Hannah86 Posted April 4, 2010 Posted April 4, 2010 Been seeing this guy for about a month and a half, and everything is perfect when we're together. He's fun, he's funny, he calls me all the time to hang out. We've met each other's friends and he has already tried to get me to meet his parents twice--I was busy both times. No doubt in my mind that he likes me a lot. However, after a month and a half of this, and he told me he wasn't hooking up with anyone else--I wanted to make sure that we were on the same page and exclusive. I was shocked to find out that he didn't think we were that way! He said he likes me a lot, he hasn't hooked up with anyone else nor is he looking to, but he just doesn't like the idea of being tied down. This conversation happened two days ago. I told him I was not okay with this arrangement, but said I'd love to still be friends. He told me this made him very frustrated and that he wanted to feel free, and that putting a label on things makes it less fun and exciting. This turned me off even more, and I said, we should definitely just be friends for a while but I was not mad, just glad we talked about everything. I was completely calm, and when I hung up, I was obviously upset but distracted myself with other things. Now I'm out of town with family, and he sent me an email yesterday asking me how I'm doing. I didn't answer it because I've been busy. Then, he sent me a text telling me he wants to be exclusive, "please dont ignore my emails." I turned my phone off last night and I just turned it back on and saw that he called, no voicemail. I'm glad he wants to be exclusive now, but is he saying that just because he wants to keep hooking up with me, or should I be very wary because he was so hesitant just two days ago? I have not responded to anything and am not sure how to proceed or interpret everything.
CLC2008 Posted April 4, 2010 Posted April 4, 2010 Been seeing this guy for about a month and a half, and everything is perfect when we're together. He's fun, he's funny, he calls me all the time to hang out. We've met each other's friends and he has already tried to get me to meet his parents twice--I was busy both times. No doubt in my mind that he likes me a lot. However, after a month and a half of this, and he told me he wasn't hooking up with anyone else--I wanted to make sure that we were on the same page and exclusive. I was shocked to find out that he didn't think we were that way! He said he likes me a lot, he hasn't hooked up with anyone else nor is he looking to, but he just doesn't like the idea of being tied down. This conversation happened two days ago. I told him I was not okay with this arrangement, but said I'd love to still be friends. He told me this made him very frustrated and that he wanted to feel free, and that putting a label on things makes it less fun and exciting. This turned me off even more, and I said, we should definitely just be friends for a while but I was not mad, just glad we talked about everything. I was completely calm, and when I hung up, I was obviously upset but distracted myself with other things. Now I'm out of town with family, and he sent me an email yesterday asking me how I'm doing. I didn't answer it because I've been busy. Then, he sent me a text telling me he wants to be exclusive, "please dont ignore my emails." I turned my phone off last night and I just turned it back on and saw that he called, no voicemail. I'm glad he wants to be exclusive now, but is he saying that just because he wants to keep hooking up with me, or should I be very wary because he was so hesitant just two days ago? I have not responded to anything and am not sure how to proceed or interpret everything. Trust those words OP.
Author Hannah86 Posted April 7, 2010 Author Posted April 7, 2010 Yeah, that's what I'm thinking too. He's super smart and very sensitive (not a player) so he would not kid around about being exclusive... but... he turned around so quickly, I'd hate for him to regret it down the line. I'm going to wait for him to bring it up. The last we left it, I said, I want to talk about it this week, not over text message. He agreed. We hung out with friends, as friends, tonight. I didn't kiss him or anything but was friendly and talkative. I left him there after two drinks. I just want to tread lightly until we talk about it and not rush back into things without talking it through.
cooldudeinberlin Posted April 7, 2010 Posted April 7, 2010 follow your instincts, let it go and move on. He thought he had upper hand when you were interested and he was the one dangling the maybe/maybe not relationship thing in front of you... now that you have confidently decided "not for me", he is desperately seeking your attention again and is falling off of his earlier principle and beliefs... which means, he is wishy washy and I never trust wishy washy people... its like they have a hidden agenda, even if they arent smart enough to realize that is what they are doing. Save yourself from the drama and from little boys that have absolutely no clue what they want, backing it up or who they are. Sounds more like the typical "nice guy - friend zone" type of guy.
Author Hannah86 Posted April 7, 2010 Author Posted April 7, 2010 yep, so we just talked about it and it turns out he just said he wanted to be exclusive because he was "missing me" but he's not sure about it now that I confronted him. I told him to never talk to me again. Clean breaks, always nice.
ADF Posted April 7, 2010 Posted April 7, 2010 You and this man are clearly not on the same page. You want a BF, and he wants a FWB. That is not surprising. Many men--I want to say most men--prefer FWB to having a GF anyway. In a FWB, the guys gets all the benfits of having a GF, but with strings. It is the ultimate win/win situation for him. He's just trying to play you. He doesn't want what you want. Move on.
