Not the love ace Posted April 2, 2010 Posted April 2, 2010 I have officially dropped all my friends and now I am starting over at the 23. Which sucks so much for me but I am. I'm not going to throw myself a pity party but if you read all my other threads based on friends, I've gotten tired of being the "back up friend" or being singled out of the social circle for the selfishness of one girl. I've gotten so depressed and tired of trying to work things out with a lot of my friends and I decided its better to be alone than to be with people who are going to make you miserable. So now I am starting from the ground up and hoping to make some new friends for the rest of this year. It truly sucks because I can't deny I am truly depressed about this. Friends are something I never had consistent in my life so I guess I shouldn't be bummed at it. I can't deny that its so boring spending time by myself. Anyway, I just wanted to vent. Has anyone ever been through the same thing?
dazzle22 Posted April 2, 2010 Posted April 2, 2010 Good call. If you are giving way more than you are receiving and the relationships are not making you happy, and you are not married to the person, bail. Do not feel bad. LIfe is all about knowing when to hold, and when to FOLD 'em. People are very self centered and confused in their 20's. They flounder about and make huge relationship mistakes...(well, that is probably not age dependent, now that I think about it:laugh:). But at any rate, if I think of my good friends, I didn't know a one of them when I was your age! Most of the people you will give one fig about you likely haven't met yet, other than your family. Just hold relationships loosely in your 20's, and let things evolve naturally. People will drift in and out of your life, then maybe back in, you never know. You are by no means alone in this, it is just you did it all at once. Clean slate!
Pedigree Posted April 2, 2010 Posted April 2, 2010 People are very self centered and confused in their 20's. They flounder about and make huge relationship mistakes... How so? To answer the original question, I haven't dropped all of my friends. When I've had to end friendships, circumstances have done it for me (They moved schools, they got expelled, not in the same classes at uni). I'm about to end another one and circumstances will once again help me (graduation from uni coming soon) but I'm going to have to do some legwork before that.
Author Not the love ace Posted April 2, 2010 Author Posted April 2, 2010 How so? To answer the original question, I haven't dropped all of my friends. When I've had to end friendships, circumstances have done it for me (They moved schools, they got expelled, not in the same classes at uni). I'm about to end another one and circumstances will once again help me (graduation from uni coming soon) but I'm going to have to do some legwork before that. Well, good for you. At least you still have friends and people to share your success with, which is truly great.
northstar1 Posted April 2, 2010 Posted April 2, 2010 I have officially dropped all my friends and now I am starting over at the 23. Which sucks so much for me but I am. I'm not going to throw myself a pity party but if you read all my other threads based on friends, I've gotten tired of being the "back up friend" or being singled out of the social circle for the selfishness of one girl. I've gotten so depressed and tired of trying to work things out with a lot of my friends and I decided its better to be alone than to be with people who are going to make you miserable. So now I am starting from the ground up and hoping to make some new friends for the rest of this year. It truly sucks because I can't deny I am truly depressed about this. Friends are something I never had consistent in my life so I guess I shouldn't be bummed at it. I can't deny that its so boring spending time by myself. Anyway, I just wanted to vent. Has anyone ever been through the same thing? A girl I work with did the same. Her story was different. She was hanging out/partying with a group of friends, who shall we say, enjoyed the recreational drug/all night party scene a bit too much. She didn't like who she was becoming, so made the choice to leave that scene and those people behind and had to start over. She told me it was tough, because she was mid 20's and basically had to meet new people all over again, form bonds, etc, which can be hard once you are no longer in college/school or have a big group. But, from what she has told me, she's made a few good friends, and enjoys their friendship more than the leech like people she was partying with.
dazzle22 Posted April 2, 2010 Posted April 2, 2010 How so? To answer the original question, I haven't dropped all of my friends. When I've had to end friendships, circumstances have done it for me (They moved schools, they got expelled, not in the same classes at uni). I'm about to end another one and circumstances will once again help me (graduation from uni coming soon) but I'm going to have to do some legwork before that. I think anyone over 35 will say they really didn't know themselves yet in their early 20's. Tastes in everything change with experience. The person you think you can't live without at 22 is often the person you really wish you hadn't married, or committed to a long term relationship with at 35. You often think you want one career, then decide, not, not for me, list goes on... It is a time of finding out who you and others really are by trial and error. Children are totally narcissistic (the world revolves around them in their minds), and as they (we) grow up, we realize, oh, I am not the center of the universe. Mom does not revolve around me. This gradually occurs into the 20's. People, and rightly so, I guess, are focused on themselves when young because they have to get their stuff together to face the cruel world. As you get older, you look more outwards, are ready for commitment and have more to give others. Plus, you often pick people who do not bring out the best in you when you are young, then get burned, learn from your mistakes and learn to be more discerning about whom you "bring into the circle of trust".
crosswordfiend Posted April 3, 2010 Posted April 3, 2010 I am echoing what others here have said in that you are not alone in doing this. You will find that purging people from your life creates the space necessary to form connections with new and more suitable people. If you can bear to, I would delete these people from your phone and mailing lists and extract yourself from any social networking site. Also, think back and reflect on your friendships of the past and learn how to distinguish between situational friends and friends who will go out of their way to spend time with you. Focus on the latter group. Good luck!
Blackfrost Posted April 3, 2010 Posted April 3, 2010 Not the love ace I did the exact same thing on my 23rd birthday, and moved miles away from the people I thought were my friends, but were just using me for their own selfish reasons. I never reached out to any of those people again, and started over with a new life, and left the old one far behind. Sometimes I think people really need to do that, because they get caught in bad circles, and lose sight of who they are, and what their own dreams are. Be strong, be independant, and be who you want to be: not what others want you be. This is your life, not theirs, and there is no reason why you should not pursue it the way you want to live it Yes, there are dark times: but that is a part of life, and it makes the bright times so much better when they arrive. Good luck! Be strong
Wkgnalden Posted April 3, 2010 Posted April 3, 2010 I did the same thing not too long ago. I found it very rewarding to gain new friends, people who enjoyed my presence and I theirs. Friends are meant to make your life more pleasurable and fulfilling, so when they are not doing so its time to either (1) work it out with the old or (2) bring in new. Sometimes it's best to bring in new ones. Congratulations on starting new and good luck in your search for better, Ashley:)
blueyedgrl85 Posted April 3, 2010 Posted April 3, 2010 If you put your friends as a priority and they merely see you as a back-up plan, then it is time to move on and rightfully so! It might be lonely, but it will be worth it in the end. I'm going through something similar- but I have begun to realize that we're all going down different paths (ie: some are moving away, getting married, etc.) We're all trying to find ourselves and sometimes that means distancing ourselves away from those we once couldn't live without. It is hard and hurts, but there are so many fun, new, and exciting people to meet out there! Best of luck to you!
kittykat84 Posted April 3, 2010 Posted April 3, 2010 You're absolutely doing the right thing. No one has need of toxic people in their life. And I disagree with the idea that it's hard to make friends in your 20's. I think people who say that are still used to the idea of school and university being at the centre of their lives. There are a million ways you can meet new people who don't poison your soul. Just go about doing the things you enjoy and you will find people doing the same thing. Funnily enough for ME - most of the people I socialise with I met off the internet. An odd thing I suppose, but I know many people off forums and we no longer communicate on the forums and instead meet each other in person. I've also got a great friend I met doing Muay Thai kickboxing!
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