rosewithtaints Posted April 2, 2010 Posted April 2, 2010 our relationship started at the wrong place, wrong timing, and wrong activity. i was working at a massage parlour and he was one of my customers. we started going out and came together shortly after. my boyfriend;s intital intention is to treat me as a fling and nothing serious. however as time goes by with more interactions, we grew to love each other more and more until a point now that i simply cannot imagine a life without him. because of him, i quitted my job despite of my need of money. i have done whatever things that a girlfriend can do to please her boyfriend, giving surprises, cooking for him, being understanding, and etc. as he has a very bad and impatient temper, i was always giving in to him and coaxing him. everything could be so perfect if not for my past. besides my previous job as a masseue, i do not have a very pleasant sexual past. my boyfriend was bothered by the fact that i appeared to be so "loose" and he would make sarcasstic remarks like imm disgusting or worthless. i totally regret whatever things i have done now but there is nothing i can do. sometimes i have difficulties in getting over my complex past, but it certainly does not help when he is constantly being reminded and bothered by it. he said he will try not to think about it, but the frequencies seemed to increase and the remarks are getting more and more aggressive. he will state something like i am an individual with no self worth, that i should count myself lucky that he will want to be with me in the first place, that he has the rights to cheat on me because i totally deserve it. yet, he still says that he loves me. he says that the fact that he was so bothered by my past is because he has not love someone so deep and so much before. i am super hurt by the statements that he made and i try to talk to him about it, but it just ended up with him saying that im getting out of hand. at some points of time he made me feel like a slave. this has carry on for quite awhile and im feeling more and more hopeless. we might not be compatible and we might not even belong to each other, but i feel that this love between us is too special and too sacred. i have never felt this way before and i truly deeply madly love him. i do not bear to leave him and i certainly do not have the courage now to part. tell me what i should do.
tincanman99 Posted April 2, 2010 Posted April 2, 2010 Frankly he is not worth your time if he is treating you like this. Nobody deserves to be treated like that. That crap about telling you that you are worthless, the insults, etc... NO ONE should be treated like this. Its hurtful and damages your self esteem. I think its time to kick him to the curb. You said he is becoming more aggressive, are you going to stay with him if he starts hitting you? Time to move on. Life is too short to put up with someone like this.
boogieboy Posted April 2, 2010 Posted April 2, 2010 Just so you know, your "love" os not special or sacred when he treats you like this. One sided love isnt sacred. He tells you those things to keep you below him. Do you think youre below him? He does it to keep your self esteem low to keep you at his mercy. I know you dont know better now, because you are afraid to leave and deal with the hurt, but how much longer do you think you want to live like this? Because if you do, then you would truly be worthless as he said. I dont think youre worthless, but what would you really be worth if you cant even stand up for yourself, own your past, and be able to have some self worth? Its not all about him you know, you already know hes not the right guy for you, youre just caught up in feelings. Think about it this way, if he told you these things when you were giving him a massage that first day, would you have gone out with him? If he said to you while on the table... youre worthless youre disgusting you deserve to be cheated on Do you think you'd be dating him now? If you say no, then you need to leave him. If you say yes, then you should stay with him because thats what you like. He treats you like this because he knows he can. He might be resentful of you because you dont stand up for yourself. No one enjoys a relationship with a doormat. Everyone wants to be challenged. But this situation of yours might not improve even if you challenged him. You really do need to leave him immediatly.
