homersheineken Posted March 31, 2010 Posted March 31, 2010 I go on a first date (Mon) with a very beautiful girl who just got her Phd for drinks and I couldn't tell if went well or not (usually I can). After it, I txt her and tell her I had fun and hope that she got home safe. She responds with "Thanks! Good Times!" Ok cool. So I invite her out to a wine tasting for Thurs. She txts me saying that she doesn't feel like going out 1) she caught a cold 2) a friend just passed away. I'm inclined to believe that someone wouldn't make up that as an excuse to not see me. So... 1) Should I believe the response 2) When/how often should I communicate with her?
bayouboi Posted March 31, 2010 Posted March 31, 2010 I go on a first date (Mon) with a very beautiful girl who just got her Phd for drinks I wanna know where to get a Phd for drinks! haha
phineas Posted March 31, 2010 Posted March 31, 2010 I go on a first date (Mon) with a very beautiful girl who just got her Phd for drinks and I couldn't tell if went well or not (usually I can). After it, I txt her and tell her I had fun and hope that she got home safe. She responds with "Thanks! Good Times!" Ok cool. So I invite her out to a wine tasting for Thurs. She txts me saying that she doesn't feel like going out 1) she caught a cold 2) a friend just passed away. I'm inclined to believe that someone wouldn't make up that as an excuse to not see me. So... 1) Should I believe the response 2) When/how often should I communicate with her? I'm slowly getting it into my skull that women that want to be in my presence find a way to do so. Hence, she will call you with alternate plans when her cold is gone & her friend is buried. If she dug you.
DustySaltus Posted March 31, 2010 Posted March 31, 2010 1) Should I believe the response 2) When/how often should I communicate with her? 1) Why would she even feel the need to mention a cold if her friend passed away? I don't know about this one but unfortunately you look like a jerk if you don't believe this. Just go with it. 2) Women that are into you offer alternate dates. Even if it's just a smiple "next week looks good" or something like that at least you know you're still in the game. When women offer excuses but then offer no solution, it's usually not a good sign. You can always put it out there that you hope she feels better and for her to let you know when she is available again. Then the ball is in her court and you can move forward.
Author homersheineken Posted March 31, 2010 Author Posted March 31, 2010 I did offer my sympathies but didn't tell her to let me know when she is available again - I thought it may sound a bit selfish. Usually I agree about offering alternative dates. But this death of a friend thing threw me for a bit of a loop. The thing I don't understand is why even bother responding to my invite if there wasn't at least some interest? I understand the chase, but this "death of a friend" doesn't seem part of it. Or does it? I can't imagine someone making that up.
adamt Posted March 31, 2010 Posted March 31, 2010 i'm in a similar situation myself. went on a date with someone online, we got well. so towards the the end of the date i suggested a 2nd date and see agreed. so i said i would mail on the tuesday. in the return mail she said she was ill still(had a cold on the date) so then the following week she said she was ill with bronchitis. so she said the following week. then i suggested 2 dates but she got back to me saying she couldnt make it. i waited few days then text her about last weekend but she was away. so tuesday i gave it my last shot and just said if you want to go out get intouch, if not then no hard feelings..etc waiting for her to read it. in the end give it 2 or 3 goes and if they dont go out of their way or suggest alternative dates then leave the ball in their court and move on.if they still like you then they will get back intouch. if they are genuine then dont mess it up by coming cross too keen. just let them know they can get get back to you.
boogieboy Posted March 31, 2010 Posted March 31, 2010 The thing I don't understand is why even bother responding to my invite if there wasn't at least some interest? I understand the chase, but this "death of a friend" doesn't seem part of it. Or does it? I can't imagine someone making that up. Because many women are too chicken to tell you that they arent interested in a second date. The death of a freindexcuse is a good one because you cant question it. I say you call her out on it because youre not going to date her anyway. Plus she knows that you would be afraid to call, because you dont know how much time to give her. Put it this way... she feels guilty so she HAS to answer you, wont feel guilty giving you a lame excuse. You will see that if you keep contacting her she will eventually ignore you. Now that you know shes not interested, I say you call her and see how many more excuses she can come up with. Dont even mention the friend. When women want to see you, theey make sure they see you. Theres no excuses.
marsle85 Posted March 31, 2010 Posted March 31, 2010 Hence, she will call you with alternate plans when her cold is gone & her friend is buried. If she dug you. Her friend is buried. If she dug you. Hahaha, pun? And "Good times" ?!?!??! Lame. Lame. Lame.
Author homersheineken Posted March 31, 2010 Author Posted March 31, 2010 Because many women are too chicken to tell you that they arent interested in a second date. The death of a freindexcuse is a good one because you cant question it. I say you call her out on it because youre not going to date her anyway. Plus she knows that you would be afraid to call, because you dont know how much time to give her. Put it this way... she feels guilty so she HAS to answer you, wont feel guilty giving you a lame excuse. You will see that if you keep contacting her she will eventually ignore you. Now that you know shes not interested, I say you call her and see how many more excuses she can come up with. Dont even mention the friend. When women want to see you, theey make sure they see you. Theres no excuses. Sure I'm for calling people out. How long do you suggest I wait?
