jack5100nv Posted April 1, 2010 Posted April 1, 2010 (edited) I have been dating a girl for about 6 weeks now. We have been to Nine dates. We started making out on 3rd date. We have been hiking, hanging out with each others' friends, going to movies etc. Last night, we had dinner and watched a movie at her place. I kissed her few times during the night while cooking together. Then we started watching the movie, I held her, kissed and started kissing her neck. She would kiss me but as soon as I wear off from the lips, she does not go for it. She gently told me to watch the movie as I was trying to kiss her on the neck. Later, I was kissing her, then kissing her neck and slid my hands under her shirts, I was moving my hand on her back and her belly while kissing and I went for taking her shirt off but she stopped me and jokingly said, "you should calm down". Then I did not try and just sat with her, she held my hand throughout the movie. We kissed at the end. We had great conversation throughout the night and she said she had fun. How come she does not want to go further from kissing from here? Is she not physically attracted to me or is this how some girls behave? What's going on and what can I do to take things further? I am 29 and she is 30. Edited April 1, 2010 by jack5100nv
Scottdmw Posted April 1, 2010 Posted April 1, 2010 Well, the best thing would be for you to ask her specifically what is on her mind. Different people might have different reasons. Personally, though I know I'm in the minority here at least on this site, I think it's better for a long-term relationship to go very slowly on the physical stuff, even slower than what she is doing. I certainly know others who feel the same way. I think that is the most likely reason for what she has done. If she is happy kissing you and making out, I would say it is almost certainly true she is attracted to you and wants to wait for some other reason then not liking you. Best wishes with it, Scott
Author jack5100nv Posted April 1, 2010 Author Posted April 1, 2010 So, should I try going further while making out or no? I know everyone says, you have to try but if she has said no, should I just back off and just kiss or should I keep trying in a suddle way every time we are alone?
mrt336 Posted April 1, 2010 Posted April 1, 2010 I'm guessing she really just wants to take things slow and that's not code for some hidden devious purpose. Maybe she thinks highly of you and wants to make sure you think highly of her too. By waiting for sex you are telling her you like her for other reasons, that you genuinely find her fun to be around. I wish it weren't so complicated but it is.
Arabella Posted April 1, 2010 Posted April 1, 2010 Since it's obvious she wants to take it slow, don't keep trying to take her shirt off every single time you make out, or she will likely just get annoyed and think you're being pushy. Give her two or three more dates before trying again. If she still refuses then, just go ahead and ask her openly what are her thoughts on the subject. Arabella
Stbe Posted April 1, 2010 Posted April 1, 2010 I agree with the previous comments. If she's going too slow for you then you should find a woman who's not so slow. But I understand it's upsetting and confusing when two people don't go at the same pace. You just need to find someone who goes at your pace, not change the other person nor change yourself.
boogieboy Posted April 1, 2010 Posted April 1, 2010 If you want to keep going with this girl, since she wants to take it slow, you need to tease her. She wants a boyfriend, not a friend with benefits. Stop trying to pry her clothes off, she isnt comfortable enough with you yet. Right now, she wants to know that you dont only want to have sex with her. You arent showing her that. So you need to tease her. If you start making out (kissing only), stop when it gets really hot, back off, like a minute in, and start talking to her again. You keep doing this until she cant take it anymore and starts undressing you. She wants to go at HER pace, and you have no choice in the matter. It might take a while though, but if you keep stopping the makeouts on your terms, and you show her youre not only about sex, she will move a lil faster for you. Since she wants to watch the movie, then dont initiate any kissing with her. If you have to wait to kiss her until the end of the night, then thats when you do it. And cut the kiss short, leave her wanting more.
Phateless Posted April 1, 2010 Posted April 1, 2010 Is she religious or something? 6 weeks is a long time and kind of strange, especially at that age.
