Jeff1962 Posted April 2, 2010 Posted April 2, 2010 I feel as if it's taken it's toll on me and my life and marriage. My CP is just blah, blah, blah. I feel as if there is no hope for me. I have tried with all that I am. My wife does not understand, I do not understand. I have left my home and now have my own place. I miss my children, I miss my marriage even for what it was. I just feel as if it's all over. I feel as if I am alone and no one understands me. If there are any other veretans here please respond.
seren Posted April 2, 2010 Posted April 2, 2010 Jeff, my H had PTSD after his 2nd tour in Iraq. I missed it as he bottled it up and just didn't want to talk about it to me as he saw it as weakness. Not sure he even recognised how he was feeling as stress, he saw it as him not being strong enough and not good enough. It is sometimes very hard being the partner of someone with PTSD and not knowing what is going on, how they are feeling. I am ex military (from a long time ago) and at the height of the IRA bombings, had a number of friends killed. We dealt with it with typical forces black humour, we didn't discuss how we felt, we just got on with it. BUT, I clearly remember being very affected by it all, the why them, why not me feelings perhaps me next time. Very often we all just got pissed every night doing reckless things and being afraid to let anyone get too close incase they saw our vulnerabilities. I don't know how things are for you, but there is a lot of help out there for veterans with PTSD and talking really, really does help, usually with other veterans as many civilians don't have the same experiences. for what it's worth, and to hopefully give you some hope - H has had a number of deployments since and he has learned that it isn't weak to talk about his demons, I have learned to listen and recognise when he isn't coping. Is there someone you can talk to and trust enough to let them see how you are feeling? Take care of yourself, Seren
FarmGirl Posted April 3, 2010 Posted April 3, 2010 Thank you for serving in the military. You are a brave and honorable man! Keep searching until you find the person who can help you! Don't let this slide ok? Hang in there!
TinyLee222 Posted April 3, 2010 Posted April 3, 2010 Thank you for serving in the military. You are a brave and honorable man! Keep searching until you find the person who can help you! Don't let this slide ok? Hang in there! I agree. Thank you for your service Jeff. Take care of youself first It's not all over! Once you are able to get a handle on your PTSD everything else will fall into place whether that is with or without your wife. You shouldn't be suffering in silence. Lee
BlueeyedJonesy Posted April 3, 2010 Posted April 3, 2010 Jeff, I am so sorry to hear that you are in pain. Are you in IC right now? Prayers for you buddy!
Caprica6 Posted April 3, 2010 Posted April 3, 2010 Are you currently seeking help for your PTSD? And if so, is this something your wife is actively involved in? If she has not already, I would recommend that she talk with a professional counselor, so that she can better understand what you are going through. I don't know the specifics of your PTSD or how long you two have been dealing with this. But your wife is probably scared and frustrated. But if the both of you are willing to work through it, I think there is hope. Do the two of you have a strong marriage, other than the PTSD? I ask because sometimes people do things during deployments that can or cannot be worked through.
saltnpepper Posted April 3, 2010 Posted April 3, 2010 I did experiential therapy, role playing. A complex process at Onsite just west of Nashville. Built up a whole pattern of observations, then did a big roleplay session just focused on me. Reduced the problem incredibly well. The newer traumas had to hang onto something, the old stuff. Unwrapping the old stuff kind of depowered the newer trauma overlay. Hard to explain. Anyway, the standard talk therapy - crap. Drug - crap. Experiential in a multi-day session - worked. Good luck, I get it. Hard to explain, though.
giotto Posted April 4, 2010 Posted April 4, 2010 Jeff, I'm sorry to read this... try and get help, if you can... if you miss your family maybe it's time to try and fix your marriage? It's never too late...
cuppa Posted April 5, 2010 Posted April 5, 2010 Oh Jeff, sorry for what you are going through. Thank you so much for your service in military and to this country, you have my utmost respect. Please hang in there, I'm so sorry that I can't offer any advice other than wishing and sending great vibe going your way. If you can, perhaps keep sharing what's going on your mind here, perhaps it will help and some other people who are going through similar experiences can help as well. You are anonymous here, perhaps, you can be as honest as you possibly can. Good luck buddy!