Wallace1 Posted March 31, 2010 Posted March 31, 2010 I don't like the advice saying give it "2 or 3 go's." Personally, I don't bother with a 2nd go if I get some bullsh*t response the 1st time, but I'm not into the chasing game. Who knows if the friends dying is legit, but if you believe it, I would wait a week or so, call her if you haven't heard anything and are still interested, and after that don't bother.
boogieboy Posted March 31, 2010 Posted March 31, 2010 Sure I'm for calling people out. How long do you suggest I wait? Friday! Who knows if the friends dying is legit, but if you believe it, I would wait a week or so, call her if you haven't heard anything and are still interested, and after that don't bother. It CANT be legit. Its way too convienient for her friend to die right after the first date.
marsle85 Posted March 31, 2010 Posted March 31, 2010 Don't call her out. Call her out on what? That she's not into you? You know my situation, and it's very similar. Sure, I wish I would have gotten a "Hey, you're great but the romantic chemistry isn't there for me" instead of "I'd like to but i'm busy this week" --- but people are cowards and some DO feel genuinely bad. Not to mention, maybe this girl is legit. I'd wait a week- that allows any lingering illness to pass and arrangements for her friend will be complete. Give her one more shot, if not - move on. Easier said than done. You can even open by saying: "Hey, I'm sure this week has been crazy stressful for you... let me take you out for a drink" if she turns THAT down? I don't think she's interested. Everyone has time for drink (like me, drinking wine right now - haha) and it's sincere. Gooooodluck babe!
DustySaltus Posted March 31, 2010 Posted March 31, 2010 You can even open by saying: "Hey, I'm sure this week has been crazy stressful for you... let me take you out for a drink" if she turns THAT down? I don't think she's interested. Everyone has time for drink (like me, drinking wine right now - haha) and it's sincere. This does sound like the gentler approach at this point. You're kind of calling her out but in a non-threatening way.
Author homersheineken Posted March 31, 2010 Author Posted March 31, 2010 Don't call her out. Call her out on what? That she's not into you? You know my situation, and it's very similar. Sure, I wish I would have gotten a "Hey, you're great but the romantic chemistry isn't there for me" instead of "I'd like to but i'm busy this week" --- but people are cowards and some DO feel genuinely bad. Not to mention, maybe this girl is legit. I'd wait a week- that allows any lingering illness to pass and arrangements for her friend will be complete. Give her one more shot, if not - move on. Easier said than done. You can even open by saying: "Hey, I'm sure this week has been crazy stressful for you... let me take you out for a drink" if she turns THAT down? I don't think she's interested. Everyone has time for drink (like me, drinking wine right now - haha) and it's sincere. Gooooodluck babe! Oh i can a week, that's not the problem - I have plenty of other stuff going on for the next week and other girls. I just don't want to mis-play this one I can see the corollary to your situation, but I think it's a bit different ... busy != death of friend, so that's what confused me. This is a first for me I do like your idea of a week and then I'll take her out for a drink. But I think I can also bust her b***s if she is be lame
Kamille Posted March 31, 2010 Posted March 31, 2010 +1 for Marsle suggestions I don't understand the need to bust her balls, especially since there is no way to know whether or not a friend truly died. Plus, it's happened in the past that a guy I wasn't interested in felt the need to bust my "balls" and, honestly, it made me change my opinion of him from "fun guy but not sparks" to "loser with confidence issues". edit: not saying she isn't interested, I agree with the OP that given the circumstances, it's hard to gage her level of interest.
marsle85 Posted March 31, 2010 Posted March 31, 2010 What Kamille said is absolutely right. I know it doesn't make any sense- that you're not supposed to look desperate/loser to the person (who wasn't cool enough herself) to tell you flat out she was not interested. I guess the theory behind the let down is (if preformed effectively) -You ask her out. -She gives random excuse, does NOT tell you she's just not interested. -You ask her out again. -She gives another vague response. -You're so cool that you don't need her and can move on without blinking an eye. So in a way, it's a compliment, haha. But really - what happens is: -She gives another vague response. -You call her out on it. -She isn't going to necessarily feel bad (because you can't fake connection, like you can fake a smile at someone at a grocery store-- and she's actually doing the right thing, because it had to end sometime) She's just going to be like "Well I'm sorry... what do you want me to do." -And you're going to say... "Nothing. Jerk." ...lol Just really no point. The call out is an attempt to retain power and distract from your actual rejection. Instead, it just delays and prolongs the rejection that is ultimately forthcoming - AND gives her the impression that not only are you AWARE you're being rejected, but you're upset by it... enough to argue. Thus, giving her an ego boost. When instead- after her second blowoff, you can just cut the cords- and she's going to think: "Phew..." for the first few days, expect a call/text...not get one, then think "Hmm...he didn't call me. I guess he wasn't as into me as I thought". Thus, giving her an ego drop. Both approaches end the same. One ends with you looking cooler.
Kamille Posted March 31, 2010 Posted March 31, 2010 When instead- after her second blowoff, you can just cut the cords- and she's going to think: "Phew..." for the first few days, expect a call/text...not get one, then think "Hmm...he didn't call me. I guess he wasn't as into me as I thought". Thus, giving her an ego drop. Both approaches end the same. One ends with you looking cooler. Exactly! Great way of putting it marsle.
troggleputty Posted March 31, 2010 Posted March 31, 2010 I go on a first date (Mon) with a very beautiful girl who just got her Phd for drinks You can get a Phd in that now?
troggleputty Posted March 31, 2010 Posted March 31, 2010 Friday! It CANT be legit. Its way too convienient for her friend to die right after the first date. Maybe the first date was so bad that the woman actually murdered her friend to create a way to get out of the second date.
Lakeside_runner Posted April 1, 2010 Posted April 1, 2010 Well... Phd = 'permanent head damage'... if you drink enough, this is what you get... so yes - it is possible... yeah... it's lame I don't even know why I posted this...
thatguy101 Posted April 1, 2010 Posted April 1, 2010 Dude, there are plenty of other excuses to be made when she is just not interested. If she actually made up something this drastic, you don't wanna be with her anyway.
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