Phateless Posted April 2, 2010 Posted April 2, 2010 I'm not saying to keep trying to take her shirt off, just go slow. See how things progress. The slowest I have ever taken a relationship physically is with my current boyfriend. I just knew that he was a keeper and didn't want to mess things up. In my past I've found that moving too fast can have a negative effect. If it does bother you then talk to her about it. I would express how you are feeling about her and ask her how she thinks things are going and not, sooo, when are we going to do it? Have you talked about being exclusive? Maybe for her that is the first step? Going too slow can also mess things up, as it's already doing in this case. It's like traffic on the freeway - the people who move too slow or too fast are dangerous because they impede the flow of traffic.
moodoo Posted April 2, 2010 Posted April 2, 2010 I have to chime in here beacuse Im dealing with this same issue myself been seeing this girl once or twice a week since feb 27th so about 1 month, we've known each other for a few months longer, we makeout, I get her clothes off all that stuff everytime she spends the night, the minute I touch her down there, she lets me do that for a min or so and then she freaks out and says I can't let you go down on me bc if you do Im going to just want to have sex with you and I can't do that right not bc I only sleep with people Im dating and I dont want a relationship right now bc I just got out of a 3 year long one 2 months ago......so then I disappeared this past week, actually started talking to another girl and a friend of hers saw me and the new girl together and the last 2 nights shes been texting me like crazy but I dont know if i want to deal with her games anymore so Im just saying you may have to give her a reason to sleep with you ie you leaving...it sucks but games work
Phateless Posted April 2, 2010 Posted April 2, 2010 I have to chime in here beacuse Im dealing with this same issue myself been seeing this girl once or twice a week since feb 27th so about 1 month, we've known each other for a few months longer, we makeout, I get her clothes off all that stuff everytime she spends the night, the minute I touch her down there, she lets me do that for a min or so and then she freaks out and says I can't let you go down on me bc if you do Im going to just want to have sex with you and I can't do that right not bc I only sleep with people Im dating and I dont want a relationship right now bc I just got out of a 3 year long one 2 months ago......so then I disappeared this past week, actually started talking to another girl and a friend of hers saw me and the new girl together and the last 2 nights shes been texting me like crazy but I dont know if i want to deal with her games anymore so Im just saying you may have to give her a reason to sleep with you ie you leaving...it sucks but games work Your chick just doesn't know wtf she wants. She says she doesn't want a relationship, yet she's dating you, yet she doesn't sleep with people, blah blah blah. Tell her to make up her GD mind, decide what she wants, and let you know.
Stbe Posted April 3, 2010 Posted April 3, 2010 I do not know if the OP is being truthful. I don't know many Western men over the age of 20 who would go 9 dates with only a few kisses. Doesn't make sense. Even when I was a college kid it was 3-4 or so and if it wasn't happening I'd assume it would never happen. These days it's 1-2 dates. Unless OP is from Turkmenistan or somewere that has totally different cultural norms.
Scottdmw Posted April 3, 2010 Posted April 3, 2010 So you enjoy waiting for weeks and months for her to become "ready", while she's banging her FWB all this time? Does that make you feel "special"? And please don't tell me you weren't aware that this sort of thing is common practice for many women these days... If a woman is doing that kind of thing, there is no question in my mind that I'm better off without her. Perhaps many women do that, but not all. For me, it's not an issue of waiting for a woman to become “ready”, it's waiting until it's really a good idea for both people. The issue is sexual bonding and the heartbreak it can create. Sleep with a woman quickly and if she leaves, you end up in pain enough to make the fun you had just not worth it. At least that is my experience. And, it certainly seems like there are a lot of people on this site that are pretty messed up from breakups, bitter and in pain, way more pain and bitterness than you see people talking about from any other source in their lives. That's why it makes sense to me to wait until you are reasonably sure you are really compatible and in it for the long-term. Sleep with a woman after a month, and what do you really know about her character? Nothing, she's put on her best face the whole time. If it turns out that she is a liar, cheater, lazy, etc., you won't find out until after you are heavily sexually invested in her and cannot easily leave. Scott
Untouchable_Fire Posted April 3, 2010 Posted April 3, 2010 No, she is not religious. She said she is just too shy. She does not makeout for long either. Just 3 or 4 kisses and want to stop. Our makeout sessions are under 1 min. Holy bad signs Batman! Do you think she will magically change once you get another 6 dates under your belt? If she doesn't like kissing you now... she won't like kissing you later!
Isabella81 Posted April 4, 2010 Posted April 4, 2010 She sounds like she might be inexperienced. Try again in the near future and consider talking about it soon. You might say something about how you really like her, and think she feels the same, and how you want to take your relationship to the next level or however you want to word it. Then bring up that she always stops things and ask her whether she is ready to go for it. Or why she doesn't want to. There is a small chance she's a virgin and wants to be with the one she marries? It used to be that way, and I'm sure some girls out there still feel that way.
