patticakes Posted April 1, 2010 Posted April 1, 2010 anybody out there know any thing about these Korean roon salons? I need to know what really goes on in them. Please if anyone has any info, could you let me know right away?
JamesM Posted April 1, 2010 Posted April 1, 2010 As in Asian Massage Parlors? Anything that a guy can afford and knows how to request. Google "Asian Massage Parlor reviews" and you can even look up the one you are wondering about. Having said that, just because a guy does go to an AMP...this does not mean he did "go all the way." However, if he didn't, then most of the time it is due to ignorance and not out of desire. Most likely he had much more than "just a massage." At the least, he would have had a "happy ending." No one seems to ever go "just for a massage."
always_searching Posted April 2, 2010 Posted April 2, 2010 LOL, I'm surprised more women aren't aware of what really goes on at these places--one of my friend's husband use to frequent them, and she was like, "He just goes for massages!" Then, she found out that his friends that go with him get all this other stuff done, and she admitted that things like that might happen at those places, but thinks her husband isn't doing it. Anyway, I second JamesM, except I think that most every man going to a Korean massage parlor is getting more than a massage. O.P., I'm curious: are you asking because YOU want to go, or because you suspect your boyfriend/significant other/husband of going?
Author patticakes Posted April 2, 2010 Author Posted April 2, 2010 LOL, I'm surprised more women aren't aware of what really goes on at these places--one of my friend's husband use to frequent them, and she was like, "He just goes for massages!" Then, she found out that his friends that go with him get all this other stuff done, and she admitted that things like that might happen at those places, but thinks her husband isn't doing it. Anyway, I second JamesM, except I think that most every man going to a Korean massage parlor is getting more than a massage. O.P., I'm curious: are you asking because YOU want to go, or because you suspect your boyfriend/significant other/husband of going? this place that my husabnd went to is a so-called karaoke joint where the only females allowed are the ones who work there, to entertain I suppose. he and 2 of his friends spent over $1200 one evening, swearing that nothing happened....hello, does he think I am stupid?
2sunny Posted April 2, 2010 Posted April 2, 2010 this place that my husabnd went to is a so-called karaoke joint where the only females allowed are the ones who work there, to entertain I suppose. he and 2 of his friends spent over $1200 one evening, swearing that nothing happened....hello, does he think I am stupid? holy craaaaap... 1200.00? i'd want to know EXACTLY what happened for 1200.00 i guarantee it's not about the music - or the massage.
JamesM Posted April 2, 2010 Posted April 2, 2010 this place that my husabnd went to is a so-called karaoke joint where the only females allowed are the ones who work there, to entertain I suppose. he and 2 of his friends spent over $1200 one evening, swearing that nothing happened....hello, does he think I am stupid? It all depends on what his definition of "nothing" is. I googled Room Salon and I think it is different than a massage parlor. I am not sure where you are at, but according to the night life description here of one in Korea..... Hostess Bars Also called Room Salons, these establishments cater to groups of men who want to have female companionship while they drink. The women are very attentive to their clients and a small group can spend over a million won in one setting. http://www.lifeinkorea.com/Nights/index.cfm When I did a wikipedia search, I found out a little more.... Today, while a number of prostitutes work in brothels that do little to conceal their activity, most are believed to work in much more sophisticated settings, where sex might take place only at the discretion of the woman herself. A "room salon" or a "hostess bar" (referred to in Korean as noraejujeom/danlanjujeom) is a venue where groups of middle-aged businessmen, usually using the company credit card, can drink with young hostesses. No sex takes place on the premises but negotiations for further services are often made elsewhere. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Prostitution_in_South_Korea From google, I did learn that there are some room salons in NY and LA. If you are in Korea, there here is a link that will tell you all you want to know about the different places for sex or close to sex. http://everything2.com/title/Sex+in+Korea After reading about the room salons, then I can say that he may be right...if his definition means no sex. However, he did spend the evening with a woman who was paid to be his companion. She did allow him certain "liberties" which I am guessing depended on how much she was paid. The question is....would he want YOU to be one of those girls or would he consider that cheating? So...it comes down to this....do you trust your husband...or no?
