EricaH329 Posted April 3, 2010 Posted April 3, 2010 I just started training a new girl at my job. She has been telling me about how great her fiance is. Apparently, he has a specific day every month that is dedicated to her. He makes sure that she is completely appreciated on that day. I was a little skeptical, considering most guys (well any that I know of) don't do that. Today, he brought me flowers to show his appreciation for the fact that I have taken my time to train her. Is he an alien? From another planet? Where do I find these types of guys?
nothappyjan Posted April 3, 2010 Posted April 3, 2010 hahaha. I know some friends who seem to date the perfect guys too, but really we never know what goes on behind closed doors or in the guys heads. Maybe see if he has a brother or a cousin?
TaraMaiden Posted April 3, 2010 Posted April 3, 2010 Ask John Travolta, apparently he's in the same mould. And while you're there, compile a list of gals with the same question. I think there's a queue backing out the door, here...... Ok, don't push girls, I got here first.....
Author EricaH329 Posted April 3, 2010 Author Posted April 3, 2010 No no, don't get me wrong. I know of girls who claim to have the best boyfriend ever. But this guy... not only have I heard great things about him, there are actions to back them up. Who brings a girl that they do not know flowers, only because they have trained their girlfriend for the job she was applying for? I've never heard of such a thing! I am totally floored, and very appreciative! I have had a little bit to drink tonight, and he was the first one to offer me a ride home. I really need to figure out where these guys spawn from. I am first in line, right behind Tara.
Stbe Posted April 3, 2010 Posted April 3, 2010 That type of man usually doesn't have much luck on the singles' scene but gets snapped up into marriage very quickly. As hard to find as caring, beautiful women are.
Author EricaH329 Posted April 3, 2010 Author Posted April 3, 2010 He could be hitting on you.... That thought would have crossed my mind also, if he had met me before getting me the flowers. That type of man usually doesn't have much luck on the singles' scene but gets snapped up into marriage very quickly. As hard to find as caring, beautiful women are. Yeah, I can understand that. The girl he is with is also very caring, they definitely compliment one another.
A O Posted April 3, 2010 Posted April 3, 2010 Hmmm, hardly call this behavior deserving of a 'prefect guy' tag. Thoughtfulness is a trait I appreciate greatly but this is way over the top. I wonder what a guy like this is like when things aren't going good. I wonder how his extreme thoughtfulness manifests itself in that situation! .
PaperReflections Posted April 3, 2010 Posted April 3, 2010 (edited) Maybe, the guy just likes keeping it classy. And, he loves his girlfriend. Nothing unusually. A day is not a lot of time. I usually spend hours equivalent to a day (16 hours) every week trying to meet girls at social events. If I had a girlfriend, I would spend all that time on her and more. Edited April 3, 2010 by PaperReflections
A O Posted April 3, 2010 Posted April 3, 2010 A day is not a lot of time. I usually spend hours equivalent to a day (16 hours) every week trying to meet girls at social events. If I had a girlfriend, I would spend all that time on her and more. Sweet intentions but most women would find this rather smothering. .
Woggle Posted April 3, 2010 Posted April 3, 2010 She will eventually get bored with it and run off with some bad boy.
PaperReflections Posted April 3, 2010 Posted April 3, 2010 (edited) Sweet intentions but most women would find this rather smothering. . I never had a girlfriend. I don't have experience. Maximum time focused on something was 30 hours in a row for me. It was to complete a 25 page research paper. Edited April 3, 2010 by PaperReflections
start-fresh Posted April 3, 2010 Posted April 3, 2010 This guy sounds like a 'nice guy' people pleaser to me. I agree she will eventually get bored with him. I also wouldn't be surprised if he becomes controlling.
