khria Posted April 3, 2010 Posted April 3, 2010 New to Loveshack. Looking forward to reading and responding to everyone's romantic queries! Ill cut to the chase: I've been seeing a guy for about 5 weeks, and we recently had the 'sex talk' since we've kept things pretty innocent so far (dinner or movie dates, kisses, etc.). He told me that he was still a virgin (due to his pickiness), never had a gf, never made out, and that, while he's not really pushing me for more, he would feel comfortable if I was his first time (i.e. he would not think it was a mistake for him if we slept together at this point). He's in his early 30s. I admit, I find this a little hard to buy--just in general, that a guy would wait that long on pickiness alone. But also because he seems a bit eager to escalate the physical side of our dating. He's been decent, on the whole, though. Question: Do guys ever tell a girl that they're a virgin to get a woman to sleep with them? Is this a 'strategy' that some guys use to make themselves seem either 'innocent' and pure? Does it somehow motivate women to step up to the plate and 'be his first,' or make her feel special so she'll sleep with him? And if he really is a virgin, is there any way to tell whether he's serious about a long-term thing, or will move on once the cherry has been popped? (hard question, but any general impressions would help). (for the record, it doesn't really matter to me whether he is or isn't, it's just the thought of his lying about it that bothers me).
marsle85 Posted April 3, 2010 Posted April 3, 2010 Welcome to LS! I joined like a month ago- and I'm hooked... so I think you'll feel the same way. Now, in your case- you never know. This could be legit. So, what I'd do it just wait it out a little. Let him know you move slowly. To any male readers- I am not suggesting she TEST him, i'm saying if she's concerned enough to post about it on LS, she has reason to make sure she's completely comfortable and trusts this guy before sleeping with him.
Tres Posted April 3, 2010 Posted April 3, 2010 I have never heard about guys pretending to be virgins. My guess he is a virgin.
Disillusioned Posted April 3, 2010 Posted April 3, 2010 As a man, I'll risk spilling the beans about virginity... most of us men learn to keep our mouths shut about our virginity for fear of social ostracism. This is because we men are under peer pressure from other men to be sexual performers. But OTOH I happen to be a 6'6", 350 lb monster... so I'm pretty much allowed to be an out-of-the-closet virgin if I want to. >:-)
SaintDragon Posted April 3, 2010 Posted April 3, 2010 At 30 something don't admit you're a virgin.....in your 20's ok, but not 30.... What's the point?..."Oh I'm a virgin please be gentle" Pffftttt it isn't that hard to do...just rub, lube and slide and grind..... Feel it out and don't ruin her passion..in fact...a quick wack in the bathroom to take the edge off then give it to her will save you from a premature failure and pissed off woman asking this.."what are you, a virgin?
MalachiX Posted April 3, 2010 Posted April 3, 2010 I tend to doubt that he's lying. Most of us guys feel WAY more ashamed about having too few sexual partners instead of too many. When I was in college, it killed me to admit I was a virgin to a female friend when I was 20 (don't judge! I lost it shortly thereafter!). I can't imagine someone who is in their 30s pretending to be a virgin given the social stigma that would cause. Hell, at that age it's a lot more likely to weird a girl out than get her into the sack. It is a bit odd that he's suddenly interested in sex because, at that age, he's not likely to be a virgin out of being "picky" but more likely out of social issues. The never kissed a girl or had GF is also a bit suspect. Perhaps he's just gotten really fed up with celebacy. I guess what I'm saying is this: If he's really pretending to be a virgin in his 30s just to get in your pants, you should really sleep with him out of respect. That shows serious commitment to being a player.
CarrieT Posted April 3, 2010 Posted April 3, 2010 But OTOH I happen to be a 6'6", 350 lb monster... so I'm pretty much allowed to be an out-of-the-closet virgin if I want to. >:-) But ONLY if you want to be! My husband was 6'6" and 325 when I married him; and I was a reasonably svelte 5'4" 140 lbs at the time.
