Morgued Posted April 1, 2010 Posted April 1, 2010 Hey all! I'm back lol, well for now anyways. I took a little break from this site hoping that getting away from the constant reminder of relationships and such. I was beginning to become comfortable with sitting on here and letting the woes of other people's relationships and discomfort take my mind off of my own problems (as sick as that probably sounds.) Anyways I had hoped to be 'Back in white'...back with a clean slate, and a fresh mind, but unfortunatly not the case. As I posted in my first topic on this site I had been going through a breakup like we all do. I taken a vacation to TX to sort out my thoughts, and my life. I returned to CA about 3 days ago and now I can't seem to stop worrying about things. The first of which is of course...the ex. The fear of running into her again, along with my friends/mutual friends is tearing me up. I made the decision to try and finally get the closure I need should I run into her again. I also thought of making the simple apology of telling her I was sorry for the way I treated her (being that i'm constantly thinking everything is my fault whether it is or is not...), to appease whatever it is in my head that won't switch off. I made the stupid attempt to find out if she was still in CA so if I did I could be mentally ready should I run into her or not. Well she seems to be out of CA, and now I feel that i'l never get my closure. I tried to get it when we were still talking, but she went 'no contact', and could never get it; when she tried to contact me again to be friends, I freaked out and deleted all ways she could have gotten ahold of me, and I began my NC. I want to talk it out with her, and to make up for everything that happened between us, but I didn't want to do it over the internet, phone, etc. Now it seems impossible, and can't get it out of my head. As for running into friends and such, well...I was so upset about the break up I just feel I made to much drama about it, and just want to start over anew. Though I care about them very much, I just don't feel that I can go back...which probably doesn't even make sense. Well that's it for now, sorry that was so long...just trying to vent it all out I s'pose.
USMCHokie Posted April 1, 2010 Posted April 1, 2010 I made the stupid attempt to find out if she was still in CA so if I did I could be mentally ready should I run into her or not. Well she seems to be out of CA, and now I feel that i'l never get my closure. I tried to get it when we were still talking, but she went 'no contact', and could never get it; when she tried to contact me again to be friends, I freaked out and deleted all ways she could have gotten ahold of me, and I began my NC. I want to talk it out with her, and to make up for everything that happened between us, but I didn't want to do it over the internet, phone, etc. Now it seems impossible, and can't get it out of my head. You don't "get" closure from someone else...you don't get it from "talking it out" with your ex...you get it completely from within yourself...she doesn't give you closure...you give you closure...her part in the whole closure equation was completed when she left and went NC...there's nothing else you need from her...she decided she didn't want to be with you, so it's now your turn to do your part and let go of what once was...and yes, it is MUCH easier said than done... So you won't ever get your closure until you accept that it is something you must do for yourself...no one else can do it for you...not your ex, not your friends, and not even any of us on LS...it will take time, and you may go through a period of time when you can't get it out of your head...it's natural...but just stay strong, maintain NC, and go on with your life...you'll eventually realize that you're better off without her...
spriggig Posted April 1, 2010 Posted April 1, 2010 Hey all! I'm back lol, well for now anyways. I took a little break from this site hoping that getting away from the constant reminder of relationships and such. I was beginning to become comfortable with sitting on here and letting the woes of other people's relationships and discomfort take my mind off of my own problems (as sick as that probably sounds.) Anyways I had hoped to be 'Back in white'...back with a clean slate, and a fresh mind, but unfortunatly not the case. As I posted in my first topic on this site I had been going through a breakup like we all do. I taken a vacation to TX to sort out my thoughts, and my life. I returned to CA about 3 days ago and now I can't seem to stop worrying about things. The first of which is of course...the ex. The fear of running into her again, along with my friends/mutual friends is tearing me up. I made the decision to try and finally get the closure I need should I run into her again. I also thought of making the simple apology of telling her I was sorry for the way I treated her (being that i'm constantly thinking everything is my fault whether it is or is not...), to appease whatever it is in my head that won't switch off. I made the stupid attempt to find out if she was still in CA so if I did I could be mentally ready should I run into her or not. Well she seems to be out of CA, and now I feel that i'l never get my closure. I tried to get it when we were still talking, but she went 'no contact', and could never get it; when she tried to contact me again to be friends, I freaked out and deleted all ways she could have gotten ahold of me, and I began my NC. I want to talk it out with her, and to make up for everything that happened between us, but I didn't want to do it over the internet, phone, etc. Now it seems impossible, and can't get it out of my head. As for running into friends and such, well...I was so upset about the break up I just feel I made to much drama about it, and just want to start over anew. Though I care about them very much, I just don't feel that I can go back...which probably doesn't even make sense. Well that's it for now, sorry that was so long...just trying to vent it all out I s'pose. Bolded above, I think, is what you need to work on. Really, logically, in a two person relationship, you're both exactly equally responsible for the whole. Keeping the 50/50 idea in mind, think of this: "No victims, no villains". You need to dig through the carcass of your relationship in your mind and look at it from a broader perspective. It sounds like you know what you did wrong, take a look at how she might have done better and don't discount her responsibility in this. This isn't about blaming or getting angry (tho, you might need to do that some), it's about finally finding balance in your own mind around this issue. When you do that, it will be easier to close the door.
Author Morgued Posted April 2, 2010 Author Posted April 2, 2010 Thank you both, I will continue working on myself until I CAN let go. Much appreciated.
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