Girls with a lot of Dude Friends

[DustySaltus]

Now, I on the other hand have a decent amount of female friends. I love talking to girls. It's just fun for me even if I only think platonically of them. Some of these girls do occasionally flirt with me. For example, this Tuesday I called her up to get some homework done for a difficult class. While we were sitting next to each other and I was showing her how do a problem, it felt like she was about to come onto me. Immediately after that, she started playing with me feet and touching my hands. It was a little weird I'm not gonna lie.

I thought absolutely nothing of this though, for one she is the biggest tease I have ever known, she flirts as much as Lindsey Lohan drinks. Even though me and her did have a thing a couple years ago, she's got a pretty serious boyfriend and I don't think she would ever cheat on him.

 

You are saying in your post that if one of your "platonic" girl friends asked you to have sex with them you would, assuming they didn't have a boyfriend.

 

This is what is going through every BF's mind. A guy "friend" sits in the background and the girl confides in them when things are going wrong with their BF. He tells her that everything is going to be ok and that she's such a "great girl". Eventually he'll start to tell her that she deserves better or start to agree with her about a potential breakup. Then one night she'll call him and say, "Can you come over, I just need to have company right now, I need you"......the guy is over there faster than you can say the word opp-or-tu-ni-ty.

 

Game. Set. Match.

 

That's not friendship, it's taking advantage of an opportunity after putting in all that "friend" work. Now your in a situation where 9 out of 10 guys would be open to hooking up. Whereas in the past where 9 out of 10 girl friends would NEVER hook up with a guy friend, the odds increase to about 4 or 5 out of 10 that she'll sleep with them because of their emotional state.

 

Whatever happens after that is irrelevant because the friendship is doomed.

 

One other point. How do you think most guys react when they hear that a girl's best friend is a dude (assuming he's straight)? Guys, feel free to disagree with me but this is what goes through my head:

 

a) He tried to get in her pants at some point.

b) Whenever I screw up he'll multiply that screwup by 1000 in her brain.

c) He'll relish the opportunity to be the good guy when I screw up.

d) Got to be on my toes around them because they are constantly trying to gather intelligence on me.

e) Why does she keep him around?

 

 

But of course I won't say anything and look like i'm ok with it because otherwise it will just lead to problems. (Just to clarify my current gf has no guy friends but this is something i've dealt with in the past).

[OndaChin]

yes DS...which is why i have a "no friendship" policy with women unless i'm dating them

 

I agree with you guys- Alpha and Dusty.

 

The "Friends" thing is laughable AT BEST!! I don't keep "girl" friends- just "Girl Acquaintanceship".

 

These are the special group- I really won't "SCREW". They're my (a guy's) "Friends".

 

EVERY MAN I know.. feels this way.

 

I'm sure they're plenty of men here on LS that can attest to the following:

 

You meet girl. She "Friends" you. She won't have sex. She only talks to you when at her leasure. You walk away (dismayed)- "as friends". She calls down the road months later (when "Biff" dumps her) and all of a sudden you're BANGIN her like a banshee.

 

Gosh, I love these friendships!!

[SilkRose]

I'm going to go out on a limb and say that 90% of guys are "friends" with girls because they want to sleep with them or want a relationship with them and are just waiting for the right opportunity to pounce.

 

I'm not a jealous guy. I'm about as jealous as a man should be. However, being a man I know how they think. The problem is that if you tell a girl this they think that you are either insecure or on the way to being controlling which will eventually lead to the relationship dying and one of those "friends" taking your place.

 

Another problem is that 90% of women look at guys as their friends and nothing more (in my experience). So if you do the math it's a recipe for a lot of disappointment and wasted time.

 

I noticed that about guys, as a result I have only a few male friends left (mostly gay) because the other guy friends I had start acting out when they realised that nothing sexual was going to happen because I actually liked them as people but felt no sexual attraction towards them. During the friendships I felt truly free to be myself, I could go out, have fun, never wore make up around them. I had fun, them the tantrums and stupid behavious started so I had to say goodbye. Such a shame. Awww well.

 

Now if I did the same thing as guys did, had friends as possible hook ups...would I be successful?

[cooldudeinberlin]

pffft... these numbers and "statistics" are rubbish...

 

first things first: since when is having a friend or being a friend a "waste of time"? dude, you have bigger issues than women if you really think this.

 

second... if you have such an agenda, then why are you masking and hiding behind the facade of "friendship" and not making your intentions known? Sure a lot of guys do this... its called the typical "nice guy"... and guess what... they will always like you like a friend because guys that arent secure and confident enough dont have the strength of character to step up and go after what you want...

