DustySaltus Posted March 31, 2010 Posted March 31, 2010 I'm going to go out on a limb and say that 90% of guys are "friends" with girls because they want to sleep with them or want a relationship with them and are just waiting for the right opportunity to pounce. I'm not a jealous guy. I'm about as jealous as a man should be. However, being a man I know how they think. The problem is that if you tell a girl this they think that you are either insecure or on the way to being controlling which will eventually lead to the relationship dying and one of those "friends" taking your place. Another problem is that 90% of women look at guys as their friends and nothing more (in my experience). So if you do the math it's a recipe for a lot of disappointment and wasted time.
boogieboy Posted March 31, 2010 Posted March 31, 2010 Theres something to that...women with barely any women friends. They always say the same thing "i just dont get along with other women" but theres more to it.
threebyfate Posted March 31, 2010 Posted March 31, 2010 My personal attitude has changed, in that it's true that a large percentage of guys are attracted to their female "friends". Where we differ is that there are enough guys who are mature enough to accept when a woman isn't interested and still stick around, since they share mutual interests. As well, there are enough men who might be attracted to a degree but won't cross the line. But your synopsis does appear to hold true for the younger set, particularly the self-designated nice guys. IMO, the line in the sand resides in their relationship dynamics. If there's a real flirtatious edge to their "friendship", there's a problem from both sides.
Author DustySaltus Posted March 31, 2010 Author Posted March 31, 2010 I'm not naive enough to think that they're all simply wanting to be my platonic friends, but I think I'm mature and sensible enough to hang out with them (never one on one, either) without giving off any bad vibes about my relationship. So do you think if something was to happen with your current BF they could potentially come onto you?
phineas Posted March 31, 2010 Posted March 31, 2010 Theres something to that...women with barely any women friends. They always say the same thing "i just dont get along with other women" but theres more to it. That is because they are building an army of monkey helpers & it pisses other women off because she is hogging all the good men for herself.
LittleMissWonder Posted March 31, 2010 Posted March 31, 2010 It's circumstantial. There are many men who have alterior motives, yes, but that said, we are all human and a man and a woman can make an innocent connection just the same as a woman and a woman. Or a man and a man. You're right that that's something we all have to be weary of in any new friendship, but men are not all clones who think the same exact way either. It just depends. We have to feel it out for ourselves. But I do have several male friends whom I believe have innocent motives. The guys who clearly want something more, I don't become friends with because I don't want to lead anyone on.
Author DustySaltus Posted March 31, 2010 Author Posted March 31, 2010 That is because they are building an army of monkey helpers & it pisses other women off because she is hogging all the good men for herself. Oh definitely, attention without the commitment. Guys don't need the attention, they need sex.
threebyfate Posted March 31, 2010 Posted March 31, 2010 Oh definitely, attention without the commitment. Guys don't need the attention, they need sex.Dusty, here's where I throw down the b/s flag. You guys lap up female attention, regardless of getting nookie or not.
Author DustySaltus Posted March 31, 2010 Author Posted March 31, 2010 Dusty, here's where I throw down the b/s flag. You guys lap up female attention, regardless of getting nookie or not. We like attention because it gives us more targets to acquire. Attention breeds more attention from other women who wonder why they aren't getting any attention. The we use that as a tool to try and find a way to sleep with them. Side note: I hope you are feeling better and everything works out for you.
threebyfate Posted March 31, 2010 Posted March 31, 2010 We like attention because it gives us more targets to acquire. Attention breeds more attention from other women who wonder why they aren't getting any attention. The we use that as a tool to try and find a way to sleep with them. Side note: I hope you are feeling better and everything works out for you. You make men sound so manipulative, with no ego needs and while what you're saying might be partially true, guys do enjoy the ego feed of attention from attractive women. Nookie is the preferred result but doesn't necessarily have to happen, reliant on guy. Thanks. It's nice to have a little more freedom. Can't wait until due date!
phineas Posted March 31, 2010 Posted March 31, 2010 Dusty, here's where I throw down the b/s flag. You guys lap up female attention, regardless of getting nookie or not. Only if that attention leads to me getting naked with them. Otherwise I have no desire to psudo-date someone. I don't want to put myself in a constant state of frustration over the attention from a woman I want be with but who just wants to be friends. That sort of thing aint my bag baby!
threebyfate Posted March 31, 2010 Posted March 31, 2010 Only if that attention leads to me getting naked with them. Otherwise I have no desire to psudo-date someone. I don't want to put myself in a constant state of frustration over the attention from a woman I want be with but who just wants to be friends. That sort of thing aint my bag baby!Take a look at my response to Dusty. phineas, I wonder if you honestly see women as people, rather than objects to an end. I'm starting to side with the latter belief.
