cdt76 Posted March 31, 2010 Posted March 31, 2010 So, I've been doing well over the last several months getting myself out of a major depression. This week, I've fallen off a cliff. Almost 9 months ago, my world was shaken off it's cycle and I thought I had turned a corner. What the hell has happened to me this week? I want her back. I thought I was beyond that. I thought I was good knowing she lied and she now has this wacked out view of me that makes her feel better about herself for cheating on me. I WANT to over this. I woke up yesterday morning and I looked around my still empty house and I fell backwards. How could I even contemplate forgiving her, how could I even want her to contact me? What the heck! Over the last two days I've spent more time thinking about her and wanting her then I have in the last 3 months. Why is this happening? Will it ever go away? Up to now, I had this rage focused on my co-worker who she is with. Now, I'm back to both hating him and wanting her back. Somebody please tell me why this is happening?!
supersub Posted March 31, 2010 Posted March 31, 2010 So, I've been doing well over the last several months getting myself out of a major depression. This week, I've fallen off a cliff. Almost 9 months ago, my world was shaken off it's cycle and I thought I had turned a corner. What the hell has happened to me this week? I want her back. I thought I was beyond that. I thought I was good knowing she lied and she now has this wacked out view of me that makes her feel better about herself for cheating on me. I WANT to over this. I woke up yesterday morning and I looked around my still empty house and I fell backwards. How could I even contemplate forgiving her, how could I even want her to contact me? What the heck! Over the last two days I've spent more time thinking about her and wanting her then I have in the last 3 months. Why is this happening? Will it ever go away? Up to now, I had this rage focused on my co-worker who she is with. Now, I'm back to both hating him and wanting her back. Somebody please tell me why this is happening?! There is no rhyme or reason as to why these things happen. I like to think that its because there is something better out there, but sometimes you caught up in the waiting for that better thing, and when you get caught in that, you start thinking about the past, and then you are fooled into thinking you have no future. We just have to accept that it will finally get better. You just have to keep moving on the best way you know how. You know it and I know it, its just we have a hard time sometimes accepting it. Peace my friend.
nobmagnet Posted March 31, 2010 Posted March 31, 2010 yep its happening to me too. I dont want him. but my thoughts are on him and his happiness. I dont want him to be happy. he sh*t on me and his kids for years and now he is happy its killing me. I was doing better than him and now it seems to be thinking he is better than me. It aint a competition on happiness is it??? so i dont get it. its not right.They dont deserve our thoughts. we need to quit thinking. nobby xxxxxxxx
McGrupp Posted March 31, 2010 Posted March 31, 2010 I woke up yesterday morning and I looked around my still empty house and I fell backwards. How could I even contemplate forgiving her, how could I even want her to contact me? What the heck! Over the last two days I've spent more time thinking about her and wanting her then I have in the last 3 months. Why is this happening? Will it ever go away? Up to now, I had this rage focused on my co-worker who she is with. Now, I'm back to both hating him and wanting her back. Somebody please tell me why this is happening?! move out of the city. change your job. these things will take time but obviously your environment is a constant reminder. when people say "move on" i wish i originally took it literally then figuratively. best thing i ever did.
AvianChaos Posted March 31, 2010 Posted March 31, 2010 So, I've been doing well over the last several months getting myself out of a major depression. This week, I've fallen off a cliff. Almost 9 months ago, my world was shaken off it's cycle and I thought I had turned a corner. What the hell has happened to me this week? I want her back. I thought I was beyond that. I thought I was good knowing she lied and she now has this wacked out view of me that makes her feel better about herself for cheating on me. I WANT to over this. I woke up yesterday morning and I looked around my still empty house and I fell backwards. How could I even contemplate forgiving her, how could I even want her to contact me? What the heck! Over the last two days I've spent more time thinking about her and wanting her then I have in the last 3 months. Why is this happening? Will it ever go away? Up to now, I had this rage focused on my co-worker who she is with. Now, I'm back to both hating him and wanting her back. Somebody please tell me why this is happening?! I was in the same situation a month ago. I don't know man, it's a constant cycle of "I'm over her" and "I want her back" for me too; and now it's been 10 months. For some reason I got really depressed and couldn't stop thinking about her a month ago, even though I have been doing all that I can to get over her; refurnished my room, been on several trips, going on trips, meeting new people, getting involved in new things. I really have made a lot of progress on myself but all it takes is one reminder of her to throw me back to where i was when she left me.
Odyssey Posted March 31, 2010 Posted March 31, 2010 OP, nothing is wrong with you. In fact if it wasn't like this, you'll be someone with no feelings or empathy - a scary thought. Why the roller coaster? I think its because, in a small way, we're still being reminded of the ex. Yes we can distract ourselves by being busy. But mainly because there are so many unanswered questions and our mind is still trying to make sense of them. It's in repair mode. The mind will wander...
just1guy Posted April 1, 2010 Posted April 1, 2010 There is no rhyme or reason as to why these things happen. I like to think that its because there is something better out there, but sometimes you caught up in the waiting for that better thing, and when you get caught in that, you start thinking about the past, and then you are fooled into thinking you have no future. We just have to accept that it will finally get better. You just have to keep moving on the best way you know how. You know it and I know it, its just we have a hard time sometimes accepting it. Peace my friend. This is great advice. I know that this is what's causing me to go back and forth with my feeling and I am working really hard every day to tell myself that if WILL GET BETTER.
