HowCouldShe Posted April 4, 2010 Posted April 4, 2010 (edited) I was told this forum might be of some help so I thought I would start a topic. I just got done reading my son the "Tale of Peter Rabbit" for his first Easter. It's actually the first book i've ever read to him. He's about 3 months old now and my Fiance left me 10 days after his birth. I came home one day to an empty house and my baby gone as well. We were only together for a year but when she became pregnant in April we soon went from casually dating to "lets start a family"... things became rough when we got a house together. She's been diagnosed w/ bi-polar and would go on spouts of not taking her medicine. From my perspective, this made life pretty rough. We began to constantly verbally fight. But I fell in love w/ her and asked her to marry me on Christmas Eve to which she said yes. I wanted to do the right thing. Took me 4 months to save up for that ring and 3 weeks later I found it lieing in one of her pill bottles. We've been broke up now for about 2 months and she has full temporary custody and I get to see my son every weekend. I consider myself a great Dad and try very hard to concentrate on him now. As far as her and I go, even though we were apart this 2 months we were still having sexual relations and talked everyday either thru phone or text up until 2 weeks ago. This is where she told me she had a new boyfriend. My jaw hit the floor... 2 months after our engagement and the birth of our child (both our first) she had found someone else. Now she has been telling me things like "i've moved on and I don't love you"... etc. etc. But then the next day she will tell me she does love me and will always love me. She also told me last night that she has had sex with this new guy. I guess all in all i'm still in a state of shock. She says I was verbally abusive (which I admit my anger got the best of me sometimes), but in my defense it's not easy living w/ someone who is bi polar and constantly off her meds. She thinks of me as a total ******* but even she admits I'm a great dad. She feels no remorse about this new relationship of hers (I guess why would she?)...i'm just in a state of shock considering the length of time between now and the birth of our child. A mere 3 months... On top of it... the guy she is seeing is someone she works with and she sees him everyday and then he gets to come home to her and MY son. I've gotten alot of advice from friends and family saying just move on but it's harder then you're average breakup. I have to see her every Sunday and (although I have yet to meet him) i'll soon be seeing him when I drop my son off. I have a feeling she's trying to entice a fight between us but I won't allow that to happen because it would just land me in jail and take away my visitation. I guess I just need some advice or words of wisdom... I work and go to school full time and then see my son on the weekends. It's been harder and harder to concentrate on school with this situation and am contemplating dropping out. Has anyone dealt with someone who was bi polar and did things like this? She never even attempted counseling and although we were only together a year, I do feel when you have a child you need to atleast try and work it out before you move on. I guess not according to her though.... Edited April 4, 2010 by HowCouldShe
LucreziaBorgia Posted April 4, 2010 Posted April 4, 2010 We've been broke up now for about 2 months and she has full temporary custody I can't give any good advice on how to win her back. She's already gone. She will have to want to end things with OM and I don't see anything indicating that she would be even remotely interested in doing that, particularly since the child might be his. Once you establish paternity of that child things will become easier in order to figure out what to do. If the child is yours, hopefully you'll be talking to a lawyer about this. A bipolar person who refuses to take meds can be a serious risk as parent. I'm also not going to say 'get over it' either. You are right, that is a hard thing to do.
nobmagnet Posted April 4, 2010 Posted April 4, 2010 Oh poor you ((hugs)) My cousin is bi-polar and so I have a little insight. She lives in her own little world and bumps along ok when taking her meds. When she doesnt she is a nightmare. You cant reason with her she belives whats in her head is telling her and you just have to watch this whole selfdistuct button infront of you. My cousin has resently had a baby and she is worse than ever. Having a baby plays havock if your well but to be Bi-polar too its awful. I understand you love this girl but you need to consentrate on your son and his wellbeing. If she is having an episode there is a chance your baby will be taken into care. Please get advise as to wether you can have more custodial rights given her illness. You son comes a long way before her. He has to be ur priority from now on. Best of luck honey Nobby xx
LisaUk Posted April 4, 2010 Posted April 4, 2010 Hi Howcouldshe Good to see you decided to come on over to this board. As much as you are tempted to drop out of school and as hard as it is to concentrate right now, it would be ther worst thing you can do IMO. That little boy needs his Daddy to be strong and able to provide for him, school is your best chance of doing that. Don't give her all that control over you, don't let her ruin your education.
Author HowCouldShe Posted April 5, 2010 Author Posted April 5, 2010 Ugh... went over last night and her new guy was on the couch. She's was making him dinner and I had to give my son up to them. God this pain I have NEVER felt. I'm supposed to function now and go to work and school every day. And move on. That's what everyone says yet my world around me is falling apart. He's fat and ugly and she can do so much better. What is wrong with her! This is absolute hell. I need to keep my phone off because I dont want to hear from that w*ore! I just took a Xanax and hopefully will be able to make it through the day let alone the week....
Author HowCouldShe Posted April 9, 2010 Author Posted April 9, 2010 (edited) Just thought I would give you guys an update. It was a really rough week to say the least. But i've started to get my act together. After taking the day off work on Tuesday I decided to go ahead and set some up some therapy appointments so I can get rid of some apparent abadonment issues ive had. I've also joined a gym. I've decided to postpone school for the next 2 semesters to concentrate on myself and getting my life back together. This gives me time to have my counseling as well as attend the gym daily and see my son more during the week! I used to workout religiously but within the past year it was all about her, eating out with fast food, and the baby. Now i've joined a new gym and plan on getting in excellent shape. When we had the baby in January I was at 250.... i've since lost 30lbs and as of yesterday was 220lbs! My goal is to get back into the 190-200lb range and tone up. That way everytime she sees me she can look at her new fat boyfriend (who is NOT the father of her baby) and realize how badly she messed up!!! Finally, i've gotten in contact w/ a new lawyer who specializes in custody cases and although he charges a pretty penny I feel much more confident retaining him throughout this time. Oh and btw, I received the paternity results in yesterday and he is IN FACT mine! (Well, 99.98% they say...) Edited April 9, 2010 by HowCouldShe
LucreziaBorgia Posted April 9, 2010 Posted April 9, 2010 Oh and btw, I received the paternity results in yesterday and he is IN FACT mine! (Well, 99.98% they say...) Yep, it is now time for that lawyer. One step at a time.
LisaUk Posted April 9, 2010 Posted April 9, 2010 Hi, that's great news about the paternitiy test! :bunny: It sounds like you are doing good, working to keep yourself busy and getting therapy will be a huge help. Good for you on getting the lawyer, your child needs stability and that is something you can provide when his mother who is constantly off and on her meds may not be able to. Keep posting.
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