Author patticakes Posted April 2, 2010 Author Posted April 2, 2010 no, i do not trust my husband...why does he get so mad when I try to bring up the subject of that night? he threatens to end our marriage because he doesn't want to talk about it. I am white and he is asian, his advantage on this one. i mean $1200.00 come on....
carhill Posted April 2, 2010 Posted April 2, 2010 Probably time for a come to Jesus talk. How long have you been married? Kids? I assume you feel this behavior is unacceptable. Threats to end your M are unacceptable too. I hope he understands the gravity of his threats. That kind of defensiveness usually means other things are going on besides 'room salons'. Welcome to LS
Author patticakes Posted April 2, 2010 Author Posted April 2, 2010 been married 23 years this Tuesday, with 2 grown sons and a 15 year old daughter....so confused on this subjct. This room salon, as I call it, doesn't allow female customers, only men. No open baror restaurant, just pick a girl and go into a "private karaoke room" what am I supposed to think...trust is out the door at this stage of the game.
carhill Posted April 2, 2010 Posted April 2, 2010 Since he's made threats, the next time it happens, simple state that such behavior is unacceptable to you and, if that 'end the marriage' talk starts up again, agree with him. 'I think that would be a good idea. Do you want mediation or should we get our own lawyers?' Say it calmly and matter-of-factly. Listen. If you're looking to vent, we're happy to provide a space for that. What do you want? Are you willing to go to the mat to get what you want? Make the difficult decisions?
Author patticakes Posted April 3, 2010 Author Posted April 3, 2010 hey, i'll play his game..if he says it's over next time I bring up his night at the room salon, I'll call his bluff. But is there anybody out there who has gone to such a place? It is fronted as a korean karaoke cafe, but you can't take your girl in, they only want men customers.
always_searching Posted April 4, 2010 Posted April 4, 2010 (edited) Hello again, Patticakes-- I'm sorry about your situation. I think you are totally justified when you say that you don't trust your husband and think something else happened at this salon/karaoke bar. I mean, I'm just not sure what kind of singing you would do for $1,200! Honestly, if he is bringing up divorce at the mere mention of his night at the karaoke cafe, I would react one of two ways: (1) if you want to stay married, I would tell him that I wouldn't bring it up again, but knew that something else happened that night and if it, or anything like it, happened again: his ass would be out the door; or (2) if you want to get divorced, I would keep pressing him, and then file for the divorce myself, regardless of what he said. Good luck and keep us updated as to how you're doing! As carhill said, "Welcome to LS!" Edit: Unfortunately (or fortunately), I have not personally been to a Korean karaoke cafe or salon room. I have been to a Korean tea house, but women were allowed, and I only paid $20 for some tea, dessert bread, and ice cream... Edited April 4, 2010 by always_searching Forgot to address OP's current concern.
JamesM Posted April 4, 2010 Posted April 4, 2010 It was $1200 for THREE men, right? That is about $400 a piece assuming they spent equal amounts. Or did he spend that much on himself?
Author patticakes Posted April 4, 2010 Author Posted April 4, 2010 who knows who spent what, but I do know that $1200.00 is a lot of cash for 3 guys to spend for 5 hours of "nothing happened" this is really causing me alot of grief and doubt after 23 years of absolute trust (blindness?)
2sunny Posted April 4, 2010 Posted April 4, 2010 nothing? i'd venture to say that 1200.00 is NOT for nothing! he's lying. he's totally lying. if he's not willing to be honest - you have nothing to work with. i'd tell him the M is over since he's totally unwilling to be honest and your not willing to pretend like his lies are acceptable in a healthy marriage. ask him if he might have questions about what happened if you were to go to a male strip club with a friend and had spent 1200.00 - ya, i bet he'd have some questions he wanted answers to. 1200.00 can get you private sex for hours. he was probably figuring you wouldn't notice what was spent. did he tell you ahead of time where he was going or was it a secret? if so, how did you find out?
Author patticakes Posted April 5, 2010 Author Posted April 5, 2010 yes, I did honestly know that he was going to go, but i didn't know he would be there for hours and that they would spend that much cash...by the way, their boss gave then the money to go so it wasn't like he spent our money. I didn't know until after tho what those places are really all about until I checked them out online. Why does he tell me nothing happened and then he gets so mad when I need to talk about it? Is it guilt or is it really innocense?
carhill Posted April 5, 2010 Posted April 5, 2010 Do you think you'll ever get a satisfactory answer? My answer was 'irreconcilable differences'
Author patticakes Posted April 5, 2010 Author Posted April 5, 2010 no doubt you are right. But I will keep trying, someday I'll get to the truth, believe me!
