SleepingDog Posted March 31, 2010 Posted March 31, 2010 Here's the low down. My wife had an affair 10 years ago while I was away on business. I decided to forgive her. It was hard, and the marriage never really recovered, even though the pain went away. Then this year I got massive flashbacks due to some triggers. Besides this being the anniversary, Facebook suggested I befriend OM, some ex-BF started to contact my wife without telling his own. So I've had a big dip and am slowly crawling out of it. I'm beginning to believe my marriage is over. I have only 1 complaint about my wife, and that is that she tends to nag and fight a lot. I can't win. I had let myself go after the affair and put on a lot of weight, which she, in this case understandably, complained about. Now I've been exercising 3 evenings a week and lost 33 pounds in 3 months. And now she starts complaining that 'she has to stay in ALL WEEk' because of my exercising. I mean, WTF (a) she should be happy I'm no longer a fat slob (b) there are 4 other nights in the week © we have a babysitter. Today we had another blistering row about something futile: I come in from the gym, complain I could only run for 30 rather than 45 minutes because it shut early. She reacts angrily as if it is a personal attack against her and then gives a whole list of grievances about me. Jeez - it was just meant as a remark. While I mainly get angry at her for what she does AGAINST ME (fighting, nagging). She gets angry for what I DO, which includes for instance sitting on the toilet too long 'You're reading!' (I wasn't). And obviously I don't jump off because she yells at me, but tell her to go awaym so another fight ensues. Or she will attack me for what I AM (like being vicious about my scatty memory.) She knows I hate fighting, especially in front of our child, but she refuses to let up even when she's around. We have massive fights 3-4 times a week, sometimes every week. Sometimes there's a break of a couple of weeks an dthen it all starts over again. I don't think that's normal. She can to all appearances switch on and off. I'm sure tomorrow she will be saying she wants another baby. I'm so f****ng unhappy. I don't know anymore why I forgave her affair 10 years ago. I find myself wishing I had broken up with her then, now it is so much more complicated. I still think my wife is beautiful when I see her, she is also the best cure after a fight. I always thought about divorce 'I'll know if I want one', but I still don't. I know if I leave her I won't get over her easily. In other words, I feel completely stuck. I feel I need air.
Bryanp Posted March 31, 2010 Posted March 31, 2010 Maybe you should ask yourself if you wish to spend the rest of your life like this? Do you wish to spend years of her fighting in front of your child? It seems pretty obvious she has little respect for you. If you do not respect yourself then who will? Good luck.
mark982 Posted April 1, 2010 Posted April 1, 2010 don't know about the other things. but i think she's getting real nervous about the gym, you're shaping up,women are raising a eyebrow,and your feeling good about yourself. keep it up s.d. your doing great.
JustJoe Posted April 1, 2010 Posted April 1, 2010 (edited) I've got an idea, SD. Have an affair, she did and it worked wonders for her, now you have one and see how it goes. Just kidding, but if you can't see living like this , you need to think of ending it. Edited April 1, 2010 by JustJoe
Trojan John Posted April 1, 2010 Posted April 1, 2010 She treats you like this because you allow her to treat you this way. You become angry at her because you allow yourself to be angered by her words and actions. Make another change in yourself. Stop reacting to her when she gets this way, and stop yourself when you feel things going out of control. It's hard to do, but it becomes easier with practice. She will either change for the better or she won't, but you can't do much about it on her end. Cheers
Author SleepingDog Posted April 1, 2010 Author Posted April 1, 2010 This morning she apologised. Guess what. She's got her period... Trojan: I tried that once, ignoring her. She had an affair. Just Joe: great idea. I'm so mad at her I probably would not feel a shred of guilt. While in the past I directed a lot of my anger at OM, I'm now angry at her. And jealous: I didn't get a nice, exciting break! It would be easy, too. I know several attractive women 10 years younger than me who might be game. The car crash her affair brought on holds me back though, and I don't want to turn some unspecting young girl into a blubbering OW on one of these boards. I'm (un)fortunately very good at resisting this kind of temptation. Jtorne: the fights have always been an issue, since about 2 years into our relationship she became nagging and argumentative. I've always thought I shouldn't end a relationship because of one character flaw. But I might be wrong. She doesn't have outside interests, but I am the excuse. She's always got a convenient explanation why se is not going out. Markp: women were interested even when I was overweight. Funnily enough I don't see a difference. I do certainly feel fitter, healthier and more confident. BryanP:no, I don't want to live like this. I may live for 25-30 more years and I don't want to look back regretting it all. At this moment I am not sure, however, which I would regret more: divorcing her or staying with her. How do people decide this kind of thing?
