DramaQueen Posted April 1, 2010 Posted April 1, 2010 I am just wondering how many OWs/OMs out there trust their MM/MW? Most may have started off well where they completely trusted each other in the beginning but surely at some point down the road, you would begin to doubt him for some reasons. Unfulfilled promises perhaps or the goal post keeps moving? At what point did you start to doubt whether his feelings for you was genuine or you realising that he just wanted his cake and eat it too for as long as he can? What were the tell tale signs?
alg24 Posted April 1, 2010 Posted April 1, 2010 During my A in the beginning I trusted my MM. I knew his schedule pretty well and things made the most sense (what he told me). Mid A I thought he was full of crap and I saw the white lies. Things didn't add up. He couldn't be trusted. Not to mention what we "had" was built on many lies. Once a liar always a liar. Once a cheater always a cheater. I feel the BS and OW/OM focus so much on each other. Bottom line is we are usually both being betrayed in some way. (Unless OP knew 100% everything upfront) I would not recommend entering in an A. It left me so broken hearted, torn, depressed, angry, and low. I view things very differently now... I am extremely bitter. It is what it is. Eventually they will lie. Eventually they will disappoint you. If you are in the early stages of an A run! Run as fast as you can. I never regret anything but two years later...
Lizzie60 Posted April 1, 2010 Posted April 1, 2010 I think mine all want their cake ... but who cares... I don't want them full time..
OWoman Posted April 1, 2010 Posted April 1, 2010 Eventually they will lie. Eventually they will disappoint you. I'm sorry that was your experience. But it wasn't mine... Not ALL As end badly. I am just wondering how many OWs/OMs out there trust their MM/MW? Most may have started off well where they completely trusted each other in the beginning but surely at some point down the road, you would begin to doubt him for some reasons. Unfulfilled promises perhaps or the goal post keeps moving? At what point did you start to doubt whether his feelings for you was genuine or you realising that he just wanted his cake and eat it too for as long as he can? What were the tell tale signs? Most of my As were without any emotional investment - they were pure phukphests, so there were no "promises" in the sense that you're meaning (i.e. promises of "something more" to follow) but I did trust them to keep to their end of the agreement (i.e. no emotional investment, no clinginess, no "more" down the track...) Some of them did keep to their promises, others didn't - getting clingy, wanting more, falling in love, leaving their Ws - so those ones got canned. Except for the one which involved a renegotiation, where we both wanted "something more" down the track. That one - yes I trusted. Yes he delivered - as did I. No broken promises.
StoptheDrama Posted April 1, 2010 Posted April 1, 2010 Of course I do! At the beginning and throughout most of the A, I took him at face value. Now I trust him to be a complete sh*t! :)
Fallen Angel Posted April 1, 2010 Posted April 1, 2010 I trust My Sweetheart. I have no reason not to. The only lies I have ever known from him were lies of ommission. When I asked him about it, he was honest. I was angry, told him that lying even by ommission is not something I can tolerate, and to my knowledge he has been truthful ever since. He doesn't make promises to me that he does not keep. If he does not know when he is coming back to stay with me for example, he says so. He does not break plans he has made with me, except for work, which is out of his control. He makes me a priority, introduces me to his friends, spends his free times with me, is honest with me about where his head is, and where his heart is, I have no reason not to trust him.
jennie-jennie Posted April 1, 2010 Posted April 1, 2010 I was very hurt by life when MM contacted me. I didn't trust a soul. I expected to be let down and hurt at any given moment. Through MM I have learnt to trust again. He was there, consistently, did not sway a millimeter, until I learnt that he was there to stay. He pretty much restored my faith in humanity! I was like a hurt animal ready to bite at the least sign of danger. My MM healed something deep inside me.