Star Gazer Posted April 1, 2010 Posted April 1, 2010 (edited) If you want to keep going with this girl, since she wants to take it slow, you need to tease her. She wants a boyfriend, not a friend with benefits. Stop trying to pry her clothes off, she isnt comfortable enough with you yet. Right now, she wants to know that you dont only want to have sex with her. You arent showing her that. I agree with this. Perhaps she wants a committed relationship before having sex? 6 weeks isn't that long... Just a thought. Edited April 1, 2010 by Star Gazer
Author jack5100nv Posted April 2, 2010 Author Posted April 2, 2010 Since it's obvious she wants to take it slow, don't keep trying to take her shirt off every single time you make out, or she will likely just get annoyed and think you're being pushy. Give her two or three more dates before trying again. If she still refuses then, just go ahead and ask her openly what are her thoughts on the subject. Arabella I am going to try it. Won't make a move in next 3 dates and then on the next 4th date I will but I want to know whether she will have sex with me or not. I do not want to spend 6 months only to find out she does not want to do it.
Author jack5100nv Posted April 2, 2010 Author Posted April 2, 2010 If you want to keep going with this girl, since she wants to take it slow, you need to tease her. Yea, I guess, I have to backoff, deny her physical contact and make her want it.
Author jack5100nv Posted April 2, 2010 Author Posted April 2, 2010 Is she religious or something? 6 weeks is a long time and kind of strange, especially at that age. No, she is not religious. She said she is just too shy. She does not makeout for long either. Just 3 or 4 kisses and want to stop. Our makeout sessions are under 1 min.
Author jack5100nv Posted April 2, 2010 Author Posted April 2, 2010 Another question. How often should I try to make plans with her to hangout. Currently is is about once a week. Sometimes 2 times a week. She has stuff going on wed, tues and sun, so those days are out. So, we usually hangout on either Thurs fri or sat. Should I ask her out for this sat again or wait til next week?
USMCHokie Posted April 2, 2010 Posted April 2, 2010 Should I ask her out for this sat again or wait til next week? I don't understand all these games people play when dating...seriously, if you are free Saturday night and would like to do something with her, then ask her out for that night...what's the point of "waiting til next week"...? Sometimes I don't get it...if she's interested, she'll want to spend time with you regardless of whether it's tomorrow night or sometime next week...if she's not interested or if she wants to play games back at you, then launch and move on...no one has time for that crap...
boogieboy Posted April 2, 2010 Posted April 2, 2010 Another question. How often should I try to make plans with her to hangout. Currently is is about once a week. Sometimes 2 times a week. She has stuff going on wed, tues and sun, so those days are out. So, we usually hangout on either Thurs fri or sat. Should I ask her out for this sat again or wait til next week? Stick to once a week. Tease damn you!
SarahRose Posted April 2, 2010 Posted April 2, 2010 What is the rush? Are you really interested in this girl as a person or just looking to get laid quickly?
stillafool Posted April 2, 2010 Posted April 2, 2010 Either she's a frigid, asexual witch or she's not really into you (but is still dating you because of some ulterior motive). 9 dates and 6 weeks is plenty enough time to get ready. I suggest you ask her directly and if you don't get a satisfactory answer, cut your losses and run. Girls like her are the reason many guys push for sex after one or two dates. Who wants to waste 6 weeks on a girl only to find out he won't be getting any? But isn't this what you and some of the other men on LS want in women? Afterall, you don't like promiscuous women and I thought you guys felt that women should wait to have sex with someone they want to marry.
Scottdmw Posted April 2, 2010 Posted April 2, 2010 Either she's a frigid, asexual witch or she's not really into you (but is still dating you because of some ulterior motive). 9 dates and 6 weeks is plenty enough time to get ready. I suggest you ask her directly and if you don't get a satisfactory answer, cut your losses and run. Hmmmm, one or the other is it? I personally believe in waiting quite a lot longer than she has. I'm sure you disagree, but I feel that it is healthier for both people and the relationship to wait. I guess you could call me a “frigid asexual witch”, but aside from the fact that I'm male I don't think there is anything wrong with my level of sexual desire, and certainly in the past I expressed that much more quickly in relationships. However, after getting burned by heartbreak a number of times and seeing the way things played out, I decided to change what I was doing. People are complicated. I'm not sure it really does any good to try to oversimplify their motivations. Scott
ADF Posted April 2, 2010 Posted April 2, 2010 You need to have a frank discussion about what your mutual needs and expectations are. This woman is not obligated to have sex if she doesn't want to. However, she is obligated to let her suitors know what they are getting into. A 30 year old woman confines physical contact to kissing after 9 dates has got something going on with her. Find out what it is.
