Ima Texan Posted April 2, 2010 Posted April 2, 2010 UGH! well, after all these years, after all of the crap, after losing US, today is the day, they are Officially divorced. I have very many mixed feelings. I immediately asked myself, "how does this make you feel?" my answer? NUMB, dead numb I have stated that for MY part, I have come to peace, I realized my role in the Divorce, but I have accepted that (it took a long time) and now, I feel absolute that the rest is on her.. I have been able to ask God for sincere forgiveness, and I have told her husband a while back that I "don't expect that he would ever forgive me, but I HOPE that "one day" he may" BUT STILL, here it is, today, April 2nd, 2010, after a 20 year marriage, it is OVER! WHY DIDNT SHE DO THINGS DIFFERENTLY?????
Author Ima Texan Posted April 2, 2010 Author Posted April 2, 2010 I couldn't care less why she didn't do things differently. She didn't. That's on her. You can't change that. Are you ok? I know, I just wish she WOULD have, but as you said, she didnt.. and it IS on her am I ok? I dont know yet. I found out 45 minutes ago... The judgement was entered this afternoon...
HURT LOVER Posted April 2, 2010 Posted April 2, 2010 Has she contacted you? How do you feel?[/quote Wow she is divorce after 20 yrs. You know when we get into these A with these MM OR MW . Then we fall in love with them I think deep inside we want them to get divorce. I know wanted with MW I was dealing hell still do.
bestplayer Posted April 2, 2010 Posted April 2, 2010 UGH! well, after all these years, after all of the crap, after losing US, today is the day, they are Officially divorced. I have very many mixed feelings. I immediately asked myself, "how does this make you feel?" my answer? NUMB, dead numb I have stated that for MY part, I have come to peace, I realized my role in the Divorce, but I have accepted that (it took a long time) and now, I feel absolute that the rest is on her.. I have been able to ask God for sincere forgiveness, and I have told her husband a while back that I "don't expect that he would ever forgive me, but I HOPE that "one day" he may" BUT STILL, here it is, today, April 2nd, 2010, after a 20 year marriage, it is OVER! WHY DIDNT SHE DO THINGS DIFFERENTLY????? r u feeling like a winner ?
Author Ima Texan Posted April 3, 2010 Author Posted April 3, 2010 r u feeling like a winner ? What the f*ck kind of question is that?!! Get off my thread! I feel sick!
bestplayer Posted April 3, 2010 Posted April 3, 2010 What the f*ck kind of question is that?!! Get off my thread! I feel sick! Ima Texan ,I am sorry I thought u wanted her to divorce her husband .
awkward Posted April 3, 2010 Posted April 3, 2010 (((Tex))) I don't know what to say. Just hugs for you.
White Flower Posted April 3, 2010 Posted April 3, 2010 WHY DIDNT SHE DO THINGS DIFFERENTLY????? I wonder if you would have still wanted forgiveness from the BH if she DID do things differently. I'm sure you would have, but that also means living with her, probably marrying her, and still hoping for that forgiveness. Do you feel that your forgiveness is more worthy since you DON'T have her now?
Author Ima Texan Posted April 3, 2010 Author Posted April 3, 2010 Like I said, I feel numb, I feel sick. I don't feel responsible anymore, I feel atoned, kind of. But TODAY, for now, a "speed bump" of my own, I don't feel good. At one time I wanted them to divorce, BECAUSE I was told they were divorcing. Of course, that wasn't the case. We are talking almost 6 years to this point. Almost 3 since Dday. I know I sound like an idiot right now, cause that is how I feel...
Author Ima Texan Posted April 3, 2010 Author Posted April 3, 2010 You are not an idiot, but I'm confused why you feel that way. Because it was all unnecessary? Can't change the past, my dear. Surrender it. Because there is a Betrayed Husband that does not have a Wife anymore. Because there are 4 children that will lay their precious heads down tonight knowing that their mother and father are now divorced. It is now REAL for them, no more hope that they will work it out... All while I can sip on my nice glass of Cabernet and chat with you nice folks about it
Author Ima Texan Posted April 3, 2010 Author Posted April 3, 2010 I don't know any of it. Ok, for any of you that are divorced, do you remember THE day? I do. It was just that day, no matter what, even if you were celebrating, you knew what it felt like that day...
Author Ima Texan Posted April 3, 2010 Author Posted April 3, 2010 This isn't your D. K, I'm bowing out now. Have a good weekend. You're right. I know it. I will be over my "episode" soon. Maybe I will just go to sleep and tomorrow will be here and its a new day! For everybody
White Flower Posted April 3, 2010 Posted April 3, 2010 you already know this, but imma say it anyway. You are responsible for you. You are not responsible for her. You are not responsible for him. You are not responsible for their children. How do you know that he hasn't or won't find someone that makes him happier than she ever could? How do you know that they wouldn't have divorced eventually anyway? All good points JT.
Author Ima Texan Posted April 3, 2010 Author Posted April 3, 2010 Good morning! Okay, its a NEW day and yesterday is gone. "that day" is over and done with forever. Time to keep moving forward.... I remember what Bent said to Stamps a while back, "life isn't set up to be lived in the past" or something like that.. So, I think I will go out and get stuff to make Paella TODAY....
Just a stone's throw Posted April 3, 2010 Posted April 3, 2010 Good for you Tex! Have a great day and enjoy your Paella! BTW, as a child of divorce, it wasn't all that bad. I survived. Made me a stronger person, IMHO.