SomewhatExperienced Posted April 2, 2010 Posted April 2, 2010 Frankly he is not worth your time if he is treating you like this. Nobody deserves to be treated like that. That crap about telling you that you are worthless, the insults, etc... NO ONE should be treated like this. Its hurtful and damages your self esteem. I think its time to kick him to the curb. You said he is becoming more aggressive, are you going to stay with him if he starts hitting you? Time to move on. Life is too short to put up with someone like this. I 100% agree. Under no circumstances should a partner say such belittling things to their significant other. He should only say things that make you feel better about yourself and raise your self-esteem, not make you feel like you have little or no value. No matter, what your past experience is, what I just said is the truth. Don't EVER accept a guy who treats you anything like that. Aside from that, I would have a hard time dating a girl with your past. If she made it clear to me that she was changing her ways it would help, but it would still be a challenge. I'd say that you should dump this guy and find a new job that isn't in the sex industry and try to find someone who values you. Maybe don't bring up your past right away, but let the person get to know you then let them tell them and emphasize that you've consciously worked towards changing the person that you are.
Pfiend101 Posted April 2, 2010 Posted April 2, 2010 First of all the guy is a douche for saying stuff like that to you. Dump his ass. Sounds like a loser and abuser to me. Maybe I missed something what's so tainted about your past? Was it a massage parlor with happy endings or something? The thing about the past is that... it is just that the past don't look back on life with morbid reflection. We have all made mistakes and that's OK. The trick is to learn from them.
ADF Posted April 2, 2010 Posted April 2, 2010 Your BF met you as a customer in a massage parlor where you worked, and now has the nerve to resent you for your past? What a jerk.
Barky Posted April 3, 2010 Posted April 3, 2010 I'd be interested to know what your past is and, if it's really that "bad," why you would share it with a guy who is just getting to know you. I always let girlfriends know that I don't really want to tell them about my past nor hear about theirs. There are some things that are just nobody's business but yours.
Author rosewithtaints Posted April 3, 2010 Author Posted April 3, 2010 yes i know that i should not put up with his humiliated insults. and i would not be together with him in the first place if he lashed out all those remarks on the first day that we met. but i just could not bear to leave him. he has promised me over and over again that things might go better as time passes although now it seems to prove otherwise. i just cannot help keeping this little hope in me that he might be able to get over it in the future. our relationship is clearly on the rocks now and he has been behaving pretty distant and cold with me this few days after our huge argument which left me heartbroken. i want to help him to get over this as much as i want our relationship to work. but i do not know how. i just want to make him understand that i have changed and i will not commit the same mistakes i did in my past again. i have told him countless times but it just don't seem to get into his head. i hate to admit it but im reluctant to give up this relationship just like that.
Chicago_Guy Posted April 3, 2010 Posted April 3, 2010 It sounds like this guy has never respected you and probably never will. You should break it off.
TaraMaiden Posted April 3, 2010 Posted April 3, 2010 yes i know that i should not put up with his humiliated insults. and i would not be together with him in the first place if he lashed out all those remarks on the first day that we met. but i just could not bear to leave him. he has promised me over and over again that things might go better as time passes although now it seems to prove otherwise. i just cannot help keeping this little hope in me that he might be able to get over it in the future. our relationship is clearly on the rocks now and he has been behaving pretty distant and cold with me this few days after our huge argument which left me heartbroken. i want to help him to get over this as much as i want our relationship to work. but i do not know how. i just want to make him understand that i have changed and i will not commit the same mistakes i did in my past again. i have told him countless times but it just don't seem to get into his head. i hate to admit it but im reluctant to give up this relationship just like that. And here it is. the classic desperate clutching at hope that simply hoping will make it better. it won't. His empty promises and assurances are there merely to do one thing: keep you tied to him as a whipping post. He needs a victim who will take his abuse, cruelty, nastiness and treat it as normal. And you are that willing victim. You have gone from masseuse to willing subservient object of derision. He mentally beats you up, and you stand there and take it, because he has told you that one day, there might be a last time this will happen, and you, battered and bleeding, crumbling and weak, are waiting for that last blow to fall....but he just won't put that hammer down, will he? Well, the only one who can prevent these hammer blows from raining down on you - is you. Walk away. For goodness' sake, it really doesn't matter what you are, what you have been, or what you will be. What matters is WHO you are. And right now - you are not who you want to be. You're a victim. be a survivor.