terra Posted April 2, 2010 Posted April 2, 2010 I agree with a previous poster about no games. Why would you see her less or stop making any moves, it's silly and will probably make her paranoid. If she is a good girl worth getting to know then be patient and understanding. After six weeks you don't know her well enough to understand her past. Maybe she moved to fast once and it backfired so she is moving slower to make sure she really likes you before jumping into bed and screwing up something that she thinks is great. I think putting on the breaks will only make her confused and will be counter-productive.
Author jack5100nv Posted April 2, 2010 Author Posted April 2, 2010 I agree with a previous poster about no games. Why would you see her less or stop making any moves, it's silly and will probably make her paranoid. If she is a good girl worth getting to know then be patient and understanding. After six weeks you don't know her well enough to understand her past. Maybe she moved to fast once and it backfired so she is moving slower to make sure she really likes you before jumping into bed and screwing up something that she thinks is great. I think putting on the breaks will only make her confused and will be counter-productive. But I do not want to look desperate either. I can't keep trying if she keep saying no. That will be annoying to her as well. I guess, I will go on couple of more dates without any move and then make a move again but if she still says no. I will have a talk with her, gotta find out. What's confusing is that she mentioned that she had an argument with her ex and could not touch his pen*s again. Her exact words. I assume she did have sex with him. I asked for how long did she date him, she said 2 months. So, it's not like she does not go for it, I want to find out whether she will go for me or not. I have dating someone before only to later find out that she was not physically attracted to me.
Author jack5100nv Posted April 2, 2010 Author Posted April 2, 2010 I guess you could call me a “frigid asexual witch”, but aside from the fact that I'm male I don't think there is anything wrong with my level of sexual desire, and certainly in the past I expressed that much more quickly in relationships. Scott There is nothing wrong with it but gosh it is hard for me to wait, especially, if I know I we will be dating her in future and things can progress. You are a sex camel. This is a great trait, lol, makes women powerless.
USMCHokie Posted April 2, 2010 Posted April 2, 2010 But I do not want to look desperate either. I can't keep trying if she keep saying no. That will be annoying to her as well. I guess, I will go on couple of more dates without any move and then make a move again but if she still says no. I will have a talk with her, gotta find out. In my experience, if a woman is actually interested in you, she will never see you as being "desperate" if you ask her out more often than not...and she won't be saying no...so truth be told, asking her out sooner rather than later actually works in your favor...if she actually does get "annoyed" at you for asking her out, then LAUNCH...it really is that simple, yes...? No games.
terra Posted April 2, 2010 Posted April 2, 2010 I'm not saying to keep trying to take her shirt off, just go slow. See how things progress. The slowest I have ever taken a relationship physically is with my current boyfriend. I just knew that he was a keeper and didn't want to mess things up. In my past I've found that moving too fast can have a negative effect. If it does bother you then talk to her about it. I would express how you are feeling about her and ask her how she thinks things are going and not, sooo, when are we going to do it? Have you talked about being exclusive? Maybe for her that is the first step? But I do not want to look desperate either. I can't keep trying if she keep saying no. That will be annoying to her as well. I guess, I will go on couple of more dates without any move and then make a move again but if she still says no. I will have a talk with her, gotta find out. What's confusing is that she mentioned that she had an argument with her ex and could not touch his pen*s again. Her exact words. I assume she did have sex with him. I asked for how long did she date him, she said 2 months. So, it's not like she does not go for it, I want to find out whether she will go for me or not. I have dating someone before only to later find out that she was not physically attracted to me.
Phateless Posted April 2, 2010 Posted April 2, 2010 No, she is not religious. She said she is just too shy. She does not makeout for long either. Just 3 or 4 kisses and want to stop. Our makeout sessions are under 1 min. This screams major mental/emotional baggage to me. Is she like super-duper amazing or something? Are you sure she's worth the trouble? I'm willing to wager that this is only the very beginning...
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