neveragain2493 Posted April 1, 2010 Posted April 1, 2010 My boyfriend and I have dated about 3 months now, and we're in love. He's just about the best boyfriend I've ever had. We've done everything but sex, and when it comes to the big thing, we had a long talk. I'm a virgin, but he's not; he had sex with one girl, the girl he dated for a year and a half. He explained to me that he knew it was wrong, and when he did it, he felt guilty. He asked me if I knew what it was like to possibly be pregnant because it was torture for him. He told me he didn't want to feel that way with me. We agreed we'd wait until we were both ready. As he put it, 'sex comes with a lot of problems.' Does that sound strange at all? I asked a close guy friend for advice, and he said, "Guys don't think that way. I'm sorry. They don't. It's not that he doesn't love you, but there may be more there."
USMCHokie Posted April 1, 2010 Posted April 1, 2010 Uh...how old are you all...? I assume that you're both around 17 or 18 based on your name...or at least still in high school or something...and at that age, I'm sure you'll hear all sorts of things... At that age, I don't think something like that would be completely unheard of...it could be a legitimate concern from a scared little boy...
MalachiX Posted April 1, 2010 Posted April 1, 2010 It's hard to really answer unless we know your age, his age, and what you're upbringing is. If you guys are in your 20s and live in an open-minded community then yes it might sound a little sketchy. Like perhaps there was a pregnancy scare or even an abortion in his past and he's nervous now. If you guys are in your teens or in a very conservative community then it doesn't sound odd at all. That said, most guys (AND GIRLS) are more laid back about sex once they've had it. Unless they had some serious romantic issues, got re in touch with a conservative religion, or were tramatized; most guys would not say that sex was bad after they'd had it.
A_guy Posted April 1, 2010 Posted April 1, 2010 ...he had sex with one girl, the girl he dated for a year and a half. He explained to me that he knew it was wrong, and when he did it, he felt guilty. I don't get it, but its ok. This is not about me. Sounds like he doesn't want to have sex right away or waiting for the right moment? This could be some very positive reasons. I suppose one could hope this is the case. OR Maybe he's just trying to tell you what he thinks you might want to hear so he can get into your pants. You know...get you under a false sense of insecurity and have sex. Not cool.
phineas Posted April 1, 2010 Posted April 1, 2010 Either he had a pregnancy scare with his ex & it got REAL. Or he's doing what the above poster said. Saying what he thinks you want to hear to prod you along.
SomewhatExperienced Posted April 1, 2010 Posted April 1, 2010 If the guy has only had sex with one person, and that experience brought on a whole bunch of negative experiences, he's obviously going to associate sex with those negative experiences. Does this make sense? If he's now conditioned to think about the terrifying experience of thinking you're pregnant every time he thinks about sex, he's obviously going to be pretty tense about it. Don't worry. He wants to have sex. Just make sure you use protection. He'll re-learn to associate sex with the great experiences he's going to have with you. Maybe you two should go see a doctor and have him checked for STDs (you're a virgin so you shouldn't have any), plus talk about birth control options with the doctor. Then both your minds should be more at ease about all the things that could possibly happen.
ADF Posted April 1, 2010 Posted April 1, 2010 You're friend is absolutely right. Guys don't think like that. A guy doesn't want to wait five minutes for sex, never mind some vague length of time--i.e. "until we're ready." He's just telling you what you want to hear. Why, I don't know. But this is all really unnecessary. Safe, effective birth control is readily available. This is 2010, not 1865. And wanting to have sex doesn't mean you're "wrong." It just means you're human.
rene1611 Posted April 1, 2010 Posted April 1, 2010 Or maybe he is also still a virgin and is "scared" to tell you. Try to talk to him again about this issue and give him the feeling that it would be just fine if he is still a virgin. That will make him more confident...
SecretSquirrel Posted April 1, 2010 Posted April 1, 2010 It sounds weird (unless you two are in high school still, or religious), but not sketchy.
bac Posted April 1, 2010 Posted April 1, 2010 It sounds sketchy to me. Perhaps, he is a virgin, has a sexual problem like performance anxiety or other, ignorant about sex, brainwashed about sex that is why he has unrealistic expectations about sex or smth else. You might want to continue ask him questions trying to figure out what he is thinking.
LoveLace Posted April 1, 2010 Posted April 1, 2010 If pregnancy is truly his only fear, suggest using condoms AND prescribed birth control...and if that doesn't ease his insecurities, something else must be going on..as someone else said already, it could just performance anxiety and he's using this past experience to cover it up and put it off...it's strange for him to say that sex made him feel "guilty"...why? Because he didn't use protection? Because it's against his beliefs? If the act alone makes him feel "guilty" then there are deeper issues there aside from pregnancy! Sex is a loving act of passion, maybe it will take time for him to grasp that...
Author neveragain2493 Posted April 5, 2010 Author Posted April 5, 2010 Yes, we're young... and I highly doubt he's saying something just to get into my pants. I've met tons of guys like that, and he is not one of them. When we did talk about sex, I told him since I'm on the Pill (because of period issues), he could also use condoms, and we'd be okay whenever he was ready. He said, "Deal. You're great." We have done everything else, and he doesn't have a problem with that. He's told me he does want to have sex with me... I just think he sees it in a negative light right now and doesn't want to have a doubt in his mind if or when we do.
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