caseinpoint Posted April 4, 2010 Posted April 4, 2010 This is an offshoot of "[COLOR=#990000]Do most ment in their 30s and 40s[/COLOR]" (like to date younger girls). I know a guy dating a girl about 15 years his junior. After knowing that, I've started seeing him in a different, not-so-good light (even though I know better not to judge). I just see him as someone who wants the young chicks. He's shown some interest in me and I think it's because I'm about 10 years younger. So add all these together, to me, he's just someone who only goes for young skirts. Do other women think the same way as me? Would you be put off by a guy with such a history? Any men on LS can recall a history of only going out with much younger women?
aerogurl87 Posted April 4, 2010 Posted April 4, 2010 I find that to be creepy. Any guy who ONLY dates women who are 10+ years younger than them and exude the not so wonderful characteristics often associated with men who have "daddy" syndrome, are extremely creepy to me and I stay far far away from them.
troggleputty Posted April 4, 2010 Posted April 4, 2010 How do I feel towards guys like that? Envious.
zebracolors Posted April 4, 2010 Posted April 4, 2010 Yeah Id be put off by it, but then again if, in a hypothetical situation, a guy who was about the same age as me told me I was too old for his tastes it would not matter what I thought anyway. Thats why for me, my preferences for younger would be he'd have to be WITHIN 10 years younger than my 34 years, so my cut off would be around 25 or so. Anything younger would be too much like dating my nephew, too creepy.
Author caseinpoint Posted April 4, 2010 Author Posted April 4, 2010 I really don't understand. The guy that I know seems like the most normal person so he's the last person on earth that I would think have such a "daddy syndrome." If there are these women who find it creepy to go out with a much older dude, why do we still see so many of them?
SincereOnlineGuy Posted April 4, 2010 Posted April 4, 2010 This is an offshoot of "[COLOR=#990000]Do most ment in their 30s and 40s[/COLOR]" (like to date younger girls). I know a guy dating a girl about 15 years his junior. After knowing that, I've started seeing him in a different, not-so-good light (even though I know better not to judge). I just see him as someone who wants the young chicks. He's shown some interest in me and I think it's because I'm about 10 years younger. So add all these together, to me, he's just someone who only goes for young skirts. Do other women think the same way as me? Would you be put off by a guy with such a history? Any men on LS can recall a history of only going out with much younger women? You aren't being specific enough. Is he 24 and she "9"? or is he 70 and her 55?? Generally, you're right in that guys who routinely date much younger women have unappealing traits common to one another, mostly centered around confidence issues. HOWEVER, when a random, innocent, and decent girl first lives a life of considerable abuses at the hands of her father, or a much older acquaintance or other family member, and THEN enters adulthood... it IS perfectly OK that sheeeeeeeeeee is drawn considerably to much older guys. That's just how psychology works. The young girls like that didn't do anything "wrong", and there have to be avenues via which those innocent young adult females CAN be drawn to and able to date (some long term) older guys. So if we sit here and decide that no older guys should ever be respected whilst presently dating a much younger woman, then we've basically let that girl down as a society once, and then let her down a second time by automatically scorning anybody to whom she would be romantically drawn as an adult. Furthermore, if some guy of 50 is routinely hitting on women between 25 and 30, we simply must hold him in higher regard than we would any 24yo trying to do anything with a 9yo girl. If we don't respect our laws, then why should we imagine anybody else doing so? (the "18yo" line is there for a reason)
Author caseinpoint Posted April 4, 2010 Author Posted April 4, 2010 She's in her mid 20s and he in his early 40s. She's quite a looker and he's not too bad himself. But still. What do you mean that the guys' unappealing traits are mostly centered around confidence issues? You mean he has low self esteem? She's from a poorer country, though I'm not sure her family is destitude so I don't think she's only looking for a passport out. You aren't being specific enough. Is he 24 and she "9"? or is he 70 and her 55?? Generally, you're right in that guys who routinely date much younger women have unappealing traits common to one another, mostly centered around confidence issues. HOWEVER, when a random, innocent, and decent girl first lives a life of considerable abuses at the hands of her father, or a much older acquaintance or other family member, and THEN enters adulthood... it IS perfectly OK that sheeeeeeeeeee is drawn considerably to much older guys. That's just how psychology works. The young girls like that didn't do anything "wrong", and there have to be avenues via which those innocent young adult females CAN be drawn to and able to date (some long term) older guys. So if we sit here and decide that no older guys should ever be respected whilst presently dating a much younger woman, then we've basically let that girl down as a society once, and then let her down a second time by automatically scorning anybody to whom she would be romantically drawn as an adult. Furthermore, if some guy of 50 is routinely hitting on women between 25 and 30, we simply must hold him in higher regard than we would any 24yo trying to do anything with a 9yo girl. If we don't respect our laws, then why should we imagine anybody else doing so? (the "18yo" line is there for a reason)
