thisdayforward Posted April 2, 2010 Posted April 2, 2010 ...and the momentos...? I'm divorced now. We started the process back in September and it was final early January. I'm leaning toward just throwing it all away. I could take the frames to my local Goodwill. Then there is the ring. It's in a safe at my parents'. I really don't know what to do with that one. Should I just wait then, and someday I will know? What has anyone else chosen to do with these things and why?
CarrieT Posted April 2, 2010 Posted April 2, 2010 What I did with my photos was scan them and mail a copy to my Ex. I haven't looked at them since, but I had the satisfaction of knowing I did a Nice Thing by not destroying them. I asked that he reciprocate (as he had a lot of our photos on his computer) and I never got them. Oh well. Also, because of the Northridge Earthquake, I lost ALL of the photographs from the early part of my life. I literally have NO pictures of my marriage of 25 years ago. Now I don't care about my Ex so much as it is a document of part of my life I wouldn't mind having. I say keep them, just because they are a testament to your life.
nobmagnet Posted April 2, 2010 Posted April 2, 2010 hello keep them. but store them away. Memories of pain fade and to lose some past of your life when you are hurting could be a mistake. Put it this way. you dont want to see them now but in years to come it might be good to show Grandkids? i burnt some. but i hadnt got any children with him. to see his face would take me back even now after 15 years. glad i did it. but if its family.........well i wouldnt burn just give them to family. nobby xx
spriggig Posted April 2, 2010 Posted April 2, 2010 I burned two last weekend after I sent my STBX out of the house. I did it as a graphic time marker to say to myself that whatever the future holds, this marriage is over. The rest still hang on my hall wall. I have no idea what I'll do with all the others.
mikeymad Posted April 2, 2010 Posted April 2, 2010 Def scan them, but afterwards with the originals... Dartboard/paintball target/voodoo doll I'm not bitter AT ALL
trippi1432 Posted April 2, 2010 Posted April 2, 2010 I gave most of mine away...first ex, saved them for his daughter and gave them all to her when she was a teenager. Second one....giving the remainder of the pics to our son. On the ring...you will know what to do with it one day. I gave mine back to the ex and he pawned all of the rings for $45 so he could go gambling. Hope he won BIG. :mad:
LisaUk Posted April 2, 2010 Posted April 2, 2010 Whilst you are unsure, put them in a box somewhere well out of the way and in 5 years when you have moved past this you will know exactly what to do with them. As for the ring, again, personally I am keeping mine for now, I think maybe one day I will sell it and offset the legal costs I had to pay against it? Or maybe another idea depending on how wealthy you are would be to donate the proceeds to a charity, that way some good comes from it. My advice is to hold fire for a while.
PWSX3 Posted April 2, 2010 Posted April 2, 2010 My former W took most of them & I have asked her for the ones she doesn't want back. I did get a couple boxes she didn't know about but I feel they help a person do the grieving. You need to grieve what you hoped the marriage would be, grieve the good times that you did have & the bad times. It is part of my past & I want to be able to look back in 20-30 years.
2.50 a gallon Posted April 2, 2010 Posted April 2, 2010 Pictures: I threw some away, and thankfully put the others away in a box, out of sight out of mind. Some I kept because they had family members in them, including the last time I was with my grandparents. I also kept a couple of wedding pictures, just to remind me that marriages don't work. (I was determined to never fall in love and be hurt again) I also kept a few photos of her in her bikini and out of it. We dated several years before getting married, by the time we got married nature had taken over just a little, and after we got married she put on a few pounds. I was sure that someday she would remarry, and I kept them purposely, for the possibility that she would try to rub my face in her future husband, and I could rub back, that I had her when she was a fox and now she is a dog. Every once in while, like when moving I will refind it again. No bad triggers, in fact it is a great ego boost, to remember I got to screw her when she was at her prime. Momentos: All gone except for the knife used to cut the wedding cake, it still cuts cake and big loaves of french bread The ring: At the time of the D, it had a gold value of $30, and I was tempted to sell it. But I discovered that there were a few ladies out there who liked to jump the bones of married men and all you needed was to be wearing a wedding ring to apply. So would on occassion put it back on when heading out to certain bars. Eventually it ended up forgotten in my jewelry box. When I refound it years later I thought of having it reworked into something I could wear around my neck, but soon forgot about it again. The next time I refound it, my feelings had changed. Now, believe it or not it is a cherished momento, as it reminds me, that at least once in my life I laid it all on the line for love. Also by now the gold value has gone way up
mark982 Posted April 3, 2010 Posted April 3, 2010 i started off the very night we broke up burning 2 pics, then stopped. it's funny what gallon wrote cause that was exactly what was running thru my mind, i got to bang her in her prime. still have them somrewhere,though i'd be hard pressed to find them.
