Butilovehim Posted April 2, 2010 Posted April 2, 2010 Hi all. Ok so wanting opinions and thoughts. My partner & I have been together for 14 years and it has certainyl had it ups ad downs but seems to have stabled. He has 2 single friends that have been great friends to him but I find that during recent conversations that they seem to be treating women as numbers and 1 in particular is only interested in getting another knotch on his belt. My concerns are that he is going out to pubs and clubs with them most weekends and I don't feel that they respect me or our relationship. Just some silly comments that have been said made me think about this. I feel uncomfortable about it cause they are the types of friends that give good men bad names. Should I be concerned?
Leia Posted April 2, 2010 Posted April 2, 2010 How long has he been friends with those two? Way before you met them or just recently? You've been with your partner for 14 years and that is enough time to let you know if he'd succumb to his friends' behavior or not.
Author Butilovehim Posted April 2, 2010 Author Posted April 2, 2010 Hi no they have been friends for many years but not before we met. I agree but just the recent comments have shocked me to the point that I don't want to be around his friends. Example I have postponed a trip to Europe for the last 10 years as it was something I wanted to experience with my partner. My family decided to go and I have decided to go with them but my partner can't get time off. Very excited but sad that I won't be able to share that with him. Anyway today was talking bout my trip with his friends to which the 1 that is the worst says to me you never know you might meet a nice Italian boy... Why would you say that?? I really don't understand. It just makes me uncomfortable...
Married_and_Lonely Posted April 2, 2010 Posted April 2, 2010 Unless they've said worse than your example, you're overreacting. Sounds like playful banter that I could have said in jest. Hell, I kid my wife about things like "I'll be home by Sunday afternoon so you'd better have your boyfriend out by then." To have a succesful relationship, you have to have deep trust in one another. If your partner violates that trust, then you can deal with it then. But if you never learn to have that trust, your relationship will never be as strong and satisfying as it should be.
Lauriebell82 Posted April 3, 2010 Posted April 3, 2010 Unless they've said worse than your example, you're overreacting. Sounds like playful banter that I could have said in jest. Hell, I kid my wife about things like "I'll be home by Sunday afternoon so you'd better have your boyfriend out by then." To have a succesful relationship, you have to have deep trust in one another. If your partner violates that trust, then you can deal with it then. But if you never learn to have that trust, your relationship will never be as strong and satisfying as it should be. Yeah, I agree with this. I think his friend was just joking around, he probably didn't think you would take it to heart. Just because his friends are single and want to sleep with tons of women doesn't mean that he will. Do you have some friends that YOU could go out with when he is with his?
carhill Posted April 3, 2010 Posted April 3, 2010 Backstory Should I be concerned? About the rest of the relationship, yes. About this one issue, no. IMO, for both of you, your 'relationship' is all you know, ever since you were young teenagers. You've now been together about as long as you were alive before you got together. You're both changing and have changed a lot. That backstory underscores the change. Gather up your girls and go have a hat luncheon or something. Get out there and enjoy yourself. Everything need not revolve around him. He'll become curious about what you've been up to. Good. That will keep him focused on your relationship and you. IMO, if he's so Borg that his single, horny friends control his genitals, then you shouldn't be with him at all. Who needs that kind of hive behavior?
Jersey Shortie Posted April 4, 2010 Posted April 4, 2010 You can judge a man or woman by their friends of whom they hang out with the most. Usually are friends are more like us then not. Yeah, I would be concerned. Talk to your boyfriend and tell him your concerns. Does your boyfriend engage in the disrespectful talk about other women that you know of?
Nikki Sahagin Posted April 4, 2010 Posted April 4, 2010 Hmmm it is an issue and it isn't. Ultimately they are HIS friends and as much as you may be concerned by them or may not like them, you cannot make him NOT be friends with them. Unfortunately you will have to learn to 'tolerate' them as friends/family come as part of the package with a partner. I disliked MANY of my exes friends because I saw them as rude, crass, disrespectful, 'bad influences' but I trained myself to kind of go on auto pilot when they were around. I think it is both fair AND unfair to judge a person by their friends. For instance, I have friends who sleep around, smoke, do drugs, but I don't. I'm sure some people would assume because i'm friends with these people, I must be the same. In saying that, people usually are similar to their CLOSE friends aka I couldn't go out with my friend that does drugs TOO often because we are too incompatable. I would either have to start doing drugs, she'd have to stop or we'd have to see each other less altogether. Now just because he's friends are by want of a better word 'players' doesn't mean your partner is or will be but if he is going to clubs/bars with these guys...I might worry. If he just hangs out with them in other plays, it wouldn't bother me so much. You might as well discuss it with him. Its not a criticism or accusation, its just a personal worry you have. Have you ever gone out with them once or twice?
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