SincereOnlineGuy Posted April 5, 2010 Posted April 5, 2010 She's in her mid 20s and he in his early 40s. She's quite a looker and he's not too bad himself. But still. What do you mean that the guys' unappealing traits are mostly centered around confidence issues? You mean he has low self esteem? She's from a poorer country, though I'm not sure her family is destitude so I don't think she's only looking for a passport out. The last part raises the possibility that she is more "looking for a passport" IN, vs. out. (would that be IN to the U.S. by chance?) And, generally speaking, remember when you were in 5th grade, and there was some guy in your class who would always opt to go and play kickball with the 3rd graders rather than play sports with your class at recess? Well nothing assures or suggests that he is/was a "bad" guy for merely playing with the 3rd graders, BUT he was gaining something from the fact that THEY tended to look up to him as "one of the big kids". When playing sports vs. other 5th graders he wasn't very good, and he didn't feel very confident about himself there. The same vibes work later in life when he's a 39yo guy possibly dating a 24yo girl. The 39yo may have a place of his own, and a steady job at which he has worked for many years. The 24yo might still be living at home, might be deeply in debt as the result of college loans, and she might envy the relative "success" she perceived the older guy to have. He, as a 39yo, isn't confident enough to date women his own age because perhaps they tend to be even more successful than he is, career-wise, and/or they tend to have tastes which run toward males who are much more successful than he is. Again, he is NOT automatically a bad guy given these factors, but I don't think you should see his social game as just being part of the hunt (or even a preference) for young p****.
Author caseinpoint Posted April 5, 2010 Author Posted April 5, 2010 Yup, a poorer country to the U.S. He's a good person but that part about going for younger women makes me question a part of it. I know that doesn't make a person bad but it just, I don't even know how to describe. I guess I wonder what he sees in her or she in him. The last part raises the possibility that she is more "looking for a passport" IN, vs. out. (would that be IN to the U.S. by chance?) And, generally speaking, remember when you were in 5th grade, and there was some guy in your class who would always opt to go and play kickball with the 3rd graders rather than play sports with your class at recess? Well nothing assures or suggests that he is/was a "bad" guy for merely playing with the 3rd graders, BUT he was gaining something from the fact that THEY tended to look up to him as "one of the big kids". When playing sports vs. other 5th graders he wasn't very good, and he didn't feel very confident about himself there. The same vibes work later in life when he's a 39yo guy possibly dating a 24yo girl. The 39yo may have a place of his own, and a steady job at which he has worked for many years. The 24yo might still be living at home, might be deeply in debt as the result of college loans, and she might envy the relative "success" she perceived the older guy to have. He, as a 39yo, isn't confident enough to date women his own age because perhaps they tend to be even more successful than he is, career-wise, and/or they tend to have tastes which run toward males who are much more successful than he is. Again, he is NOT automatically a bad guy given these factors, but I don't think you should see his social game as just being part of the hunt (or even a preference) for young p****.
PhillySpecial Posted April 5, 2010 Posted April 5, 2010 I'm wondering what the big mystery is... he's doing this because he can. You said she's a beautiful woman, so that's why he's dating her. Men are usually led by the little head when comes to a choice of who to date. Why not go for a younger hot woman? To a lot of men it makes them feel younger themselves. A young woman is like a trophy. I don't necessarily think it's creepy though, just a sign of the times. I mean is George Clooney creepy, these guys just do it because they can no mystery there. As for her motives, by your description he's attractive and I don't remember if you mentioned whether he has a good job. But a successful, attractive older male is quite a catch. Early 40's is still relatively young in guys years, young enough to still start a family but old enough for financial stabiity. But chances are he's not looking for anything serious, if you know him for jumping from one young babe to the next.
gypsy_nicky Posted April 5, 2010 Posted April 5, 2010 If the men are going for pre pubescent girls then I deem them with disgust. But if the girl is within legal age of dating, then there really isn't a problem. It's a matter of social approval and the current conservative laws of age of consent. Also, younger does not mean naive or less able (intellectually etc). We should stop overly patronizing the young.
