Lithhitman Posted March 31, 2010 Posted March 31, 2010 Hey guys, My girlfriend and I have been together for about 5 months now and everything seems to be going pretty well except for this latest setback (atleast in my mind)-- Heres the deal-- I have my own place with an old guy friend of mine as my roommate and we have been honest with each other and are pretty good friends. My girlfriend has been spending a lot of time with me and especially over at our house and we have been talking about a long term thing. The part that bothers me is that she is very friendly with him and talks about him very often to the point where I feel uncomfortable. When we go out she always asks my roommate to go out with us. Now, I dont mind my roommate going out with us, but I would rather be the one asking him and not her. She is always mentioning that she wants him to go to her family members houses, laughs at ALL of his jokes and brings back home made food for him to eat that her mom made from scratch. I actually brang this up to her the other day and she told me not to overthink the whole situation. She said she wants us to be one big happy family. I brang it up today, and she actually hung up the phone on me. Also, this may not be worth mentioning, but before I brang this whole situation up, she said " I'm so glad that I'm not attracted to your roommate." out of nowhere and that got me thinking. I know her last boyfriend wasnt really much to look at so looks arent particularly everything to her which is an admirable quality but still...... its bothering me a little. also..... She told me at the beginning of this relationship that the last boyfriend she was with was actually a guy that he was roommates with in the past. ANNNNNDDDD.... I originally met this girl through my roommate's ex Girlfriend. Catch is, the only reason they arent still dating is that his girlfriend cheated on him with one of his best friends about 4 months ago. Ok im done. Should I be jealous?
Bryanp Posted March 31, 2010 Posted March 31, 2010 Trust your gut. If the roles were reversed and you were doing all these things for your girlfriend's female roommate - how do you think she would be reacting? You judge people by their actions and her actions speak volumes. It seems very obvious she is extremely attracted to your roommate. The fact that she says out of the blue she is not attracted to him conveys the opposite meaning. Why bring it up out of the blue? Her actions show she is very attracted to him. I think you know what is happening here. Again if the roles were reversed there is no way she would put up with this type of flirting from you. It really sounds like she is playing you and waiting for an opportunity with your roommate.
ADF Posted March 31, 2010 Posted March 31, 2010 I don't know if jealous is the right word. You have no hard evidence that anything overtly inappropriate has passed between your GF and your roommate. At least not yet. However, it sounds like things may be headed in that direction. Worse, she is defensive, dismissive and rude when you have tried to discuss appropriate boundries with her. You need to demand she show your relationship a bit more respect if she wants it to continue.
Author Lithhitman Posted April 1, 2010 Author Posted April 1, 2010 cool thanks guys. I'm typically not a jealous guy and don't let things like this get to me but I couldnt help but get someone else's opinion. I didnt want to bother my friends with annoying questions and make them think that we were having a ton of problems in the relationship so that actually helps out a lot. My gut feeling is that there really is no desire to hook up between them. Hopefully its right.
Mutant Debutante Posted April 1, 2010 Posted April 1, 2010 I can see it all as coincidence and just her being friendly up until the part where she starts acting like a b*tch when you bring it up instead of being considerate of you. You should be the priority over your roommate. You need to talk to her about that.
lostsunsets Posted April 1, 2010 Posted April 1, 2010 Say to her "you know when you said you want to be one big happy family? Well I want to be a couple. This means there are no invitations anywhere to anyone, without a discussion first, understand?"
dazzle22 Posted April 2, 2010 Posted April 2, 2010 I have been with my husband three years now, and while I am ok doing things with other people, I mainly want to just be alone with him. So, the constantly wanting to bring along a third wheel?....Hmmm, Sounds to me she's not as into you as she should be. Johnnie M nailed this one squarely on the head...if she brings up the fact that she's not into him UNPROMPTED by a question from you, yep, she means the opposite!
Author Lithhitman Posted April 2, 2010 Author Posted April 2, 2010 haha. yeah you guys seem to be noticing the same trend that I am. To just simply break up with someone is easier said than done though. I just don't feel like giving up on her that quickly. I know that I'm not perfect either but I'm not exactly sure I can handly this type of constant stress. I'm not a high-schooler and this isnt my first love so I NEVER thought I would find myself staying in a relationship with something like this going on. That being said..... I am still in love with her and I cant help it. I guess I'll try to lay down the law like you guys said but if she doesnt agree maybe its just not meant to be. I've changed more than a few of my ways for her and if she cant give me this ONE thing, it looks like I may be expecting too much. hey one more thing. Its supposed to be this obvious joke between all of us that my roommate and my girlfriend have a picture of just them on their facebook pages. All of this coming in the midst of the situation is a little unsettling to me. I tried to laugh it off but after a day or two, it started to weird me out. She asked if it was making me jealous and I said no, that it just was a little weird and how long are you leaving it as your profile picture? She said that she like the picture because of the way she looked in it and called me a baby. It started an argument and made things worse. Wow. fml.