tnttim Posted April 3, 2010 Posted April 3, 2010 I was sure that someday she would remarry, and I kept them purposely, for the possibility that she would try to rub my face in her future husband, and I could rub back, that I had her when she was a fox and now she is a dog. I never thought of that, how ingenious
trippi1432 Posted April 3, 2010 Posted April 3, 2010 My former W took most of them & I have asked her for the ones she doesn't want back. I did get a couple boxes she didn't know about but I feel they help a person do the grieving. You need to grieve what you hoped the marriage would be, grieve the good times that you did have & the bad times. It is part of my past & I want to be able to look back in 20-30 years. Ah, I can tell you from experience...20 years out...it won't mean anything....but will mean everything that you were ever afraid of remembering.
trippi1432 Posted April 3, 2010 Posted April 3, 2010 I also kept a few photos of her in her bikini and out of it. We dated several years before getting married, by the time we got married nature had taken over just a little, and after we got married she put on a few pounds. I was sure that someday she would remarry, and I kept them purposely, for the possibility that she would try to rub my face in her future husband, and I could rub back, that I had her when she was a fox and now she is a dog. Every once in while, like when moving I will refind it again. No bad triggers, in fact it is a great ego boost, to remember I got to screw her when she was at her prime. Hmm, interesting....seen you post about the ex's weight a few times today...how shallow. Sorry, this one got to me.....what about you makes you think that you could in any way, shape or form be sexier than her being vindictive? In any love that is honest, that is where passion is...something any shallow man will never know. What you have is superficial expectations in which you will never find true happiness. Show those pics...I guarantee you that she will not pick a superficial man with expectations that as a woman ages she will look like a teenager. She will pick a man who loves her no matter what (and yes, in my case that was a lie)...but he might just lie to her until the day she passes away...making her eternally happy. Yes...working on lyrics to a new song....appropriately entitled Lie to Me.
Gunny376 Posted April 3, 2010 Posted April 3, 2010 You put them in a box, store them away, and forget about them. Who you are and what you feel about them now? Isn't the you your going to be twenty nor thirty years from now! Take a "Fool's Advice"
tojaz Posted April 3, 2010 Posted April 3, 2010 I took all the pictures down and carefully stashed them away with the other momentos and my ring. Doubt I will ever part with them and i would suggest you do the same or at least make the decision once the emotions die down a little. Whilst I'm in hell now, those pictures represent what is left of what was the happiest time of my life and a big part of who I am. I would hate to lose that. The only on display though are one single picture and the champagne glasses from our wedding day. Everything else is out of sight out of mind. Hmm, interesting....seen you post about the ex's weight a few times today...how shallow. Sorry, this one got to me.....what about you makes you think that you could in any way, shape or form be sexier than her being vindictive? In any love that is honest, that is where passion is...something any shallow man will never know. What you have is superficial expectations in which you will never find true happiness. Show those pics...I guarantee you that she will not pick a superficial man with expectations that as a woman ages she will look like a teenager. She will pick a man who loves her no matter what (and yes, in my case that was a lie)...but he might just lie to her until the day she passes away...making her eternally happy. Yes...working on lyrics to a new song....appropriately entitled Lie to Me. Easy Trippi I don't think Gallon meant any harm, or trying to be superficial, just a little jab at the one that wronged him. TOJAZ
spriggig Posted April 3, 2010 Posted April 3, 2010 I took all the pictures down and carefully stashed them away with the other momentos and my ring. Wow, the ring. I engraved our names on my ring myself. Neither my STBX nor I can wear gold, it leaves strange burn marks on our skin, so mine is silver. I lost that ring at least five times. The last time I found it in the road in front of our house a week after losing it. It had been run over and the edges were pretty beat up. I smoothed the edges down with a file and put it back on. I'll keep the ring.
blind_otter Posted April 3, 2010 Posted April 3, 2010 ...and the momentos...? I'm divorced now. We started the process back in September and it was final early January. I'm leaning toward just throwing it all away. I could take the frames to my local Goodwill. Then there is the ring. It's in a safe at my parents'. I really don't know what to do with that one. Should I just wait then, and someday I will know? What has anyone else chosen to do with these things and why? I kept everything in a box in a closet. I pawned the ring. I really liked a lot of the pictures, they were expensive and professional. But eventually after about a year or two I threw those away, too.
