gtrplayer Posted March 31, 2010 Posted March 31, 2010 Ok... so the big bad man got his wish etc... It's now done... over as I have called it. "SHE" now has finally went NC! Wow! This is super strange and weird for me as that's just not like her. She asked me for "help" through the break up yesterday morning. I wrote and told her that I WOULD help her, but to know that that is exactly what NOT to do. I can't be the one that helps her. Told her that I DO care about her and alway will and because I do care, I would help her with talking with her and making sure she's ok... Then,... BLIP! she cut it off! She has went NC... I KNOW this is the best thing to do and I know it has to happen like that.. but it's much harder than I thought. We used to text each other EVERY DAY... EVERY waking 20 min.. LITERALLY! So, obviously there is a dependancy there for me/us. I'm just struggling with the NC and wonder if she's ok.. hope she's ok... want to be there if she needs me... BUT what's nuts is that I KNOW that's wrong! So can someone please help me understand what I'm going through? Is this normal? Am I crazy? Should I keep trying to text her? I txt her last night asking if she's ok... and of course NO response.... Is she doing this on purpose to make me feel this way as her last effort??? Thank you all for your help in advance.....
GrayClouds Posted March 31, 2010 Posted March 31, 2010 You hit the nail on the head, not only are you going through a break up your facing this texting habit at teh same time. It like giving up cigarettes and coffee at the same time. It is hard. Get your self busy, start running and lifting, It will give you something to do and the endorphins will help.
Author gtrplayer Posted March 31, 2010 Author Posted March 31, 2010 NC is killing me today! I went back through some copied text I saved on my computer from last year where I cold hard busted her for cheating on me... read through it... Also read through more txt I saved from her phone where I found she was doing "other things" with other peopple...setting up meeting times etc... Thought this would help me to realize how lame I was for staying. It just made me more made and gave me MORE anxiety wondering what REALLY happend. Want to now talk to her for the "real" story... but I probably DON'T want to know... If I ask her, I would be she would tell me now!!! wow! What a &*#! Ok... so, what do I do with my lame self?? PLEASE help!!!!!!!!! Good LORD! I'm 43 years old! Wow!
GrayClouds Posted March 31, 2010 Posted March 31, 2010 You really need to do NC and do it right. Erase the the old txt, old emails, pictures, block all facy-facebook, and everything else that bring you back to her. Read the follow if you have not read it again if you had: The No Contact Guide So you want a second chance?
Odyssey Posted March 31, 2010 Posted March 31, 2010 OP, it's really an addiction...and most of time, going cold turkey is the only way to heal! So i completely agree with GreyCloud's sound advice here. But you are not alone by any stretch, everyone here have either been through it or still riding the same agonising roller coaster as you are. I know what you must be feeling right now... your worst battle is between your heart and your head (its a tug-a-war of what you know & what you feel). This time listen to what your head is telling you 'cause its the only logical thing left to do right now. Best of luck man.
Author gtrplayer Posted March 31, 2010 Author Posted March 31, 2010 Ohhhhhh wow! Thank you thank you!!!! Ok... using my head! It's 5:30pm where I am... I'm STILL in my robe, drinking coffee... haven't eaten today, house is a mess and still all closed up. Sunny day outside... I'm behind on work and have apts tomorrow morning for work that I'm not ready for... OMG! I need to pull my head out and get with it!!!
Author gtrplayer Posted March 31, 2010 Author Posted March 31, 2010 Wow!!!! GreyClouds... those two guides are AMAZING! EXACTLY what I needed! AMAZING! Thank you so much!!
GrayClouds Posted March 31, 2010 Posted March 31, 2010 (edited) Wow!!!! GreyClouds... those two guides are AMAZING! EXACTLY what I needed! AMAZING! Thank you so much!! Make sure you do the exercising, even if it is just forcing yourself out and walk for 30 min every day for while. I hitting a gym and doing weights, nothing help the mind like seeing you get physical stronger. Also make sure you force yourself to eat regularly and good stuff. One of your new hobbies is to learn how to be a chef. You will have good days and bad, but work hard and keeping the focus on you, is does get better. Edited March 31, 2010 by GrayClouds
Author gtrplayer Posted April 2, 2010 Author Posted April 2, 2010 Ok... I am now at the SECOND day of NC. Today was much easier. I went to the book store and was reading some books on controlling people and also Boarderline Personality disorder... OMG! THAT was her! Wow wow wow! AMAZING! I also realize that I now need to STOP working about what she was/is and simply worry about ME now. So I bought a book on CoDependancy... So far so good. She is coming by on Sat to pick up all of her things of which are all packed up and ready to go at my front foyer. Once that happens, I should be good to go!
GrayClouds Posted April 2, 2010 Posted April 2, 2010 I also realize that I now need to STOP working about what she was/is and simply worry about ME now. That is a perfect statement.
