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What does a guy do if ONE girl is interested but the OTHER is NOT?

Don'tWannabeAWannabe

By Don'tWannabeAWannabe
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Don'tWannabeAWannabe Established Member

Don'tWannabeAWannabe

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I feel like I didn't something really stupid tonight; I feel like my inexperience or cowardice in this type of situation really screwed up my chances with a girl.

 

I was hanging out at this really upscale bar after work today, and I started talking to this pair of girls outside on the patio while having a cigarette. For the first time in a long time, it actually went pretty well; one girl complimented me on my shoes and jacket, the other was really responsive to my questions and statements and asked a lot of things about me back (I could tell that one was, atleast somewhat, into me). We had a good conversation going for a good 4 or 5 minutes and I felt like there was some chemistry between us.

 

UNTIL their friend (the third girl) came outside, interrupted our conversation and started talking to them. I introduced myself to her, but she wasn't interested in talking to me. She just kept talking to the first 2 girls about people and things I didn't know about (stuff like "I just saw Jason in there" or "Kyle invited us to come meet him at so-and-so" or "Did anyone talk to Samantha earlier today?"; That kinda stuff)

 

I really didn't know what to do. I didn't know about anything she was talking about so I couldn't chime in, and I didn't know what to do to regain command over the conversation without appearing obnoxious. After a minute or so, I realized that all I was doing was standing around like an idiot waiting for my turn to speak, but I didn't know if I would ever get that chance because the third girl/wheel was chatting up a storm to the first 2. At that point, I panicked on the inside and just said my goodbyes and that it was cool talking to them.

 

It didn't take long to regret chickening out like that, but I honestly didn't know what to do. What should a guy do if a girl is interested in you but another girl is hellbent on stealing her attention away from you?

D-Lish Established Member

D-Lish

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You could try telling the new girl you like her shoes, or another compliment- just to ingratiate her into the conversation. It can be a fake compliment- that's okay to throw out there. Girls love compliments. Sometimes you have to suck up to the harsh girl in order to get to her friends.

 

The new girl was probably crushing on a guy and wanted her friends to come in and support her.

 

In a situation like you were in, if she was the ring leader and wanted to herd up her girls, I'd just end the convo with "nice to talk to you girls, I'm going to see where my friends are at and talk to you later"... Then make solid eye contact with the girl you like and smile. Look for her later in the bar and see if you can catch eye-contact- if she gives you eye-contact, approach her when the ring leader isn't around.

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Don'tWannabeAWannabe Established Member

Don'tWannabeAWannabe

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You could try telling the new girl you like her shoes, or another compliment- just to ingratiate her into the conversation. It can be a fake compliment- that's okay to throw out there. Girls love compliments. Sometimes you have to suck up to the harsh girl in order to get to her friends.

 

The new girl was probably crushing on a guy and wanted her friends to come in and support her.

 

Come and support her? If anyone is crushing on anyone, wouldn't they want as much solo-time as possible with them?

 

Anyway, I THOUGHT about complimenting the new girl, but I didn't feel like it was appropriate considering I hadn't complimented the first 2 girls yet.

 

I've always had this phobia about complimenting girls too early; that girls hear the most contrived and unoriginal compliments ("I like your hair" or "I like that dress") all the time from guys and are turned off by it; that they like guys who reserve their compliments and make them earn it.

 

In a situation like you were in, if she was the ring leader and wanted to herd up her girls, I'd just end the convo with "nice to talk to you girls, I'm going to see where my friends are at and talk to you later"... Then make solid eye contact with the girl you like and smile. Look for her later in the bar and see if you can catch eye-contact- if she gives you eye-contact, approach her when the ring leader isn't around.

 

That's what I did, except I didn't see them again after I went back inside. I guess they left right after that.

D-Lish Established Member

D-Lish

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That's why you keep your compliments to something innocuous to begin with.

 

Saying "those are cool shoes" is different than saying "I like your hair" You tell the girl you aren't interested in you like her shoes just to make her feel comfortable. You tell the one you like that her hair is sexy.

 

If you compliment the alpha female, you can make your way in with the others.

Mutant Debutante Established Member

Mutant Debutante

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That's why you keep your compliments to something innocuous to begin with.

 

Saying "those are cool shoes" is different than saying "I like your hair" You tell the girl you aren't interested in you like her shoes just to make her feel comfortable. You tell the one you like that her hair is sexy.

 

If you compliment the alpha female, you can make your way in with the others.

 

 

Huh. Pack psychology.

 

What am I supposed to think when a guy tells me he likes my shoes AND my hair?

D-Lish Established Member

D-Lish

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Huh. Pack psychology.

 

What am I supposed to think when a guy tells me he likes my shoes AND my hair?

 

That he wants to go home with you?

That would be my guess.

 

Don't under-estimate pack psychology.

boogieboy Established Member

boogieboy

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Dont worry about it. If one girl was starting to be into you, theres no problem with telling her "cya later" and talking to her again later in the night. You already have an in so she wont be creeped out by you of you walk up to her later.

