Why is my wife with me?

[soserious1]

Their view is that men have always cheated on women so now it is time to turn the tables and treat men like crap. I just wanted to know if you subscribe to this view.

 

Couple thoughts here.. if these women do half the stuff they tell you they do (debatable because I suspect they take some sick enjoyment in upsetting you) they do so not to "get back at men" but rather because they have zero morals.

 

Another thought, your workplace sounds like a toxic waste dump, either find a way to avoid these two and the non-professional discussions you engage in with them or start looking for a new job. Talk about bringing one's work home and letting it ruin your life!

 

Btw, my husband hurt me and badly but even I can see that that there are many happily married people out there, there are good men, most likely not for me but there are good guys out there.

[whichwayisup]

What the heck happened??????????????????

 

Afew days ag o you were in a good place, working really hard to keep on the straight and narrow, you sounded happy and things were fine.

 

Now, you can't find a reason why your wife is still married to you? You can't figure out why she loves you?

 

STOP looking for reasons to tear apart your marriage. Are you that insecure that you truly can't find atleast ONE reason why she married you?

[Woggle]

What the heck happened??????????????????

 

Afew days ag o you were in a good place, working really hard to keep on the straight and narrow, you sounded happy and things were fine.

 

Now, you can't find a reason why your wife is still married to you? You can't figure out why she loves you?

 

STOP looking for reasons to tear apart your marriage. Are you that insecure that you truly can't find atleast ONE reason why she married you?

 

The cheating twins reminded me why I was right all along.

[Trimmer]

Talk about....what is the expression when you believe something so much and then it actually happens?

A self-fulfilling prophecy, and I wonder if the OP's marriage will eventually go down that path.

 

What does it say when I try so hard not to think this way but every time the evidence just stares me in the face. Do you want me to deny what is right in front of me?

I want you to realize that you focus selectively on certain things that are right in front of you, and to be able to broaden your view to have a more realistic idea of how things are. However, as soon as any solid, rational point is put to you, you will respond by abandoning reason and just resort to "I just really believe this is the way all women are."

 

An open misandrist is the most honest woman there is.

And there's this piece of false, twisted logic once again. You take this as a given, and then you incorrectly extend it to: "...and therefore anyone who appears not to be a misandrist is dishonest, and therefore actually is a misandrist, and therefore, all women are misandrists." That's pretty much how you figure it, really, isn't it? You believe it's a nice, tight little logical package there, but it's false, because what you are really starting at the foundation is: "all women are misandrists" and you just build the rest around that, don't you?

[Woggle]

I really believe that women who smile in my face and act nice are being phony. I have more respect for a woman that spits in my face because at least she is saying what she truly thinks of men.

[soserious1]

I really believe that women who smile in my face and act nice are being phony. I have more respect for a woman that spits in my face because at least she is saying what she truly thinks of men.

 

You've set up a dynamic in which a woman can never do anything right & one in which no woman will ever earn your trust and that sadly includes your wife.

 

The kinds of up/down swings you go thru here are not so easily hidden in the real time world and in a relationship they are poison. Someday your wife is going to get sick of wondering what she did or said wrong, she's going to get tired of having her birthday & holiday celebrations based on whether or not you spoke to the twisted sisters at work that week or saw a post here that alarmed you. In short she's going to get tired of your basing your level of trust in her on everything else in the world but her and how good she's been to you and she's going to leave.

 

Woggle one thing I've learned, love shouldn't hurt and I cannot believe for an instant that loving you isn't costing this woman dearly emotionally.

Edited April 3, 2010 by soserious1

[TaraMaiden]

I really believe that women who smile in my face and act nice are being phony. I have more respect for a woman that spits in my face because at least she is saying what she truly thinks of men.

 

boy, your wife must sure be an expert at phony.... How long has she kept this nice behaviour up?

I notice you flit around and never actually answer any point logically.

Which is the classic defence from someone who has painted themselves into a corner.

You have nowhere to go with this, have you?