Author khria Posted April 3, 2010 Author Posted April 3, 2010 I guess what I'm saying is this: If he's really pretending to be a virgin in his 30s just to get in your pants, you should really sleep with him out of respect. That shows serious commitment to being a player. ha ha ha ha...
Disillusioned Posted April 3, 2010 Posted April 3, 2010 I think it's time to start a no-nonsense org named Virgins With Attitude! (Make fun of them, and they'll "whack you off" in a way that definitely won't produce an orgasm... but you'll still end up pretty stiff.)
Author khria Posted April 3, 2010 Author Posted April 3, 2010 I think it's time to start a no-nonsense org named Virgins With Attitude! (Make fun of them, and they'll "whack you off" in a way that definitely won't produce an orgasm... but you'll still end up pretty stiff.) oh no.. it may be high time. (no pun intended) The 'attitude' side of it is also interesting. The guy in question is very public and pretty vocal about being a mature virgin. He doesn't seem embarassed about it at all.. so I didn't really know what this meant. I suppose it always is the better route to celebrate the so called 'stigma'...
BobSacamento Posted April 3, 2010 Posted April 3, 2010 Any lie that gets me laid is a "white lie" in my book. Sorry.
sagetalk Posted April 3, 2010 Posted April 3, 2010 Most guys will say anything and do anything to sleep with a woman. With that said, lying about virginity has to be the rarest lie I've ever heard. He may be lying, but it's much more likely he is not. For most guys, virginity is something you have to lose ASAP so girls don't think you're gay or wimpy.
Rhythmic Posted April 3, 2010 Posted April 3, 2010 I've heard more women losing interest if they find out a guy is a virgin than having them be interested. I really doubt it is a lie to get into your pants.
TheWatcher Posted April 3, 2010 Posted April 3, 2010 Male Virginity isn't viewed as an attractive trait.A women who is a virgin is seen as having respect for herself and her body & is commended for choosing to wait. A male virgin is seen as being weak,undesirable,defective and lacking initiative/confidence.It would take a very special woman to overlook a man's lack of experience. The vast majority would be repelled.Very few men choose to be virgins...so being one past a certain age indicates that there's something deficient and defective in their character/personality. I don't see how lying about being a virgin or admitting to being one could help any man.
FryFish Posted April 3, 2010 Posted April 3, 2010 No, its a thing to be ashamed of. thirty something and still no sex... No guy is going to be proud of that and talking about it would not do anything to help change it.
AD1980 Posted April 3, 2010 Posted April 3, 2010 DOubt hes lying about that.. Judging by this site and these classy women on here sex is more important to allot of them then the guys character so you might as well have burned kittens at one point in your life the be an inexperiences virign who wont please a women bed right away..
Disillusioned Posted April 3, 2010 Posted April 3, 2010 What a shame. Nothing was wrong with being a virgin until the Sixties, when a bunch of promiscuous people turned the tables and made it into something bad. Nowadays, virgins are considered scum. 1
sagetalk Posted April 3, 2010 Posted April 3, 2010 DOubt hes lying about that.. Judging by this site and these classy women on here sex is more important to allot of them then the guys character so you might as well have burned kittens at one point in your life the be an inexperiences virign who wont please a women bed right away.. There seems to be some hurt in those words, and I know how you feel. Believe me I do. I came to social maturity alot slower than most guys do, I really didn't know this crap went on until I was in college. I had always thought the better your genuine intentions were towards a women, the better chance you had with her. What a load that was. The whole time the popular guys I knew were only popular because they were nailing all the girls around them and I was so dumb that I never even knew that's why they were popular. Even though a large majority of women see these men as a prize, I assure you there are far better women (though small in number) who see them as filth. And when you meet these women, it's like finding the finest/rarest wine, truly amazing. Remember gold and diamonds are rare, but they are highly valuable. The same can be said for women who seek men who only want to be sexual with a women they greatly love and are seriously committed.
