Lucky555 Posted April 3, 2010 Posted April 3, 2010 I don't think i look approachable. I went on a date with a guy a couple weeks ago and he made that comment. I'm a serious person in general. I have goals in my life. I work hard. I do the best i can at whatever I do. (my serious persona) Usually, I don't think about how i am presenting while in public because i am thinking of what i need to do next because I am on task with whatever is going on in my life. maybe because i don't look approachable to others is why men don't just walk up to me. I get compliments that i am attractive, smart, and funny when people engage in conversation with me. I admit I do not smile a lot. But i have not met many guys either which are worth my time getting to know. Another thing is where can i meet them! I thought about buying a laptop so I can take my work and do some studying at a coffee shop or luncheon place? Will this increase my chances? Lately I have not been very social with my friends because the ones who are single go to bars or clubs. I know this is not going to help me out and I don't like drinking and then having to drive home. (In my early 20's) I also think i have been choosing the wrong men. I have never had a decent boyfriend or dates! I don't understand what i am doing wrong. Guy 1: found out he was a father of a 10 yr old, didn't have his kid, drank a lot! Guy 2: was from another country, drank a lot, wanted to use me Guy 3: appeared to be a great guy, wanted to use me..i found out he had just ended a relationship with someone. Guy 4: was a compulsive liar, wanted to use me. Guy 5:one date, met him online, weirdo.(never doing online again) Guy 6: Thought things were going great till he became too busy. This one contacted me a couple times this week..Its been 16 days since i have initiated conversation because i have been trying to get over him. He is the one who initiated and i think he does it for an ego boost. Since he didn't seem to want a relationship i am not continuing to give him my attention. Now it really looks like i know how to choose guys . All of these guys have approached me. I have not slept with all these guys. However, how many more do i have to date!!!!! I view myself a quality person and none of these guys were even similar to me! Lastly, I have seen smart, attractive, funny girls i know have boyfriends which seem to have it all together, but end up single. These girls i think are such great people. They remind me of myself. One girl is more attractive than myself (extremely fit) and she has a sense of humor like no other. I felt so bad for her when i found out she was single. I think he dumped her. I just don't understand anymore.
crosswordfiend Posted April 4, 2010 Posted April 4, 2010 I thought about buying a laptop so I can take my work and do some studying at a coffee shop or luncheon place? Will this increase my chances? If you become a regular customer at a place you will start to notice the other people who frequent the place and vice versa. In this case it becomes much easier to strike up conversations with people. Also, if you befriend the staff at these establishments they can also introduce you to the other regulars. The most important thing is to find a shop with the crowd that you are interested in. Beware the laptop. In general it's a signal for do not disturb. With the screen flipped up it's a physical barrier in front of your face. I prefer to bring physical books and write with a pen and paper but I realize that it's not the norm these days.
SomewhatExperienced Posted April 4, 2010 Posted April 4, 2010 Usually, I don't think about how i am presenting while in public because i am thinking of what i need to do next because I am on task with whatever is going on in my life. You may show this in the way you present yourself. Some people just appear very zoned into whatever they are doing and it screams DO NOT DISTURB! My guess is you may come off as a very intense person who's quite focused. it reminds me of a girl in my lecture that I had a crush on. She was very attractive, but always sat by herself and looked into her laptop and I never saw her smile. She simply did not seem approachable. I eventually got up the nerve to chat with her and she was actually very open a nice (turns out she had a boyfriend I'd say get yourself into social clubs (recreational sport leagues, book clubs, whatever floats your boat, but with people your age). Most of the time these groups end up going out for drinks afterwards and its a chance for you to open up and be comfortable, but without the pressure of trying to pick up or impress anyone. I've seen A LOT of people end up dating others they meet in these groups.
Author Lucky555 Posted April 4, 2010 Author Posted April 4, 2010 You may show this in the way you present yourself. Some people just appear very zoned into whatever they are doing and it screams DO NOT DISTURB! My guess is you may come off as a very intense person who's quite focused. it reminds me of a girl in my lecture that I had a crush on. She was very attractive, but always sat by herself and looked into her laptop and I never saw her smile. She simply did not seem approachable. I eventually got up the nerve to chat with her and she was actually very open a nice (turns out she had a boyfriend I'd say get yourself into social clubs (recreational sport leagues, book clubs, whatever floats your boat, but with people your age). Most of the time these groups end up going out for drinks afterwards and its a chance for you to open up and be comfortable, but without the pressure of trying to pick up or impress anyone. I've seen A LOT of people end up dating others they meet in these groups. I like this idea. It is a very good way to meet people. My classes are all female!! UGH! This is probably why I'm also having a hard time. I also don't have the time to belong to a club unless it was on the weekends and in my area not many people are "quality" people. The only places I have seen guys with good occupations is during lunch time ordering food because they are taking a break from work this is where my "laptop idea" came from. I could actually get work done, have lunch, and if i meet someone well that would be a plus. At my college there is also a lot of guys in the cafes getting food too. But its really hard to meet people ugh.
Author Lucky555 Posted April 4, 2010 Author Posted April 4, 2010 What exactly does "wanted to use me" mean here? sex or money or car
Author Lucky555 Posted April 4, 2010 Author Posted April 4, 2010 If you become a regular customer at a place you will start to notice the other people who frequent the place and vice versa. In this case it becomes much easier to strike up conversations with people. Also, if you befriend the staff at these establishments they can also introduce you to the other regulars. The most important thing is to find a shop with the crowd that you are interested in. Beware the laptop. In general it's a signal for do not disturb. With the screen flipped up it's a physical barrier in front of your face. I prefer to bring physical books and write with a pen and paper but I realize that it's not the norm these days. Ya, everything I do requires computer work. I do know a shop where there are guys I would be interested in. I will consider this because it just seems difficult to meet guys. A lot of people i have met are people whom i have worked with. Lots of people like my personality its just talking. Another option I thought of was working at a golf course. (Lots of guys play golf). Most healthy individuals i have met play golf. I'm still thinking.
SomewhatExperienced Posted April 5, 2010 Posted April 5, 2010 The only places I have seen guys with good occupations is during lunch time ordering food because they are taking a break from work this is where my "laptop idea" came from. I could actually get work done, have lunch, and if i meet someone well that would be a plus. At my college there is also a lot of guys in the cafes getting food too. But its really hard to meet people ugh. Forget about the I'm going to sit by myself with a laptop and hope some guy will approach me idea. Although it may work, I think you'll end up with far more days where nobody talks to you than days that a guy approaches you. This plan is far too passive. YOU have to go meet people and put yourself on the line and take some risks. Don't just wait and hope that others will do it for you.
boogieboy Posted April 5, 2010 Posted April 5, 2010 Its not difficult to meet guys. All you have to do is walk up to them and say "hi". If you dont plan on smiling all the time to look approachable, then you will continue to get guys that only take a challenge in chatting you up. Gotta change your ways if you want a different result.
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