julkat Posted April 3, 2010 Posted April 3, 2010 I have been dating a wonderful man for 10 months. We have talked of marriage. I am in the process of divorcing after being separated for 2.5 years, and he is in the processess of divorcing after being separated for 5 years. However, he and his wife own a business together. And she has had a mental breakdown, tried to kill herself, drinks heavily, suffers from depression, etc. About 4 months after we started dating he attended a wedding with his ex-wife - it was the daughter of one of their employees and my boyfriend's wife asked him not to bring me as she wasn't ready to accept that he's permanently moving on. I agreed to not go out of respect for their employee and my boyfriend's feelings on this matter. They ended up in bed together. I found out, and he begged me to understand that she had promised him that if he gave her that one final day she would let go of him and respect that he's moving on. I have since agreed to continue dating him on the understanding that he and his wife have to find ways to communicate and deal with each other that function for them and I will determine if these ways work for me. I've known all along that they have an email account that they use for personal issues pertaining to their children, finances, divorce, etc. Under any other circumstances this wouldn't bother me, but it feels as if he's got another relationship on the go that I'm not party to. His life is an open book to me, and if I asked for permission to view the emails he would certainly give it. We get along so excellently, have so much fun together, love each other, our families are happy for us, we have lots of friends. He totally fills my bucket. I keep wondering if I will ever get past this infidelity and trust him again? There are days when I get really down and yet, most of the time, I'm totally happy with out life. Do any of you have any thoughts on my situation? Thanks
Bejita463 Posted April 3, 2010 Posted April 3, 2010 she had promised him that if he gave her that one final day she would let go of him and respect that he's moving on. So in other words, he isn't even taking responsibility for his own actions. I don't think I could forgive cheating, and I've tried in the past, but there is absolutely no way I'd even consider forgiving it if they wouldn't even own the mistake. She doesn't have to respect a damn thing, and as they have kids, what is "letting go" supposed to mean? He can't even stay faithful to you for a full year, and you are still considering marrying this tool? When you are considering that, consider also that apparently yours isn't the only bucket he likes to fill. What happens next time that poor guy is forced to stick his penis in another woman? Is it going to be okay then too?
hopesndreams Posted April 3, 2010 Posted April 3, 2010 but it feels as if he's got another relationship on the go that I'm not party to. His life is an open book to me, and if I asked for permission to view the emails he would certainly give it. You feel like he has another relationship going because he does. They are in business together, they are not divorced and they stay in constant contact with each other and you can bet all communication isn't about just the kids and the impending divorce. He has now been 5 years separated from her. What gives? If his life is such an open book, why didn't he ring you and let you know he was going to bed his wife? You say you found out about it. How? He didn't confess. He had hidden it from you and would have continued to do so, right? This R doesn't sound excellent to me. Would your friends and family still be happy for you if they knew about his cheating?
reservoirdog1 Posted April 3, 2010 Posted April 3, 2010 About 4 months after we started dating he attended a wedding with his ex-wife - it was the daughter of one of their employees and my boyfriend's wife asked him not to bring me as she wasn't ready to accept that he's permanently moving on. I agreed to not go out of respect for their employee and my boyfriend's feelings on this matter. They ended up in bed together. I found out, and he begged me to understand that she had promised him that if he gave her that one final day she would let go of him and respect that he's moving on. That's the point at which you should've dumped his ass, if you ask me.
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