AD1980 Posted April 3, 2010 Posted April 3, 2010 There seems to be some hurt in those words, and I know how you feel. Believe me I do. I came to social maturity alot slower than most guys do, I really didn't know this crap went on until I was in college. I had always thought the better your genuine intentions were towards a women, the better chance you had with her. What a load that was. The whole time the popular guys I knew were only popular because they were nailing all the girls around them and I was so dumb that I never even knew that's why they were popular. Even though a large majority of women see these men as a prize, I assure you there are far better women (though small in number) who see them as filth. And when you meet these women, it's like finding the finest/rarest wine, truly amazing. Remember gold and diamonds are rare, but they are highly valuable. The same can be said for women who seek men who only want to be sexual with a women they greatly love and are seriously committed. Ehh women just arent attracted to me..Ive accepted my fate of being alone
carhill Posted April 3, 2010 Posted April 3, 2010 OP, what do you mean by he's ' very public and pretty vocal about being a mature virgin.'? Is this part of public speaking campaign or? After five weeks of dating, if there is mutual attraction, it's perfectly normal to feel the desire to express sexual affection, even for a virgin. Is he a complete virgin or a coital virgin, meaning, in the former, no sexual contact whatsoever, and, latter, no intercourse? I was a coital virgin until 35. The woman whom I first 'shared' myself with did not know I was a virgin. There was really no need for her to know. I had clear STD panels and used a condom. Done and done. When you say 'escalate the physical side of things', what do you mean? I was very physically affectionate with women, including non coital/ non oral sexually affectionate, while a virgin. What's your explanation? What do *you* want?
sagetalk Posted April 3, 2010 Posted April 3, 2010 Ehh women just arent attracted to me..Ive accepted my fate of being alone Treating women well is only the start, you also have to be a man about stuff. You're talking like a wimpy, girly man. You can't take the stance of, "Girls just don't like me". That's a loser mentality. Now if you say, "Whores don't like me", then fine. You're better off without them. You should be glad they don't like you, it saves you from all their psycho drama. Get in the gym, workout, do fun stuff, and quality women will like you. Even if you've only slept with one girl you're whole life. Walk up to hot girls and ask them to tell you what you're doing wrong with your looks, style, behavior. Girls love giving their advice. If you make a girl feel amazing (sexual or non sexual), they won't care you're a virgin or inexperienced. If they do, get away from them and find a better girl. Don't quit and waste your life. If you want a girl, then go after them.
AD1980 Posted April 3, 2010 Posted April 3, 2010 Treating women well is only the start, you also have to be a man about stuff. You're talking like a wimpy, girly man. You can't take the stance of, "Girls just don't like me". That's a loser mentality. Now if you say, "Whores don't like me", then fine. You're better off without them. You should be glad they don't like you, it saves you from all their psycho drama. Get in the gym, workout, do fun stuff, and quality women will like you. Even if you've only slept with one girl you're whole life. Walk up to hot girls and ask them to tell you what you're doing wrong with your looks, style, behavior. Girls love giving their advice. If you make a girl feel amazing (sexual or non sexual), they won't care you're a virgin or inexperienced. If they do, get away from them and find a better girl. Don't quit and waste your life. If you want a girl, then go after them. My style isnt bad im not in terrible shape i guess its my face or whatever i dont know.. But i dont have it in me to find the one out of every 100 girls wh oare attracted to me and have to navigate through 99 rejections to get to that one.
carhill Posted April 3, 2010 Posted April 3, 2010 But i dont have it in me to find the one out of every 100 girls wh oare attracted to me and have to navigate through 99 rejections to get to that one.Think of it as something to do on Friday night. That's my perspective. That was the change around the time I lost my virginity. Prior, I was trying too hard. Not attractive at all. Once I relaxed and, yeah, right, OK, whatever, it happened within a couple of months. My primary criteria was I wanted to be in a committed, exclusive LTR before sharing myself that way. That's still my criteria. I don't know what the gentleman's criteria are here. The OP will have to talk with him about that.
Xochitl Posted April 3, 2010 Posted April 3, 2010 haha, that strategy would totally work with me! It would make me feel so important to be the first one, and they could never compare me to others, how good is that! Anyways, I doubt many guys would actually try that. Why don't you just sleep with him when you feel ready, whether or not you think he's actually a virgin? If he really is a liar you'll catch him out on something else eventually.
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