SarahRose Posted April 5, 2010 Posted April 5, 2010 Yup, a poorer country to the U.S. He's a good person but that part about going for younger women makes me question a part of it. I know that doesn't make a person bad but it just, I don't even know how to describe. I guess I wonder what he sees in her or she in him. They will be on a forum like this posting 6 months after they marry that she... gasps...is acting like a teenager and is always wanting him to buy her things and send money home to her family.
EasyHeart Posted April 5, 2010 Posted April 5, 2010 The key word in your question is "only". Has this guy really said "I will never, ever, under any circumstances, date anyone older than 25"? I doubt it. I'm in my mid-40s and have dated many women in their 20s. And in their 40s. Philly nailed it: the reason is that I can. The major appeal of younger women is that they are single. At least where I live, finding a 40 year old woman who is single, attractive, and not overly burdened with baggage and psychological damage is like searching for the Holy Grail. And just because a woman is 25 doesn't mean she's a bimbo. The women I've dated are lawyers, MBAs, MFAs, doctors -- they're not stupid, they're not looking for a Daddy, and I've never had to put a gun to their head to get a date. They just like what an older man has to offer. And frankly, I find that I have a lot more in common with a 28 year old lawyer who's never been married than I do with a 40 year old housewife with 3 kids and an alcoholic ex-husband. I think it's ridiculous to assume that anyone who dares to step outside the bounds of what you think is "normal" dating has some kind of psychological issue. I know a lot of people impose "rules" on who they would date (He must be over 6'0". He must make six figures. He must be between 34 and 37). But when I meet a woman, I think about whether she is pretty, smart and interesting, not how old she is. I'm sure there are many women who think the same way about men.
bayouboi Posted April 5, 2010 Posted April 5, 2010 Younger women are more appealing because they tend to have healthier babies.
ADF Posted April 5, 2010 Posted April 5, 2010 In my experience, men who CONSISTENTLY go after much younger women have some serious control issues. Sure, they like sex with nubile young bodies. But they also like being with women they consider less savvy, who they can more easily manipulate. I've even known some guys who seemed determined to make their sweet young things dependent on them financially. It is a bit creepy.
Author caseinpoint Posted April 5, 2010 Author Posted April 5, 2010 He has a stable job though not a career to write home about. She's in the service industry. I don't remember him having a girlfriend in the recent past so this probably is the one. That's why I'm curious as to what he sees in her. Since I'm around her age group, maybe I should look for men much older than me. I'm wondering what the big mystery is... he's doing this because he can. You said she's a beautiful woman, so that's why he's dating her. Men are usually led by the little head when comes to a choice of who to date. Why not go for a younger hot woman? To a lot of men it makes them feel younger themselves. A young woman is like a trophy. I don't necessarily think it's creepy though, just a sign of the times. I mean is George Clooney creepy, these guys just do it because they can no mystery there. As for her motives, by your description he's attractive and I don't remember if you mentioned whether he has a good job. But a successful, attractive older male is quite a catch. Early 40's is still relatively young in guys years, young enough to still start a family but old enough for financial stabiity. But chances are he's not looking for anything serious, if you know him for jumping from one young babe to the next.
Scottdmw Posted April 5, 2010 Posted April 5, 2010 What I always find interesting is whoever said it is good to date someone the same age? This is just sort of taken for a given in our culture today, it's like everybody has an idea that someone should be their age plus or minus X, where X is usually 3-5 years. But, it's not that way in most other cultures. Most cultures throughout the world, and throughout history, have typically thought it was normal for the man to be somewhat older. In those cultures it would be unusual for a man to date a woman his own age. Are all those cultures ignorant or misinformed, are they hopelessly behind the times compared to our much superior culture? I doubt it, I think they understand human nature just as well or better than we do. Even in our culture now where we pay lipservice to the idea that people should be the same age, if you look at the actual statistics on people who get married the average is that the man is older by several years, and the older the two people get the greater the gap becomes on average. This is what people actually choose to do, but it seems like in many cases they are made to feel bad about it because of this idea that people should be near the same age. This is an idea whose basis is way more in ivory tower intellectualism, in a list of “shoulds” that people have made up and put out, than real-world experience. I wouldn't say that it should be anything goes like a 50-year-old dating a 20-year-old or something. But, I think it should be recognized that it is completely normal, not unusual, and certainly not bad, for the man to be somewhat older. (Neither am I going to turn around and say that if the woman happens to be older that's bad either, though it is statistically less common) Scott
Fouts Posted April 5, 2010 Posted April 5, 2010 Obviously there are plenty of exceptions where May/December romances work out great in every respect. In general though it's pretty safe to say there's usually an underlying emotional or physical insecurity that inhibits the person's ability to relate to someone in their own age group.