Author Ima Texan Posted April 3, 2010 Author Posted April 3, 2010 Good for you Tex! Have a great day and enjoy your Paella! BTW, as a child of divorce, it wasn't all that bad. I survived. Made me a stronger person, IMHO. Thanks! I am just glad its over (meaning the uncertainty of what's going on, as the divorce took over a year) and they too can walk out the door into a "new day"
her_halo_slipped Posted April 5, 2010 Posted April 5, 2010 Thanks! I am just glad its over (meaning the uncertainty of what's going on, as the divorce took over a year) and they too can walk out the door into a "new day" tex....I am sorry if I am asking you something already posted elsewhere but.....how long ago did you end your A with this MW? Are you over her? and now that she is D'd is there any chance she may want to resurrect a R with you now? Are u M? like I said....sorry if these questions have been asked and answered elsewhere Good luck with the Paella.
Author Ima Texan Posted April 5, 2010 Author Posted April 5, 2010 tex....I am sorry if I am asking you something already posted elsewhere but.....how long ago did you end your A with this MW? Are you over her? and now that she is D'd is there any chance she may want to resurrect a R with you now? Are u M? like I said....sorry if these questions have been asked and answered elsewhere Good luck with the Paella. Paella was good, simple, not my usual festive style, but still yummy to the tummy... Your questions are fine, so here goes. I am not married, have been divorced for 8-9 years or so. How long ago did the affair end? Depends on who you ask, I guess. Me? Well, I guess in my heart well over a year ago. In my mind, I am but sure. Its been over a month since I have talked to her, but she called last week. Is she thinking she can start all over with me? Maybe. Will I let it? NO!!!!!! Here is my difficulty. In my divorce or even another long term serious relationship, I am STILL part of life for them as they are for me. With this relationship, I can't have that, I don't want that BUT its just not that easy for me to do that. I loved MW more than I ever have anyone else. Now I don't want her anywhere near me or my life. Trying to figure that part out, cause she WILL try to be...
81West Posted April 5, 2010 Posted April 5, 2010 (edited) With all the emoting you did/continue to do over her husband I can't imagine she'd ever trust you to have her back in life, so I'd be surprised if she ever wanted to go forward. I've never seen you once consider if anything you did contributed to her uncertainty, to her hesitation. Never once. I realize the above makes me sounds mean and dismissive and without empathy or positive regard for the poster (who I'm assuming is SD - if I'm wrong allow me to 1) blush and 2) apologize profusely), but that's not the case. Not at all. In my mind he's never gotten some of the frank feedback that might have added something important to the totality of all the great support he's earned and recieved here. Edited April 5, 2010 by 81West
ladydesigner Posted April 5, 2010 Posted April 5, 2010 Here is my difficulty. In my divorce or even another long term serious relationship, I am STILL part of life for them as they are for me. With this relationship, I can't have that, I don't want that BUT its just not that easy for me to do that. I loved MW more than I ever have anyone else. Now I don't want her anywhere near me or my life. Trying to figure that part out, cause she WILL try to be... Are you sure it wasn't the "fantasy" of her you loved? I often wonder this myself because I kept thinking and still think sometimes that I loved my XOM more than anyone else. We have not lived day in and day out with these people though. When I think of what "real" life would be like with XOM it kills my "fantasy" of him every single time. A real life relationship with my XOM would be strained from the get go.
Just a stone's throw Posted April 5, 2010 Posted April 5, 2010 Are you sure it wasn't the "fantasy" of her you loved? I often wonder this myself because I kept thinking and still think sometimes that I loved my XOM more than anyone else. We have not lived day in and day out with these people though. When I think of what "real" life would be like with XOM it kills my "fantasy" of him every single time. A real life relationship with my XOM would be strained from the get go. Yep, I just have to keep telling myself that it would have been a disaster. What part of our R made me ever think we were made for each other?? oh yeah, it was the sex..... that's it..... Tex, (please do not take this wrong) with your other departures (ie. your d, did you experience this degree of anger and then come to terms with the separation or is your separation from MW more pronounced in the feelings of anger and resentment?
share&care Posted April 6, 2010 Posted April 6, 2010 With all the emoting you did/continue to do over her husband I can't imagine she'd ever trust you to have her back in life, so I'd be surprised if she ever wanted to go forward. I've never seen you once consider if anything you did contributed to her uncertainty, to her hesitation. Never once. I realize the above makes me sounds mean and dismissive and without empathy or positive regard for the poster (who I'm assuming is SD - if I'm wrong allow me to 1) blush and 2) apologize profusely), but that's not the case. Not at all. In my mind he's never gotten some of the frank feedback that might have added something important to the totality of all the great support he's earned and recieved here. I totally agree...if his xMW could speak for herself what would she say as to why they aren't together? Maybe she didn't leave her H because their was something wrong with OM? OP, did you ever consider that while she didn't love her H anymore there wasn't enough on your end to leave for? just wondering...
Author Ima Texan Posted April 6, 2010 Author Posted April 6, 2010 With all the emoting you did/continue to do over her husband I can't imagine she'd ever trust you to have her back in life, so I'd be surprised if she ever wanted to go forward. I've never seen you once consider if anything you did contributed to her uncertainty, to her hesitation. Never once. I realize the above makes me sounds mean and dismissive and without empathy or positive regard for the poster (who I'm assuming is SD - if I'm wrong allow me to 1) blush and 2) apologize profusely), but that's not the case. Not at all. In my mind he's never gotten some of the frank feedback that might have added something important to the totality of all the great support he's earned and recieved here. 81, what do you want me say? Maybe I project some of my own guilt onto her. I am sure I do. Maybe I do the same with some of my hurt, my anger, my disappointment and the slew of other feelings.. I am human. As far as "did I contribute to her hesitation, I am sure I did that too. Don't we all, in "normal" relationships at one time or another? I guess the difference is in a "normal" relationship we would have either fixed it or moved on. We definitely would have talked about it. I don't know???
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