Just a stone's throw Posted April 1, 2010 Posted April 1, 2010 SD - Can you look at your child and say that you split because your wife nagged you too much? In the case of my parents, it drove my dad away when I was 16. My mom was a nag. It drove him into another woman's arms. I wish he had done it the right way and divorced before having the affair but I can't say I blame him when I look back that he had to get out. I hated listening to the two of them argue. It went on for most of my childhood. Yes, there were the happy times and the "make-up s**" that I'm sure occurred (ooh, yuk!!) but there was a lot of pain on everyone's part, especially when the A came to light. My Dad was no angel in all of this, he could argue with the best of them! Mouth like a truck driver (oh, he was one way way back in the day!). Good luck
Dexter Morgan Posted April 1, 2010 Posted April 1, 2010 Here's the low down. My wife had an affair 10 years ago while I was away on business. I decided to forgive her. It was hard, and the marriage never really recovered, even though the pain went away. Then this year I got massive flashbacks due to some triggers. this is why I will never believe that a marriage completely recovers. someone will still have to be reminded with the scar that was left. I'm beginning to believe my marriage is over. I have only 1 complaint about my wife, and that is that she tends to nag and fight a lot. I can't win. in my experience, although not seeing it myself when I was married, is that this is a sign of a wife that is still cheating. Is she ever away from home/you enough to cheat? goes out on girls nights out? etc. I had let myself go after the affair and put on a lot of weight, which she, in this case understandably, complained about. no, not understandable. she should realize what she has done to you and that she should HELP you and encourage you to get fit....not complain. another sign that she is probably cheating, or wants to. Now I've been exercising 3 evenings a week and lost 33 pounds in 3 months. And now she starts complaining that 'she has to stay in ALL WEEk' because of my exercising. I mean, WTF (a) she should be happy I'm no longer a fat slob (b) there are 4 other nights in the week © we have a babysitter. what do you mean that SHE has to stay in? you mean she wants to go out and party without you or something? got a newsflash for her....someone that cheated lost the right to complain about not going out since they have proven themselves untrustworthy. While I mainly get angry at her for what she does AGAINST ME (fighting, nagging). She gets angry for what I DO, which includes for instance sitting on the toilet too long 'You're reading!' (I wasn't). And obviously I don't jump off because she yells at me, but tell her to go awaym so another fight ensues. Or she will attack me for what I AM (like being vicious about my scatty memory.) sounds like she is trying to find a whole list of excuses to justify stepping out on you again, if she already isn't doint it. Not only did she cheat on you, she is making you miserable. Dude, that is no way to live life. You need to be away from this "woman". Contact an attorney without her knowing and get his/her opinion on things before making a decision.
