Notsogood Posted April 3, 2010 Posted April 3, 2010 (edited) Probably the most cliche question - will the pain from a breakup ever end? I've been broken up (i'm the dumpee) for 10 months now with NC for the last 8 months. We were together 5 and half years so looking back now, I'm quite proud of myself for maintaining nc after the first two months of hell. I went through all the emotions for the first six months and slipped into very severe depression which I did not think I would ever get out of. I lost 15 kgs in the first three months. However, I suprised myself and managed to pick myself up. I kept busy at work and started training at the gym often and playing alot of sports. In fact, I am in the best shape of my life now. I stopped thinking of her every day during the last two months and could have honestly said that I was happily single. All was going well until about three four weeks ago when she popped up in my head. There was no catalyst or anything that I can think of that could have brought this on. I Have maintained strict nc for more than six months now and packed away all the photos and momentos in my room a while back. Now I find myself thinking of her daily again and she has appear in my dreams frequently as well. I thought I was past this but it feels like I might be slipping into depression again. Did I "get over" her too quick? Is it normal to have this "relapse"? Will I always carry these feelings forever? I can see myself going downhill from here again and I don't think I can survive that experience again. I've tried everything now to keep my mind clear and I'm now running out of options. Please share your experiences. Edited April 3, 2010 by Notsogood
Austen Posted April 3, 2010 Posted April 3, 2010 I still have dreams about a guy I dated for only three months eight years ago... Of all the men I dated, he by far broke my heart the worst. It took me a good year after we broke up to feel like I was functioning even somewhat normally again. Not sure what it was about him over all the others that had such a hold on me. Who knows why the mind and heart react the way they do sometimes? Yes, it will get better. But you're gonna have times like now when the pain feels fresh again. Just keep telling yourself to let go of her and breathe. It's okay to hurt, just don't let it consume you. For me, talking to a good counselor was a huge turning point. Good for you for filling your time and getting in awesome shape. You'll get through this, and you will be happy again.
Sevenscars Posted April 3, 2010 Posted April 3, 2010 You'll find that one day, you will wake up and not feel the pain. After a bit, you'll realize that you don't feel any pain, and wonder why you were even hurting in the first place. That's when you get over it, and it DOES happen no matter what any naysayer tries to tell you. TIME IS ON YOUR SIDE
Author Notsogood Posted April 3, 2010 Author Posted April 3, 2010 You'll find that one day, you will wake up and not feel the pain. After a bit, you'll realize that you don't feel any pain, and wonder why you were even hurting in the first place. That's when you get over it, and it DOES happen no matter what any naysayer tries to tell you. TIME IS ON YOUR SIDE The thing is, I did get to the stage where I did not think of her at all and Was quite happy. It's only recently that i have been thinking of her again and I don't know why.
DustySaltus Posted April 3, 2010 Posted April 3, 2010 There's nothing wrong with having memories. I knew after my breakup (which was a bad, bad one) I needed the help of a therapist. They will help you to get to the bottom of why you are feeling the way you do and figure out a solution to help that specific problem. It's done me wonders and I am enjoying myself a lot better these days. Have you thought about doing this? I was with someone for as long as you were a while back and I can honestly say i'm glad things worked out the way they did because she wasn't the one for me in the long term. I was young and I was blinded by love and a willingness to do whatever it takes to make it work. These issues are very powerful, almost powerful enough to separate you from your true self if you let it. We can't ever let someone else define who we are and we should never think that because someone else decided to quit on things rather than make them work, it's our fault. These emotions that you have inside of you are such a powerful force. You'ce channeled them into being in the best shape of your life and doing things to improve YOU. You're on the right track. Keep building that confidence and people will notice, especially women on the lookout for a good dude. Good luck.
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