HockeyMom Posted April 2, 2010 Posted April 2, 2010 I'm just still such a depressed mess! Here it is early on a friday night and nothing to do, nobody to be with, nothing to look forward to. I'm just so alone, lonely, and depressed! I miss him so much. I hate everything and just wish I didn't have to wake up every day to just live another lonely depressing day. I want to contact him so bad. I want to ask why doesn't he miss me and want me back. I constantly wonder whether he's thinking about me as I am him. I wish I were with him right now talking about whats up for the weekend with what could be so much to look forward to, to have someone to love and be with. 6:00 and I'm already in bed for the night. Pretty sad I know but I don't have people to hang out with. My ex was my best friend and if when we weren't hanging out I didn't mind having some spare time alone to do errands or whatnot. But now I have 24/7 to be alone and it's just getting too overwhelmingly lonely and depressing. I'm so sad I could just cry and cry....
9Lives Posted April 2, 2010 Posted April 2, 2010 Well that is where you went wrong. You are not your own woman. You have no identity outside of him and this is going to keep happening to you over and over again. You dont have a life. It is 6pm and you cant find nothing to do to intertain yourself. you just made this so much harder on yourself. I beg you. You have to change. You will never be happy if you continue to live your life like this. I was similiar to you and I will never let a man be my life. It is a poor excuse for a life and a woman. You have to enjoy all the pies of life not just that one slice. I hope you realize that you have made a mistake and never do that again. Its very costly. This is a opportunity for growth for you...FOR YOU. You need to pull yourself out of this and it is not easy but you can do it. Dont let a man be your whole world....big big BIG mistake!!
9Lives Posted April 2, 2010 Posted April 2, 2010 And DONT CALL HIM. Dont text him. Dont email him. Nothing you say will make any good come from it. Write it out but dont send it. i did the same thing and I am sooooo glad I didnt send it. My ex cursed me out real bad and I have not said a word to him. It hasnt been easy but I know it is right. Your emotions are out of control right now and men can sense when we are desperate and all that jazz. IT IS A MAJOR TURN OFF!!
skydiveaddict Posted April 2, 2010 Posted April 2, 2010 Hockeymom, you need a new challenge in life. you need to get out there and make a new circle of friends. Skydiving is one SURE way to meet available, exciting men of all ages, and we're all really cool too! And once you make those friends it will lead to all sorts of other social opportunities, probably even a new bf. You will meet all sorts of fun people and that's a fact. good luck to ya ps. skydiving will be the biggest rush of your life
Author HockeyMom Posted April 2, 2010 Author Posted April 2, 2010 Well that is where you went wrong. You are not your own woman. You have no identity outside of him and this is going to keep happening to you over and over again. You dont have a life. It is 6pm and you cant find nothing to do to intertain yourself. you just made this so much harder on yourself. I beg you. You have to change. You will never be happy if you continue to live your life like this. I was similiar to you and I will never let a man be my life. It is a poor excuse for a life and a woman. You have to enjoy all the pies of life not just that one slice. I hope you realize that you have made a mistake and never do that again. Its very costly. This is a opportunity for growth for you...FOR YOU. You need to pull yourself out of this and it is not easy but you can do it. Dont let a man be your whole world....big big BIG mistake!! Thank you for your advise, I guess I need all I can get. But I hate tough love and I hate being kicked when I'm already down...not saying that's what you're doing but I just feel like I have an answer to everything... I do have a life just a very lonely one. I get up everyday and try to be motivated. I had a full day today, kept busy, but I still think of him and miss him every second of every day. I know that the night is going to come and I'll have nothing to do and nobody to hang out with. The whole weekend for that matter. I do have a few girlfriends that I talk with on the phone just about every day but they have boyfriends and husbands so hanging out with them nights or weekends doesn't happen. He was my significant other that I hung out with nights and weekends. I didn't need to be with him every night or all weekend to be happy, just having him in my life to talk to every day and things to look forward to with a significant other, I was happy. I told him that last year. I don't need to be with him all the time to be happy, I just need him in my life or I'm not happy anywhere. When in my 20's I was a big time partier... always going out to bars and whatnot. In my 30's I was a single devoted mother to a little boy. He kept me very busy, active in a ton of sports and spending alot of quality time together. Now I'm in my 40's and my son is grown and my best friend/soul mate is gone... My girlfriends are busy living their lives with their husbands and boyfriends. I'm not into going out to bars anymore really, especially alone. I'm not taking up basket weaving or knitting club or book club..lol, so the only thing I have found that gives me any kind of thrill or excitement is going to the casino and sitting in front of a slot machine... (and it is becoming very unhealthy for me to keep doing this) I'm going tomorrow and I go alone. Just sucks!!!! So any other suggestions on what to do to not be so sad and lonely I'm open to some ideas....
9Lives Posted April 2, 2010 Posted April 2, 2010 Well your life aint over or else you would be dead. I am speaking from experience cause I was you not too long ago. You cant live your life like this. It is no good. Especially now. I was happy with my ex. Good to go. Didnt need him around every sec of the day but I wanted his company. He changed!! fked me up for two years. two years! yes that bad. You have more living to do...more loving to do...more excitement to have....more traveling to do...more people to meet. But it is up to you. Your ex will wonder why is she so different. It will be because you have a real life outside him that you will love and never give up for no man or anyone. This is your life....make is happen. Again this is me from experience. I learnd my lesson. Please dont sit at home all weekend feeling sorry for yourself cause he is gone. Please find strength somewhere to even do the smallest things. Reward yourself for being a big girl and turning the corner to something better than what you are doing right now. There are plenty of us woman who have had to pull ourselves together and just go on probably been thru worst. Im in my 40s too so I understand. We have to get going. We are not teenagers anymore. We are strong and we can put this behind us. My man hurt me too but I just have to go on now. Tired of crying and trying. TIRED!