mem11363 Posted April 1, 2010 Posted April 1, 2010 My wife is also difficult the day before her cycle starts. Sometimes VERY difficult. In general I don't ignore her - but when she is being difficult for no good reason - I just get quiet. Not - I refuse to talk to you at all - but I refuse to argue back right now. Sometimes later I will ask her - did I do something that made you angry before? And then I listen. If she attacks me I get up and leave. If she is rational I try to learn something from it. But if she was chronically angry/critical etc I would keep a conflict journal for a month and then give it to her and tell her to change or accept we are done. If she denies what she has said/done after the fact I would tape record her during the month. And like I say - you can ignore her invitation to combat without totally ignoring her. Don't have an affair - that is just sadistic. Leave her if you really are unhappy. This morning she apologised. Guess what. She's got her period... Trojan: I tried that once, ignoring her. She had an affair. Just Joe: great idea. I'm so mad at her I probably would not feel a shred of guilt. While in the past I directed a lot of my anger at OM, I'm now angry at her. And jealous: I didn't get a nice, exciting break! It would be easy, too. I know several attractive women 10 years younger than me who might be game. The car crash her affair brought on holds me back though, and I don't want to turn some unspecting young girl into a blubbering OW on one of these boards. I'm (un)fortunately very good at resisting this kind of temptation. Jtorne: the fights have always been an issue, since about 2 years into our relationship she became nagging and argumentative. I've always thought I shouldn't end a relationship because of one character flaw. But I might be wrong. She doesn't have outside interests, but I am the excuse. She's always got a convenient explanation why se is not going out. Markp: women were interested even when I was overweight. Funnily enough I don't see a difference. I do certainly feel fitter, healthier and more confident. BryanP:no, I don't want to live like this. I may live for 25-30 more years and I don't want to look back regretting it all. At this moment I am not sure, however, which I would regret more: divorcing her or staying with her. How do people decide this kind of thing?
Samantha0905 Posted April 6, 2010 Posted April 6, 2010 (edited) Here's the low down. My wife had an affair 10 years ago while I was away on business. I decided to forgive her. It was hard, and the marriage never really recovered, even though the pain went away. Then this year I got massive flashbacks due to some triggers. Besides this being the anniversary, Facebook suggested I befriend OM, some ex-BF started to contact my wife without telling his own. So I've had a big dip and am slowly crawling out of it. Did you get counseling? Did you forgive her really? FB? Stay off the social networking sites. Both of you. I'm beginning to believe my marriage is over. I have only 1 complaint about my wife, and that is that she tends to nag and fight a lot. I can't win. That's a biggie. I wouldn't want to be around someone nagging and fighting most of the time. The gym stuff is all interesting. It doesn't really mean much unless she's out of shape and you're getting buff -- or she's in shape and you're getting buff -- lol -- etc. In that case, it sounds like a competition over physical prowess for superficial reasons. So, none of it means much at all except you two are trying to prove who wins in that arena. While I mainly get angry at her for what she does AGAINST ME (fighting, nagging). She gets angry for what I DO, which includes for instance sitting on the toilet too long 'You're reading!' (I wasn't). Come on!! You weren't? Why do you have to justify what you were doing on the toilet? So what if you WERE reading? You can't sit on the toilet and do what you please? lol And obviously I don't jump off because she yells at me, but tell her to go awaym so another fight ensues. Or she will attack me for what I AM (like being vicious about my scatty memory.) A person shouldn't be attacked while doing their business...... She knows I hate fighting, especially in front of our child, but she refuses to let up even when she's around. We have massive fights 3-4 times a week, sometimes every week. Sometimes there's a break of a couple of weeks an dthen it all starts over again. I don't think that's normal. No fighting in front of children. Period. If either of you are letting that go on, you're being selfish. Don't act selfish in this situation. It is something you can control. Put your child in front of yourself and your spouse. She can to all appearances switch on and off. I'm sure tomorrow she will be saying she wants another baby. Odd. Bipolar? I'm so f****ng unhappy. I don't know anymore why I forgave her affair 10 years ago. It doesn't seem like you did. I'm not knocking you. Perhaps the two of you did not resolve your issues. I find myself wishing I had broken up with her then, now it is so much more complicated. I still think my wife is beautiful when I see her, she is also the best cure after a fight. What do you mean by that? Make up sex? Perhaps she didn't do enough after the affair -- in your eyes -- to repent and prove to you what you needed to see? It may be a lost cause in most cases. I always thought about divorce 'I'll know if I want one', but I still don't. I know if I leave her I won't get over her easily. In other words, I feel completely stuck. I feel I need air. Stuck isn't a good place to be. Maybe you need to take a break for a bit and get you some air. It's difficult when children are involved. I don't know if many people do know for sure at the time about divorce. I don't think any of us easily get over losing a person we married. Stuck is a bad place to be. We don't get unstuck until we unstick ourselves. Edited April 6, 2010 by Samantha0905
strugglingfor4 Posted April 6, 2010 Posted April 6, 2010 My wife treats me like dirt too but and even hang up as I called her. When I demanded about her whereabout she answered ''None of your business'' and hanged up on me. She's seeing the OM again.
