cg27 Posted April 4, 2010 Posted April 4, 2010 (edited) I am at peace because I know the answer my ex gf gave me, but I am still struggling some days. A little over view on what happened. I dated my ex gf for about 2 years. We were very love, and did discuss marriage in the past. We had our up’s and downs like any relationship. I gave it all in the beginning, and took a little bit more then I gave in the end. We had a bad argument about her still living at home, not wanting to move in with me, other stupid things in the past. I told her she needs to become more independent, and why is she so afraid of living together. We the conclusion of this argument ended with us taking a break. I am the one who asked for it. Once we got back on track a few weeks later we were not in a relationship anymore. But we agreed we would date. After a month or so I was told to **** or get off the pot. So I took a few weeks, and bought her a huge diamond. She told me I don’t know yet. I need time to think about it. Then she told me she was playing a game showing me what I was missing, and never thought I would come through and buy her a diamond. Well to her surprise I did, and it took me 6 weeks to get the answer “right now is not the right time for me, and I am not ready to get married” . After she told me no her last words were I love you, your an amazing person, and then she kissed me unexpectedly. I respect the fact that she told me she is not ready, and that she did not take the diamond, and run. It was a 3 carat diamond, and worth a lot. But why would she tell me to **** or get off the pot if she was not ready? Why would she put me through all this? But I struggle with the fact that she. A. She is not being serious about several things B. Says she things between us someday will work. “I have all intentions when I am ready to date to go out and date” I will not be waiting around. But I know it will take me time to get over this. C. Told me if this was so important to me I would have bought a diamond, and the next day talked to her parents, and proposed to her at her parents’ house… she is 30 not 18 D. I asked her what she missed about us the most… her answer was me in bed. I have been in NC with her for almost 2 months until the other day I responded to a text. (she has sent 3 in 2 months) She did inquire about having sex from time to time, and wanted to know if we could share one last special moment together. I wanted to say yes so badly, but I need to tell her you get all of me or none of me. Every time I see her, and she talks about sex, or a romantic part of us. My feelings for her flood right back out, and I am upset for a week or more. I love this girl so much, but I am getting nothing accomplished with her. I know I did everything I could to make it up to her. I listened to her wants, and needs. I am not OK with the answer she gave me, but I have to accept it, and know I did everything in my heart to get a second chance. I also know I can never tell myself I did not try. I am going to begin giving her an unlimited about of time, and space, and be in complete NC with her. She knows where I live if she needs to beat my door down telling me she made a mistake. I don’t want to be so upset about this all the time. The one thing I have learned is there is absolutely nothing you can do to make a situation like this better. I am getting better, but it is still so hard. What else can I do to ease the pain? Edited April 4, 2010 by cg27
Tamia78 Posted April 4, 2010 Posted April 4, 2010 I'm sorry you are having to deal with that. You know, I really don't know what else there is that we could do. I have the exact same feelings as you do (re: wondering what else I should do to get over the ex). I guess at the moment it's just a waiting game until we feel good enough not to cry when we think of them. It sounds like you are satisfied with your part in the relationship, and that's a good thing. Keep that in your head. It's her loss, not yours. Maybe when she has finally realized that, you'll be healed, and finally over her. Here's hoping.... --T
dreamingoftigers Posted April 4, 2010 Posted April 4, 2010 what a crappy deal! well the only thing I can think to recommend is to just keep busy until you notice you don't think of her as much. She sounds like she was a real waste of time. I know that is a harsh thing to say about someone you love, but it is true. If she is 30 and still not ready to move out of home or get married to someone she has been dating for 2 years and telling you to propose, she is a head case.
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