TO_Girl Posted March 31, 2010 Posted March 31, 2010 (edited) Hello All, Some of you might remember my past threads about me dating a guy who was very fishy : wouldnt call me , never had time for me , wouldnt make it oficial, etc for a few months. Complete nightmare, so I kept backing off and he kept coming back to me and insisting on trying things out everytime I told him that I wasnt interested in his no commitment offer. Just as we were supposed to have a closure talk, where I wanted to tell him that if he doesnt meet my expectstions then thats the end of that, I found out that he was dating another girl at the same time and was spending the weekend with her before our date. So I called him inmediatley to tell him what I found out and to cut it off completely with him. He completely turned into an *******, yelled at me and told me that he had no time to talk to me becuasae she was waiting for him, but that he will see me on Monday as agreed to work on us! Imagine my reaction, I was so hurt and upset that I inmediatlly thought of writting the girl a message. I just told her that we have been cheated on and that she should be careful behcase he is going to lie to her as he just called me to tell me he will see me on Monday. I also told her to tell him to leave me alone and taht whatever happenes between them I'm out of the picture. She never replied and I know she was devastated and broke up with him as well. **Well, i keep having dreams of this last scene, him being mad at me ( which I don't care) and this girl looking at me and being devastated and hurt. Now my question is, do you guys think I did right ( or any girl for that matter) should contact the 'other girl' ? I regreted having contacted her becuase now I think it was none of my business and I came down as the "low person" and I was probably too harsh on her and shouldnt had told her anything... I just can't seem to move past this last part, even though he created , maybe it wasnt for me to 'bring that hurt to her' ... A friend of mine knows her , and she wasnt aware of the situation, she was lied to as well and she had no idea that he has been cheating on her more than once since she is in another city. I just need to clear my mind with this guys becuase I was the one who got my hands dirty and did all the confrontation. Like I said, I dont care about a guy who cheats on me and I dont want him back, but was I in my right to 'end their relationship' ? Any words of advice to move past this guilt is appreciated.. dont even know why I feel like this I guess I just hate to hurt people directly or indirectly Edited March 31, 2010 by TO_Girl
cooldudeinberlin Posted March 31, 2010 Posted March 31, 2010 first, you should know... what you did, you did out of anger and vengence... you in no way really had that "other girl's" best interest at heart... more of the satisfaction of ruining something in his life. Not that there is anything wrong with it in the context of the situation... however, dont deny what it is. Dreams are the subconscious' way of surfacing problems that havent been coped or dealt with head on. Obvious you have some guilt or issues over this entire "affair" otherwise they wouldnt be haunting you. You are going to have to deal with this head on... with yourself. Get closure on it, be done with it, find peace. These types of things happen all the time... stop blaming yourself for being duped and cheated... perhaps you just feel the sting like you have been made a fool out of ... all that time you wondering while dating, why he acts the way he does, but yet you keep going back to the situation... hard lesson to learn, but you have been through it... accept the pain and frustration as a part of it, realize what you have learned... MOVE ON... life is too short for self blame-pity. cut him, that situation you keep replaying and her entirely loose... its over, its history... and although was painful not the most positive experience... a very good experience to have in the sense that you makes you stronger, more defined, more self aware... and you can be confident that you will be somewhat more wiser in the future
Silver_star Posted March 31, 2010 Posted March 31, 2010 I think you did what you thought was morally right at the time. That girl should be grateful you helped her escape a cheater. I would be grateful you saved me the time.
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