D-Lish Posted April 6, 2010 Posted April 6, 2010 You know what? If you can't even find some small semblence of peace on the toilet, you need to rethink your marriage. Sitting down on the toilet and having a nice relaxing poop is something everyone is entitled to:eek:. So what if you want to do a crossword or do a bit of reading while you're at it. That is a basic necessity in life. I come home from work every night, run a bubble bath and sit down on the john and do a crossword. If someone had the audacity to bang on the door and prompt me to hurry up- they'd lose their life, quickly and swiftly. Life is short- if you're at that point in your marriage where having a poop has repercussions, then it's time to take some space.
jmargel Posted April 6, 2010 Posted April 6, 2010 SD, There are a few things in these posts that are worth listening too. What you are in, sounds like a parent-child relationship with your wife. Your wife is the whining, nagging teenager that will disrespect you. So, how to deal with this if you don't want a divorce? First, setup marriage counseling. If she doesn't want to go at first, that's fine go by yourself. Start getting the self confidence that you need in all of this. It will help you and your children which is most important. Second, stop tolerating the disrespect. What would you do if your teenager talked to you like this? Tolerate it and expect more of it. If she becomes too much and starts aggravating you just tell her something like this: "Right now I am not going to talk to you until you calm down and we can act like mature adults", then FOLLOW through with it. Set boundaries, let her know what these boundaries are. Be descriptive with these boundaries and be strict with them. Ignoring her isn't the answer, it only fuels the fire. However you need to set a structure on how to defuse these fights. The best way I have found when you are in a disagreement and want to get YOUR point across is to listen to what she has to say and before you debate your side say two simple words 'I understand'. It gets the woman's defenses down and more prone to have her listen to your side. Even if you truly don't understand and think it's BS, just say the words. It works. You haven't dealt with the cheating and unless she has faced consequences of her cheating she will end up doing it again (usually). The signs are pointing to it now, all the red flags are showing. Usually women who cheat will become defensive and put blame on the ones they are with to ease their own guilty conscious. If you end up divorcing you will move on. The world won't end, however you need to ask yourself what are you truly getting out of this marriage right now?
