Lizzie60 Posted April 3, 2010 Posted April 3, 2010 I just started training a new girl at my job. She has been telling me about how great her fiance is. Apparently, he has a specific day every month that is dedicated to her. He makes sure that she is completely appreciated on that day. I was a little skeptical, considering most guys (well any that I know of) don't do that. Today, he brought me flowers to show his appreciation for the fact that I have taken my time to train her. Is he an alien? From another planet? Where do I find these types of guys? Hahaha.. maybe he's not so perfect after all.. maybe he had other motives to send you these flowers .
TaraMaiden Posted April 3, 2010 Posted April 3, 2010 (edited) In theory there is nothing wrong with this but we all know how women treat these kinds of men. I would not be shocked if she ended up dumping him or cheating on him with some bad boy. She has mentioned that he can sometimes be 'too nice' for her. But she also just turned 18, so I don't think she is fully capable of appreciating that type of man. Shame you answered him, Erica... he's getting battered in his own thread, so he thought he'd come and stir crap up here. Ignore him, everyone. Edited April 4, 2010 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
SaintDragon Posted April 3, 2010 Posted April 3, 2010 In theory there is nothing wrong with this but we all know how women treat these kinds of men. I would not be shocked if she ended up dumping him or cheating on him with some bad boy. I'm not sure if you're a troll or not.... I had to leave your other thread a while ago before I lost control..don't come in other people's thread to spread your messages of woman hating. Movie Crasher #2...how are you?.... I just wish you were more my age, cause I'd bring you some flowers too:love: Hang in there and stop stressing...you're still a kid..so go have fun and stuff.
Mandeep Posted April 3, 2010 Posted April 3, 2010 The reason more of those guys don't exist is that being that guy never works out in the long run. Its pure natural selection. Guys are that way, they get cheated on for some bad boy, they stop being that guy. Its all perfect and romantic, until it gets to be boring and no longer a challenge.
A O Posted April 3, 2010 Posted April 3, 2010 Ok, let me put it this way. How do you know that he is a people pleaser? Because apart from going overboard with his g/f, he's also gone out of his way to show appreciation to someone he doesn't even know! But anyway, it doesn't matter, he's only 18. Maybe it pleases him to show his appreciation? Of course, but that's not the point. He's over gratifying and no one can keep that up for long. Also, in situations like these, he'll never be sure whether he's liked for who he is (i.e. more than just a giver) or for what he does. And one more thing, as I inferred to before, you can never be too sure about the flip side of people like this. Very thoughtful people can possess a rather dark side. .
shadowplay Posted April 3, 2010 Posted April 3, 2010 (edited) My boyfriend is like this. He's about as close to perfect as it gets. Sometimes I'm amazed by how giving, functional and solid he is. I used to believe guys like this (not to be confused with doormats) only existed in Hollywood movies, but apparently there are a few out there. The easiest way to find them is follow your gut. If a guy exudes that warmth and psychological health from a distance, try to get to know him (that's what I did). And if you ever find a guy like this hold on to him! Edited April 3, 2010 by shadowplay
SaintDragon Posted April 3, 2010 Posted April 3, 2010 My god..the kid brings his GF's friend some flowers to show appreciation....who cares..he's a kid and trying to impress his GF and friends. Sounds like a good kid....still learning, but a good kid.
Tres Posted April 3, 2010 Posted April 3, 2010 I just started training a new girl at my job. She has been telling me about how great her fiance is. Apparently, he has a specific day every month that is dedicated to her. He makes sure that she is completely appreciated on that day. I was a little skeptical, considering most guys (well any that I know of) don't do that. Today, he brought me flowers to show his appreciation for the fact that I have taken my time to train her. Is he an alien? From another planet? Where do I find these types of guys? Where are the evidence that he is perfect? A specal day and the flowers are very superficial things to do. Many players will do it with ease.