 

I have oodles of female friends... sure most of them have been at least some sort of fling to begin with, but I am glad to maintain a friendship with them... and no, its not just calling ourselves friends... its really getting together and doing things, even talking about our romantic BS and getting a bit of advice here and there... and sometimes, not that it happens all that often, nor do I really want it to, there may be the off chance where we might decide to get naked and revisit familiar grounds (as long as we arent being unfaithful to anyone, of course )

[DustySaltus]

Now if I did the same thing as guys did, had friends as possible hook ups...would I be successful?

 

You already do.

[phineas]

pffft... these numbers and "statistics" are rubbish...

 

first things first: since when is having a friend or being a friend a "waste of time"? dude, you have bigger issues than women if you really think this.

 

second... if you have such an agenda, then why are you masking and hiding behind the facade of "friendship" and not making your intentions known? Sure a lot of guys do this... its called the typical "nice guy"... and guess what... they will always like you like a friend because guys that arent secure and confident enough dont have the strength of character to step up and go after what you want...)

 

If I like a woman I tell her. If she doesn't like me that way & says "let's just be friends" fine. If she wants me to hang out with her & pretend date.

If she wants me to talk on the phone 3 or 4 days a week or constantly texts me. Sorry.

 

Not gonna happen. i'm just not interested in being her gay shopping buddy.

I also don't want to listen to a chick complain about her boyfriend that treats them badly but they still stick with him.

 

I loose all respect for them as a person & just don't want to deal with someone like that.

 

When one of buddy's was treated badly by his GF he'd dump her & we'd take him to the strip club. Problem solved.

 

I have oodles of female friends... sure most of them have been at least some sort of fling to begin with, but I am glad to maintain a friendship with them... and no, its not just calling ourselves friends... its really getting together and doing things, even talking about our romantic BS and getting a bit of advice here and there... and sometimes, not that it happens all that often, nor do I really want it to, there may be the off chance where we might decide to get naked and revisit familiar grounds (as long as we arent being unfaithful to anyone, of course )

 

If i've allready hooked up with them & realized there is no future then yes.

I can be friends with them like this.

 

But not if I want to date them.

Mostly because they know I want to date them & I just become an ego feed.

[phineas]

I noticed that about guys, as a result I have only a few male friends left (mostly gay) because the other guy friends I had start acting out when they realised that nothing sexual was going to happen because I actually liked them as people but felt no sexual attraction towards them. During the friendships I felt truly free to be myself, I could go out, have fun, never wore make up around them. I had fun, them the tantrums and stupid behavious started so I had to say goodbye. Such a shame. Awww well.

 

Now if I did the same thing as guys did, had friends as possible hook ups...would I be successful?

 

Hence why I avoid being friends with women I want to be with but don't want to be with me.

 

It will always end the same way. badly.

 

Usually because they don't want you, but they don't want you to have anyone else.

 

These women just INSIST you be their friend & want to hang out with you then act hurt because you don't want to be their friend.

 

I can't stand this & it happens almost EVERY TIME a girl says "lets just be friends".

So I avoid it like the plague.

[cooldudeinberlin]

mmm kay... thanks for sharing, I guess... I guess individual situations are slightly different than what Im talking about or the OP... I agree if you are interested in someone and they pull the "let's be friends" thing (have to say, I havent had that happen in years), its better to just take the "i have plenty of friends, see ya!" stance... its all about what you want... but if you are truly interested in having some real friends... who gives a sh*t if they are male or female?

 

the desperately clinging and waiting around to see if someone changes their mind about their attraction for you is a complete waste of time and will never happen... not to be offensive, but that is what weak guys do and sometimes women..

[DustySaltus]

pffft... these numbers and "statistics" are rubbish...

 

first things first: since when is having a friend or being a friend a "waste of time"? dude, you have bigger issues than women if you really think this.

 

When did I ever say anything about being a waste of time. I'm talking about hidden agendas. Any girl "friend" I had came onto me at some point and any girl "friend" I tried to have failed because I knew it wasn't a genuine friendship. Not because I didn't think I could be friends with them but it wouldn't have been sincere.

 

second... if you have such an agenda, then why are you masking and hiding behind the facade of "friendship" and not making your intentions known? Sure a lot of guys do this... its called the typical "nice guy"... and guess what... they will always like you like a friend because guys that arent secure and confident enough dont have the strength of character to step up and go after what you want...

 

Read the initial post. When did I ever say I'm hiding behind friendship? I was never friends with my current GF, we jumped right into it. I'm a complete gentleman but never ever mr. nice guy or a doormat.