Author SleepingDog Posted April 7, 2010 Author Posted April 7, 2010 Thanks for all the answers. I have been away over Easter, which was characterised by blazing rows on all days but saturday. It upset my wife that my plate was an inch from the table edge ('you'll cause a mess'), and that I did not use a teaspoon but a knife in the jam jar ('you'll get crumbs in the jam'). It is bad enough sh epoints out these things. What makes it worse is the tone. She barks orders, accuses, and generalise ('you ALWAYS blablabla...'). She doesn't care that her father is present, who at one point sighed 'my wife always got on my case'. There are a few things in these posts that are worth listening too. What you are in, sounds like a parent-child relationship with your wife. Your wife is the whining, nagging teenager that will disrespect you. Ironically, my wife believes she is the parent in this situation and me the child who needs correcting. Indeed, In these situations I tell her I already have a mother. In this case she said 'she should have raised you better' when I said 'look, crumbs in the jam jar are not worth a fight'. How dare she. If I'd point out the extent to which she resembles her embittered, shrewish but deceased mother, that would cause no end of sulking. Her mother had reason to be like this: her father drinks, beat his wife, is never home and she caught him 'in the act' with another woman. Though I have my faults, I have given her no such cause to become so miserable. when alive, her mother actually told of her daughter for nagging me. I don't think she's having an affair now, but she has plenty of opportunity. She travels for business every 6 weeks for several days and visits conferences. There are warning signs that she is emotionally disentangled from me. She keeps eyes closed during sex - didn't use to do that. She does not kiss passionately anymore during sex. She even nags during sex.... I think this is all still fallout from the original affair, I don't think she has had another one, although I am suspicious at times. She does not like the flashbacks I have been having, and sees it as completely unreasonable that I bring it up (actually she brings it up more often than I do now). I told her once that it would be easier to deal with her infidelity if she would not abuse me on a daily basis. she thinks that makes me a psychological case. What keeps me in this marriage is my daughter, though I am starting to believe divorce may be in her better interest. After all, half the population divorces and those kids don't all turn out into drug addicts. However, we may end up living thousands of miles apart, and so she would lose her connection to me. Financial difficulties are also an issue. We bought a house at the peak of the market, and selling now would entail a loss in excess of $60.000. I have to admit I am now getting to a point were money does not matter anymore, and paying this sum in exchange for my freedom seems a low price, and I'll enjoy punishing her for her shallow materialism by foisting half this debt on her, but stil, it is an issue. What also keeps me back, and that is more important, is that I still can find solace with her. I don't meanmaking up sex. I mean snuggling up to her at night and dozing of with a feeling of wellbeing - it still happens a lot. I like her vivaciousness, wonderful smile, and the loving sides of her character. I think those small mercies are actually really important. The strong feelings evoked by the flashbacks also briefly awakened feelings of being in love, but her incessant nagging has killed these off again. I also realise I would be really jealous if she started dating as soon as I filed for divorce, which means to me I don't think I am over her. I realise there are no perfect people out there and concessions will always have to be made. I have to get to a stage where 'enough is enough'. If that happens, I will have no qualms about divorcing even if it bankrupts me. I think the conflict diary is a good idea, might try that.
Bryanp Posted April 7, 2010 Posted April 7, 2010 My friend, if the roles were reversed do you honestly think your wife would accept such disrespect and humiliation from you? If you do not respect yourself then who will?
Trojan John Posted April 7, 2010 Posted April 7, 2010 You should go back and reread my post for context. I wrote nothing about ignoring your wife. You need to change how you deal with her.
troggleputty Posted April 7, 2010 Posted April 7, 2010 Thanks for all the answers. I have been away over Easter, which was characterised by blazing rows on all days but saturday. It upset my wife that my plate was an inch from the table edge ('you'll cause a mess'), and that I did not use a teaspoon but a knife in the jam jar ('you'll get crumbs in the jam'). Well since you haven't actually separated yet, why not try to make the best of things with a little amateur behavioral modification therapy? For example: when she complained about where your plate was, you should have said, "Yes dear," then a second later, "accidentally" knocked the whole plate on the floor. "Oops, sorry!" Then, when she complained about your using a knife not a spoon in the jam jar, you should have said "Of course dear, you mean like this?" and you get a spoon, put