MalachiX Posted April 4, 2010 Posted April 4, 2010 The problem is, you wouldn't even know about this going on. An acquaintance of mine was telling me about this chick he's banging. That woman is also "dating" another guy whom she's giving the whole "little miss innocent" song and dance and making him wait so that it "feels special". And while he's taking her out and buying her dinners, she's banging another dude behind his back and mocking him for being such a "nice guy". The question that you need to ask yourself is do I really want to find myself in the same situation as this chump? You wouldn't happen to be this mysterious chump would you Johnny? My rule of thumb is: If she's in her 20s, she gets 3 dates. 30s, she gets 2. And if she's in her 40s it better happen on the first date. 50s, you slip a roofie in her drink during coffee, 60s you hit her over the head when she opens the door for you and have your way with her on the living room floor, 70s your rape her grand-daughter and make her watch so she knows you mean business.
Grace1973 Posted April 4, 2010 Posted April 4, 2010 I'm in the same boat - I've posted about this elsewhere. We've been seeing each other since January and have yet to progress to anything more than a quick kiss goodnight. Not even hand holding. We're both in our late 30s and so far he's taken the lead in everything so I feel kind of strange trying to initiate anything. But it's driving me mad! We've met each other's friends and are planning to "meet the parents" so why so slow? Confused!
jthorne Posted April 4, 2010 Posted April 4, 2010 What is it you want anyway? Do you actually even like this girl, or are you just wanting to get in her pants? If you see a relationship developing, give it some time. Or if you really like her, I have an idea, why not stop the silly games and have an actual conversation with her about it? If you're just looking for a challenge, maybe you should look elsewhere. Maybe she doesn't see sex as sex. Maybe she sees it as making love. Maybe she doesn't think you are at the making love stage yet. Who knows? Why not ask? But I find the playing games nonsense (wait 3 dates to "make her want it) to be manipulative and disrespectful.
phineas Posted April 4, 2010 Posted April 4, 2010 So you enjoy waiting for weeks and months for her to become "ready", while she's banging her FWB all this time? Does that make you feel "special"? And please don't tell me you weren't aware that this sort of thing is common practice for many women these days... And you can tel when this is the case. Just by how they word themselves & how their sporadic in their contact for someone supposedly interested in you. That's when you start mirroring their interest & let them come to you. women like that will notice your loosing interest & if they really don't want to loose you they will drop the FWB & jump your bones.
LucreziaBorgia Posted April 4, 2010 Posted April 4, 2010 (edited) She's thirty. Maybe she is wanting to make sure there is a future (ie, marriage, etc.) before she gives in. It isn't unheard of despite the 'hooking up' culture that otherwise prevails, you know. This reminds me of a thread I saw earlier about how a woman's sexuality is a commodity and if she gives it up too quickly or to too many guys she is a 'slut' and therefore not worthy of a relationship, much less marriage and being a mother. Now there is this thread, saying that if she doesn't give it up quickly she is a frigid bitch not worth your time. So which is it? Does her age make the difference or something? Honestly, it sounds like she is shopping for something long term and wants to make sure you are hooked in before she gives it up. Either that or she has been reading that overwhelmingly popular and best selling advice book for women that suggests waiting 90 days before having sex (and if he won't wait, he isn't worth your time according to that same book) - hey, I don't write these books, but I see tons of women buying them. Most of them follow that stuff to the word, also. They want to weed out the "if you don't put out within two dates I dump you" types. I guess it is a gamble: do you develop a relationship first, not knowing about the sex part or do you move on to someone who will have sex with you, not knowing about the relationship part? Edited April 4, 2010 by LucreziaBorgia
Phateless Posted April 4, 2010 Posted April 4, 2010 I think intentionally waiting longer than necessary based on some theory qualifies as game-playing. Time to have a conversation.
Phateless Posted April 4, 2010 Posted April 4, 2010 Well, romantic fantasies to the contrary, we're all just using a member or members of the opposite sex to further our own genes. So for all animals that reproduce sexually it's all-games all-the-time. If we reproduced asexually this wouldn't be an issue. By you definition we're all using each other, but that's different than games. It's beyond me why dude hasn't talked to this girl yet. As long as they're on the same page, it doesn't matter what their timeline is.
Scottdmw Posted April 5, 2010 Posted April 5, 2010 "Sexually invested?" Please explain. I tend to do just the opposite. My personal experience is the more sexual contact I have with a woman, the more emotionally invested I get too. Maybe you are not like that. I do think that there are a fair number of men that have the same kind of experience though. Scott
USMCHokie Posted April 5, 2010 Posted April 5, 2010 My personal experience is the more sexual contact I have with a woman, the more emotionally invested I get too. Maybe you are not like that. I do think that there are a fair number of men that have the same kind of experience though. Scott Add me to this list of men.
