis-in-law for advice.

 

Her sis-in-law said she needed to get counseling, that she souldn't let a good thing (me) go because of how her father raised her. She told me that she wantes to have a full relationship with me---holding nothing back, but it's hard b/c of how her father was--it scarred her and casued her to put up so many walls to defend against true itimacy.

 

She said that she didnt want me to think we were finished or that she had found someone else---far from it. She's changing and adjusting to make this thing work and she really wants it to work. She said we would talk more about it soon, since she had to go punch in.

 

What do you gals (and guys) think?

[EmperorR]

Actions over words

 

people will tell you anything you want to hear to calm your fear.

 

My ex would tell me that she loves me yet two min later she was txting some other dude the same shyt

 

 

Cut all contact and move on.

 

Look I'm on a break with my current gf I alreadly know most likely it's over been in this situation numerous times.

 

But I'm living my life, she texts me half hoir later I may responsd. I don't write email phone iniate anything.

 

A break is a breakup more times than not it's just too string

you along until they can drop the hammer

[LucreziaBorgia]

I would still not contact her. Let her do all the contacting. I think she is wavering between what she still feels and what she no longer feels. It will be a painful time for you both.

 

People who find themselves falling out of love generally aren't too happy with it themselves at first and really do try to find a way to recapture what they are losing. Most don't end up being able to in the end.

 

Just sit back for now, let her set the pace. Do not talk about your relationship, or where it is or is not going right now. The more you ask for reassurance, the more she is likely to back away. If she brings it up, let her do all the talking and you just listen. Now is not the time for your input. When she is no longer 'confused' then you can say your piece. The less you talk to her about it now, the better.

[confused and broken]

Let her do the contacting as already mentioned but it sounds really good

Especially if she'll get some counseling!

[ElQuebrado]

I would still not contact her. Let her do all the contacting. I think she is wavering between what she still feels and what she no longer feels. It will be a painful time for you both.

 

People who find themselves falling out of love generally aren't too happy with it themselves at first and really do try to find a way to recapture what they are losing. Most don't end up being able to in the end.

 

Just sit back for now, let her set the pace. Do not talk about your relationship, or where it is or is not going right now. The more you ask for reassurance, the more she is likely to back away. If she brings it up, let her do all the talking and you just listen. Now is not the time for your input. When she is no longer 'confused' then you can say your piece. The less you talk to her about it now, the better.

 

 

I will do this---ive been thinking abt it all day---she had a previous man that basically only wanted her for sex and money---they almost never saw each other, but when he took a week break from her she cried and missed him...she may SAY she appreciates me..but the sad fact abt human nature is that nobody TRULY appreciates until they feel what it is like to go without.

[Woggle]

Please get out while you can. You will eventually become the typical doormat nice guy who bends over backwards for a woman that basically treats you like garbage. In her eyes everything a man does will remind her of her father and you will pay the price for something you had nothing to do with. This woman will chew you up and spit you out if you try to make something work with her.

[linwood]

like i said i am going to this party tomorrow bcause its a close frnd and shed be upset if i dont go but well c how it goes lol i hope i dont snap at people at the party lol.

 

This is really the only thing I noticed in her e-mail.

 

She`s ditching you dude.

If you want her at all ignore her.

 

Let her know you`re interested but aren`t going to settle for second place.

Then ignore her until she can and will commit to you.

 

She may not but I know she won`t if you continue down the path you`ve started on.

 

Don`t contact or respond to her until she sends something that lets you know she has had a change of heart.

 

If you want to really know what she`s up to find a way to shadow that party.

I guarantee she`s at least interested in someone who will be there.

Count on it.

[Tommy's Girl]

I posted this on another thread, but if you take a break like you're doing and she can't live without you, then she'll let you know. That's what happened with my husband and me before we were married. If I hadn't given him his space, who knows what would have happened. He had a lot of issues too with being newly divorced. He said all the things that most would say when breaking up. He was being very distant. It broke my heart. Not contacting him after that was painful, but being away from him made him realize he didn't want to be without me. I had already prepared myself for the fact that he might never come back. I stayed strong and waited. I didn't have to wait long! He couldn't get back to me fast enough. I actually made him wait then. I pretended I needed time. Ha! The rest is history.

[GrayClouds]

How can see miss you if she know your always there?