 

I think you do your wife a dreadful injustice.

Staying with her is cruel, controlling and limiting and you are stopping her from finding someone she truly deserves. She sounds like an absolute gem and here you are, crapping on her from a great height.

 

You're pathetic.

Whine whine whine, poor me, I'm so oppressed by all these awful misandrist women, they're all the same, nobody loves me, everybody hates me...

 

 

Woggle, pack it in.

You're either in desperate need of counselling, or just trolling.

Big time.

[Trimmer]

I said:

...as soon as any solid, rational point is put to you, you will respond by abandoning reason and just resort to "I just really believe this is the way all women are."

... and you replied:

I really believe that women who smile in my face and act nice are being phony. I have more respect for a woman that spits in my face because at least she is saying what she truly thinks of men.

 

See, your fundamental principle is not that all women are phony. The only way you can get to this statement: "women who are nice to me are being phony" is to start with the premise: "all women hate me." Whether you believe it or not, whether you admit it or not, whether it's even possible for you to see it or not, this is the fundamental programming you are currently bound to, and is the foundation upon which all the rest is built.

 

So when you say "here's what I see that proves my point", it's useless, circular reasoning, because you only see things in the context of "all women hate men." If anything passes your vision that seems to contradict that foundation (e.g. your wife), you ignore it - you don't even perceive it - or you bend it to fit the foundation. And when you see individual examples that do support your point (the two women at your work), you grab onto them and wave them like flags, shouting that these single examples prove you are right for all cases.

 

But in fact, it all stems from your fundamental programming: all women hate men; if there's no possibility of altering this "fact", then everything you perceive has to be filtered, deformed, or ignored to fit it.

 

Believe what you will - I don't doubt you truly feel the way you do, and I don't doubt that it's a terrible burden. But please don't talk about how honest you are, or how clearly you see the world - you aren't "seeing the world" and processing it with an open mind and drawing sensible conclusions. You are starting from an ingrained assumption that is unalterable, then modifying and filtering what you see to fit that unshakeable foundation. That's not perception, and it's not honesty.

 

I've got no right to sit in judgement of you - the crazy person can never perceive his own craziness, and we've all got our crazies in varying degrees. But if you're talking about being honest, at least admit to this thing that is at your core: that you don't believe that a woman can ever truly love a man, and that this belief isn't based on rational observation, or objective reasoning, but is just a fundamental belief that you cannot get past. And admit that it's this belief that colors all your perceptions of the world around you, and not the other way around.

 

And actually, I don't care if you admit any of it to me - I've got no right to ask that of you, nor to cast stones. You don't owe me a thing. But in the long run, aren't there two people to whom it is supremely important that you do admit this fundamental truth? Yourself and your wife?

 

If you can do that - even if you can't exorcise this demon - then you can come and talk about being honest.

Edited April 3, 2010 by Trimmer

[Mutant Debutante]

Dang, Trimmer.

 

<slow clap>

[Pyro]

Bravo Trimmer.

 

You forgot to include how he always attempts to support his blurred visions of life by using this site as an example of how life is as a whole.

 

Too bad he will completely ignore your post though.

[Woggle]

Bravo Trimmer.

 

You forgot to include how he always attempts to support his blurred visions of life by using this site as an example of how life is as a whole.

 

Too bad he will completely ignore your post though.

 

I think this site is a microcosm of society and how often do you see women on here who actually respond to being treated well. How many women on here are in truly happy relationships with good me and don't think about leaving on a regular basis?

[soserious1]

I think this site is a microcosm of society and how often do you see women on here who actually respond to being treated well. How many women on here are in truly happy relationships with good me and don't think about leaving on a regular basis?

 

This site is about relationships, the vast majority of people who post to such places don't do so when their lives are going beautifully. I see posts from unhappily coupled men and women in pretty much equal numbers here.

[blind_otter]

I think this site is a microcosm of society and how often do you see women on here who actually respond to being treated well. How many women on here are in truly happy relationships with good me and don't think about leaving on a regular basis?