sumdude Posted April 3, 2010 Posted April 3, 2010 (edited) Shredded and burned a couple as a kind of ritual to signify the end of the relationship. The rest are boxed up, on CDR's or on the old computer which I haven't fired up in over a year... wonder if it would even boot now? I don't recognize the guy in those pictures and the woman doesn't really exist anymore. Both wedding band and the engagement setting are in a little box somewhere. I sold the diamond to recoup some of the debt she left me with. Kinda though I would go back to the top of the lighthouse where I proposed to her and throw them off into the sand and ocean but that never happened.. yet. Edited April 3, 2010 by sumdude
dgiirl Posted April 3, 2010 Posted April 3, 2010 Pictures and ring are in the back of the closet. After 5 years, I still don't know what to do with them. I keep the wedding ring as a good reminder (I never got an engagement ring nor even a proposal). It is fairly cheap and simple. I've never been very materialistic so I never minded. But looking back, I feel the ring is just a symbol of how he didn't care about me, my dreams and desires because it made HIM uncomfortable. Every girl dreams about having the man of her life kneel down and propose to her. I never got a proposal. I never got an engagement ring. And throughout the marriage, I never got the "girly" things girls like, flowers, romantic dinners/vacations, zip all. All because he said "Material items don't show how much I love you". (It wasnt like he couldn't afford it!) And then, when he left, he said he never wanted to get married. (Duh, so that's why he never proposed! Despite his claims that "it doesnt show how much I love you") It just showed how much I overlooked and scarified my own happiness. The ring is a bit empowering. If another man ever wants me to marry him, he'll have to prove it.
Gunny376 Posted April 3, 2010 Posted April 3, 2010 If another man ever wants me to marry him, he'll have to prove it. Trouble is? Finding a dragon to slay these days are so hard to come by!
br0ken_w0lf Posted April 3, 2010 Posted April 3, 2010 Burned all paper pictures, usually in a drunken stupor in the backyard, including the entire wedding album; cards, gifts, etc. Her engagement ring, I sold in an effort to assist with some of the retail therapy bills I'd accumulated in a long history of not dealing well with the divorce. My wedding band, I still have it; I think she still has hers. I'd started even deleting digital pics but stopped at some point. I kept the house we bought and lived in and I routinely find things that remind me of her, written by her. My advice: box it up and keep it. 2.5 years after she left, I find myself wishing that I'd kept it all. Not sure if that's because I've never come to terms with it or not. But my two cents anyway.
trippi1432 Posted April 3, 2010 Posted April 3, 2010 Easy Trippi I don't think Gallon meant any harm, or trying to be superficial, just a little jab at the one that wronged him. TOJAZ True, I see that now. Thanks Tojaz. Gallon, I owe you an apology. I totally took your post the wrong way. In honesty, six months ago I felt much like you stated about my STBXH. Again, my apologies for coming down on you like that.
FeelingLonely98 Posted April 4, 2010 Posted April 4, 2010 I put ALL (pictures, frames, albums - including wedding album, etc.) in a box and when she picked up her "stuff" to place it in storage it was one of the 40 boxes. (I packed up everything that she was going to take) Best thing I ever did.
You Go Girl Posted April 5, 2010 Posted April 5, 2010 I've kept it all from my first marriage. My daughter is going to decide one day if she wants to keep which pictures of her parents, their lives, her childhood. I don't ever open the box. I can see many of the pictures in my head anyway, if I want to. The ring I still have. Not sure what I'll ever do with it. Maybe it will sit in a box until the day I die and then my daughter will get that too. I did take the reception toasting glasses, very nicely cut crystal, out to the fire pit in the backyard right before I left the house forever. I smashed them against each other in some little act of drama. I'm sure the new owners looked in the fire pit and figured out what that was pretty quick.
Author thisdayforward Posted April 5, 2010 Author Posted April 5, 2010 Thanks, everyone. I started this thread on Friday after trying to sort through a big pile of things I brought from the house I shared with my ex to my current apartment. I'm going to be moving again soon, so I wanted to try to condense. I just had no plan when I started sorting on Friday, so it was difficult. I had a plan today and organized everything very quickly. I've taken your advice to hang onto them. The momentos were already together, just the pictures in the picture frames were scattered in different boxes. I've gone through everything now, and stashed all the pictures I could find along with the momentos. I decided to keep them because I don't have that many, less than a dozen, I think. We were together for almost six years and he kept all the pictures that were just stored away and weren't framed - I got the framed ones. It may be nice to keep them as a document of a time in my life. I'll hang onto them, and just keep them in storage as I go.
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