faf Posted April 5, 2010 Posted April 5, 2010 US Marine Corps veteran here. I can't offer any professional advice but this looks to be your hardest battle. You need to stick with whatever counseling you can get. Try different types. Keep trying until you find something that works. Once you find that, it'll be worth it and you only need to find it once. I'll pray for you.
seren Posted April 7, 2010 Posted April 7, 2010 Jeff, How you doing? You sounded so down in your post, just a tad worried and hoping you have found some support. Seren
Author Jeff1962 Posted May 14, 2010 Author Posted May 14, 2010 Thank you all for your kind words. Sorry to have worried you Seren. I'm hanging in there. I've found a local group of vets. We get together twice a week. It helps to talk and to listen. I've lost a few friends and my parents over this. My situation has made me realize that I have placed too high of expectations upon people. I have come to the realization that I only have myself in this life. Kind of a numbing feeling, yet, a comfortable truth. Thank you for reaching out to me, a total stranger.
seren Posted May 14, 2010 Posted May 14, 2010 Hi Jeff, Glad you are in a somewhat better place and have found support. I would say it will be baby steps, get yourself whole and in a good place and then try reaching out to others, you might be surprised that some of us give out don't get too close signals and that others can interpret these as I just don't need anyone, or give a toss, when in actual fact we (general we) do need to feel that someone has our back, or cares. But when we are in defensive mode we shut down and look inward. Until we can feel whole and good enough we tend to put up barriers and it can be impossible for those on the outside to get close enough to show that they care. Hope this makes sense. Take very good care of yourself Jeff, needing support is not weak, not being able to cope, is not weak, taking charge is the first step to healing your self, once you do that, the rest, hopefully, will follow and you will allow yourself to be loved.
Author Jeff1962 Posted May 15, 2010 Author Posted May 15, 2010 Hi Jeff, Glad you are in a somewhat better place and have found support. I would say it will be baby steps, get yourself whole and in a good place and then try reaching out to others, you might be surprised that some of us give out don't get too close signals and that others can interpret these as I just don't need anyone, or give a toss, when in actual fact we (general we) do need to feel that someone has our back, or cares. But when we are in defensive mode we shut down and look inward. Until we can feel whole and good enough we tend to put up barriers and it can be impossible for those on the outside to get close enough to show that they care. Hope this makes sense. Take very good care of yourself Jeff, needing support is not weak, not being able to cope, is not weak, taking charge is the first step to healing your self, once you do that, the rest, hopefully, will follow and you will allow yourself to be loved. Yes. You make sense. Again, thank you so much for being a bud. About a week ago when I woke up in the morning, for the first time in I don't know when, I did not think about blowing my brains out. This is a positive step. Don't worry, I am stable. Just talking about what I am going thru, I have no intent of doing so. It's a day by day walk. Sometimes a half day at a time. It helps to get this **** out with other vets. We have 4 vets from Nam. 2 from Desert Storm and myself. Very informal but yet it all seems to come together for everyone involved. I am very fournate to have found them. We bond, they are my brothers. On another note........ I love my wife but I am much happier in my own place and even though she is a good person, I just don't think she is right for me. Thru all of this, our seperation, I have remained faithful and plan on remaining so until this is final. I find it very difficult to be away from someone I considered to be my best friend for years. I know this is for the best in the long run. I do however get to see our children all the time which is a good thing. Anyway, enough about me. Thanks again. I know your husband is a vet. Best wishes toward you and yours. Semper Fi. Jett
locamia Posted May 17, 2010 Posted May 17, 2010 My Dad is not only a Vietnam vet but also a retired NYPD cop..seen alot of ****. He never wanted to go to therapy but we always wished he had. I would definitely try to work some of that out by talking to others, whether its therapy or, like my Dad, other vets. He goes to VA meetings constantly and tries to keep contact with many of the vets which seems to help. Then when you get yourself to a better place mentally go out and find yourself a woman that understands and truly appreciates you. You seem to be such a great guy just from what I've read and even with the 'baggage' LOL the right woman would be lucky to have you.
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