hoping4thebest Posted April 1, 2010 Posted April 1, 2010 (edited) I'll try and keep this as short as possible, might be difficult tho, you know how it is.... Story so far... Met this amazing girl about 4.5 yrs ago through a friends girlfriend. We had met a couple of times previously but never really got chatting. i was running a club-night with a friend (I DJ) and she literally jumped me after one of the gigs I however was just out of a pretty crap 7 year relationship which the only thing good was my now 7yr old son (he's amazing). I was 24 at the time and this girl was only 18. We got on incredibly well, she's smart funny beautiful and we couldn't get enough of each other (literally!). Fast forward about 6 months and she was talking about moving out of her mothers house to get a place of her own but none of her friends had enough cash to do it with her. I was in the same situation after moving home with my mother after my previous relationship broke up. We stupidly moved in together (way too quick). Now she is a really outgoing happy soul and i was obviously not ready for this because i would get insanely jealous of her talking to guys (she's really gorgeous) so i assumed (wrongly) that they were chatting her up and she was loving it.... Anyway this got to the point where we would argue constantly about it and it really put a strain on our relationship which was perfect up until this point. Eventually i got a handle on my problem (saw somebody about it). My brother went to Australia for a year at the time our lease was up and because my mother lived alone and worked out of the country for a few days a week she asked me and my girlfriend to move in and half house sit while she was gone. everything was going great until i lost my job (recession is a b*tch). now i have not the greatest self confidence although i can put on a brave face in front of friends and in social situations, i'm actually quite outgoing but when i was at home I was totally different. We had planned to only stay in my mothers for a short time and this completely changed when i lost the job. I eventually applied to go to college and study (never got a chance because of being a parent so young). But too little too late i think. I have no money, so lost touch with a lot of my friends (can never go out) have child support to pay etc... I would get really pi**ed off that my girlfriend would go out with her friends (stupid i know) and eventually she just got tired of my insecurities. She moved home last September to her mothers house (her mother hates me) to save for college 9she wants to be a teacher). Since she moved home her mother has had a few "talks" with her. basically implanting the idea that she was leading me on and that i was probably thinking about marriage and more kids (are you crazy!!). How we broke up... Basically i think it's just that she is too young to get into anything now. She needs to go out and enjoy her life. We had broken up before and i begged her to come back but i think it was more through feeling sorry for me, which lead to me having very little self respect left at this point. We had a great sex life which took a turn for the worst when my brother came home from Australia and couldn't get a job (never left the house). So basically this was the most unattractive relationship anyone could hope for. Basically we broke up because i wanted to see her more than she wanted to see me. She says she loves me as a "friend" but is not "in love" with me. Now i don't believe in being in love, it starts as infatuation and if it's right it turns to love. In other words I'm not pushing the right buttons for her anymore. and who could blame her. Now... This was 2.5 weeks ago. I asked her not to but she said she had to, she didn't want a relationship anymore, she hadn't experienced adult life on her own (which is fair enough), so after asking her once not to i just accepted it and said i agreed with her. I asked her would she not take such a drastic step and give it a few months to see how she felt (hoping she'd miss me). She agreed but said she didn't want to lead me on (kinda got the impression from that she was pretty sure of her decision). She's now 22 and I'm 28. She hasn't cut me off completely either, she had to get her stuff from my house etc. I met her for a drink a few days ago and we had a bit of a laugh, talking about old records i used to play that she loved and she wants me to send her a list of her favorites so she can try and get them. Over the last few weeks i have been taking a good look at myself and have made a list of things i want to change about myself. Low self confidence ie. clingy (not like this when we met) Controlling (not like this when we met) low self-worth, i do wear my heart on my sleeve but as Bob Marley says anyone musical is a bit soft. I showed her this and she agreed that these were the reasons she lost attraction for me. i really just want to know should i pursue this girl??? She said that when you take away all the crap we are pretty amazing together...so i don't know. I'm not going to contact her. She said see you soon when i left her the other day and i said well you know my number, you wanted this. She knows very well that i don't want to just be her friend and that I'm crazy about her. Is there any reason she can't enjoy life and have me as a boyfriend? I am really busy with college at the moment, exams in 5 weeks, essays and projects to do so i won't have time to see her anyway. Arrrrgggg! what to do???? Any input would be great, sorry for the length but how can you get a good answer without details??!! Edited April 1, 2010 by hoping4thebest title
Author hoping4thebest Posted April 1, 2010 Author Posted April 1, 2010 Anyone brave the whole thing yet????
GrayClouds Posted April 1, 2010 Posted April 1, 2010 I hate to say it but it sound like it is over. In fact sound like she already has let go. It is time for you too. Right now your trying to pursued her back into the relationship. It does not work. And the more you try the more you will look needy and convince she is making the right decision. The best think you can do now is to pull back, try to busy with your own life. Read the follow links, do as they say it will make it easier, not easy, but easier: The No Contact Guide So you want a second chance? Sorry about your loss.
Author hoping4thebest Posted April 1, 2010 Author Posted April 1, 2010 thanks for the reply gray ! I'm starting no contact today. had to give her the last of her stuff back so now it's plain sailing i hope. when we agreed to take a break she said she wasn't going to meet other guys for the few months of the break, maybe it was just to get me to leave it alone but she's never lied to me before (that i know of) so i do trust her. The weird thing is we know two couples who have just gotten back together after about 6-8 months apart and she said "look at X & Y, you never know". the girl in the relationship swore she'd never get back with the guy and he has been trying to get back with her for the whole time they were split up, and now they are back together.... the only problem i have is that we go to all the same places and we have a lot of the same friends who we both met for the first time as a couple.... I know i should just say hi and go about my business but when you've had a few drinks things are always harder.... I don't want to have to leave a club or bar I'm in because she is there. I miss her so much but I'm determined to sort myself out for ME, not anybody else. I used to be a happy outgoing guy but a series of bad turns have left me kind of broken. I know she doesn't need that right now, she needs fun and I'm glad she's having it. I've thought about her meeting someone else and it makes me feel ill and even though she said she wouldn't, at the end of the day she is single and if it's going to happen it's going to happen. I still want her back tho :(:(
GrayClouds Posted April 1, 2010 Posted April 1, 2010 the only problem i have is that we go to all the same places and we have a lot of the same friends who we both met for the first time as a couple.... I know i should just say hi and go about my business but when you've had a few drinks things are always harder.... I don't want to have to leave a club or bar I'm in because she is there. I still want her back tho :(:( I suggest for a while find a new place to dwell for a while. That way you will stay out of making a fool out of yourself. If there is any chance, I suspect it is like 1 in 100,000, she does come back she can not miss you if you always around. Reread those thread and follow them. You need to take care of your self right now.
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