sao2 Posted March 31, 2010 Posted March 31, 2010 My ex and I broke up almost 3 years ago after being together 2 years. We broke up under stressful situations for both of us that really created a strain on our relationship. She kept telling me she wanted to try again when she was "ready". Our relationship had a lot of good and great aspects but there were things that were definitely wrong with it even before the stressful situations. For 2 years after we broke up she kept telling me she wanted to try again but that she needed more time until finally I gave her an ultimatum. I had waited long enough and so I said it was time for us to move forward together or move forward apart. Being as we are both adults, over 25, one of the things that bothered me intensely was the lack of a sex life in our relationship. Marriage was not an issue, she simply said she wasn't ready. The first time around I accepted this although I was not happy about it. One of my conditions for getting back together was that I was not going to wait another two years to have sex. I was willing to wait a little longer but it was an issue that needed to be addressed. As you can imagine, she turned me down claiming that the sex issue was the deal-breaker for her. It was something she couldn't get over. Almost a year later . . . I am moving on. I still think of her often. Much more than I wish I did. I can't say I am in love with her anymore although I know I was and I haven't fallen in love with anyone else. In spite of this I am seeing somebody else. The new girl is great, intelligent, beautiful, giving, she and I are in agreement about what a relationship should be. While I am not in love with her I know a relationship with her will be very satisfying. It has all made me realize that while I made my share of mistakes, I was not wrong to want what I wanted. I gave her more than enough time and probably more time than anyone else would. I do believe she loved me and maybe she was even in love with me but it just didn't work for us. It makes me sad. I wish I could say I made a mistake so that I could try and contact her again. It wouldn't work as long as I think what I think and she thinks what she thinks. Thanks for listening . . .
The Paper Knight Posted March 31, 2010 Posted March 31, 2010 It has all made me realize that while I made my share of mistakes, I was not wrong to want what I wanted. I gave her more than enough time and probably more time than anyone else would. Hats off to you sao2, you are a better man than I, as I only give them a month before I move on. I believe good sex to be high up on the relationship requirement list. It makes me sad. I wish I could say I made a mistake so that I could try and contact her again. It wouldn't work as long as I think what I think and she thinks what she thinks. Thats right, you didnt make a mistake so dont dwell on spilt milk. When you hear people say 'there are plenty of fish in the sea', they don't mean that there is another fish out there for you. They mean that there are schools of fish out there for you. So take your time and try catching them all!
ADF Posted March 31, 2010 Posted March 31, 2010 You are a little vague about some things in your post. Am I to understand that you and your ex-GF did not have sex at all during the entire course of your relationship?
Author sao2 Posted March 31, 2010 Author Posted March 31, 2010 That would be a correct understanding ADF.
ADF Posted March 31, 2010 Posted March 31, 2010 That would be a correct understanding ADF. Oh my gosh. I am surprised you held out as long as you did. There is this huge lie in the culture that sex shouldn't be that important, that "love" should be able to surmount any kind of sexual incompatibility, blah, blah, blah. It is a load of rubbish. We human beings are risen apes, not fallen angels. For the vast majority of people, sex is absolutely critical to their psychological and emotional well-being. Plus, sexual rejection hurts. When someone keeps rejecting you sexually, the message is loud and clear: "I don't want you." To hell with that! Look, she isn't obliged to have sex if she doesn't want to. However, she is obliged to confine her dating life to people who are on the same sex-negative page as her. She doesn't have the right to deny you as basic human need--a normal sex life--because of some nitwit religious or other hang up. You're well rid of her.
Author sao2 Posted April 1, 2010 Author Posted April 1, 2010 If she would have been religious or at the very least able to give a reason besides "I am just not ready" it would be easier to accept or at least comprehend. For the last year that she was stringing me along, we weren't even together, I had another woman basically telling me all I had to do was call her and she would come over and be my booty call. Me being the "good guy" didn't do anything. Anyways, since then, karma has repaid me . But still, it would have been nice to really have had that with a woman I was completely in love with.
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