 

Yes, you ignored Trimmer's post.

 

It's strange because I think you are an intelligent man on some levels. But when it comes to knowing yourself, it's like you have a big black blind spot right in the middle of your vision that you can't see, because it's a blind spot, and you won't trust anyone else telling you that you are not seeing, because it's a BLIND SPOT.

 

I feel badly for you sometimes. But sometimes you make me so angry. Because I have been used for my body by men since I was 5 years old and I have fought with everyone, even MYSELF, to keep from going the way you already have. I know that in my heart, I believe all men are evil and bad and they will hurt me or hit me. But I have to keep saying to myself, NO. That's not true. It's just my personal experience that has warped my view of reality.

 

I don't see why your wife is not worth that much to you, that you can't recognize this weakness within yourself.

[EnigmasMuse]

I'm not sure what to tell you Woggle. other than maybe if she were to up and leave you one day, then you can sit back and say, "Ahhh, I was right, I knew this would happen."

 

Its almost like you want so bad for this to happen so you can feel right and validated for your feelings. I've seen posts where you're talking about how wonderful she is and you don't know why she is with you, then you say women who smile at you are phony. I'm assuming your wife has smiled at you. So she must be phony.

 

I really don't get it.

[CLC2008]

I am sitting here thinking and I can't seem to find one reason why my wife would stay in this marriage. She makes her own money, is attractive and would have no problem getting a man. She does not need me which is what worried the crap out of me. I really think I would have been better off getting a stepford wife that depended on me. At least than I would know why she was here but this marriage is just a big question mark to me. I am struggling to not kill her attraction to me which is why I decided to cancel cooking for her on her birthday. I don't want her going to work the next day and having her laugh at me for being weak? How do you keep a woman like this attracted?

 

What this says to me, is that you want to intentionally punish your wife because of.....?

 

Not good Woggle, not good...

[Woggle]

It's not that I want for it to happen but I believe it eventually will. If I had some proof that there were other women like her I might feel better but all I see on here is men bending backwards to make unappreciative and resentful women happy. The only kind of men on here women seem to lust over are players and men who already are married. If they have good man who is faithful and treats them well who is only commited to them they get bored and fall out of love. How am I supposed to have any hope for my wife when are no others like her?

[CLC2008]

It's not that I want for it to happen but I believe it eventually will. If I had some proof that there were other women like her I might feel better but all I see on here is men bending backwards to make unappreciative and resentful women happy. The only kind of men on here women seem to lust over are players and men who already are married. If they have good man who is faithful and treats them well who is only commited to them they get bored and fall out of love. How am I supposed to have any hope for my wife when are no others like her?

 

You've gone from the abused, to the abuser, and your wife will be the one to suffer unless she leaves you. Which, I think for you, would be the best gift she could ever give you. It might smarten you up.

[SaintDragon]

I decided to cancel cooking for her on her birthday. I don't want her going to work the next day and having her laugh at me for being weak? How do you keep a woman like this attracted?

 

 

So cooking for your wife on her birthday makes you think she will think you're weak?

 

 

Get over it, man......that's my advice

[SaintDragon]

Why are you so scared of losing your wife?.... If it bothers this much...talk to her man....Christ....just talk to her. Tell her you are always thinking she will leave and it bothers the heck out of you.

 

I couldn't go day to day thinking like you do.... Should be out having fun at the beach with you family...not sitting here writing threads like this.

[Woggle]

Why are you so scared of losing your wife?.... If it bothers this much...talk to her man....Christ....just talk to her. Tell her you are always thinking she will leave and it bothers the heck out of you.

 

I couldn't go day to day thinking like you do.... Should be out having fun at the beach with you family...not sitting here writing threads like this.

 

Do you ever read the threads on this board?

 

Do you ever look at societal trends?

 

Do you look at what is going on in the relationships around you?

 

That should answer your question.