shadowplay Posted April 3, 2010 Posted April 3, 2010 (edited) What kind of world do we live in where people try to find the pathology behind a simple gesture of kindness? For all the guys saying that the sweetness will get beaten out of him.. The difference between a true nice guy and a doormat is that the former will continue to do nice things for people even if his actions sometimes go unappreciated simply because he is a warm person who enjoys giving. Even if he gets rejected by some young women who are looking for a bad boy, he will continue to be who he is. What will change is that he'll be less likely to seek out unhealthy women who will not appreciate him. My boyfriend is like this. He was used and rejected by a few previous girlfriends, but he didn't change himself because of that. He just became pickier about the girls he pursued. I'm glad he didn't change himself, because now he has someone who loves and appreciates him for who he is. A doormat is an opportunist with little integrity. Once he's embittered by enough rejection, he will easily flip to the other end of the spectrum. He will either continue to see out the same drama-driven women, providing them the bad boy behavior they thrive on, or he will start looking for submissive, low self-esteem women who will put up with whatever shiat he flings at them. Edited April 3, 2010 by shadowplay
Bejita463 Posted April 3, 2010 Posted April 3, 2010 Apparently, he has a specific day every month that is dedicated to her. He makes sure that she is completely appreciated on that day. ... That's genius. I am so stealing that idea.
SaintDragon Posted April 3, 2010 Posted April 3, 2010 Screw it... I may act like a hater on here, a bit strange...and controversial, but I'm actually pretty nice lol... YES I"M GOING TO TOOT MY OWN HORN FOR A SECOND.... I'm just peeved at people thinking someone is creepy or after something, because of a nice gesture.... One night I got gas at Nice&Easy.... I know the girl there, she's nice and always smiling. I was standing there waiting to pay behind this older guy... I heard this with my OWN ears as I watched her try hard to keep from crying. That old guy said to her "You've gotten fatter since the last time I saw you" My jaw dropped and I really wanted to strangle that guy....I know how it feels to have some morron, toilet mouth just blurt out an insult like it's nothing. Good going guy!...you just ruined her night and possibly the entire week. He left and she looked at me and said "that guy was just mean to me" I told her I know and that I wanted to go kick him in the head.. She was fighting to keep from tearing up.... so I left as quick as possible. I got half way down the road and I just felt so bad for her...I know how that **** feels and I just got this urge to do something...something to bring her back into a mood to make her feel better about herself. I went to Wal-Mart, got a nice vase...really nice and a thing of yellow Roses to put in it(meaning friendship I think)... I took them up to her and put them on the counter telling her I felt so bad for her and that she was no where near being fat. She was a little surprised, but I could see some tears starting.... I left and kinda had a moment myself. If anyone told me I was creepy doing that...they would be knocked out personally by me. There..done tooting my horn....and g'day.
shadowplay Posted April 3, 2010 Posted April 3, 2010 Screw it... I may act like a hater on here, a bit strange...and controversial, but I'm actually pretty nice lol... YES I"M GOING TO TOOT MY OWN HORN FOR A SECOND.... I'm just peeved at people thinking someone is creepy or after something, because of a nice gesture.... One night I got gas at Nice&Easy.... I know the girl there, she's nice and always smiling. I was standing there waiting to pay behind this older guy... I heard this with my OWN ears as I watched her try hard to keep from crying. That old guy said to her "You've gotten fatter since the last time I saw you" My jaw dropped and I really wanted to strangle that guy....I know how it feels to have some morron, toilet mouth just blurt out an insult like it's nothing. Good going guy!...you just ruined her night and possibly the entire week. He left and she looked at me and said "that guy was just mean to me" I told her I know and that I wanted to go kick him in the head.. She was fighting to keep from tearing up.... so I left as quick as possible. I got half way down the road and I just felt so bad for her...I know how that **** feels and I just got this urge to do something...something to bring her back into a mood to make her feel better about herself. I went to Wal-Mart, got a nice vase...really nice and a thing of yellow Roses to put in it(meaning friendship I think)... I took them up to her and put them on the counter telling her I felt so bad for her and that she was no where near being fat. She was a little surprised, but I could see some tears starting.... I left and kinda had a moment myself. If anyone told me I was creepy doing that...they would be knocked out personally by me. There..done tooting my horn....and g'day. Awwww, that's incredibly sweet. That would have totally made my day if I were she.