PhillySpecial Posted April 5, 2010 Posted April 5, 2010 I'm a 30 yr old woman and I have a 3 month rule. The difference between me & this woman though is I would have clearly communicated that I like to take my time and get to know you first- period. I wouldn't have played the "I'm shy" game, or have you play some kind of guessing game. At 30 I'm looking for a LTR not a hookup or a fling, so I need to get to know the person and their character. I want to know as much information as possible to determine if this is a suitable partner. When guys get impatient and can't wait they show their true intentions, they were only looking for some tail anyway and its best they go and find someone who is easy. These days women are giving it way too easily, which is a shame for us girls who like to take our time. Because when we make guys wait they get all flustered and don't understand anything. They don't know how to act. Waiting seperates the guys who just want to have sex from those who are really into you and are looking for a LTR.
faf Posted April 5, 2010 Posted April 5, 2010 Take your time or move on. Not playing instant sperm receptacle should be a desirable quality in a woman.
Joe Normal Posted April 16, 2010 Posted April 16, 2010 As a rule you should stop seeing someone if you have had no sex by date 5 or 6. That's long enough for a woman to show she isn't loose. Any longer and it starts to look as though she just isn't into sex (at least not with you). If you stick around longer then it just tells her you will put up with being a frustrated doormat - not a good image to portray.
make me believe Posted April 16, 2010 Posted April 16, 2010 She's THIRTY and "too shy" to make out with you for more than a minute?? Is this really somebody you want to get involved with? She sounds like a treasure trove of sexual issues. It'll probably be another six months until you even see what's under her shirt! And then she'll reveal that she doesn't like going down on guys, or having them go down on her, and she's only comfortable having sex in missionary position, and she doesn't want it more than once every other week..... It's one thing for her not to want to have sex until you two are committed or whatever, but not even making out is ridiculous. And that thing she said about not being able to touch her ex's penis anymore because they got into an argument? Uh....refer to what I said before about her having issues.
VertexSquared Posted April 16, 2010 Posted April 16, 2010 My personal experience is the more sexual contact I have with a woman, the more emotionally invested I get too. Maybe you are not like that. I do think that there are a fair number of men that have the same kind of experience though. Scott Word to this.
Phateless Posted April 16, 2010 Posted April 16, 2010 She's THIRTY and "too shy" to make out with you for more than a minute?? Is this really somebody you want to get involved with? She sounds like a treasure trove of sexual issues. It'll probably be another six months until you even see what's under her shirt! And then she'll reveal that she doesn't like going down on guys, or having them go down on her, and she's only comfortable having sex in missionary position, and she doesn't want it more than once every other week..... It's one thing for her not to want to have sex until you two are committed or whatever, but not even making out is ridiculous. And that thing she said about not being able to touch her ex's penis anymore because they got into an argument? Uh....refer to what I said before about her having issues. Agreed. I think this chick is coocoo for cocoa puffs, and you should run like hell.
Eeyore79 Posted April 17, 2010 Posted April 17, 2010 At 30 I'm looking for a LTR not a hookup or a fling, so I need to get to know the person and their character. I want to know as much information as possible to determine if this is a suitable partner. ... and if he isn't a suitable partner, it's game over, without us ever having had sex. For me, sex is only for LTRs... I require an exclusive LTR before I'm prepared to have sex. Deciding he's a suitable partner and establishing an exclusive LTR takes a few months at least. Waiting seperates the guys who just want to have sex from those who are really into you and are looking for a LTR. Yep, you hit the nail on the head. The only way to separate the players from the LTR material is to withhold sex and see if he sticks around. OP, this is probably what your girl is doing. Do you want an LTR with her, or are you just trying to get in her pants?
Phateless Posted April 19, 2010 Posted April 19, 2010 ... and if he isn't a suitable partner, it's game over, without us ever having had sex. For me, sex is only for LTRs... I require an exclusive LTR before I'm prepared to have sex. Deciding he's a suitable partner and establishing an exclusive LTR takes a few months at least. Yep, you hit the nail on the head. The only way to separate the players from the LTR material is to withhold sex and see if he sticks around. OP, this is probably what your girl is doing. Do you want an LTR with her, or are you just trying to get in her pants? It should happen when it happens. Withholding because you have a theory that withholding makes for a more stable relationship is just immature game-playing.
Mary3 Posted April 19, 2010 Posted April 19, 2010 Maybe she has a penis in her pants ? Maybe she can't touch your penis because its revolting to touch any mans penis except her old bf's penis ?
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