Engadget Posted April 2, 2010 Posted April 2, 2010 Don't get me wrong I'd love to meet someone, but I'm not sure I'm ready for it mentally. I'm looking too hard for somebody to fill the void my ex left, and even with a girl I wasn't actually interested in I kind of talked to her more than I probably should have. It doesn't bother me because she wasn't my type but I can tell I have to not do it with someone I actually am interested in.
USMCHokie Posted April 2, 2010 Posted April 2, 2010 Don't get me wrong I'd love to meet someone, but I'm not sure I'm ready for it mentally. I'm looking too hard for somebody to fill the void my ex left, and even with a girl I wasn't actually interested in I kind of talked to her more than I probably should have. It doesn't bother me because she wasn't my type but I can tell I have to not do it with someone I actually am interested in. Yep, absolutely...how long has it been since the breakup? I felt exactly the way you feel now for about 6 or 7 months following my breakup back in July...I was not enthusiastic at all about meeting new women or even hanging out with them...the breakup had left a bad taste in my mouth for a while... But eventually you'll get out of the funk...just don't rush the process and let nature take its course...
Mutant Debutante Posted April 2, 2010 Posted April 2, 2010 After a serious breakup it always takes me a while to get interested in dating again and be ready for it mentally. It's normal. I'm not too interested in dating right now because it's hard to find a guy who is understanding of my family responsibilities and my weird schedule. I'm too busy to worry about it much right now but sooner or later something's gonna give.
Author Engadget Posted April 2, 2010 Author Posted April 2, 2010 Yep, absolutely...how long has it been since the breakup? I felt exactly the way you feel now for about 6 or 7 months following my breakup back in July...I was not enthusiastic at all about meeting new women or even hanging out with them...the breakup had left a bad taste in my mouth for a while... But eventually you'll get out of the funk...just don't rush the process and let nature take its course... It's been about 3-4 months now. Sadly I think I try to make any girl I talk to into someone to help with the loneliness, but that's a bad way to go. I'm not desperate, but just looking for someone to talk to I guess.
mortensorchid Posted April 2, 2010 Posted April 2, 2010 Loneliness propels us to do a lot of things, and we make mistakes and we learn things. It's ok to make those mistakes and it's ok to do those things once in a while. But don't stick with someone because they happen to be there, you'll both feel better about yourselves now rather than investing years into it. Being alone is not too bad when you think about it. In fact, you realize how much you wish you were alone when you are with someone. You don't what what you need and you don't need what you want. It's just how it is.
carhill Posted April 2, 2010 Posted April 2, 2010 When you're not lonely being alone and there is no hole from the ex to be filled, then you're ready, IMO. Fill the hole with life and friends and learn to live with and love yourself by yourself. Your future partner will thank you
Stbe Posted April 3, 2010 Posted April 3, 2010 I feel like I don't want to date not because I just broke up but because I've dated so many women over the past few years. Some have been ok, most have been blah, and I'm just not excited about it anymore. Seems like I've heard all the same stories over and over from different women, to the point where if they don't put out on the first date I never go back for a second date. You know I think I'm going to make a separate thread about this.
phineas Posted April 3, 2010 Posted April 3, 2010 When you're not lonely being alone and there is no hole from the ex to be filled, then you're ready, IMO. Fill the hole with life and friends and learn to live with and love yourself by yourself. Your future partner will thank you flip flopping on this. I don't feel I NEED someone, but i'd like someone. i've been alone for a yr now since I separated. Not counting a short FWB stint that really didn't appeal to me as much as I thought it would. at the same time i liken the task of dating to something along the lines of cleaning out the basement. I'd like to do it, but the thought of it exhausts me & I make up all kinds of lame excuses not to. Maybe when my divorce is final i'll feel differently.
carhill Posted April 3, 2010 Posted April 3, 2010 Same here, living/divorce-wise. Lived alone for about a year now. D will be final, barring snafus, within sixty days. Dated briefly over the past couple months. No thoughts of stbx nor frustrations. Actually, happy that my improved people-picker is working well. I didn't find the process to be exhausting at all. Nice way to socialize; something different than socializing with friends. I'm quite comfortable living alone with my cat, just as I was for the fifteen years or so before getting married. Freeing myself of that past unhealthy love (from my journals) has been a clear plus. It's no longer tugging at the back of my mind, even though it never caused me to feel 'lonely'. So, dating? Take it or leave it for myself. No overwhelming sentiments one way or another. I've seen enough unhealthiness to last a lifetime. Time for some health
PhillyDude Posted April 3, 2010 Posted April 3, 2010 Don't get me wrong I'd love to meet someone, but I'm not sure I'm ready for it mentally. I'm looking too hard for somebody to fill the void my ex left, and even with a girl I wasn't actually interested in I kind of talked to her more than I probably should have. It doesn't bother me because she wasn't my type but I can tell I have to not do it with someone I actually am interested in. Finding a JOB is less challenging than finding a mate so I can understand how you feel.
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