Author Hannah86 Posted April 7, 2010 Author Posted April 7, 2010 Ok, so now he just called me and wants to talk about it. He doesn't like how the conversation ended. He left a voicemail, I didn't pick up. He said he really wants me to call him back and he doesn't understand why everything has to end. I think he's going to just tell me more of what I don't want to hear. Should I call him and listen to him, or just not give him the time of day? I really don't want to be rejected for the third time.
Lucky555 Posted April 7, 2010 Posted April 7, 2010 Ok, so now he just called me and wants to talk about it. He doesn't like how the conversation ended. He left a voicemail, I didn't pick up. He said he really wants me to call him back and he doesn't understand why everything has to end. I think he's going to just tell me more of what I don't want to hear. Should I call him and listen to him, or just not give him the time of day? I really don't want to be rejected for the third time. Thank you for posting!! It just reaffirms my belief about a guy i was seeing. He was doing exactly like this guy. Its so annoying. Because he misses me when i don't talk to him he contacts me. He will be exclusive but also did not want "the relationship"!!! Do run. Don't dwell on it like I have. I had fun and the guy was great but i can't be with someone who doesn't want a relationship. I was very turned off when the guy i was seeing had said yes to the exclusivity and then I was so happy. However, i found out shortly it didn't mean him being in a relationship and I ended it. Then he came running back just like your guy did. I was like oh but he is at least honest about it, but boy was i wrong to even consider wanting to continue talking to him NOW I AM NO CONTACT!
Author Hannah86 Posted April 7, 2010 Author Posted April 7, 2010 Thank you! I seriously even told him, "Please respect my space and do not text, call, email me because i know in a few days you will change your mind and I do not want to deal with it." Of course he calls me the day of.
Jersey Shortie Posted April 7, 2010 Posted April 7, 2010 I agree with the other posters. And Hannah, the way you handled everything is really commendable! You were strong, not nasty, and looked out for yourself and your needs. Too many girls sacrifice on "what if he changes..."
123BeachFan Posted April 7, 2010 Posted April 7, 2010 You've met friends, you've met family. He's been exclusive, though you guys didn't have The Talk about it until just recently. Sounds like he's got a fear of labels more than anything. I mean, he says he doesn't want to be tied down, but isn't he effectively tied down if he's exclusive? Is there some other behavior that's showing he's thinking of you as a casual thing? Is he asking permission to date other women platonically or something?
Author Hannah86 Posted April 7, 2010 Author Posted April 7, 2010 No, he has not shown me any indication that he thinks of me as a casual relationship until I "confirm" his intentions. However, no matter how he acts, something about him doesn't like me enough to not put a label to it. He's been in two serious relationships (each lasted about a year) so if he has it in him, he ties the girl down. I called him back, he didn't pick up. I left a voicemail reiterating what I said earlier, that we are not on the same page and that it's over, and I dont want him to contact me anymore. Of course it hurts to say that, but it hurts more than he doesn't want to be exclusive. I don't want to talk to him anymore. There are plenty of guys that will wine and dine me this summer and if he doesn't want to, he's the dummy.
Lucky555 Posted April 8, 2010 Posted April 8, 2010 No, he has not shown me any indication that he thinks of me as a casual relationship until I "confirm" his intentions. However, no matter how he acts, something about him doesn't like me enough to not put a label to it. He's been in two serious relationships (each lasted about a year) so if he has it in him, he ties the girl down. I called him back, he didn't pick up. I left a voicemail reiterating what I said earlier, that we are not on the same page and that it's over, and I dont want him to contact me anymore. Of course it hurts to say that, but it hurts more than he doesn't want to be exclusive. I don't want to talk to him anymore. There are plenty of guys that will wine and dine me this summer and if he doesn't want to, he's the dummy. OH thank you for posting this again. Well i have been no contact and the guy had been contacting me. He didn't want to see other people either...well I was on the fence with this and been trying to stay strong. TOnight i saw he was going out with his ex. omgosh this was like a knife to my heart. Even though i wanted to end it, it was hard to because he didn't seem to treat me bad and he didn't want a casual relationship yet when i probed like u did that is exactly what was happening. After reading your post I am going to tell him not to contact me again when and if he does contact me. I have not been able to do this as i felt really bad because i cared!!! UGH. Be strong and I am going to be strong too. lets find better guys.
Author Hannah86 Posted April 8, 2010 Author Posted April 8, 2010 Lucky--your right guy will come! He's dumb to hang out with his ex--they broke up for a reason, I bet she'd be sad to know he hung out with you! Since my last post, I have two dates lined up for Saturday. One in the afternoon, and one at night. I can't wait
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