Brightmoon Posted April 3, 2010 Posted April 3, 2010 When she brought up her sexual past, I assumed that she meant that she was a slut apart from her job. Whatever RWT's past is.. she deserves to be treated with respect.
reservoirdog1 Posted April 4, 2010 Posted April 4, 2010 All of which may be true. But NONE of that gives her BF a license to treat her like crap. Okay, so she worked in a massage parlour. To him, that says a bunch of negative things about her, which he continually rubs in her face. However, what's it say about HIM that he's the kind of guy who has to pay for sex???? How many OTHER women has he paid for sex in his life, besides her? Says a whole bunch of things about HIS sense of self-worth, not to mention his degree of "looseness". I say, sauce for the goose, sauce for the gander. Fundamentally, her past is her past. He walked into the relationship with full knowledge of her past (which was her present at the time they met). He may not like it (though he obviously liked it well enough to pay for her services), but that's his tough luck. He needs to either accept it, or get out of the relationship. Because whatever anybody may think about the OP's past (including the OP herself), she doesn't owe anybody an excuse or an apology for it. Least of all the verbally abusive a-hole boyfriend.
Brightmoon Posted April 4, 2010 Posted April 4, 2010 All of which may be true. But NONE of that gives her BF a license to treat her like crap. Okay, so she worked in a massage parlour. To him, that says a bunch of negative things about her, which he continually rubs in her face. However, what's it say about HIM that he's the kind of guy who has to pay for sex???? How many OTHER women has he paid for sex in his life, besides her? Says a whole bunch of things about HIS sense of self-worth, not to mention his degree of "looseness". I say, sauce for the goose, sauce for the gander. Fundamentally, her past is her past. He walked into the relationship with full knowledge of her past (which was her present at the time they met). He may not like it (though he obviously liked it well enough to pay for her services), but that's his tough luck. He needs to either accept it, or get out of the relationship. Because whatever anybody may think about the OP's past (including the OP herself), she doesn't owe anybody an excuse or an apology for it. Least of all the verbally abusive a-hole boyfriend. Well said.
Lizzie60 Posted April 4, 2010 Posted April 4, 2010 You cannot change your past.. so move on... don't waste any more time on this jerk... Where did you meet him again??? He's an idiot...
Brightmoon Posted April 4, 2010 Posted April 4, 2010 Very well Johnny, if that's how you wanna play things, I will go to every massage parlour in the country until I find one that doesn't give me a happy ending. FOR SCIENCE! Perhaps you two boys who cannot get beyond the thought of massage parlours should post a separate thread to discuss them.
SincereOnlineGuy Posted April 4, 2010 Posted April 4, 2010 he has a very bad and impatient temper This knucklehead is just trying to control you. Single life while employed at a massage parlour has got to be better than this. I'd leave immediately rather than put up with any more of his belittling you for parts of your past. (particularly since he is guilty of having a double standard, since he was a part of that so-called 'past') You describe a man you do not need or want in your life.
Author rosewithtaints Posted April 4, 2010 Author Posted April 4, 2010 yes i worked in the massage parlour and it's not the absolut 'clean' one, to answer some of your questions. but i did not go all the way to prostitution because there are still some things that i was and am not able to go to the extent to. and now i regretted to resorting in this area of job when i needed money desperately. i should not give in to the attractive salary and im a loser for that. now im trying very hard to get over it and to move ahead. and like i said earlier, it's not easy when you gotta dragged your boyfriend along who is constantly reminding and insulting me in regard to my past. after the huge argument, surprisely he was better for a change yesterday. he did not bring up anymore insults and was willing to be with me through out the day. i know im allowing myself to be a failure by allowing this guy to tramped onto my life. i know it very clearly in my head but my heart just cant do it in action. thanks so much for all the encouragements and advices. although i may not have the courage to heed it, but at least i know it's not the end of the world.