eric82 Posted April 3, 2010 Posted April 3, 2010 Aw every month... how adorable, they must share the same menstrual cycles. I bet behind closed doors their relationship is just as perfect as she wants you to think it is. She says, "You better bring my new co-worker some flowers so she'll believe all my boasting, or else no sex for you." I wonder, where do you think she keeps his balls, in her pocket or purse? Remind us again why you'd call such predictability and lack of spontaneity 'the perfect guy'?
sullysteve Posted April 3, 2010 Posted April 3, 2010 Aw every month... how adorable, they must share the same menstrual cycles. I bet behind closed doors their relationship is just as perfect as she wants you to think it is. She says, "You better bring my new co-worker some flowers so she'll believe all my boasting, or else no sex for you." I wonder, where do you think she keeps his balls, in her pocket or purse? Remind us again why you'd call such predictability and lack of spontaneity 'the perfect guy'? +1. Bwhahaaha!
Author EricaH329 Posted April 3, 2010 Author Posted April 3, 2010 Aw every month... how adorable, they must share the same menstrual cycles. I bet behind closed doors their relationship is just as perfect as she wants you to think it is. She says, "You better bring my new co-worker some flowers so she'll believe all my boasting, or else no sex for you." I wonder, where do you think she keeps his balls, in her pocket or purse? Remind us again why you'd call such predictability and lack of spontaneity 'the perfect guy'? Hey, i'm only seeing this from an outsiders perspective. I'm not saying I know every little detail about their relationship. But I can tell you one thing, if I were to tell any of my previous boyfriends to get my co-worker flowers because I said so... they would all have looked at me and laughed. It wouldn't have happened. And i'm not saying if that was the case that she is right in any way what-so-ever, but it goes to show that he's a nice guy regardless. I find it amusing that the men on this thread believe there is something wrong with him. Why can't a guy be nice and thoughtful? Why does there always have to be an under-lying issue? Basically, all i'm getting from this is that these types of guys are really one of a kind. Or non-existant.
Woggle Posted April 3, 2010 Posted April 3, 2010 In theory there is nothing wrong with this but we all know how women treat these kinds of men. I would not be shocked if she ended up dumping him or cheating on him with some bad boy.
Author EricaH329 Posted April 3, 2010 Author Posted April 3, 2010 In theory there is nothing wrong with this but we all know how women treat these kinds of men. I would not be shocked if she ended up dumping him or cheating on him with some bad boy. She has mentioned that he can sometimes be 'too nice' for her. But she also just turned 18, so I don't think she is fully capable of appreciating that type of man.
Stbe Posted April 3, 2010 Posted April 3, 2010 well at that age they're basically still kids, anything can happen, anything at all.
carhill Posted April 3, 2010 Posted April 3, 2010 Ah, 18.... that's OK, she'll break him of the prince charming behaviors soon enough. Oops, I mean break up with him I do know some married couples in the silver to gold range (25-50 years) who enjoy dynamics like this over time. They're 'compatible'.
eric82 Posted April 3, 2010 Posted April 3, 2010 Hey, i'm only seeing this from an outsiders perspective. I'm not saying I know every little detail about their relationship. But I can tell you one thing, if I were to tell any of my previous boyfriends to get my co-worker flowers because I said so... they would all have looked at me and laughed. It wouldn't have happened. And i'm not saying if that was the case that she is right in any way what-so-ever, but it goes to show that he's a nice guy regardless. I find it amusing that the men on this thread believe there is something wrong with him. Why can't a guy be nice and thoughtful? Why does there always have to be an under-lying issue? Basically, all i'm getting from this is that these types of guys are really one of a kind. Or non-existant. The point is, it sounds like he's playing the role of a 'nice guy' instead of actually being one, because genuine niceness isn't something that's planned out and kept to a schedule. Think of it this way, wouldn't it be nicer for him to surprise her with kindness than to structure it? Wouldn't it also be a more sincere gesture? When families get together at holidays, do you think all the holiday cheer and expected gift giving is as thoughtful and memorable as when someone helps you out or does something nice for you unexpectedly?