 

I have oodles of female friends... sure most of them have been at least some sort of fling to begin with, but I am glad to maintain a friendship with them... and no, its not just calling ourselves friends... its really getting together and doing things, even talking about our romantic BS and getting a bit of advice here and there... and sometimes, not that it happens all that often, nor do I really want it to, there may be the off chance where we might decide to get naked and revisit familiar grounds (as long as we arent being unfaithful to anyone, of course )

 

That's not friendship, it's FWB and every guy would love to be in that situation. And also what every BF has in the back of his head hence my inital point about guys having girl friends.

[cooldudeinberlin]

hey, sorry, didnt mean to offend... wasnt attacking you or anything... more or less making some general statements... "you" doesnt really mean YOU... no harm, no foul dude...

[DustySaltus]

hey, sorry, didnt mean to offend... wasnt attacking you or anything... more or less making some general statements... "you" doesnt really mean YOU... no harm, no foul dude...

 

Oh, it's all good. I understand where you are coming from. See, a FWB is ideal for a man but impossible to last with a woman because feeling eventually come out.

[cooldudeinberlin]

very true... however, the FWB things also becomes a pain in my backside... even though originally, no matter how much SHE says she doesnt want to get involved... it never fails they always want more.

[Wicked Child]

Theres something to that...women with barely any women friends. They always say the same thing "i just dont get along with other women" but theres more to it.

 

I have to speak up for the percentage of us that feel that way because while there may be more to that statement for some, for others it holds true...Most of the women I know all have the same handfuls of things in common: Twilight, pop music, the color pink, an affinity for appletinis and gossip, tanning beds, weekly manicures, soap operas and stuff like that....Then there's the special handful of us that prefer Beer, Rock and Roll, Tarantino flicks, weekly dart/pool/video games, being comfortable instead of cute, dropping a few f bombs here and there.......Granted I'm sure the two differing groups could find some sort of common ground, but realistically, a woman who spends a couple hours primping to go out to the bar/club wouldn't be caught dead with someone who throws on a pair of jeans and a tee shirt for the same reason....

 

I have a small handful of good girlfriends that I love, but I generally don't make lots of women friends at random. (and any woman can attest to that cos we are only nice to each other in the bathrooms.) I don't get down with the whole "other women are competition" thing...I could care less...I have more in common with men....I grew up roughhousing, climbing trees, camping, doing all sorts of non girly shtuff....I'm not afraid to get dirty, and I don't care for people who are...While I'm always open to making new friends, especially women friends, it's damn near impossible. All the women I've met and became friends with were all through other friends...But I have a handful of good guy friends that I have met randomly on nights out...

 

I guess the point I'm trying to make is that there's 2 types of women...Those who dress up for each other, and those who dress up for themselves...

[terra]

I totally agree with you wicked child.

I think the difference here is the reason you are friends. If a guy just has a bunch of good looking girlfriends just in case then the reason for the friendship is pretty shallow; based on sex appeal and not character.

I have a lot of guy friends that are great people. We have the same taste in movies, music, humour, interests and we share a lot of laughs when we get together. They are like my brothers - I would never in a million years sleep with them. They know that and don't care because they genuinely enjoy my company.

My boyfriend doesn't care because I will invite him out with us and he sees the way that we interact. Nothing flirty or sexual at all just people hanging out and having a good time.

I’m actually shocked that the majority of people don’t see it this way.

 

 

 

I have to speak up for the percentage of us that feel that way because while there may be more to that statement for some, for others it holds true...Most of the women I know all have the same handfuls of things in common: Twilight, pop music, the color pink, an affinity for appletinis and gossip, tanning beds, weekly manicures, soap operas and stuff like that....Then there's the special handful of us that prefer Beer, Rock and Roll, Tarantino flicks, weekly dart/pool/video games, being comfortable instead of cute, dropping a few f bombs here and there.......Granted I'm sure the two differing groups could find some sort of common ground, but realistically, a woman who spends a couple hours primping to go out to the bar/club wouldn't be caught dead with someone who throws on a pair of jeans and a tee shirt for the same reason....

[aroll32]

I have to speak up for the percentage of us that feel that way because while there may be more to that statement for some, for others it holds true...Most of the women I know all have the same handfuls of things in common: Twilight, pop music, the color pink, an affinity for appletinis and gossip, tanning beds, weekly manicures, soap operas and stuff like that....Then there's the special handful of us that prefer Beer, Rock and Roll, Tarantino flicks, weekly dart/pool/video games, being comfortable instead of cute, dropping a few f bombs here and there.......Granted I'm sure the two differing groups could find some sort of common ground, but realistically, a woman who spends a couple hours primping to go out to the bar/club wouldn't be caught dead with someone who throws on a pair of jeans and a tee shirt for the same reason....