Author HockeyMom Posted April 2, 2010 Author Posted April 2, 2010 Thank you both for helping me get through this tonight... Skydive, you just crack me up!!! Suggesting skydiving to everybody you talk to on here. I knew it was coming the second I saw your reply..lol But skydiving is about the last thing in this world I would EVER do...lol My son is so cute, he just told his friends on xbox at 9:00 he has to go because he has bonding time with his mom friday nights. We're hooked on that new show with the cooking guy from England. So it's 7:30, I'm on here, another hr and1/2 to go.. I'll hang out with him for an hour then I'll go to sleep... getting through another day. I do it, but I hate every day. I just replied to some guy that was wondering whether to keep on living. I felt the same way today, but I won't take my life because of my son. I just want my best friend, lover, love of my life, soul mate back in my life sooo bad!!! I'm so jealous that someone else gets to live the life that I should be living with him.
skydiveaddict Posted April 2, 2010 Posted April 2, 2010 Ok I understand. but it s a great way to meet people. I wish you the best. Dont ever give up
Author HockeyMom Posted April 2, 2010 Author Posted April 2, 2010 Well your life aint over or else you would be dead. I am speaking from experience cause I was you not too long ago. You cant live your life like this. It is no good. Especially now. I was happy with my ex. Good to go. Didnt need him around every sec of the day but I wanted his company. He changed!! fked me up for two years. two years! yes that bad. You have more living to do...more loving to do...more excitement to have....more traveling to do...more people to meet. But it is up to you. Your ex will wonder why is she so different. It will be because you have a real life outside him that you will love and never give up for no man or anyone. This is your life....make is happen. Again this is me from experience. I learnd my lesson. Please dont sit at home all weekend feeling sorry for yourself cause he is gone. Please find strength somewhere to even do the smallest things. Reward yourself for being a big girl and turning the corner to something better than what you are doing right now. There are plenty of us woman who have had to pull ourselves together and just go on probably been thru worst. Im in my 40s too so I understand. We have to get going. We are not teenagers anymore. We are strong and we can put this behind us. My man hurt me too but I just have to go on now. Tired of crying and trying. TIRED! 9lives, thank you for sharing.. so you were a mess for 2 years after the break up?? Well I expect the same for me. This isn't anything that I'm going to get over any time soon. My ex and I were apart for 8 yrs once and I never got over him then either. He came back, and now I'm just waiting for him to come back again. As I said in my op I am going out tomorrow, to the casinos in CT. But alone. I found that it's the only place where my mind is totally preoccupied from him. The car ride is the killer though. I usually cry during some point of it because I'm alone and doing things alone that couples usually do together. I went last saturday as well and as soon as it got to be late afternoon, couples started pouring in and I fell apart and just had to get out of there. How did you get through it and what kinds of things did you do to entertain yourself and keep busy?
9Lives Posted April 2, 2010 Posted April 2, 2010 I started looking at other women who lost the love of their lives and how they didnt sit in a corner and cry like I was doing. I was miserable and it was a very horrible time in my life. I saw how they overcame and I want to do the same. We are just to old for this. I had to learn the hard way. This is new to me. I havent been this strong in a long time and I am happy about it. Tired of crying and wishing and trying. Your ex has had many opportunities to be with you. He has chosen to be with someone else. "that" time that you are wallowing in is gone. Dead! It dont exist anymore. Time to be on to other things now. Blessings! Trust me, I want my ex back too. BAD!! but Im not going to let it bring me down anymore. I fight it! I dont want to stop living cause a fking MAN left me. It zaps the life out of you. I hate it! I will call mother, father sister brother cousin friend uncle...anyone but him. I want to live a good healthy life with or without him. Screw it!
9Lives Posted April 2, 2010 Posted April 2, 2010 And just so you know, I am struggling as we speak to make myself get out this house but I am going out to hang with friends. Bottom line
skydiveaddict Posted April 3, 2010 Posted April 3, 2010 And just so you know, I am struggling as we speak to make myself get out this house but I am going out to hang with friends. Bottom line Nice , very nice. just to let you know, I am heartbroken too you are not alone
Author HockeyMom Posted April 3, 2010 Author Posted April 3, 2010 Nice , very nice. just to let you know, I am heartbroken too you are not alone Yes good for you 9lives going out!!! But it is a struggle for you to do so?? Skydive, you're still having a tough time too? I suppose all of us that are here on a friday night says we're not alone. I just think it's so sad that we can't have who we want and feel like we should have in our lives. I miss him and want him back!!
skydiveaddict Posted April 3, 2010 Posted April 3, 2010 (edited) is good song for tonight Edited April 3, 2010 by skydiveaddict
9Lives Posted April 3, 2010 Posted April 3, 2010 just walked inthe door from hanging out. I did have a good time and I am glad I went. Still trying to be strong. Some guy was on the phone with me talking my ear off about how good he is in bed...BORING!!!!!!! Some men just dont get it. It is not about the sex if you want me.
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