MrsPeaSoup Posted April 4, 2010 Posted April 4, 2010 My ex send me this e-mail just a moment ago, which I tried to translate from Dutch to English for you: Hey, The reason why I didn't send anything or didn't let me hear from me is because I wasn't over you. It did too much pain, and at the time I thought the only best option was to break up, because the relationship didn't work for us (or at least for me). I didn't want to tell you at that time because I feared you'd try to talk me out of it and would try to make things better. I think if you'd done that I could not have said no. The first time (with the break up) already shred my heart into pieces. If I've made the right decision (for as long something like this actually can be a right or wrong one)? I think so, but at that time it really didn't matter. Even if it was the wrong descision I didn't want to see it at that time, I would have hold on to the thought that it WAS a right descision to be sure it would not just be me who missed a warm body with a nice personality. I send you this e-mail right now, because I can live my life a bit normal again with knowing that I've said no to you. If I read the e-mail you've send me I can only think "She tries to convince herself that she agrees with the break up but in her heart she knows/feels that she doesn't agree with it". Maybe it's just a thought to boost my own ego. I hope I'm wrong on this one, because then this e-mail will be less hard on you. I'm happy with the peace I've got. Not allways trying to solve the fights, the communication that wouldn't work and not that immense pain because I didn't know how to solve all the problems. These things are the real causes that suppressed my love and then just took it away. Have a beautifull life and maybe I'll see you one day. With kind regards, Robert. ------------------------------------------------------------------------- :lmao::lmao: AND I WAS JUST DOING SO WELL!! At the moment I'm just freaking out. PLeaseee help me on this one. Does this e-mail REALLY means it's over, forever???! I mean, he first said things such as if I'd tried to win his heart at the time I would probably have succeed, and that it was the fights and all that which supressed his love for me. I cannot believe the love is really gone, I mean He was the one who allways said we were meant for each other. I know that I can't make it work right now, but I AM slowly healing from this and I AM having new perspectives on the relationship and I KNOW NOW that if we would begin again we would not have so many fights as we used to have and I think I could improve the communication from my part really a lot. OK: my question: Is this really over over and do I stay in NC forever or do I have to focuss on first get myself back together, improver my own life, before I try to initiate contact again with the goal for a reconciliation? I'd appreciate to not only hear: NC NC NC is the way to go, but really some advice. Otherwise it wouldn't leave much room for discussion, right? PLEASE: HELP ME ON THIS ONE!!
SuperMatt Posted April 5, 2010 Posted April 5, 2010 The best thing is to work on yourself and get yourself back together. Improve your own life figure out what you want to be and what you want to do. Where do you see yourself in 10 years. Are you in the correct career path? do you have a pleasing life? When I broke up with someone I loved the question I REALLLLY needed to answer is: Do I want to get back with her because I know it will work. Or do I want to get back with her because it would feel good to know she cares? In the end I realized I only wanted her back to see if she cared. So I did the right thing and didn't contact her anymore.
DustySaltus Posted April 5, 2010 Posted April 5, 2010 Unless he would've said that he made the biggest mistake in the world, is sorry for his actions and is willing to do whatever it takes to make it work there's nothing to talk about. He doesn't want you to hate him and is trying to validate his decision. So maybe 75% of him sure that he doesn't want to get back together. We tend to look at that remaining 25% like it's the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. We sit around waiting for a reconciliation that may or may not ever happen. He said that he wasn't willing to work out the issues that needed to be addressed. He quit on the relationship, that's basically the main point of the whole email. Why would you want to be with someone who quits on you and doesn't think that you're good enough from them? I know emails like this sting but you have to understand that this is not someone who is built for the long term. Relationships are work. Focus on what your needs are and focus on yourself. Someone who truly appreciates you and is willing tostick with you through thick and thin is out there waiting for you. good luck.
Author MrsPeaSoup Posted April 5, 2010 Author Posted April 5, 2010 Thank you DustySalt, You are right. He is not (yet) a long term relationship guy. Today I'm feeling a lot better: in peace actually. I know I can't go back to this person, because of various personal reasons. But I know we are not to be together any more. It actually gives me peace and I think I can move on from now on. But thanks again for the replies. Yesterday I was just freaking out, today not any longer.
TaraMaiden Posted April 5, 2010 Posted April 5, 2010 delete it. Keeping it will just kill you, because you'll just be tempted to keep reading it and re-reading it.... It will take a lot longer for you to realise they're just black words on an electronic white page.....
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