A O Posted April 3, 2010 Posted April 3, 2010 What kind of world do we live in where people try to find the pathology behind a simple gesture of kindness? An imperfect world. One where nice guys aren't always nice or genuine nice guys are taken for a ride. Alerting people to the potential consequences of certain behaviors doesn't do anyone any harm. The difference between a true nice guy and a doormat is that the former will continue to do nice things for people even if his actions sometimes go unappreciated simply because he is a warm person who enjoys giving. There maybe key differences between the two but this isn't one of em. A doormat is an opportunist with no integrity. Once he's embittered by enough rejection, he will easily flip to the end of the spectrum.A doormat is a person who pleases others usually at the expense of themselves. They're hardly opportunistic nor lacking in integrity - backbone, for sure, but integrity, not necessarily. If anyone told me I was creepy doing that...they would be knocked out personally by me. There..done tooting my horn....and g'day. And I thought you didn't care!! Yeah, you sound like a nice person alright... .
Untouchable_Fire Posted April 3, 2010 Posted April 3, 2010 Hey, i'm only seeing this from an outsiders perspective. I'm not saying I know every little detail about their relationship. But I can tell you one thing, if I were to tell any of my previous boyfriends to get my co-worker flowers because I said so... they would all have looked at me and laughed. It wouldn't have happened. And i'm not saying if that was the case that she is right in any way what-so-ever, but it goes to show that he's a nice guy regardless. I find it amusing that the men on this thread believe there is something wrong with him. Why can't a guy be nice and thoughtful? Why does there always have to be an under-lying issue? Basically, all i'm getting from this is that these types of guys are really one of a kind. Or non-existant. As rare as it is to find a guy like that... it seems just as rare to find a woman who can be so constantly appreciated and return it in kind. You probably don't have much experience dating women, but if you did you would quickly realize the vast majority do not respond well to this type of behavior long term.
Woggle Posted April 3, 2010 Posted April 3, 2010 It's a messed up word where this type of thing is not appreciated but any guy who has been around knows this gets him nowhere. It is true that a true nice guy does not always expect it in return but nobody wants to go through life being a doormat. Nobody no matter what gender or background they have wants to do nice things only to get crapped on.
carhill Posted April 4, 2010 Posted April 4, 2010 I built mine. Would anyone like a good deal on a custom second-hand one? I can do better. I used a grow a field of wildflowers to make bouquets out of. Beat that
troggleputty Posted April 4, 2010 Posted April 4, 2010 My first thought was that getting flowers for the girlfriend's boss was an incredibly inappropriate thing for this young lad to do. Perhaps his youth has something to do with not knowing any better. Among other reasons because the recipient could misinterpret the intent of the giver; and obviously because the giver might actually be trying to express an inappropriate intent. My second thought was that neither the young lad, nor the OP, apparently realize that giving out flowers to persons other than the gf, devalues the giving of the flowers to the gf. Typically, a man gives a woman flowers to express a special, romantic interest. However if flowers are something I give to a person (such as my gf's boss) simply because I want to say "Hey Thanks" then giving flowers is an essentially non-romantic gesture. Thus the message OP should be getting is not "what a great boyfriend this is," but rather, "Gee--this guy doesn't really think that giving flowers to a woman signifies anything special about their relationship. It's just something he does, apparently because many women are easily impressed by such gifts." OP, you are too easily impressed.