phineas Posted March 31, 2010 Posted March 31, 2010 Take a look at my response to Dusty. phineas, I wonder if you honestly see women as people, rather than objects to an end. I'm starting to side with the latter belief. Just because you arn't an attention whore doesn't mean they arn't out there is scores. JUst about EVERY woman I meet that wants to be platonic friends is hitting me up for favors like fixing their car, computer, house, expecting me to pay for things when we go out ect a month or two after I meet them. we are not dateing however I am attracted to them & they know it & try to use it to their advantage. Note, I said "try" These are the women I am refering to. I refuse to associated with them.
ADF Posted March 31, 2010 Posted March 31, 2010 I don't think it is 90%. I think it is closer to 98-99%. But you what? It doesn't really matter that much. True, men almost never go out of their befriend women unless they are attracted to them. But all us men, all throughout our lives, are going to run across attractive women who, for whatever reason, aren't available to us. If a guy can get that through his head, that sometimes the answer is just "no," then there is no reason why he cannot be friends with a woman. The only times it becomes a problem is when he won't take no for an answer, or pretends to but won't let it go. Then he may well drive himself crazy and his female friend crazy.
Author DustySaltus Posted March 31, 2010 Author Posted March 31, 2010 Take a look at my response to Dusty. phineas, I wonder if you honestly see women as people, rather than objects to an end. I'm starting to side with the latter belief. Nothing feeds a man's ego more than increasing the number of women he's slept with. If he can "friend" some in the process and keep them for a latter date he will.
SaintDragon Posted March 31, 2010 Posted March 31, 2010 I don't... I have a few girl "friends" that I don't feel I need to get nookie with them... They are cute ones too and have BF's. I like girls as friends....I have a more feminine side to me than a man should have, I suppose, but I feel I can be myself around girls more than men...men usually have to be snarky in some things I say or do... for instance....flying my little helicopters...men would say.."what are you 5"? With girls they are like "now that is cool".... Some of them even like that I do things like that and not a typical dumb jock.
AD1980 Posted March 31, 2010 Posted March 31, 2010 Theres something to that...women with barely any women friends. They always say the same thing "i just dont get along with other women" but theres more to it. Dicks in a glass case
troggleputty Posted March 31, 2010 Posted March 31, 2010 I'm going to go out on a limb and say that 90% of guys are "friends" with girls because they want to sleep with them or want a relationship with them and are just waiting for the right opportunity to pounce. Well probably. But on the other hand, if a man is smart, he will be adept at navigating these types of platonic friendships with females, without getting ensnared in an unrequited love situation, or used. Why is it a good idea to have some platonic relationships with females? Because of the power of networking. Guys who are very social have opportunities to meet many more other people, including women who may be a lot more receptive than the immediate platonic female friend. As long as the guy doesn't fool himself, he can do all right by maintaining friendships like this. It works best however if he has a separate active social life as well.
Els Posted March 31, 2010 Posted March 31, 2010 (edited) So... you're of the opinion that your gf shouldn't have male friends and you shouldn't have female friends? Frankly, a non-negotiable requirement of mine for a bf is that he should accept that I have always had my male friends before he came around, and there's no way I'm losing them all for him just because of his jealousy. Yes, I hang out with more guys than girls. No, there's no ulterior motive - I truly am more comfortable with guys. My hobbies are guy-hobbies - I hate shopping so much I'd rather study/work than shop. There are some girls I connect with, but overall it's easier with guys. Do they want to sleep with me? I honestly think not, but even if they did I'm not interested anyway, so the point is moot. Edited March 31, 2010 by Elswyth
AD1980 Posted March 31, 2010 Posted March 31, 2010 So... you're of the opinion that your gf shouldn't have male friends and you shouldn't have female friends? Frankly, a non-negotiable requirement of mine for a bf is that he should accept that I have always had my male friends before he came around, and there's no way I'm losing them all for him just because of his jealousy. Yes, I hang out with more guys than girls. No, there's no ulterior motive - I truly am more comfortable with guys. My hobbies are guy-hobbies - I hate shopping so much I'd rather study/work than shop. There are some girls I connect with, but overall it's easier with guys. Do they want to sleep with me? I honestly think not, but even if they did I'm not interested anyway, so the point is moot. I think if you are friends with these guys before maeriage its fine..My friends wife has allot o male friends..Some she met before she knew her husband but she also became friends with some after they got married.. Once you're married i think you should kinda slow it down with gaining "new" really close friends of the opposite sex..