TaraMaiden Posted April 4, 2010 Posted April 4, 2010 It's not what you said, it's how you said it. I don't think content is always the issue. Respect for other posters is the issue. I had a post pulled up for something I said, which was absolutely obvious and relatively accurate. My tone was found wanting. Fair do's. I think the important is to put your point across, but keep a respectful approach. If you disapprove of what somebody does, or what they're posting about, the simple bottom line is - if you don't think you can keep it civil - keep out of the thread.
AD1980 Posted April 4, 2010 Posted April 4, 2010 Just a bad situation dating a customer in a place like that especially when its a place in your life you sound like youre trying to move on from and forget about ..Move on
Author rosewithtaints Posted April 4, 2010 Author Posted April 4, 2010 It's not what you said, it's how you said it. I don't think content is always the issue. Respect for other posters is the issue. I had a post pulled up for something I said, which was absolutely obvious and relatively accurate. My tone was found wanting. Fair do's. I think the important is to put your point across, but keep a respectful approach. If you disapprove of what somebody does, or what they're posting about, the simple bottom line is - if you don't think you can keep it civil - keep out of the thread. thank you. im pretty new to this system here actually, can i ask how would i know if there are deleted posts and will i be able to see the deleted ones?
TaraMaiden Posted April 4, 2010 Posted April 4, 2010 I apologise, I was just trying to help.... And I'm sorry - truly - but if your posts WERE deleted, the Mod obviously thought otherwise. Sorry, just responding. No need to be so prickly about it.....
TaraMaiden Posted April 4, 2010 Posted April 4, 2010 It's not what you said, it's how you said it. I don't think content is always the issue. Respect for other posters is the issue. I had a post pulled up for something I said, which was absolutely obvious and relatively accurate. My tone was found wanting. Fair do's. I think the important is to put your point across, but keep a respectful approach. If you disapprove of what somebody does, or what they're posting about, the simple bottom line is - if you don't think you can keep it civil - keep out of the thread. thank you. im pretty new to this system here actually, can i ask how would i know if there are deleted posts and will i be able to see the deleted ones? no. The whole point of deleting posts is that they are no longer visible in the thread, to anybody. If you come to any thread, and posts have been deleted, you wouldn't know it. The only way to see deleted posts, is if somebody has quoted them, to reply to them. occasionally, Moderators will delete these as well, especially if they are extremely offensive. sometimes, if a thread really gets out of hand it will be closed because the Moderator would have to chop it to bits too much for it to then make any sense. On much rarer occasions, a thread might be completely deleted. It would have to be a corker. I think we had about 3 yesterday from an obvious troll..... he got a lot of hilarious responses, but everybody knew they'd be gone soon!
Author rosewithtaints Posted April 4, 2010 Author Posted April 4, 2010 actually it's pretty clear how difficult it was to bring this topic up just because of the fact that i was working in the massage parlour. this is shown by the number of posts that were deleted because they were seen to be 'offensive' by the moderator. people tends to judge and i can not stop them. one word that i was from this sort of environment, everything just shuts off and it's as though i should totally deserve it.
Author rosewithtaints Posted April 4, 2010 Author Posted April 4, 2010 no. The whole point of deleting posts is that they are no longer visible in the thread, to anybody. If you come to any thread, and posts have been deleted, you wouldn't know it. The only way to see deleted posts, is if somebody has quoted them, to reply to them. occasionally, Moderators will delete these as well, especially if they are extremely offensive. sometimes, if a thread really gets out of hand it will be closed because the Moderator would have to chop it to bits too much for it to then make any sense. On much rarer occasions, a thread might be completely deleted. It would have to be a corker. I think we had about 3 yesterday from an obvious troll..... he got a lot of hilarious responses, but everybody knew they'd be gone soon! ok i understand now,haha. thanks so much for your help. appreciated.
Lizzie60 Posted April 4, 2010 Posted April 4, 2010 Rose.. your past belongs to you.. next guy... don't say anything about your past... I know you couldn't do it with this jerk.. but trust me.. he's not worth your time.
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