 

I have a small handful of good girlfriends that I love, but I generally don't make lots of women friends at random. (and any woman can attest to that cos we are only nice to each other in the bathrooms.) I don't get down with the whole "other women are competition" thing...I could care less...I have more in common with men....I grew up roughhousing, climbing trees, camping, doing all sorts of non girly shtuff....I'm not afraid to get dirty, and I don't care for people who are...While I'm always open to making new friends, especially women friends, it's damn near impossible. All the women I've met and became friends with were all through other friends...But I have a handful of good guy friends that I have met randomly on nights out...

 

I guess the point I'm trying to make is that there's 2 types of women...Those who dress up for each other, and those who dress up for themselves...

 

I cannot stand women like that. I understand that they are girls, but it gets to a point where it's ridiculous. To a point where I can't be friends with them. Women like you on the other hand, would be either my good friend or my date this friday depending on the situation. And if we had known each other for a couple of years, I'm sure we would be great friends.

 

I totally agree with you wicked child.

I think the difference here is the reason you are friends. If a guy just has a bunch of good looking girlfriends just in case then the reason for the friendship is pretty shallow; based on sex appeal and not character.

I have a lot of guy friends that are great people. We have the same taste in movies, music, humour, interests and we share a lot of laughs when we get together. They are like my brothers - I would never in a million years sleep with them. They know that and don't care because they genuinely enjoy my company.

My boyfriend doesn't care because I will invite him out with us and he sees the way that we interact. Nothing flirty or sexual at all just people hanging out and having a good time.

I’m actually shocked that the majority of people don’t see it this way.

 

I was trying to say this about one of my good girl "friends" in my last post. It started off as a FWB thing, but eventually turned into a great sincere friendship. I don't call her everyday or text her everyday, sometimes I rarely talk to her every week. Mostly because we go to school in different cities. But when I go in town, I let her know so we can catch up. Yeah she does talk about her boyfriend to me, but it's for advice. Same thing when I talk to her about girls. She actually gave me decent advice a couple months ago on how to go about a situation (before I joined LS )

 

But overall, I do wish that more people could see it this way. Yeah sure if you met a guy a couple months ago and he finds ways to talk to you it's most likely because he's attracted and wants you. But if you've been friends for a while (more than a couple of years without any affection), I don't really see this happening. Sure, it's possible, but very unlikely. Mostly because like you said, you feel like they are your brothers, and at least for people like me, you would feel like a sister.

[DustySaltus]

I've had one girl friend that I've known for 20 years (since I was 8) and a few months back she confessed her feelings for me and it has been awkward ever since. I have never been attracted to her but apparently she was to me for a long time. Now, I feel uncomfortable talking about different aspects of my life to her because I know she doesn't want to hear about other relationships.

 

These feelings came out soon after me and my ex-fiance and I broke up. She saw a window opportunity and she took a chance.

 

So although both men and women may have what they think are platonic friends, it's usually not reciprocal.

 

Wicked, I understand where you are coming from and a lot of guys ARE attracted to women like yourself. All I'm saying is that a good percentage of those guys you are hanging out with probably want to sleep with you.....

[AD1980]

I have to speak up for the percentage of us that feel that way because while there may be more to that statement for some, for others it holds true...Most of the women I know all have the same handfuls of things in common: Twilight, pop music, the color pink, an affinity for appletinis and gossip, tanning beds, weekly manicures, soap operas and stuff like that....Then there's the special handful of us that prefer Beer, Rock and Roll, Tarantino flicks, weekly dart/pool/video games, being comfortable instead of cute, dropping a few f bombs here and there.......Granted I'm sure the two differing groups could find some sort of common ground, but realistically, a woman who spends a couple hours primping to go out to the bar/club wouldn't be caught dead with someone who throws on a pair of jeans and a tee shirt for the same reason....

 

I have a small handful of good girlfriends that I love, but I generally don't make lots of women friends at random. (and any woman can attest to that cos we are only nice to each other in the bathrooms.) I don't get down with the whole "other women are competition" thing...I could care less...I have more in common with men....I grew up roughhousing, climbing trees, camping, doing all sorts of non girly shtuff....I'm not afraid to get dirty, and I don't care for people who are...While I'm always open to making new friends, especially women friends, it's damn near impossible. All the women I've met and became friends with were all through other friends...But I have a handful of good guy friends that I have met randomly on nights out...

 

I guess the point I'm trying to make is that there's 2 types of women...Those who dress up for each other, and those who dress up for themselves...