Cora Posted April 2, 2010 Posted April 2, 2010 Hey, just wanted to say hang in there....you are doing so great! It's very hard! I'm going through it right now and I'm only on day 10 of NC. It is torture for me. We never agreed on NC...it just kind of happened. You don't know how many times I've had the urge to just pick up my phone and send him a text or give him a call. We also texted daily and talked on the phone every night for hours until we fell asleep. I have gone without that now for ten days and it feels like something is missing. I feel so empty and lost. I miss him terribly, but know this is probably for the best because if we still kept in contact I'd probably never get over him.
Author gtrplayer Posted April 2, 2010 Author Posted April 2, 2010 We never agreed on NC...it just kind of happened. Cora: That's exactly how it was with me too!!! TEN days for you! Wow!!! I can't even imagine how much BETTER I will be when I get to 10 days! YOU hang in there!! You will be good eventually... be sure to eat and get at LEAST 8 hrs of sleep a night. MAKE yourself a schedule and get no more and no less if at all possible. It WILL make a big difference. Read here!! Read everything you can here! The book on codependancy is absolutely AMAZING for me! It's all about setting boundaries for YOURSELF! I say this because you mentioned you used to call/text every day, be on the phone every night... JUST LIKE ME! And guess what... we allowed ourselves to have no boundaries for US! It's a great book and an easy read...it's called "The New CoDependancy" by Melody Beattie... you don't have to be codep to read it...it's just an all around great book for Re-connecting with yourself. It's all about YOU! Hang tough and be strong with you. Like I said, I can't WAIT for my 10 day mark! Thank you for your reply... it helps me to help others.
Author gtrplayer Posted April 2, 2010 Author Posted April 2, 2010 OK... THIRD day... NC! Wow! What a tremendous difference! I feel MUCH better and I KNOW that this is super good for me! However, it's still "lingering" and sneaks up on me on occasion. The occasions are getting fewer and further in between, but they are there. ALSO, all of her stuff is still at my front foyer awaiting for her to pick it up tomorrow after she gets out of work. Once that is over with, I'm sure it will be even better. Question: Should I txt her tomorrow PRIOR to her scheduled arrival to ask if she's still coming?? Or just let her arrive and/or txt me? IF she does not txt OR arrive... I will plan to load up her stuff and schedule a time to take it TO her. (I KNOW that THIS should be the case in the first place, but logistics w/her kids etc..)
tiwani Posted April 9, 2010 Posted April 9, 2010 Um..Ha..wow! Can I ask you a question? Your situation REALLY sounds a little bit like my current situation, except that I never cheated and it seems like it would be from his point of view.....Why do guys do that?!?!?!?!?!?! **why do guys tell us to move on and expect us to be able to snap our fingers and be completely over it like they apparently can and then get all worried and coo-coo-bananas on us when we attempt to?(not sayin you're all coo-coo-bananas, but guys do tend to get that way in a situation like this..)
GrayClouds Posted April 9, 2010 Posted April 9, 2010 Um..Ha..wow! Can I ask you a question? Your situation REALLY sounds a little bit like my current situation, except that I never cheated and it seems like it would be from his point of view.....Why do guys do that?!?!?!?!?!?! **why do guys tell us to move on and expect us to be able to snap our fingers and be completely over it like they apparently can and then get all worried and coo-coo-bananas on us when we attempt to?(not sayin you're all coo-coo-bananas, but guys do tend to get that way in a situation like this..) Because guys. like many girls, what to have their cake and eat it too. They want the freedom to finds someone new, but the safety and ego boost knowing that someone is waiting for them if they can not score that new thrill. A bigger question for you is why do you let them do that to you if they are?
tiwani Posted April 11, 2010 Posted April 11, 2010 When will they figure out they can't have the stupid cake and eat it too??? don't they know that it hurts way worse than the thought of weird al's song about jumping in a pool full of razor blades to sit there wondering if he loves me and wants me or if i'm just a lame second best for him to fall back on?! Can't they see that maybe, just maybe, being in constant contact is just making it too hard for us to make an effort to start the healing process? It's gotta be one way or the other: (1) if they tell us to move on, especially if they moved on before the damn break up, and then we decide to try to start moving on, they need to get their ego's in check and let us at least try. They're the ones who did the dumping, they're the ones who decided we weren't good enough for them, THEY told US to move on and get over it, because 'I'm single now and I'm going to act like it'. and He's the one who said over and over that I'm not his "problem" anymore, and it doesn't really matter what we think or feel about the situation, we just need to stay out of their business. not the other way around! so they have no room to be jealous or worried or upset. If they really cared, they would want us to be HAPPY, and they would realize that it might mean not talking anymore, even if just for a little while. It's not our fault that they might've had an open-mouth-insert-foot moment and don't know what they want or what to do now. it's THEIR fault. If that's the case, then(2) they need to figure out a way to try and make it right, if they're lucky that might work. Otherwise, they need to take their own damn advice and keep to their own business and find a way to JUST DEAL WITH IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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