carhill Posted April 3, 2010 Posted April 3, 2010 IME, people who value all thoughtfulness, gifts and remembrances, whether spontaneous or customary, will always have that perspective. With others, who are selective about what and who they value, it's situational. Good factor of compatibility to consider. A clear determiner for myself is whether there is a mutuality of understanding and care wrt to such matters. IOW, if I like the customary BD card and it is valuable to me, a compatible partner will recognize and value that dynamic, even if she might personally prefer surprises or spontaneous gifts; likewise, and yet differently, if my partner values surprises, I show my love and support by surprising. That doesn't mean I forget customary moments because they are still important to me, but rather recognize and validate my partner's unique style, and she mine. Clearly, and I came to see it my marriage, stbx and I didn't clearly value and support and appreciate our unique styles and find them compatible. Sometimes this takes time to discover, or is purposely hidden from view. Usually, time reveals all truths.
A O Posted April 3, 2010 Posted April 3, 2010 Think of it this way, wouldn't it be nicer for him to surprise her with kindness than to structure it? Wouldn't it also be a more sincere gesture? Absolutely - twice over!! Now that I know he's just a kid I'll take back the possible nasty flip-side to the fellow. Nonetheless, he's still way too much of a people pleaser. Hopefully, that won't come back and bite him in the arse too harshly. .
Author EricaH329 Posted April 3, 2010 Author Posted April 3, 2010 Think of it this way, wouldn't it be nicer for him to surprise her with kindness than to structure it? Wouldn't it also be a more sincere gesture? When families get together at holidays, do you think all the holiday cheer and expected gift giving is as thoughtful and memorable as when someone helps you out or does something nice for you unexpectedly? Oh, i'm sure he does surprise her unexpectedly. I can't imagine only having one day to show his appreciation for her. I'm sure he shows it all the time, but on that specific day, he goes just a step further. But along the same lines as carhill pointed out, just because it's your birthday or christmas doesn't mean anything you recieve is any less appreciated. I, for one, do not expect anything from people (besides respect). Therefore, when I get something, i'm always appreciative. IME, people who value all thoughtfulness, gifts and remembrances, whether spontaneous or customary, will always have that perspective. With others, who are selective about what and who they value, it's situational. Good factor of compatibility to consider. A clear determiner for myself is whether there is a mutuality of understanding and care wrt to such matters. IOW, if I like the customary BD card and it is valuable to me, a compatible partner will recognize and value that dynamic, even if she might personally prefer surprises or spontaneous gifts; likewise, and yet differently, if my partner values surprises, I show my love and support by surprising. That doesn't mean I forget customary moments because they are still important to me, but rather recognize and validate my partner's unique style, and she mine. Clearly, and I came to see it my marriage, stbx and I didn't clearly value and support and appreciate our unique styles and find them compatible. Sometimes this takes time to discover, or is purposely hidden from view. Usually, time reveals all truths. Yes, exactly! I don't think I should be questioned just because I personally find it very kind to show any sort of appreciation, not only for your SO, but for the people that are in their lives. Absolutely - twice over!! Now that I know he's just a kid I'll take back the possible nasty flip-side to the fellow. Nonetheless, he's still way too much of a people pleaser. Hopefully, that won't come back and bite him in the arse too harshly. Ok, let me put it this way. How do you know that he is a people pleaser? Maybe it pleases him to show his appreciation? I know that I get gratification from giving to others, and making others feel appreciated. It's not that I necessarily want to please others (which I do when it comes to the people closest to me, to an extent) but it makes me feel good to do those things. Because there typicallyis an underlying issue in situations like this. You just don't have enough life experience to know that yet. When someone appears too nice, he or she is usually anything but. I definitely don't know this guy. But the girl that I work with does, and has for awhile now. Sure, she could be leaving out important aspects of him. But everyone has flaws. I don't think she's the type of person to stick around with someone who treats her poorly but tries to make up for it by being nice.
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