Author cdt76 Posted April 1, 2010 Author Posted April 1, 2010 yep its happening to me too. I dont want him. but my thoughts are on him and his happiness. I dont want him to be happy. he sh*t on me and his kids for years and now he is happy its killing me. I was doing better than him and now it seems to be thinking he is better than me. It aint a competition on happiness is it??? so i dont get it. its not right.They dont deserve our thoughts. we need to quit thinking. nobby xxxxxxxx You are exactly right! I don't want her to be remotely happy! Why do I care? I have no idea. For the most part, I'm happy...though I've lost confidence in myself and my ability to perform my job but I'm working on that. I'd like to rip her apart and make her and him feel as bad as possible. However that isn't the BIGGER thing to do and I know. The past two days I just wanted the happiness she brought me, I want the passion and desire and the comfort that the future is not cloudy. F. F it all!
Fouts Posted April 1, 2010 Posted April 1, 2010 yep its happening to me too. I dont want him. but my thoughts are on him and his happiness. I dont want him to be happy. he sh*t on me and his kids for years and now he is happy its killing me. I was doing better than him and now it seems to be thinking he is better than me. It aint a competition on happiness is it??? so i dont get it. its not right.They dont deserve our thoughts. we need to quit thinking. nobby xxxxxxxx Nobby, it's your ego that's getting abused here, nothing more. Same with the OP. If you moved on in YOUR lives, found someone who makes you happy and actually wants to be with you and treat you nice, you'd never think of these cancerous ex's.
learned2 love 2late Posted April 1, 2010 Posted April 1, 2010 same thing happened to me she cheated and left me for a guy she works with............messed up and its been 9months for u? its been 3 for me, i hope this **** dnt drag for that long.
Author cdt76 Posted April 1, 2010 Author Posted April 1, 2010 same thing happened to me she cheated and left me for a guy she works with............messed up and its been 9months for u? its been 3 for me, i hope this **** dnt drag for that long. Lucky for you because I have to work with the guy she is with now. You don't have to see them so it might be a little easier for you. I would just love to get my hands around his pencil neck and snap it. Would that make me feel better? I don't know. Would I still want her back? I don't know. I just know I want the relationship we had. I'm so angry inside and so miserable that I can hardly do a single thing without thinking about her, even now. I just want to explode and be done and forget it ever happened and go about living like I used to. I just want to forget and not feel.
McGrupp Posted April 1, 2010 Posted April 1, 2010 im sure this will get flammed but i think he should beat his ass. maybe you ll get probby or something (depending on priors) but **** it. the court will understand
Author cdt76 Posted April 1, 2010 Author Posted April 1, 2010 im sure this will get flammed but i think he should beat his ass. maybe you ll get probby or something (depending on priors) but **** it. the court will understand I wish. Unfortunately because I can't concentrate all that well at work, things haven't been going so well here and if I did beat his A, then I'm looking at no career. So, I'll lay low. He'll get his due. I'll make sure of that. But I won't get physical. I wish I could but I can't.
paleblue Posted April 1, 2010 Posted April 1, 2010 dont be too hard on yourself cdt76. ive noticed the same thing myself -relapsing. i will be fine than all of the sudden it wells up and i am an emotional wreck inside, than i reach some kind of tipping point, than i am ok again. this happens over the course of days. its like a vicious cycle that keeps repeating itself. the severity does lessen, like there are still waves of them hitting me, but its less now. today, after 20 months of this crap i actually felt complete and utter indifference for a fleeting second (by the way i work with mine too), i truly felt nothing for a fleeting moment. and it felt good. i know there's more of that to come. so i know i am making progress. you will too. you only want her back because you dont have anyone - yet. when you do find someone you are happy with you just wont care. i know it seems crazy but its true. you're probably pissed off she has moved on while you're still reeling. wouldnt it be funny if things in her life fell apart after you are happy in your new relationship and dont care.... you dont want her back, trust me. you really dont. you neverwant her back actually. we always think we do, but deep down we really dont.
Author cdt76 Posted April 2, 2010 Author Posted April 2, 2010 You are right. I don't want someone back who can tell me one day that they love me so much they would do anything for me, then the very next day, say I don't want to be with you. It's a crazy person. It's a person I didn't know exist. I want her back because I had never come across someone that I so completely connected with and desired. Relapsing sucks. I'd love to see her miserable but I don't think I will ever see her again. I'd love to see him miserable and I think he is because he doesn't have the circle of friends he used to have either. No one trusts him like they used to. But that is not enough for me. I want him to hurt for all the crappy things he said to me when I asked him if he was sleeping with her. But I'll never get that satisfaction I don't think.
Recommended Posts