it in the jam jar, then "accidentally" drop the jam jar on the floor. "Gee honey I'm sorry but when you nag me it just makes me really nervous and fumble-fingered!" Then when she yelled at you to clean up the mess you made, you say, "Honey I would love to but I don't think my way would satisfy you, I'm happy to let you clean up the mess." Then just leave it there, it'll drive her bonkers. It is bad enough she points out these things. No it's not, it's just an ingrained habit that she has and you've probably been the enabler of that habit throughout the marriage. Thus it won't be an easy habit to break. What you really have to do is train yourself to ignore her nagging, rather than doing whatever it is she wants you to do. It's sort of like dealing with a whining child. Look she's entitled to her opinions, such as using a spoon not a knife to get the jam (LOL), but you're entitled to use a knife anyway. Unless of course she's making the toast for you, in which case she can spread the jam anyway she wants. What makes it worse is the tone. She barks orders, accuses, and generalise ('you ALWAYS blablabla...'). She doesn't care that her father is present, who at one point sighed 'my wife always got on my case'. Ha ha, her father is there and recognizes she's a nag? Next time (if there is a next time) you and your father and your wife are together and she starts to nag you in front of him, ignore her except to make fun of her to her father, who will be sympathetic to you. "Wow was her mother this bad? Was she like this when she was a little girl? Why did you raise her like this?" in a good humored mocking manner. Again this should drive her bonkers. Ironically, my wife believes she is the parent in this situation and me the child who needs correcting. Indeed, In these situations I tell her I already have a mother. In this case she said 'she should have raised you better' when I said 'look, crumbs in the jam jar are not worth a fight'. How dare she. Maybe your problem is you don't have enough of a temper? I have the feeling if it was me the conversation wouldn't get that far as by that time I would have either walked out of the house or most likely chucked the jam jar against the nearest wall and splattered it, then said to her: "Clean that up." Then I would have told her that every time she nagged me about the jam the jam jar's next stop would be splattered on the wall. "Clean it up yourself you stupid beotch. If you don't like it, then keep your mouth shut. Or leave." Lay down a very bright line. If I'd point out the extent to which she resembles her embittered, shrewish but deceased mother, that would cause no end of sulking. Her mother had reason to be like this: her father drinks, beat his wife, is never home and she caught him 'in the act' with another woman. Though I have my faults, I have given her no such cause to become so miserable. when alive, her mother actually told of her daughter for nagging me. Dude all you really need to learn is four words to say to your wife in these situations, here are the initials, you can guess the rest: "STFU." And keep on repeating it until it sinks in. I reckon you will be saying it an awful lot once you get started. I don't think she's having an affair now, but she has plenty of opportunity. She travels for business every 6 weeks for several days and visits conferences. There are warning signs that she is emotionally disentangled from me. She keeps eyes closed during sex - didn't use to do that. She does not kiss passionately anymore during sex. She even nags during sex.... I think this is all still fallout from the original affair, I don't think she has had another one, although I am suspicious at times. She "nags during sex"? While fantasizing about someone else? Hmmm...maybe she's fantasizing about having sex with Tom Selleck but simultaneously nagging him? That's actually pretty warped. No, but seriously...the only "solution" here if you want to call it that, is to become totally dominating of her, sexually. And that includes (but is not necessarily limited to) demanding that she give you anal sex (obv. I mean with her as the "receiver," not you), whether she (or you) enjoys it or not. The anal sex is essential because it symbolizes your total domination of her and her total submission to you. Again, if she doesn't want to do it, tell her to LEAVE THE HOUSE IMMEDIATELY! No ifs and or buts. E.g. you are calling her bluff about the entire relationship. Look--if she wants to leave anyway, or wants to continue cheating anyway, it doesn't really matter if she perceives you as "harsh." If she's afraid it will hurt too much, reassure her that you will be gentle, use lube etc., the object is NOT to hurt her, it is to obtain her submission to you. (In reality however should you become totally dominating she will view it as a HUGE turn on. Are you man enough?) She does not like the flashbacks I have been having, and sees it as completely unreasonable that I bring it up (actually she brings it up more often than I do now). I told her once that it would be easier to deal with her infidelity if she would not abuse me on a daily basis. she thinks that makes me a psychological case. Again your situation here is not one in which your partner is giving you a fair evaluation