TheWatcher Posted April 3, 2010 Posted April 3, 2010 Women,which one of these situations would cause you the most concern...when in the process of getting to know someone/potential mate ? Which would be the bigger red flag ? 1) Man in his mid-late 30's who's a virgin,never had any sort of relationship experience and is still awaiting his first kiss. OR 2) A loner type with no friends and no social circle what soever (just workplace acquaintances) Men,which one would cause you the most shame ? I'm assuming 1...having no friends/social circle isn't too worrisome for most guys.I don't think that friendships & having someone to talk to...is as important to men as it is to women.
melodymatters Posted April 4, 2010 Posted April 4, 2010 Now that sure was a roundabout way to phrase a question ! I think if the woman was a kind sort, and the guy was sweet, and honest and cute about it, scenario one could work out fine. Not that I particularily loved it, but they did make the movie: " The 40 yr old virgin". Scenario two,...eh...sometimes we don't have a lot of friends at that time or place in our lives, as long as one is friendly in general to the people he encounters. So, what gives ?
Steelrain21 Posted April 4, 2010 Posted April 4, 2010 As a guy, I'd say #1 would be the most embarrassing. There's plenty of reasons why a guy might end up with a situation like #2. They might have just relocated for a job and not had time to meet many people for example. Situation #1 just comes off as weird, because most people would assume that something is probably wrong with a person who has no sexual experience after 30 years.
123BeachFan Posted April 5, 2010 Posted April 5, 2010 I'd say, #1 is a big red flag while #2 is just a quirk (and not necessarily a red flag if everything else seems to be in balance). The 30-something guy who hasn't kissed a girl could easily come across as having some major social anxiety issues. I mean, that's not even commitment issues (a kiss hardly qualifies as a commitment). I mean, what would cause a man to avoid women to such an extent? The extreme social loner might have relationship issues where he doesn't know how to relate to a woman in a dating scenario, and that could be a problem.
Author TheWatcher Posted April 5, 2010 Author Posted April 5, 2010 The extreme social loner might have relationship issues where he doesn't know how to relate to a woman in a dating scenario, and that could be a problem. Great insight !! That could explain alot with regards to the first situation.
Rorschach Posted April 20, 2010 Posted April 20, 2010 Dead thread revival asside I'd like to point out that there is a personality type (common to about 11% of people) who LIKE being social loners. They probably don't have 0 friends, but maybe just 1 or 2 and are perfectly happy like that. Now there are alot more social loners who are loners because they have relationship problems, but not ALL #2 are bad guys, some just like their own company.
and.then.some Posted April 21, 2010 Posted April 21, 2010 Guy number #1 would be a major read flag. Waiting for his first kiss in his mid-30s? Guy number #2 wouldn't really bother me if he seemed like an okay guy. Friends fight and grow apart, schedules become hectic. There could be any number of reasons why he only has business acquaintances.
phineas Posted April 21, 2010 Posted April 21, 2010 I think the red flag is on the person attracted to either of these guys. LOL!
LittleMissWonder Posted April 21, 2010 Posted April 21, 2010 I am going to go against the grain here and say that #2 is a bigger red flag. Having no social network likely indicates a communication issue. Communication is one of the most important aspects of a successful relationship. How can we expect a strong relationship with a person who doesn't have other relationships like friendship? There is also a risk here that he will be clingy. It is a lot easier to teach a person how to kiss and have sex than to teach a person how to communicate with other people. Anyway, you didn't say WHY he has been single into his 30's. It is not enough information to discount him. Most likely, he has a communication issue too. But that communication issue is with women specifically, not necessarily humans in general. Once he breaks past that nervousness of meeting women, he will have the experience and of his other relationships to make it work. The loner, on the other hand, may be good in bed... but his lack of relationships with other people would be a red flag for ANY relationship, including a romantic one. In my opinion. Of course, it all depends on the specifics. But based on the minimal information that was given, I'd have to say that I am more concerned about a person who has trouble getting close with others than I am about a person who hasn't gotten laid. If more information was supplied, I may reassess my opinion!
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