Author DustySaltus Posted March 31, 2010 Author Posted March 31, 2010 My point is that 9 out of 10 of your guy friends want to sleep with you whether you like it or not. Regardless 1of what a BF says to you, he won't be fond of the idea.
alphamale Posted March 31, 2010 Posted March 31, 2010 Another problem is that 90% of women look at guys as their friends and nothing more (in my experience). So if you do the math it's a recipe for a lot of disappointment and wasted time. yes DS...which is why i have a "no friendship" policy with women unless i'm dating them
Ilovehim Posted April 1, 2010 Posted April 1, 2010 (edited) love this thread. I'm gonna throw my two cents in from my experience. Usually I don't have "close" guy friends--okay, I do...but not to the point where I will talk to them everyday etc..it's high school friends that me and my other girlfriends are friends with...basically a groud of friends. however this is VERY different from girls who will have that one guy "best friend" that they always run to and that they constantly text and talk to. I know so many cases (and it's very annoying) of girls who will keep these guys around because it helps their self-esteem. Most of the time I feel bad for the dudes honestly because they truly believe they have a chance with the girl but in MOST cases (I'm sure there are exceptions; though I have yet to see one) the girls DO NOT look at the guy "that way" and do not give them a chance (other than a hook-up here and there, again to build their self estemm when they are feeling low). They just keep them around to cry to them when their "boyfriends" or guys they like are treating them wrong or are not into them. Also these girls get very jealous once the guy starts liking someone else, because they feel like someone else is stealing their shine. But despise all this, they do like the guy as a "friend"..pretty much the same way they would view a woman ALMOST..lol sorry boys but this is a true story from women i personally know...guys do not be that guy who is the "best friend" if you truly want to be with a girl...and dont buy into the whole "i dont want to ruin our friendship" thing..seriously what kind of girl would not want to be with you if she truly liked you and had feelings for you?? lol i'm just saying..this is true for MOST cases...as i said there might be some exceptions Edited April 1, 2010 by Ilovehim
craw Posted April 1, 2010 Posted April 1, 2010 wow im really baffled by some of the answers in this thread.
aroll32 Posted April 1, 2010 Posted April 1, 2010 Ok first things first, if you're a guy, and you have an attractive female friend, you're automatically going to have a sexual attraction to her. No exceptions. Even though I have platonic relationships with girls that are gorgeous and have boyfriends, if I ever got signs they wanted to have sex, I would absolutely go for it (and I'm talking about obvious signs, not hints or flirting). That is unless I was good friends with their boyfriend, which is the case with most of them so it wouldn't work. But if not, what reason would I have not to? I know a guy that has a lot of female friends only because they are good looking. Why? Just in case one of them wants to hook up. I should add that he is a for sure "player" and have never seen him have a relationship or even have genuine feelings for. The closest thing he had to a girlfriend was a girl who would have sex with him a lot. And I mean A LOT. They never were officially dating, and that's how he wanted it. He just kept her around because of the sex. Now, I on the other hand have a decent amount of female friends. I love talking to girls. It's just fun for me even if I only think platonically of them. Some of these girls do occasionally flirt with me. For example, this Tuesday I called her up to get some homework done for a difficult class. While we were sitting next to each other and I was showing her how do a problem, it felt like she was about to come onto me. Immediately after that, she started playing with me feet and touching my hands. It was a little weird I'm not gonna lie. I thought absolutely nothing of this though, for one she is the biggest tease I have ever known, she flirts as much as Lindsey Lohan drinks. Even though me and her did have a thing a couple years ago, she's got a pretty serious boyfriend and I don't think she would ever cheat on him. Also, I disagree with the post about a guy not being able to have a very close female friend. I was pretty close friends with a girl for a while and she was and still is a girl with a lot of guy friends. Just like a post above, she feels to connect better with men than women. The funny thing is though, that of her male friends, at least 90 percent of them want to have sex with her. So there is some truth to the OP. Anyway, back to my story. A couple years ago some complications with her family and our location didn't really allow us to talk anymore. We never stopped being friends though. But since last year, we have been really close. And it was after we slept together. Granted, I think she is attractive, but didn't really feel an emotional connection. I do feel bad though, I kind of ignored her after that, not consciously though. But we have talked about it, and we both admit that we have never had this type of connection with an opposite sex friend and don't want to mess it up with sex. It's not emotional. I do know she thinks I'm attractive, and I think that's why we did have sex. Not because we felt something. Now, she's in love with her boyfriend and I am extremely happy for her. She's always been there for me and I will always be there when she needs my help. This is probably pretty rare though.
Recommended Posts