or one of equal give and take. You are and have been in a war of psychological domination/submission even if you haven't been aware of it. You don't have to play her "game"--you can kick her to the curb if you like--but if you are going to play, then you need to play to win. Once again, you simply tell her: "I will talk about whatever I dang well please. You can STFU. If you don't like it, there's the door. Get out." It's her choice. It's always been her choice. She's already left the marriage but she's physically lingering. Who knows why? But as long as she's still around, you have absolutely nothing to lose by exerting complete control over the situation. What keeps me in this marriage is my daughter, though I am starting to believe divorce may be in her better interest. After all, half the population divorces and those kids don't all turn out into drug addicts. However, we may end up living thousands of miles apart, and so she would lose her connection to me. Financial difficulties are also an issue. We bought a house at the peak of the market, and selling now would entail a loss in excess of $60.000. I have to admit I am now getting to a point were money does not matter anymore, and paying this sum in exchange for my freedom seems a low price, and I'll enjoy punishing her for her shallow materialism by foisting half this debt on her, but stil, it is an issue. You can rationalize the situation anyway you please, it really doesn't matter what you think your reasons are. You are where you are. For whatever reason, she hasn't left, and you don't want to leave. Not yet anyway. Therefore as long as you have to be together with her, then you have nothing to lose by exerting total domination over the relationship. If she doesn't like it, she can leave. No skin off your nose, right? IOW you don't have to put up with her sh*t any longer. Not one little bit of it. So, why don't you stop putting up with it, right now? Believe me, behavioral modification works. I don't think you'll have to throw too many jam jars on the floor before she "gets the message." What also keeps me back, and that is more important, is that I still can find solace with her. I don't mean making up sex. I mean snuggling up to her at night and dozing of with a feeling of well being - it still happens a lot. I like her vivaciousness, wonderful smile, and the loving sides of her character. I think those small mercies are actually really important. The strong feelings evoked by the flashbacks also briefly awakened feelings of being in love, but her incessant nagging has killed these off again. I also realise I would be really jealous if she started dating as soon as I filed for divorce, which means to me I don't think I am over her. I realise there are no perfect people out there and concessions will always have to be made. Look, if the real issue is that you are actually a masochist/cuckold who wants to be abused by their spouse, then you need to face up to that fact and accept it. If not, it's time to change things up by exerting total domination over the relationship. She's a woman; you're the man. If you simply start asserting yourself odds are she'll fall right into line and you will be surprised with how easily she does so. She apparently had an ineffectual father and married a husband who is also ineffectual (sorry but I think it's true). She doesn't have to be in a marriage with a dominant man; she can leave if she wants. Nor do you have to be in a relationship as a dominated man. You can live your life the way you choose. I have to get to a stage where 'enough is enough'. If that happens, I will have no qualms about divorcing even if it bankrupts me. I think the conflict diary is a good idea, might try that. Dang, man. This woman has cheated on you already, right? Guess what? The constant nagging about the jam jar would have been enough all by itself to send me over the edge. We don't have that kind of issue in my marriage because my wife makes my toast for me. KWIM? You are far past the stage of "enough is enough." You are so far past that you now have complete freedom to do anything you want to, other than something you could get arrested for of course, because your marriage is already gone for all intents and purposes, the only question is whether you have a remote chance of rescuing it. The only way to do that is to completely turn the tables and be totally dominating.
Author SleepingDog Posted April 8, 2010 Author Posted April 8, 2010 Great post troggleputty. Going anal does not have any attractions for me. You're right, this is ingrained. Don't think I take it lying down. I usually wait until the kid is nowhere near and then give her a piece of my mind. I've called her a bitch, not something I am proud of, but my stock reply to her is 'don't behave like one, I won't call you one.' Hey, it's not like I come into the house and say 'where's my dinner you b**ch'. I never do so unless provoked. STFU I have also used. As this does not have the response you predict I doubt breaking plates will. But you have a point. At least I can give her cause for complaint. I think I will find something to do every other night of the week as well. Then it is REALLY my fault I am keeping her in.
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