Hit a brick wall out of nowhere~ !

[vanek26]

Hey guys. 20 year old college guy here. After some really embarassing and unsuccessful attempts at finding a woman in recent months, I came here to vent about a month ago. Online dating was the suggestion, and I gave it a try for a few weeks. Wasn't really for me; the women I'd like to pursue are too few and far between on those sites, but it was some decent experience dealing with girls.

 

Recently though, I thought I found a can't-miss prospect and things have suddenly gone wrong.

 

A friend of mine introduced me to this girl about 2 weeks ago and we seemed to hit it off well. After hanging out once she got my number from my friend and texted me, and we texted all the time for the next couple of days. The key thing was that she always sent the first text.

 

She said she wanted to hang out with me, and on Monday we went for coffee. By all accounts it was a great success. We talked, laughed, flirted, and stayed for longer than we expected. Afterwards she immediately texted me showering me with smiley faces and compliments, and my facebook wall was soon decorated with her posts as well.

 

I try not to get too high about these things, because I know that there's always something that can go wrong. But when someone's telling you "you have pretty eyes We need to hang out again soon!" in a text, I'd say a little happiness is warranted.

 

So we set up Wednesday to chill again... except she didn't text me at all on Wednesday. And When I asked her about metting up, she said she didn't feel up to it. We talked later that night and she was adamant that we'd go see a movie on Thursday. By the time the clock struck 11 PM I finally texted her to get her lame excuse. Her grandma came over or something... right.

 

So then I get the "we need to talk." from her. Apparently, my friend (the one that introduced us) has been hounding her about how we're doing. This friend really wants to see me happy and with someone, so she's constantly been texting the girl i'm into and telling her to make sure to text me, and that sort of thing.

 

She said she's definitely interested in me, but my friend is pushing her in the other direction.

 

I had a talk with my friend about it hoping to clear things up, but the damage may have already been done. She was non-responsive to my texts today as well.

 

I can't afford to make these kinds of mistakes as my chances are few and far between. What is your take on it?

[nothappyjan]

hmm i dont know. Generally if a girl likes a guy theres not much that will change her mind and vice versa if she doesnt.

 

Maybe though instead of making her chase you all the time you should have started texting first or initiated a date. I would have assumed you werent interested and stopped messaging if i wasnt getting any encouragement.

[Stbe]

weird situation. Either the other guy is ruining it, or the only reason she was interested in the first place was because of him.

 

And you didn't give internet dating a chance. 3-4 weeks? Give it 6 months. You're not looking to find women you're interested in, you're looking to find women who are interested in YOU.

[MalachiX]

Sounds like this one wasn't your fault.

 

For future reference, if the girl is constantly texting you smiley faces and encouraging things, it's fine for you to start to take the initiative. Most guys are shy because they say, "I don't know if she's interested." When a girl acts the way she did, she's clearly shown she's interested and it's your choice to make the next move. You should be grateful for the situation since she took all the risk and did her best to let you know she's ready to be pursued.

 

That said, it sounds like you're friend blew this. It can be REALLY awkward being set up by friends. Trust me. You feel this incredible pressure like you might be letting your mutual friends down if it doesn't work or wonder if they'll be privy to every detail of your relationship. Ultimatly, it feels like it's not worth all the discomfort and is better to just break it off. It seems like that's what happened here. Don't get mad at your friend but also try to suggest to him that next time you'll be fine on your own.

[vanek26]

I guess I didn't mention this, but the mutual friend is actually a girl, if that changes anything.

 

Also, it's not as if I was purposely being aloof and playing hard to get. It's just that she texted me so much at first I rarely had the chance to initiate anything. And after Monday went so well and she was so pumped to do something again soon... I just don't get what flipped the switch.

 

Furthermore, this girl is someone who I am very confident that I am physically attractive enough for. The other recent chicks I pursued may have been out of my league, but with this one I feel like I'm well within my rights.

 

I'm not ready to throw in the towel yet. Just two days ago she assured she had feelings for me and was "falling for me," so while it could be true that she's flat out lying, I need to give it another try.

 

The issue is that when I texted her yesterday, she just stopped responding mid-convo, and we haven't talked since. So now here I am wondering if I should even text her again today, or wait for her?

[sagetalk]

If you were Brad Pitt do you think this girl would let a nosy friend get in the way of her dating you? That would be a no.

 

People lie about why they won't date you, they come up with excuses so that it doesn't hurt your feelings, or in most cases, so that they aren't yelled at when they reject someone. If she wants you, nothing is going to stop her. I've known enough women in my life to know that. This girl does not sound like she is that crazy about you at the moment. Do what you can to change that if you wish by not texting and just barely keeping in touch.

[confusedgirl77]

Hey that kind of sounds like what happened to me (you can check my post "why hasn't he called if he is supposedly interested"). By all accounts, everything on our first date went great and we said we would hang out again and then no contact from there and I'm like what happened!?!?! Where did it go wrong?!?!?

 

I would just try to move on and try not to think about it, as hard as that is. You didn't do anything wrong, as hard as that may seem, and try not to overanalyze it. I have a feeling if you do that this girl will come around if she really likes you, but watch out for those girls that are just want what they can't have. If she doesn't come around then she doesn't like you and you are better off.

[sagetalk]

but watch out for those girls that are just want what they can't have.

 

Excellent point. It is a really bad idea to date her if she runs back to you after blowing her off. It may be a sign that she only likes guys that treat her poorly. The guys that do that kind of stuff date those girl mostly for sex and nothing more. I would encourage all men here to seek more out of a relationship then that.

[vanek26]

I guess I just need to believe in the system, despite my heart telling me to continuously contact her.

 

The frustrating part is that she seemed to be pursuing me. I got the feeling that I couldn't possibly mess this one up, as she was the one who got my number and initiated everything. And the first date went awesome... so, what gives?

 

I know 'just move on' is an easy response to give, but I'm too stubborn to give up at the first sign of a problem. I know I'm not out of my league with her and we had a great time together. I just need to play this correctly and I still think there's hope.

[Stbe]

The frustrating part is that she seemed to be pursuing me. I got the feeling that I couldn't possibly mess this one up, as she was the one who got my number and initiated everything. And the first date went awesome... so, what gives?

 

I'm early 30s and can't count on my hands the number of times this has happened to me. Some people blow hot/cold and turn on a dime. It's frustrating but you've just got to shrug it off and move on. There are girls who did the same thing to me 10 years ago that I still wonder about. That's life.