Engadget Posted April 2, 2010 Posted April 2, 2010 I'm talking to a girl off and on that I truly, truly do not understand. She's physically beautiful, but personality wise all over the place. She flirts with me, gave me her number but when I've tried to engage her in conversation she shuts down, and lately has even become hostile towards me. I made it clear when we started talking that I was looking to get to know her as a friend for now, and that was all. She claims she hasn't been single for almost 6 years, always jumping into relationships. I was truly trying to get to know her, because her friend offered me to move into their house with them, and I can't live with people I don't know. She's shy, but claims she isn't. It's just odd how she went from open to talking, to shutting down and acting hostile towards me, even using veiled insults. Then she'll go back to being sort of nice, then back again. I'm not inexperienced with women, but this one confuses me to no end. She's even made wall posts online directly referencing things I've said to her. Today she mentioned how she "gets involved with the wrong people", and as is my nature I talked to her about it. She went from "Well I'm trying to get to know this person" to "There is no problem with getting to know them" to "I don't want to talk to anyone about it". Mind you that was after numerous back and forths on the subject, then she all of a sudden shifted. Is she just insane? I don't get it. If more information is needed let me know.
Peter Attis Posted April 2, 2010 Posted April 2, 2010 I think she likes you and is mad that you're not looking for anything beyond friendship. Or she may be crazy. Hard to tell.
ADF Posted April 2, 2010 Posted April 2, 2010 There are several possible explanations for her erratic behavior, but they all reduce to just two. Either she is behaving this way intentionally, or she isn't. Either way, she is gonna be trouble. If she is intentionally acting crazy to test how far she can push you, to she how much you'll put up with, that's bad. That shows she is a manipulative person. If she is acting this way unintentionally, then she has serious issues that might make the whole time you're with her a nightmare. Take your pick. I would add two more things. First, men almost never go out of their way to befriend women unless they are attracted to them. Almost never. If you are really interested, say so. Don't try to snow her with this "let's be friends first" nonsense. Second, if you really do want to be friends first, your odds with this woman just fell through the floor. Consider that almost any attractive woman is going to be targeted by many different men at any given time. If you go too slowly, if you try to be friends first, the odds are you'll be knocked aside by some other guy who is more aggressive. Then you'll be banished to the dreaded Friend Zone.
Author Engadget Posted April 2, 2010 Author Posted April 2, 2010 I think she likes you and is mad that you're not looking for anything beyond friendship. Or she may be crazy. Hard to tell. I know, that's the two things I've thought as well. I'm going to post the conversation online today, but I have to remove names so it'll take a minute. Her original post: I am the queen of mistakes >.> Her after a response to someone else: Not me! I always keep going back for more. I always manage to get involved with the wrong people >.< 7 hours ago Me Then get involved with the opposite type of people you normally would. 2 hours ago · Her I'm trying... 39 minutes ago Me Show them you really want to get to know them I guess? 33 minutes ago · Her Easier said then actually attempting.. 32 minutes ago Me Well if you're shy sure, but just be straightforward with them. Unless of course they just aren't interested, then you can't really force them 31 minutes ago · Her I'm not shy. I'm quiet and read people and decide if I want to get to know them or not. If I do, eh, sometimes I go too far. But I give up easily too. 29 minutes ago Me Yeah, I'm the same way. I put effort into getting to know someone first, but if I get nothing back there's not much point in trying. You gotta make the effort to get to know the person, show them you want to talk you know? 25 minutes ago · Her Yeap. 23 minutes ago Me Is said person just not interested? Call him up, ask him to hang out with you or something. 20 minutes ago · Her Oh, I have no problem with that. Heh, 18 minutes ago Me Then I don't understand the problem haha. If he's interested and wants to see you, then...you're golden 17 minutes ago · Her There is no 'problem'. There is a lot more to it than I'd like to share with anyone or on Facebook for that matter. 15 minutes ago Mind you what I was saying to her in a sort of obvious way, was exactly what I tried to do with her, just get to know her. However she basically stopped responding and started getting angry, so I'm thinking crazy makes more sense here. It's no skin off my back if she's not interested in me.
Author Engadget Posted April 2, 2010 Author Posted April 2, 2010 (edited) There are several possible explanations for her erratic behavior, but they all reduce to just two. Either she is behaving this way intentionally, or she isn't. Either way, she is gonna be trouble. If she is intentionally acting crazy to test how far she can push you, to she how much you'll put up with, that's bad. That shows she is a manipulative person. If she is acting this way unintentionally, then she has serious issues that might make the whole time you're with her a nightmare. Take your pick. I would add two more things. First, men almost never go out of their way to befriend women unless they are attracted to them. Almost never. If you are really interested, say so. Don't try to snow her with this "let's be friends first" nonsense. Second, if you really do want to be friends first, your odds with this woman just fell through the floor. Consider that almost any attractive woman is going to be targeted by many different men at any given time. If you go too slowly, if you try to be friends first, the odds are you'll be knocked aside by some other guy who is more aggressive. Then you'll be banished to the dreaded Friend Zone. Like I said, I'm trying to be her friend because I was offered to live in the same house with them. Yes she's attractive, but not really my type personality wise thus far. And I just got out of a long relationship, so no I'm NOT looking to get involved with anyone. I'm very honest, so nothing I'm saying is BS. So being "banished" to the friend zone when that's all I was looking for isn't an issue. I know how to go after a girl I want and am aggressive, however after a long and crappy relationship I'm taking it easy now. If someone else snatches her it's quite alright. I just don't know if she's angry at me for NOT pursuing her? She was very into me at the start, so that could be it. Edited April 2, 2010 by Engadget
Tres Posted April 2, 2010 Posted April 2, 2010 There is nothing wrong with her if she is young. What do you want from her? As for you, you have the rigid expectations of what the right behavior is for a girl. But, the girl of your expectations is imaginary, simplistic. Real women are very different and complex. It is impossible for a man to understand women deeply and completely.
JustLooking123 Posted April 3, 2010 Posted April 3, 2010 Something tells me that the only reason you're putting up with putting up with her "all over the place" personality is that she's so "physically beautiful."
Stbe Posted April 3, 2010 Posted April 3, 2010 So true. I can't imagine he'd be posting about it if this were some unattractive chubby 52 year old with stringy grey hair. He'd just try to stay as far away from her as possible.
Author Engadget Posted April 3, 2010 Author Posted April 3, 2010 Something tells me that the only reason you're putting up with putting up with her "all over the place" personality is that she's so "physically beautiful." Not really, no. Because I'm done talking to her now. Like I said, I was offered to live with them and I wouldn't live with someone I didn't get along with. Jeez, no one believes what I'm saying huh?
nothappyjan Posted April 3, 2010 Posted April 3, 2010 she probably just likes the attention she gets from you....move on if shes causing drama
Stbe Posted April 3, 2010 Posted April 3, 2010 Not really, no. Because I'm done talking to her now. Like I said, I was offered to live with them and I wouldn't live with someone I didn't get along with. Jeez, no one believes what I'm saying huh? Possibly because you're posting this in the DATING section?
Austen Posted April 3, 2010 Posted April 3, 2010 Don't take this personally, but it's been my experience that most men can't cope when an attractive woman (even one they're "supposedly" not interested in) doesn't fall down at their feet in awe... We women are complicated beings. Maybe she's just not sure what she wants because she's been jerked around by too many guys... And my experience is telling me that if you're just coming out of a long-term relationship, she may be getting that vibe from you...
Author Engadget Posted April 3, 2010 Author Posted April 3, 2010 Possibly because you're posting this in the DATING section? Sorry, didn't know where else to post it
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