[carhill]

Wog's, can you say honestly that you and your wife have relationship problems? You never seem to discuss or seek advice about the way she's treating you, or other issues in your marriage which involve her. See my plethora of such posts for examples. I'm not hearing that from you. She seems, inexplicably, to be a positive force in your life. Everything being posted by you appears to be contained within yourself. You do understand that LS is a site for people with relationship and personal issues, right? You're not going to find too many happy, loving *couples* posting here. They're out living life and enjoying their relationships. Are you a happy, loving couple? Other than that bucket of personal stuff you seem to put out here from time to time, I think you are.

 

Would you like us to consider threads as this as rants/vents rather than a seeking of insight and advice? I'd be happy to oblige. God knows there aren't many places for men to do such things. Say the word and I'm there.

 

I'll tell you something. I loved someone once, for a long time, who had a bucket of personal stuff like you present here. Like I'm sensing here with you and the way you speak of your wife, she pushed me away long enough and hard enough that I finally went away for good. Do you want your wife to go away for good? Will that validate your truth about yourself? Or, do you want something else? Up to you. Like I told you before, you will never be completely sure of the woman you're with until that moment you look into her eyes, with her hand holding yours, when you die. Then you'll know. My father was fortunate enough to have a woman like that. Are you? I think so

[Mme. Chaucer]

I think this site is a microcosm of society and how often do you see women on here who actually respond to being treated well. How many women on here are in truly happy relationships with good me and don't think about leaving on a regular basis?

 

You ask this over and over. Women like me volunteer ourselves as examples over and over, and you ignore us every time, instead seeking the unhappy and better yet, the dishonest to help you be "right" in your hating; to bolster your arguments.

 

Why don't you answer this question:

 

Are you this much of a bigot in other areas of your life? For example, since you can find examples of Black men behaving badly in the media and maybe in your own personal experience, you are fully justified in saying that ALL Black men are losers?

[Steadfast]

When you love, or decide to love someone, you're opening yourself up. The same love that feels so wonderful when it's directed at you hurts so badly when it is taken away. I think, as humans, we tend to want more; to stockpile. My ex wife was my life foundation, the 'thing' (for lack of a better term) I stacked my personal and professional endeavors upon. When she left, my world crumbled. But...did it really? I'm still here. Maybe better.

 

The real answer is...no. I was, and am my foundation. I just loved her.

 

My ex wife is a physically beautiful woman. She was beautiful before I met her and beautiful all during our marriage. I knew other men thought so too, and often wondered if someone better than me would or could lure her away. The insecurities I felt were unfounded, because the reality is I never had any control over it. It wasn't until after my worst fears were realized that I became aware of this but the hard, cold truth is, she lost. I knew it first, and she knows it now. The world has taught this beautiful woman the difference between imitation love and real love. But, you can only pop the balloon once. After that, it's incapable of holding air. I'm lost to her.

 

Woggle, you're looking for guarantees in a world that offers none. You have two choices; eliminate the chance for pain, cut your losses and leave her now or accept her love and spend no more time worrying about why it's there. The former holds emptiness, the latter hope. Given the choice, I'd choose hope.

[soserious1]

Do you ever read the threads on this board?

 

Do you ever look at societal trends?

 

Do you look at what is going on in the relationships around you?

 

That should answer your question.

 

You know Wogs, people in general tend to maximize their good points and gloss over their bad. We only get one side of every story that's posted here, my own included. I'm willing to bet that if you asked the wives of the so called "perfect" husbands & fathers that you cite as evidence

for your thoughts that it would be a whole nother kettle of fish.

 

I really thinking basing your point of view of and your treatment of your spouse around one sided stories you see posted in the media or on the internet is a dangerous thing

to do.

[lordWilhelm]

What's wrong with you? The fact that there she chooses you without an external motivator such as needing your money is an excellent indicator that she's not in it to rip you off.

 

You canceled cooking for her on her birthday so you don't "kill off the attraction". You married this woman, why are you playing silly games like this?