holakitty Posted March 31, 2010 Posted March 31, 2010 So I dated this guy for about a month awhile back. It was great - except it turned out he still seemed to be going through some issues (related to his divorce much earlier this year). He had a talk with me about "what I wanted", and where it was going- then literally I never heard from him again. I am sad about this, as I thought he was a great guy but what can I do. He's either not interested or is dealing with some things that I suppose he feels can't allow him to have a relationship right now. I've never tried to reach out and contact him since, because I think that is unnecessary - like I'm just asking for outright rejection. So...when someone stops calling out of the blue, one always begins to think "well, maybe they got hit by a bus" or... "maybe some tragic incident occurred". Or at least your friends verbalize it, while maybe it's been hovering at the back of your head. Because, let's face it, you really don't know. I have to admit, I think this is a silly way to think and rarely let myself think of the worse (like in some perverted way, that is supposed to make you feel better? "well, it really WASN'T me! they got hit by a bus, after all! Maybe they really still do have feelings for me and did all along!" (???) ) We aren't facebook friends, or friends on any other networking site for that matter, but...yes, I found them, and "check" them, and there has been absolutely no activity on either one since I last heard from him! (yes, I would check them while we dated too!) Anyway- the last thing I want to do is be that annoying idiot you once dated, got rid of, then contacts you a month later saying "oh...I just want to make sure you are okay. It's been so long since I've heard from you." But I really do want to know nothing terrible happened to him! (i.e. he's still alive, a parent/sibling didn't die, etc.) Any thoughts how I can find this out without contacting him? I know this might seem a bit silly to some...but I dated him, and I do care for him!
OndaChin Posted March 31, 2010 Posted March 31, 2010 (edited) If you REALLY want to find out just call him and ask him how he's doing. If you get his voice mail- say: "I just wanted to say hi and see how you've been". IF HE DOESNT RESPOND... then I wouldnt worry about him any longer (whether- a bus hit him, Donkey kicked him, his house blew-up, etc.- who cares?). Truthfully- It sounds like he's moved on. FYI-> (You wont be Annoying 'just' calling to see how he's doing- as long as you cease calling once its clear he wont respond to you) Edited March 31, 2010 by OndaChin
123BeachFan Posted March 31, 2010 Posted March 31, 2010 If something really tragic happened to him -- he got hit by a bus, a tree fell on him, he got hauled off to jail for removing mattress tags -- it's up to his friends/family/boss to worry about. It's not your watch. So let it go. All of it.
Author holakitty Posted March 31, 2010 Author Posted March 31, 2010 (edited) Yes, that is true. Instinctively, I've told myself that I shouldn't contact him since we stopped talking. It's just when I tell the story to friends, and they think I should contact him...one even said that they would email him just to make sure he's okay. I did start typing out an email to him...worded very carefully and friendly. But when it came time to hit send, I just couldn't bring myself to actually send it. Anxiety took over. I think it was my instincts telling me contacting him would only bring me unnecessary hurt/worry/etc. I feel better not doing anything. Hm..I feel selfish saying that, though. Edited March 31, 2010 by holakitty
ADF Posted March 31, 2010 Posted March 31, 2010 Sorry, but this was not a nice guy. He may have had a charming, pleasant demeanor, but deep down he is not a good person. People who disappear are just craven and cowardly. They are all about making things as easy as possible on themselves, and to hell with anyone else's feelings. This guy lost interest for whatever reason, and just disappeared because that was easier for him than having a difficult conversation with you. Leave him alone. He's trash.
Author holakitty Posted March 31, 2010 Author Posted March 31, 2010 Ok, ADF, thanks for the input. Not to defend his actions, but I don't think he's trash. Without speculating too much, and based upon our last conversation that he initiated, I think he was going through something related to a recent difficult experience (divorce isn't easy). True, he didn't give indication he was going to disappear, but he did initiate "the talk" and he totally didn't have to. It's an awkward thing to talk about, and I felt put on the spot. It was the deepest conversation we had had, and he was being totally honest and open with me. True, this doesn't justify the later actions...but he did open himself up to me. Yeah, I don't know what to think about the thing about not just officially ending things with me- whether it be during that conversation (it wasn't one of those), or over email or a phone call. But I don't think it was him being a coward, because it would have been much easier to say than that conversation.
boogieboy Posted March 31, 2010 Posted March 31, 2010 Stop defending him. You mean to tell me you have no one else that you can date or think about? He found someone else who he thought was better than you. Thats why he dissappeared. Since youre so desperate to make sure he's not dead, heres what you do. dial *67 before his number, and call him. When he picks up, you hang up. Theres your answer.
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