 

My friends wife is like that.She.gets along allot better with Men has allot more Men friends..

 

She said the other day becasue women think shes too crass..She started to get a ltitle teary eyed about not having many women friends..I guess as much as a women gets along with guys theyres still a connection she cant have with him and things she cant tell a guy friend that she can tell a women friend..

[silic0ntoad]

I am with Alpha... I have like two good female friends... Otherwise, they are all acquaintences....

[Green]

I have a gf who makes friends with guys. I'm fine with my gf having "friends" at work, or school ect... What I wouldn't be cool with is my gf spending special alone time with a guy such as going to a movie or dinner ect. Like if she had a male friend at work and they both got lunch togather durring a break that would be cool, or if she stayed after work to go get a drink with a group of people from work that would be cool. But if my gf wanted to stay after work and do a private drink or dinner just her and another guy that would not be cool. I also would not be cool with private conversations through txt, email, phone ect. Seriously have your male work friends or college friends who invite us to parties or group activities. It crosses the line when it becomes private time.

 

I hold the same true about myself. I would never say "see you later I'm going over to have dinner at Jessica's place." I just wouldn't put my gf in a situation where I was having private conversations and one on one hang out time with some girl.

 

Do I think it is posible for a man and women to hang out alone and just be friends? Sure I do, its just I don't really care to have a gf or wife that spends alone time with another man and I have yet to meet the woman who wouldn't bring me drama if I was doing private alone things with some girl.

[Yamaha]

But if my gf wanted to stay after work and do a private drink or dinner just her and another guy that would not be cool. It crosses the line when it becomes private time.

 

I agree with this statement.

[Ilovehim]

You are saying in your post that if one of your "platonic" girl friends asked you to have sex with them you would, assuming they didn't have a boyfriend.

 

This is what is going through every BF's mind. A guy "friend" sits in the background and the girl confides in them when things are going wrong with their BF. He tells her that everything is going to be ok and that she's such a "great girl". Eventually he'll start to tell her that she deserves better or start to agree with her about a potential breakup. Then one night she'll call him and say, "Can you come over, I just need to have company right now, I need you"......the guy is over there faster than you can say the word opp-or-tu-ni-ty.

 

Game. Set. Match.

 

That's not friendship, it's taking advantage of an opportunity after putting in all that "friend" work. Now your in a situation where 9 out of 10 guys would be open to hooking up. Whereas in the past where 9 out of 10 girl friends would NEVER hook up with a guy friend, the odds increase to about 4 or 5 out of 10 that she'll sleep with them because of their emotional state.

 

Whatever happens after that is irrelevant because the friendship is doomed.

 

One other point. How do you think most guys react when they hear that a girl's best friend is a dude (assuming he's straight)? Guys, feel free to disagree with me but this is what goes through my head:

 

a) He tried to get in her pants at some point.

b) Whenever I screw up he'll multiply that screwup by 1000 in her brain.

c) He'll relish the opportunity to be the good guy when I screw up.

d) Got to be on my toes around them because they are constantly trying to gather intelligence on me.

e) Why does she keep him around?

 

 

But of course I won't say anything and look like i'm ok with it because otherwise it will just lead to problems. (Just to clarify my current gf has no guy friends but this is something i've dealt with in the past).

 

 

i couldnt agree more....real friendship between a man and a woman is with boundaries. they dont call each other ALL THE TIME...i only have one guy friend who is like my brother and honestly all the other guy friends i had were flirts or have confessed to me that they liked me...and of course when things went wrong with a guy, they were there willing and ready to wipe tears off my face and waiting for their opportunity to jump in...no wonder my ex hated all my "guy friends"... the real friendship i ahve has been for 10 years with a guy who is close to me but we dont talk 24/7 on the phone..he has a girl and i have a bf and we all hang out..im really cool with his girl and he is really cool with my bf....plus all my other friends know them too...sooo its quite different...this would be an exception...

[SilkRose]

You already do.

 

Nope, my male friends are mostly gay and I'm not attracted to the few straight ones. Either way I'm friends with them because I enjoy their company and respect them as people, it's totally about their personalities and great conversation, I don't want anything sexual from them...that's not a crime is it?

[DustySaltus]

Nope, my male friends are mostly gay and I'm not attracted to the few straight ones. Either way I'm friends with them because I enjoy their company and respect them as people, it's totally about their personalities and great conversation, I don't want anything sexual from them...that's not a crime is it?

 

My point is that just because you are not attracted to them doesn't mean that they aren't attracted to you. I understand where you are coming from but do you truly feel that THEY feel the same way about you?