GunSlinger4426 Posted March 31, 2010 Posted March 31, 2010 Hello.. To briefly describe my situation. My gf broke up with me a month and a half ago. I had seen it coming for a while, I had read what to do in this situation, and I was prepared... I agreed with the breakup and went straight into NC. 17 days later she contacted me "just to hear my voice", as she put it. Then we started communicating. She initiated most of the contacts, but I also initiated a few. On 2 occasions she gave me hints she might be having second thoughts - she said she missed me, and another time that she's constantly thinking about me. But whenever we talked it was always about everyday things. I kept the conversations light and casual, I joked with her, I never flinched or acted needy, even when she told me she missed me. I became worried that it was going towards a friendship, which I am not interested in. I decided to initiate NC again, but I let her contact me. 5 days ago she sent me a text message asking me why I hadn't been calling lately. I replied that I cannot imagine us being just friends. She then replied that I would never be "just another friend". Then I said that there is no point in neither being friends nor a couple. Her last message was "OK, have it your way". I basically became the rejector now, and she the rejectee. She reached out to me, and I said no. The roles have switched. But I DO LOVE HER and want her back. Should I continue to stick to NC now?
The Paper Knight Posted March 31, 2010 Posted March 31, 2010 Then I said that there is no point in neither being friends nor a couple. Her last message was "OK, have it your way". wtf, why did you say that for! All that good work undone... Should I continue to stick to NC now? Let it sit for awhile (one week) and see if she loses her nerve before you do. Then (and I am sorry to say this) you will have to pull out the I made a mistake card and do some groveling. Humility is like a medicinal tea, it tastes horrible, but we know it is good for us. Good-luck
DustySaltus Posted March 31, 2010 Posted March 31, 2010 Well, I think you needed to leave out the "couple" part in your conversations with her because that's obviously what you want. So now you're in a tough predicament. I think that you should meet with her and explain that you cannot be anything less than what you used to be with her. No friendship because you can't handle that right now. Express your feelings in a direct way and then go into NC indefinetly. For a second chance to work the problems that led to the breakup need to be fixed in order for it to work in the long term. If you are willing to do this tell her as part of that FINAL conversation. Let her know where you stand and disappear. She may not want to get back together and at least you know that you did all you could and can begin the process of healing for yourself. If someone wants to work things out they will be willing to do whatever it takes to do so. A simple "I miss you" is NEVER enough for someone to show that they are serious about getting back together.
Author GunSlinger4426 Posted March 31, 2010 Author Posted March 31, 2010 Thanks for your suggestions, I wanted to hear some unbiased opinions. I really appreciate it. There has been a development though.. A few hours ago she called just to ask what's new. It's been 5 days since we exchanged those text messages I mentioned above. So again, she is reaching out, but revealing nothing concrete. I kept the conversation light and casual. Now she is fully aware that I am not interested in friendship, yet she keeps calling. What is up with that?
DustySaltus Posted March 31, 2010 Posted March 31, 2010 Thanks for your suggestions, I wanted to hear some unbiased opinions. I really appreciate it. There has been a development though.. A few hours ago she called just to ask what's new. It's been 5 days since we exchanged those text messages I mentioned above. So again, she is reaching out, but revealing nothing concrete. I kept the conversation light and casual. Now she is fully aware that I am not interested in friendship, yet she keeps calling. What is up with that? She doesn't want you to hate her. This is a completely different issue than wanting to get back together. It's self serving. Again, referring to what I said above if you want to meet with her a final time and say what I said by all means do it. But then stop answering the calls, emails, texts and any other method of communication. It's the only way to truly see where her head is at. "What's New?", "I Miss You", "I was thinking about you" are crumbs when you're wanting a steak dinner.
goatee Posted March 31, 2010 Posted March 31, 2010 all that matters is what you want. You don't want friends, then don't be friends.
ADF Posted March 31, 2010 Posted March 31, 2010 NC is definately the way to go. Refuse to communicate with her again and STAND YOUR EFFING GROUND. I have seen people lose years of their lives in back-and-forth relationships like yours. They never end well, or lead to anything lasting.
The Paper Knight Posted March 31, 2010 Posted March 31, 2010 It's been 5 days since we exchanged those text messages I mentioned above. So again, she is reaching out, but revealing nothing concrete. I kept the conversation light and casual. Now she is fully aware that I am not interested in friendship, yet she keeps calling. What is up with that? Some girls like drama and you are playing the drama game very well so far sir. But, is this what YOU want? You are both shadow boxing and refusing to give in. If you love her deeply, then you maybe looking into the void and completely blind to her games. Otherwise she is sincerely interested in you and needs you to swing in on a vine and take her like a man. The Time to Hesitate is Through, There's No Time to Wallow in the Mire ...
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