2sunny Posted April 5, 2010 Posted April 5, 2010 no doubt you are right. But I will keep trying, someday I'll get to the truth, believe me! no - you won't. someday you MAY get some shortened version of partial truths. you aren't willing to set any consequences for him - and that's why he's unwilling to budge. it gives you a reason to be mad at him... maybe that role works for you. it wouldn't work for me... i'd rather have a solid boundary that allows him to understand without a doubt that i'm not going to be disrespected and disregarded anymore. action would show this. actually - that is exactly what i did when i found out my exH was cheating. no words - just action... it told him everything i never needed to say to him.
somegirlsomewhere Posted April 6, 2010 Posted April 6, 2010 Girl, don't be a doormat! You're not going to get an answer if you let him walk all over you. He says that he'll leave you if you bring it up again because he knows he can say it without consequences. (I'm sorry, but what a prick). PLEASE confront him again. Otherwise this crap will keep happening. You should be the one telling him that the marriage is over if he doesn't give you an honest, reasonable answer. If he told you he was going to a 'room salon', imagine what he hasn't been telling you.
You Go Girl Posted April 7, 2010 Posted April 7, 2010 If he told you he was going to a 'room salon', imagine what he hasn't been telling you. Yep... There's no way to spend that kind of money without sexual favors of some type. I know a guy who's been with his partner (never married her) for over 20 years, and visits "massage parlors". I also know what goes on there with him besides the inital "massage". I know because I was told by one of his best friends that broke the rules of the boys club.... It could be possible that he's been cheating on you for decades, I am sorry to say. One thing is for sure--any man that reacts as yours did--threats of divorce--instead of addressing your concerns and feelings---IS HIDING A LOT!!!
Author patticakes Posted April 7, 2010 Author Posted April 7, 2010 Thank you, tonight I will bring it up again and I already know what his reaction will be....it's just hard when the kids are in the house...he likes to yell alot. i know he already lied about that night to some extent cuz I asked him if he sang any karaoke that night and he said he didn't. but one of the guys who was there that night said my husband was good at karaoke. he was letting on that they were at a different place but I already knew where they had been. even after I found out that he lied about singing he still tried to deny it. Have I been a fool all these years....
2sure Posted April 7, 2010 Posted April 7, 2010 Seriously patticakes, he paid for sex at a Krean Room Salon, with someone (hopefully) barely legal. Sex. He isnt going to admit it, he is going to lie to you. For me, it wasnt the sex he had so much as how stupid he apparently thought I was.
2sunny Posted April 7, 2010 Posted April 7, 2010 Thank you, tonight I will bring it up again and I already know what his reaction will be....it's just hard when the kids are in the house...he likes to yell alot. i know he already lied about that night to some extent cuz I asked him if he sang any karaoke that night and he said he didn't. but one of the guys who was there that night said my husband was good at karaoke. he was letting on that they were at a different place but I already knew where they had been. even after I found out that he lied about singing he still tried to deny it. Have I been a fool all these years.... when considered - if he didn't do anything (which he DID) - his reaction alone is totally void of how YOU feel. he intentionally tries to hurt you by his reaction. who cares what he did or didn't do - he's willing to be totally hurtful now... not even considering how to console you or to heal the relationship. if you look at your history - i'm sure you will see this is his "normal" pattern - which just sucks to be married to someone who doesn't consider the feelings or position of the person they're married to. the real question is - leaving him out of the equation - what are you going to do about making YOUR life better?
Spark1111 Posted April 7, 2010 Posted April 7, 2010 I personally would find a korean speaking friend, or hire one to call and see what the prices are for what. If they present themselves as a personal assistant of the boss trying to plan an evening for him, they may get some answers. Especially if they are a man. Hell, pay for them to go there and experience it all. I would want to know the truth of what $400 in a private room could afford. Then you will have your truth. Sorry, former investigative journalist here. But it works, trust me, when you need the "true" story.
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