 

This was a no win situation here, you cant really compliment women in the club, so complimenting the grenade wont work. The grenade is alreayd upset that she wasnt included in this conversation, so she was not going to let you in with her. The only thing you could have done is say something funny, interrupting her words. You can be obnoxious if youre funny. But if she still wants to C-Block you then theres nothing you can do. She might be the leader of the herd, the other two would just follow her. YOu did everything right, she probably got rejected is all. ALl the situations wont go smooth, but you did good.

 

Only other thing you could have done is say to the one you like...tap her to look at you and say "hey...(wink) Ill see you later" and smile, and walk away.

marsle85 Established Member

marsle85

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I was doing was standing around like an idiot waiting for my turn to speak' date=' but I didn't know if I would ever get that chance because the third girl/wheel was chatting up a storm to the first 2. [/quote']

 

Hahah - buddy. YOU are the third wheel, not this girl. She belongs there, and undoubtedly should be getting more attention from these girls. From a girl's POV- i've been there. You locate your friends outside, don't know the history with the guy who is talking to them... assume the worst and do what every girl does for her friend - try to give her a way out.

 

The good thing for you? Is that if a girl wants to keep talking to you, she'll find a way to let you know. If that were me and I were interested, I would have also started talking to my friend. She's my friend afterall, and maybe even went inside. I would flashed you a big "whoops sorrrry" flirtatious smile, and hoped that you would maybe chat me up inside.

 

She may not come back outside to continue talking (she may) but coming from a girl who is hit on by creeps at bars all the time - if you're not interested, you don't send an inviting smile, or comment, or anything.

 

If you wanted to continue talking to them you should have sent the three shots from across the bar, give a nod - and LEFT IT. Don't come over, don't look over, talk to others. Any interested girl with your contact outside, and then accepting a drink - won't feel foolish by stopping by to "thank you" for the drink.

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Don'tWannabeAWannabe Established Member

Don'tWannabeAWannabe

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Hahah - buddy. YOU are the third wheel, not this girl. She belongs there, and undoubtedly should be getting more attention from these girls. From a girl's POV- i've been there. You locate your friends outside, don't know the history with the guy who is talking to them... assume the worst and do what every girl does for her friend - try to give her a way out.

 

The good thing for you? Is that if a girl wants to keep talking to you, she'll find a way to let you know. If that were me and I were interested, I would have also started talking to my friend. She's my friend afterall, and maybe even went inside. I would flashed you a big "whoops sorrrry" flirtatious smile, and hoped that you would maybe chat me up inside.

 

She may not come back outside to continue talking (she may) but coming from a girl who is hit on by creeps at bars all the time - if you're not interested, you don't send an inviting smile, or comment, or anything.

 

If you wanted to continue talking to them you should have sent the three shots from across the bar, give a nod - and LEFT IT. Don't come over, don't look over, talk to others. Any interested girl with your contact outside, and then accepting a drink - won't feel foolish by stopping by to "thank you" for the drink.

 

Are you serious? "sent them three shots from across the bar?" And what if they DIDN'T want to continue talking? Then I'd be out $20 :mad:

 

Besides, like I said, we weren't at the bar, we were out on the patio.

marsle85 Established Member

marsle85

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Are you serious? "sent them three shots from across the bar?" And what if they DIDN'T want to continue talking? Then I'd be out $20 :mad:

 

Besides, like I said, we weren't at the bar, we were out on the patio.

 

 

... Then they weren't cute enough. If you really were into any of those girls, you would have taken the risk. You asked for advice, I'm telling you regardless of whether it's drinks/some other gesture, you wanted to win over the "third wheel" (aka best friend) - and a drink is a cordial, non creepy way to do it...as long as you do it right.

TheWatcher Established Member

TheWatcher

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The signs some women give when they're interested are

extremely subtle;to the point that they go unnoticed.

 

It is very difficult to know if a woman is interested. Even though you had a pleasant/engaging conversation...it could mean nothing.I doubt that the woman you spoke to saw the conversation in the same light..I understand how you may have misconstrued the situation.Guys are rarely complimented in any way...so the fact that you were...could have led you to think that there was some interest.It's understandable.

norajane Established Member

norajane

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If either of those two girls you had been talking to were REALLY interested in you, she would have dragged her friends back into the bar, and they would have made a point of standing where you could see them.

 

Since they left, you didn't miss out on anything. They chose to leave instead of getting to know you better.

sullysteve Member

sullysteve

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These situations are tough. Ideally, you have a friend/wingman there to run interference. But, it seems like you were flying solo that night. In that case, you should try to engage the mother hen in the ongoing conversation by asking her opinion about what you were talking about.

basumarra1510 New Member

basumarra1510

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its so simple dude ....

 

just leave the girl who don't like you .................:lmao:

 

 

and go for the girl who loves you................:bunny:

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Don'tWannabeAWannabe Established Member

Don'tWannabeAWannabe

Posted
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... Then they weren't cute enough. If you really were into any of those girls, you would have taken the risk. You asked for advice, I'm telling you regardless of whether it's drinks/some other gesture, you wanted to win over the "third wheel" (aka best friend) - and a drink is a cordial, non creepy way to do it...as long as you do it right.

 

Marsle, how many guys have bought you drinks in your whole life?

 

And of all those guy, how many did you get with?

 

EXACTLY!!!

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