dazzle22 Posted April 2, 2010 Posted April 2, 2010 Wait, did you say it is her PROFILE picture? If you want to keep her, you will have to back off. Way off! Basically give her the very loud message that you will not tolerate being disrespected in this way. Alpha up and show some teeth. You will not get her closer to you by being nicer.
spriggig Posted April 2, 2010 Posted April 2, 2010 ....She asked if it was making me jealous and I said no... She's intentionally playing games with you for some reason. Revenge? Testing you? Tell her you're fed up with her playing jealousy games and go NC. Don't take her back until she comes crawling back to you (nothing less) and willingly confesses everything to your satisfaction. She'll straighten up and you'll have the upper hand in the relationship (for a while at least, lol).
Mutant Debutante Posted April 2, 2010 Posted April 2, 2010 Man, girls are partial to pictures of ourselves where we look good, but we also know how to crop the wrong guys out of the photo if that's her deal. She's messing with you. Either she's actually cheating with him, or thinking about it, either way she's definitely got boundary issues on top of everything else. She's rude and condescending to you and deferential to your friend. Nothing about this is kosher. Next her already.
McGrupp Posted April 2, 2010 Posted April 2, 2010 so far youve gotten some ****ty advice in this thread. heres the deal, you like the girl? then DONT ACT INSECURE. THERE IS NOTHING THAT WILL PUSH HER AWAY FASTER THEN ACTING JEALOUS, INSECURE OR NEEDY. what your feeling now is millions of years of hardwiring that says a mna must protect his harem from others. however this is not 4 000 years ago. please dont act needy, jealous, insecure. you will feel these feelings but you should act cool and calm all the time. and if she does do something with him you simply walk away. easy...
Bryanp Posted April 3, 2010 Posted April 3, 2010 One more time: if the roles were reversed do you honestly think she would put up with disrespectful behavior from you? If you do not respect yourself then who will?
Reality Drip Posted May 26, 2010 Posted May 26, 2010 Tell her that you feel uncomfortable about it and be a man. Speak up to your roommate and ask him what's going on with him. I had a close friend once that wanted to tag a gf of mine something awful. He'd be blatantly throwing game right in front of me and my gal actually liked it. Long story short, I was focusing my attention on HER and kept bugging HER about it (this was a long time ago -I'm a wiser man now). HE should have been the one I had it out with; after all, we had been friends for quite some time. Moral of the story: talk to him and see where his head is at and if there's anything you should be concerned with here. Then talk to her and let her know you have to limit how much time you guys ALL spend together. If she doesn't like it, tough luck. They are both scum bags if they date if/when you two break up so what do you have to lose? Lay down the law or she'll walk all over you. Don't risk losing respect. -Max
phineas Posted May 26, 2010 Posted May 26, 2010 I've been in this exact same situation more than a few times. Except I was the friend my buddies GF's were attracted too. It's funny, but I can't tell when a single woman is showing me the signs she is interested, but when a buddy's girl makes just the slightest sign the klaxon's go off & I make myself scarce. I'm not a weasle. I've had friend's GFs cross the line towards me. Showed me their boobs, grabbed my junk, & flat out tell me they wanted me. EVERYTIME I did nothing & told my friend. OP's roomate is not his friend.
You Go Girl Posted May 26, 2010 Posted May 26, 2010 You need to let this gf know that she is not the only choice on the earth for you, either. Start flirting with one of her friends, or mention her friend is hot, in a teasing manner. Balance this thing out. If that pic stays up more than a week, put up a new pic of you on your fb page with some other girl. She's testing you. She's also got a crush on your roommate.
stace79 Posted May 26, 2010 Posted May 26, 2010 All I can say as, as a girl, I would never bring homemade food over specifically for my boyfriend's roommate. Maybe I would bring it over for my boyfriend, and if there was a ton of it, say the roomie could have some, too. It is possible she just really wants your roomie to like her, and maybe she's had issues in the past where her boyfriend's friends/roomie didn't like her and it broke up her relationship. Guys in my experience do tend to listen to their roomie's or friend's advice when it comes to pursuing girls. I agree though with someone else that she shouldn't get defensive or rude if you bring up the fact that it bothers you.
Dexter Morgan Posted May 26, 2010 Posted May 26, 2010 Lithhitman.....red flags galore. my x-wife, in hindsight, talked about the guys she had cheated with...even her current man who she always talked bad about. Delaying suspicions I guess. I'd flat out confront her about it and ask her point blank, "you always talk about him, if I didn't know better I'd say you were in love with him". you said she talks about him to the point you are uncomfortable...is it the frequency of her talks of him, or does she say things about him that make you uncomfortable. I dunno, people will undoubtedly say do not jump to conclusions, but I'd say she has a crush on him.
Recommended Posts