skylarblue Posted April 1, 2010 Posted April 1, 2010 Yes, I trust my MM. He has never made any promises to me as far as a future or his position about his M. He has been honest about his intentions of not leaving his W (I wouldn’t ask or expect him to either). I think he tries to be straight-forward with me without seeming coarse or uncaring. As far as our R, I don’t think he’s lying to me about how he feels/thinks (if so, he’s playing the part terrifically). We’ve always talked to each other like friends, but just our ordinary day-to-day and water-cooler things. Now, we also talk about things more personally significant. At first I had doubts because we just never, ever talked about us or us more than superficially so I was skeptically as to if he was just telling me what he thought I wanted to hear, but as I said his actions seem to fit his words and they don’t seem forced or premeditated. I could be wrong, but I only have two choices – to trust him or not trust him. I chose to trust him and hope as he says that he is “not some assh*le guy”. Even though I say I trust him I still look at him (or any other MM who doesn’t have an agreed arrangement with his W) as a cake-eater. I don’t look down on him for it. I understand his situation and as long as he’s honest with me I am willing to accept it until it becomes too much.
fooled once Posted April 1, 2010 Posted April 1, 2010 I did trust him....until I realized he lied, he didn't keep his word and his actions didn't match the promises he made. I am very much a believer in your word being all you have in this life and if you can't do something, don't promise it. Don't tell me you love me and want a life with me and then do nothing about it. Don't tell me your home life is miserable and then stay in it.
Ella whispers Posted April 2, 2010 Posted April 2, 2010 I trusted mine. I chose to believe what he said and ignored his actions. When I looked at him throught someone else's eyes I saw him for what he is.
Heather1 Posted April 2, 2010 Posted April 2, 2010 Yeah, I do. Kinda weird, but we've never really lied to eachother about our M, wanting to leave spouses, be together, etc.. Unless he's lying about the great sex, I don't believe he's really lied to me. Maybe we're both cake eaters? Funny, I wouldn't believe or even be attracted to him if he was telling me BS about his M, he loves me, leaving his W, etc.. In a M relationship? No, probably wouldn't trust him at all. Maybe that's why I don't see a future for us.
one of billions Posted April 2, 2010 Posted April 2, 2010 Yeah, I do. Kinda weird, but we've never really lied to eachother about our M, wanting to leave spouses, be together, etc.. Unless he's lying about the great sex, I don't believe he's really lied to me. Maybe we're both cake eaters? Funny, I wouldn't believe or even be attracted to him if he was telling me BS about his M, he loves me, leaving his W, etc.. In a M relationship? No, probably wouldn't trust him at all. Maybe that's why I don't see a future for us. Ditto.....
Author DramaQueen Posted April 9, 2010 Author Posted April 9, 2010 I did trust him....until I realized he lied, he didn't keep his word and his actions didn't match the promises he made. I am very much a believer in your word being all you have in this life and if you can't do something, don't promise it. Don't tell me you love me and want a life with me and then do nothing about it. Don't tell me your home life is miserable and then stay in it. Thank you all for responding. I guess almost all (with a few exceptions like J-J, FA, etc) do not or no longer can trust the MM the deeper we are in the R. I trusted mine completely. I thought he was different. I never thought he would lie to me. He was so full of promises of a future together. Until the time when the deadline that he set for himself (3 years) began to draw nearer and nearer. He stopped telling me how bad it was with his W at home, he stopped complaining about her, he no longer shares with me the problems he had with his W, he subscribed to a new mobile number that he used solely to call me that no one knew about, he tried not to indulge in any talks about the future, etc. I guess all this happened the same time his W found out and he's been trying his best to make it up to her by denying and trying to prove i am history. Now I dont trust him one bit and I am wondering what the F i am hanging on still for! So angry at myself...
confusedinkansas Posted April 9, 2010 Posted April 9, 2010 I was one of the stupid naive ones. I believed him! I believed everything he said. He was single in our last-go-round & I believed he "Wasn't Dating Anyone Else" & that "He Loved ME!" My goodness how silly we become when our emotions get all tangled up! Our A ended (with NO closure) in the fall & ONE month later.......Lo & Behold he had another married woman on his arm!..... To help me get over the schlep.....I repeated to myself - whenever necessary.... Even if you were single, would you really want a serial cheater.... Even if you were single, would you really want a serial cheater! & Rinse & Repeat!!! I Love Hind Site!! Helps us not to make the same mistakes over & over & over again!
SouthernSunshine Posted April 10, 2010 Posted April 10, 2010 No! How could I possibly trust a person who is already being unfaithful? Of course he wanted to have his cake, and eat it too. There was no love there! We cared about each other b/c we grew up together, but that's as far as it went. He was just my play thing too. I never wanted anything more from him then just sex.
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