Author EricaH329 Posted April 4, 2010 Author Posted April 4, 2010 (edited) Wow, this thread took a completely different turn than I had expected. This is where I stand with this whole thing. By the 'perfect guy' I was referring to, it was purely based on my opinion. Everyone has flaws, but the better aspects of people are what makes them, to me, 'perfect'. That being said, I (personally) enjoy being shown appreciation. I don't ask for it, but when I recieve it it's something that I find extremely intriguing. For example: I have posted this in another thread of mine, but I was feeling down for a few weeks a little while back. A friend of mine took notice in this, and decided to go out and get me a card that says that she is always here for me, and that she loves and cares about me. I cried. The mere fact that someone would take time out of their own lives to take notice of another human being (whether it's because they are feeling down, or because they are helping another person out) and take actions to show they care... means a TON, especially these days where it seems as though most people are so wrapped up in their own lives to take notice of anything outside of their own personal lives. This site, for example. There are a whole bunch of very caring individuals that take time out of their day to give a word of advice, or concern. I try to tell everyone that gives me the time of day that I really appreciate it. What i'm trying to get at, is that not everyone that does nice things out of the goodness of their heart has ulterior motives. Some people are genuinely good people. Is it really that hard to believe?! And then when they do something good for another, they get bashed because they are automatically doing it for the 'wrong' reasons, or they have a whole crap load of serious mental issues that should deter from the kind gestures they give to others? This doesn't make any sense to me. I understand that it's hard to believe in the goodness of humanity these days. But when the opportunity arises to be grateful for something another has done, it should not be down-played. All of this is, of course, my opinion and everyone has a right to their own. I'm just trying to shed some light on where i'm coming from. OP, you are too easily impressed. I do not believe this is the case. I am very aware of the things that others do not need to do, but do out of the kindness of their heart. Some people, obviously, take that sort of thing for granted. I am not one of those people. Also, if he were to bring me red roses I might have thought something was a little off. But they were carnations. He didn't go out and spend a whole butt load of money on them, they were a simple gesture to say thanks. EDIT: I am not her boss. I am her co-worker. Not sure if that makes much of a difference, just thought i'd clear that up. Edited April 4, 2010 by EricaH329
skydiveaddict Posted April 4, 2010 Posted April 4, 2010 Erica, for what it's worth, I really really like your posts
Author EricaH329 Posted April 4, 2010 Author Posted April 4, 2010 Erica, for what it's worth, I really really like your posts :D:D Thank you skydive!! I appreciate it!!
mrt336 Posted April 4, 2010 Posted April 4, 2010 ... That's genius. I am so stealing that idea. Ever heard the phrase "Putting the pussy on a pedestal?" Don't do it, trust me haha. If I were Admiral Akbar... ITS A TRAP!
Bejita463 Posted April 4, 2010 Posted April 4, 2010 (edited) Go for it. I would also suggest buying a physical pedestal that you can literally put her on Ever heard the phrase "Putting the pussy on a pedestal?" Don't do it, trust me haha. I'm just guessing here, but we're single aren't we? There is a pointed difference between showing your partner that you care and putting them on a pedestal. Additionally, A fun thing I learned about women is that they are more than their genitalia. Turns out, they are actual people. Who knew. Edited April 4, 2010 by Bejita463
carhill Posted April 4, 2010 Posted April 4, 2010 Yes, women are real people. Equals. Treat them as equals. A 'pedestal' means providing a level of care, love, interest and support which they have not earned nor given signs of in return. In other words, bowing at the altar of the female. Great way to get kicked in the head, perfectly
Bejita463 Posted April 4, 2010 Posted April 4, 2010 (edited) Yes, women are real people. Equals. Treat them as equals. A 'pedestal' means providing a level of care, love, interest and support which they have not earned nor given signs of in return. In other words, bowing at the altar of the female. Great way to get kicked in the head, perfectly I agree with you, but if you are seeing a partner where showing them appreciation for a single day means you are showing them more care than they are you, then then I am sorry for you. (You being a generalization, not anyone specific) Edited April 4, 2010 by Bejita463 Typos EVERYWHERE!
Recommended Posts