Jersey Shortie Posted April 5, 2010 Posted April 5, 2010 Hey, well said Fouts. I don't see anything wrong with dating younger or older. However, if all you date is a certain age group, I think there are some issue there and yes, I would steer clear of this kind of person. I only know of two people in my age group that date older men. A girlfriend who divorced her older husband because he couldn't keep up and had jealously control issues, and me. Majority of my friends date around their age. With women supporting themselves more, women don't need to settle for older men. Plus, alot of older men today aren't all that more mature then then younger counterparts.
Author caseinpoint Posted April 5, 2010 Author Posted April 5, 2010 Could you elaborate on why you date older men, if I may ask? Hey, well said Fouts. I don't see anything wrong with dating younger or older. However, if all you date is a certain age group, I think there are some issue there and yes, I would steer clear of this kind of person. I only know of two people in my age group that date older men. A girlfriend who divorced her older husband because he couldn't keep up and had jealously control issues, and me. Majority of my friends date around their age. With women supporting themselves more, women don't need to settle for older men. Plus, alot of older men today aren't all that more mature then then younger counterparts.
Author caseinpoint Posted April 5, 2010 Author Posted April 5, 2010 The guy I know is surrounded by women around his age group or a little younger. He chose someone more than 10 years younger. Not saying whether it's right or wrong. Of course she could be perfect for him in terms of everything. It's not for anyone but them to judge. I'm just trying to understand his psyche and the psychology behind May/December relationships.
Jersey Shortie Posted April 5, 2010 Posted April 5, 2010 Caseinpoint, are you interested in having a may/december romance? To me it sounds like you might be. I dated older men for a variety of reasons. Oppertunity to do it. Attraction. They seeked me out, I didn't seek them out. They took me on more expensive dates that were alot of fun. I have daddy issues that I admit to and wanted that father figure that would make up for the ways my dad lacked. (That's not to say my dad was a bad dad, just that there were certain areas he made himself unreachable and that affected me. I still love him very much. So any dad here make sure to be open and affectionate with your daughter, and respect her mother and women. You have a big affect on how she views and relates to men.) Older men aren't better then younger ones. They are just different. What I have learned is that you just get a different set of relationship issues with older ones then you do with younger guys or guys your own age. Such as the younger guy might party too much with his friends but the older guy thinks it's fun to talk about stock options. As I got older, men my age became more exciting. Perhaps because I spent time with older men and they were no longer a thrill. The mystery was gone. There were also many age related issues that would pop up. Although, I never dated a guy that just dated younger women. That's a huge turn off, even to a younger woman. It would be like me dating them just for their money. And we all see how much men like that aorund here. Even the guy that pull 40K a year and bemoan golddiggers.
Author caseinpoint Posted April 5, 2010 Author Posted April 5, 2010 LOL. I'm not particularly looking for a May/December romance. I'm more interested for something I'm doing for psychology. I like older men though, just not necessarily a lot older. Have you dated younger men? Caseinpoint, are you interested in having a may/december romance? To me it sounds like you might be. I dated older men for a variety of reasons. Oppertunity to do it. Attraction. They seeked me out, I didn't seek them out. They took me on more expensive dates that were alot of fun. I have daddy issues that I admit to and wanted that father figure that would make up for the ways my dad lacked. (That's not to say my dad was a bad dad, just that there were certain areas he made himself unreachable and that affected me. I still love him very much. So any dad here make sure to be open and affectionate with your daughter, and respect her mother and women. You have a big affect on how she views and relates to men.) Older men aren't better then younger ones. They are just different. What I have learned is that you just get a different set of relationship issues with older ones then you do with younger guys or guys your own age. Such as the younger guy might party too much with his friends but the older guy thinks it's fun to talk about stock options. Although, I never dated a guy that just dated younger women. That's a huge turn off, even to a younger woman. It would be like me dating them just for their money. And we all see how much men like that aorund here. Even the guy that pull 40K a year and bemoan golddiggers.
In_Repair Posted April 5, 2010 Posted April 5, 2010 I'm 34 and I only date women between the ages of 18 and dead... My girlfriend is 13 years younger than me. I'm with her because I love her. Should I type slower? B e c a u s e w e l o v e e a c h o t h e r...
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